Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon) (12 page)

It did comfort me. I felt the truth of his words and knew my
parents were good people. Until then I hadn't realized how much it had weighed
on me. I'd formed an image of them, selfish and arrogant, surrounded by pet
Wolves and Humans. As that image dissolved, I felt a heavy weight lift from my
heart. “Did you know my parents?”

In a sense, yes. I did not meet them and only watched
your father for a short time long before you were conceived.

“
Do you know what happened to them? Why I was raised
among humans?”

I know the essence of their story. They gave their lives
so that you may live.

“
I suspected that was true. Do you know who killed
them?”

I suspect, but I do not know. You are not an orphan by
the hands of Wolves, of this I'm certain.

A deep breath escaped my lungs. “I'm glad. I know that
shouldn't matter, but it does.”

You are never alone, Daughter of Exile. You have many
more friends than you have yet met.

'Daugher of Exile' sounded like a title, and I was growing
too tired to ask. “Has anyone ever told you you're cryptic?”

Many times. I speak as clearly as I know how. The truth
is sometimes obscure, more so when one doesn't wish to see it.

“
What is it that I'm not wishing to see?”

You are wanted and you are needed.

“
I am wanted and needed.” The words felt foreign to
me, and I made a commitment to change that.

Sleep, daughter. I will watch over you. Sleep and wake
rested, for your journey is just beginning.
I fell asleep where I sat
between the creek and the log. Kato curled beside me with his head on my
shoulder, watching over me as promised.

Billie found me on her back patio when she arrived
home after work. I could sense her coming. Lost in thought, I hadn’t greeted
her in my normal way. Earlier, I'd woken by the creek feeling more rested than
I could remember. Kato lay beside me in wolf form, his chin resting in the
crook of my neck. He'd soothed my dreams while I slept, and under his guardianship,
I slept deep and woke refreshed.

You are stronger than you know,
he said again before
I left.
This is easier to feel when rested.

When my thoughts returned to Cassandra, they came without
the same emotional explosion. I replayed the conversation several times,
looking at it from every angle. Kato offered me some peace, and with it I found
clarity. I knew what I had to do. I understood who I needed to appear to be in
order to protect the pack. Lying to Billie and my friends still didn't feel
right, but the guilt I'd plagued myself with lessened. It wasn't right, but it
was necessary.

Billie paused when she stepped out the back door. Crossing
slowly to the chair beside me, she sat and took my hand. “I've never seen you
like this.” Her soft voice roughened with concern. “Distant. Melancholy.”

Looking deep into her green eyes, I hungered to tell her
everything. Instead I offered her the truth without the dangerous details.
“These last couple of weeks I've been caught in a whirlwind. So much has
happened. My life, my whole world, has completely transformed, and I haven't
had a chance to process it. Today it caught up to me and bit me in the ass.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, confident in that response. “I can handle
this. I've been living in the Human world my whole life. I'm not human, and I
didn't know that, but I did know I was very different. So different that I
crawled in a hole to get away from it. Now I know why, and I'm starting to
understand what I am. I don't have to be scared of it. I am scared of it, but I
don't have to be. I'm learning more about my powers, gaining better control of
them. I'm less likely to hurt someone by accident now. I'm not as scared of
myself as I used to be.

“My life is very complex and bizarre. My girlfriend's a
Wolf, and I'm a Mage. I didn’t know these things existed a few weeks ago. If
that's not weird enough, Wolves and Mages are sworn enemies. This kind of
relationship isn't supposed to leave Shakespeare plays. Some of your Pack wants
to kill me, and that's fairly stressful. But I love you more than I know how to
say, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. We'll work through the
Pack problems. This weirdness is full of wonder too. Yesterday I ran and hunted
with a pack of Wolves. How incredible is that? Who gets to do that?

“The most extraordinary part is that I don't have to hide
what I am anymore. Even though being a Mage is complicating the hell out of our
entire life, I get to be me. I don't have to hide anymore. I am who I choose to
be. I choose to be a person who respects other people's privacy and free will.
I choose to be a loving mate, a good friend, and a supportive packmate.”

Billie's eyes glistened. Overcome with emotions, words
failed her for several moments. “I love you more than anything. I've been so
worried about you. Hearing you say that makes me very happy.”

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. “We're going to be just
fine. I feel it.” She didn't feel it, but she wanted to. I leaned over to kiss
her softly on the lips. “How did it go at work today?”

Cringing slightly, she admitted, “I lost my temper with
Richard. It wasn't even about you this time.” Her eyes hardened at the memory,
and she drew in a deep breath. “He was in a mood all day, barking at people
left and right. He's usually very pleasant and everyone likes him. He
threatened one of the paralegals. I could hear him yelling all the way from my
office in the back. When I walked in, he looked like he was going to hit her.
She was terrified.

“She's Human. I went Beta on him and threw him against the
wall. I told the paralegal she could take the rest of the day off with pay if
she wanted. She did. Hopefully she comes back tomorrow. Hopefully she doesn’t
sue. By then the whole office was watching or listening, and I didn't care. I
told Richard: 'If you ever treat anyone in this office like that again I will
shove your teeth down your throat. Leave the personal shit at home or don't
come in to work. And if it's me you're really pissed at, then let's go duke it
out.' Everyone was in shock. They know we're close friends. I've never pulled
Beta at the office before. I've never had to.

“I let him go, and he didn't meet my eyes. He was still
angry but back under control. Barely. He said 'I'm not pissed at you.' I asked
him who, but he didn't answer. I told Isabel to call Matthew and arrange a
session at the dojo today. She's the only other Wolf in the office. I said,
'Don't come back to work until you have yourself under control.' I've never
seen him threaten a Human before. I already talked to Kathryn and Jason about
it.” She finished her story with a shake of her head.

“Wow.” The Richard I knew wouldn’t do that. “I thought it
was just me.”

“I don't know what's going on with him. Do you? I've never
seen him act like this.”

“He's afraid,” I told her. “He's afraid he's going to lose
everything again, and he feels helpless to stop it. It's that simple.”

That made sense to her. “What's the solution?”

I thought for a long moment. “The human side of him needs to
do something to protect the people he loves. I'm not sure about the wolf side.
That's new, and I'm still learning.”

“He needs to trust his Beta,” she growled. “And quit
challenging me.”

“That fits,” I thought out loud. “He's insecure about the
safety of the entire pack because he doesn't think you'll protect the pack.
Isn't that what dominance is about for Wolves?”

“Yes. Security in strength. He really doesn't trust me, does
he?” Her heart ached at the admission.

“Before, his Beta killed his mate and most of his pack
because of a Mage. History is repeating itself, or so he thinks. He needs to
believe Kathryn and his pack are safe - safe because of you or safe from you.”

“Safe from me. Shit. That’s the part I’ve been blind about.
I've been so focused on protecting you that I wouldn't admit what this is like
for him.” She bullied herself. “I should check in with Matthew.” She pulled out
her phone and hit speed dial. “Hi. Did Richard calm down at all?” I couldn't
hear the other side of the conversation, but by her response, I knew she didn't
like the answer. “Do you know where he is?” Matthew replied. “I'll take care of
it.” Billie hung up and shoved the phone into her pocket. She stood, stretching
her muscles gracefully.

“He needs to see that you're the same Billie as you were
before I came into the picture.”

She grinned wickedly and stripped out of her clothes, laying
them out on the patio table. “I'm going to hunt him down and box his ears for
disobeying my orders. That's the Billie he knows.”

“Have fun.” I smiled sweetly, enjoying the strip show. She
shimmered into her wolf form, grinned over her shoulder at me, and darted into
the foothills.

* * *

Billie raced through the hills, dodging around
sagebrush and leaping over rocks. The scents of the desert and the city
enveloped her, and she ignored the scent of fresh prey. She hunted something
else tonight. The run exhilarated her senses, filling her spirit with the
freedom of being Wolf.

She was more than Wolf. She was Beta. As Beta, she held the
responsibility for the safety and wellbeing of the entire Pack, and she had the
strength to fulfill her duties. One of her Pack had forgotten that, and she
would remind him.

Richard lived in Eagle, the next town over. With a few
detours around human homes, Billie could reach it in half an hour without
winding herself. Careful to stay clear of any human scent or sound, she ran.

Richard and Kathryn lived in a modest home on a sizeable
stretch of land. Like Billie’s home, it had been equipped with a large doggie
door, sufficient for any Wolf to enter. She ducked through the door, hackles
raised and shoulders taut. Billie approached silently, the flap of the doggie
door announcing her arrival.

Kathryn, lounging in a recliner, looked up from her book at
the hostile Wolf in her home. She expressed neither concern nor surprise at her
Beta’s sudden entrance. “Richard, darling. Billie's here to see you.” Billie
heard a huff from the next room. Holding her stance, she looked pointedly at
Kathryn, asking her position in the inevitable conflict. “It's good to see you,
my dear.” Kathryn replied easily, folding her book on her lap and waiting. She
would stay out of it unless needed.

Richard took no time in appearing. He growled at the sight
of Billie, a clear challenge to her authority. “How dare you come into my home
and threaten us!”

“She's not threatening me, dear. Only you. After today I
would expect no less from our Beta.”

“Get out of my house!” Richard snarled.

Billie shimmered into human form, standing ready but not
approaching. She wanted to speak, and a wolf's vocal cords did not produce
words. “I told you to meet Matthew.” He didn't respond but his fists clenched
angrily. “You lost control at the office. You nearly attacked a Human. Richard,
I will not let you hurt someone.”

“I am not going to hurt anyone.” Billie heard his emphasis
and the implication. Sadie was right. He believed Billie would turn on them.

“I am Beta. I protect the Pack from others, and I protect
others from the Pack. I won't let you hurt anyone, and I won't let you risk the
Pack's safety by hurting someone. If that means kicking you halfway to Nevada,
I'll do it.”

“You risk us all every moment of every day that you're with
that Mage,” he growled low and his shoulders tensed.

“This isn't about Sadie. This is about you and me. Either
you trust me or you don't. Do you trust me?”

“No.” His voice lowered and she thought she heard sorrow.
“Not anymore.”

Without another word, Billie shimmered into her wolf form,
already in midair before fully wolf. The weight of her body knocked Richard to
the ground, and he rolled away from her. He began to shed his clothes, and
Billie waited for him. She wanted this fight at a wolf's level. As soon as the
last article of clothing fell to the floor, he transformed. A solid black wolf
lowered his head at her, silver tipped hackles raised.

Kathryn lay her book on her lap and turned towards the two
Wolves circling each other in the living room. “Please don't break anything
historical. I'd ask you to go outside if I thought it wise,” she requested with
bland resignation.

Billie acknowledged her with a look that said “I'll do my
best.” Using the brief opportunity, Richard attacked. He tried to grab her
shoulder with his powerful jaws, but she twisted easily out of his reach. He
pounced again, and again she twisted, this time grabbing him by the neck and
throwing him to the ground. She backed away, giving him a chance to get up.

He stood inches taller than Billie and much heavier,
growling deeper, eyes wild with rage. Again he attacked his Beta, flying
directly at her. Richard’s greater size didn’t matter against his quicker and
more skilled opponent. Billie took him by the throat and pinned him to the
floor, knocking a small table over with his hip. A ceramic pot fell to the
floor and shattered. Her ears twitched in Kathryn's direction fleetingly.

Richard twisted and snarled, his claws slashing at Billie's
underbelly but only finding purchase across her shoulder. Blood welled where
his claws bit deep enough to dig into the flesh. She didn’t even flinch.
Shaking him by the throat, she growled a warning. Finally he lay quiet under
her hold.

Still she did not free him and after a few long moments, he
whimpered. Releasing her grip, she stepped back several steps. He flipped to
his stomach, panting, but did not rise. Billie shifted to human form, and he
followed her lead a second later. She looked at her friend kneeling on the
floor, fully Beta in the power of her stance and gaze.

Blood dripped down her left shoulder and covered her arm.
She gave no notice. Light bruising began to show on Richard's throat and hip.
Not a single scratch marred his skin. Billie turned to face Kathryn, still
sitting in the recliner, her book on her lap. “I'm sorry about the pottery. Was
it old?”

She smiled kindly at her Beta. “No, it was not. It is
replaceable.”

Billie nodded. “Good. I apologize for the need to intrude
into your home tonight.”

Kathryn glanced between her mate and her Beta. “You left him
without a single scratch. Thank you. May I tend to your wound before you
leave?”

Billie raised her arm and appraised her shoulder casually.
“The bleeding is already slowing. It'll be fine, but thank you.” Richard didn't
raise his head, looking stolidly at the ground in front of him. She changed
back into her wolf form and ducked out the doggie door.

The air smelled even crisper on her way home. She took her
time, trotting through the brush and hills. Scenting a marmot, she gave chase
and caught it easily. Enjoying her dinner, she thought about the conflict with
Richard, hoping she'd made her point. Trotting towards home, she felt confident
that her difficulties with Richard would resolve. A weight lifted off her
shoulders, and her footsteps lightened.

* * *

As Billie sped into the hills in her fur coat, I
watched her as long as I could. She disappeared into the brush quickly, and I
smiled at her retreating form. In my heart, I longed to follow her, furred and
four-legged, into the brush. She had to do this without me, so I stayed away.
The sun dipped lower off to my left. I enjoyed the peace of the evening and
reflected on my new life.