Race to Recovery (Full Throttle) (13 page)

Chapter Eight

Seth was waiting at the visitor’s entrance at eight am and he was waiting at the dining room door when Brant came down, still yawning. “Hey Seth, you’re here early. Have you had breakfast?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Can we get coffee first?”

“This is important.”

Brant shrugged. “Okay, if that’s what you need.”

They went to the entertainment room and Seth started talking in a low voice. “Brant, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“There was a lot of that going on this week. What was your big revelation?”

“You’ve made it clear on more than one occasion that you don’t need any help in your life. You certainly never noticed or appreciated any help I provided.”

“I was thinking about that earlier this week and…”

Seth held up a hand for silence. “Let me finish, for once, don’t make this about you. Please.”

Brant nodded. “I’m sorry, you’re right.”

Brant’s lack of temper only made Seth’s worse. “I think we’ve reached a point where I just can’t help you anymore. I’m going to remove my name as your support person.”

“I think that’s a good idea, Seth. I need to figure some things out on my own. You shouldn’t be stuck here while I do that. I don’t want you forced to sit around that motel on the days I need to be alone.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, it’s time I did this on my own. Are you going home then?”

Does he care where I go? Or does he just want Alice to himself?
“I don’t think so. You don’t need my help but Alice really enjoys my company. I’m going to talk to her and see if she’ll let me be her support.”

“Why are you doing this, Seth?”

“I don’t expect you to understand, or to like it, but I think I’m in love with her. I know you think you love her too and I know you think you have some first claim, but I couldn’t help it. I just fell for her. She’s been hurt before, bad, and I want to keep her safe.”

“Keeping someone safe is not the same as helping them,” Brant said softly.

“Don’t be stupid. And don’t say anything to Alice about any of this. I have to time it just right.”

“Are you doing it today? Because I don’t have an appointment today.”

“I don’t know. Don’t say anything to Dr. Keaton tomorrow either, just in case it takes me that long. Okay?”

“Fine, but I’m going for breakfast. I need coffee before me head explodes.”

There wasn’t really that much to do at the Sun Mountain Out-Patient Center. The board of directors didn’t want anyone getting too comfortable. A high success rate, shown in a high turn-around rate, meant more recommendations, more patients in the door, and more government funding. Brant, Seth, and Alice had played every board game and were tired of cards. Reading was a solitary pass-time since none of them enjoyed reading aloud and none of them really enjoyed TV. That left sitting in the Common Room, which they did a lot of, or walking in the garden. Since the sun was shining in the windows in the most inviting was Alice suggested they go outside.

For the most part the garden was very well kept but tree roots had pushed up through the gravel path in several places. One of these roots caught Brant’s foot when he was looking at a bird Alice had spotted and he hit the ground on hands and knees.

Alice rushed to his side. “Are you okay?”

“No,” he growled. “I am not okay.”

Alice’s eyes went wide and Seth thought,
This is it. Took a lot longer than I thought it would but here comes that famous temper at last. Go on and show her what you’re really like.

Brant shifted to sitting and examined his hands with a scowl. He was breathing hard and his teeth were clenched tight.

“Brant?” Her voice wavered.

“I’m not okay. I hurt, everywhere. At first it was just an occasional ache in my foot, just enough to make me want the pain killers again.”

“Is that what you were hooked on? Pain killers?”

“Yeah. After the fight last week my ribs hurt, my face hurt, and I couldn’t even take a regular over the counter pain killer because it might hinder my recovery. It hurt to walk or even breathe the day after, but it was getting better. Now I’ve jarred it again and the pain is all I can think about.”

Alice relaxed and sat on the cool gravel next to him, waiting for him to be ready to move. Seth just stood silently fuming. Brant took a deep breath and winced.

“Why didn’t you tell us it hurt so badly?” Alice said.

“Because I was scared. I want to be getting better, not worse. I want to believe that I can beat this. If I’m going to back slide every time I get hurt I’m in big trouble. I saw that race on TV and for the first time since checking in I wanted to drive more than I wanted the drugs and I don’t want to lose that feeling.”

“I’ve never been on pain killers so I don’t have any advice for you. Have you told all this to Dr. Keaton?”

“Dr. Keaton is trying to help him; he’s never recognized help when it was offered, or accepted it graciously,” Seth said.

“True. No, I haven’t told him about the pain, I just want to get better so I ignore it. Can we go in now? I have a few snacks left in my room, enough to share.”

“Yes, we can go in,” Alice said, helping Brant to his feet.

“Fine, if that’s what you want,” Seth added.

“You two find a couch, I’ll get the snacks.”

“Can’t Seth get them,” Alice said, hovering. “You shouldn’t be going up and down the stairs.”

Before Seth could grumble an answer Brant said, “I’ll take it slow. It’ll stretch my knees so the fall doesn’t make them stiff.” Brant gave Seth a curt nod when Alice wasn’t looking.

Seth wanted to punch him there on the spot.
I’m not ready to talk to her about this, not after his sob story. She’ll think I’m abandoning him in his hour of need and she’ll hate me forever. Damn him!

When Brant returned with a box of crackers and two chocolate bars Seth and Alice were talking about their worst elementary school teachers. “I only have two chocolate bars left,” he said. “Since Seth bought them he gets one and Alice gets the other.”

“Oh no, I don’t mind. It’s yours, you eat it.”

“No, thanks. That day when everything went crazy with Penny I ate so much junk food I puked. I don’t even want to look at the stupid thing.”

Alice laughed. “If you feel so strongly about it,” she took the offered treat. “I haven’t had chocolate in a long time. So, Brant, who was your worst teacher?”

“Oh, I didn’t get along with any of my teachers until my senior four math teacher. He wrote all my questions out in terms of car racing. The circumference of a circle became the distance around a race track and such. Other than his class, I hated school.”

“I never made it to senior four,” Alice said. “I dropped out at sixteen.”

“Why did you do that?” Brant asked as he opened the crackers. He offered her the box. “Did you want one?”

“Thanks. I actually like these. I let my eighteen-year old boyfriend talk me into moving in with him. I got a job flipping burgers for a while but I showed up high too many times and got fired. After that I stayed home and cooked and cleaned, when I could remember to. Life is kind of slack when you’re living with a dealer.”

“Did he mistreat you?” Seth asked gently.

“Other than feeding my habit, no, he didn’t abuse me. I was young, in love, and hooked on the drugs.”

“Have you been with him the whole time?” Brant asked.

“No.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, he just didn’t come home one day. I was used to his little business trips taking a day or two but that last time he skipped town to avoid the cops. I got busted but I was a minor so they let me off with a warning and sent me home. I should have learned my lesson then, but I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you go into rehab then?”

“I was stubborn. I told my mom I didn’t need rehab and that I could stay clean on my own. I made it for a few months and then I ended up at a party and smoked a joint and the next thing I know I’m living with another dealer.”

“How many?” Brant asked.

“Maybe a dozen in five years, and eight trips to six different rehab centers. I was in rehab about a year ago feeling angry at the world when my last boyfriend scooped me up. That’s when my brother cut me off—I told you about that. Two months ago I left him but it took me a few weeks to make my way here. And that’s my whole ugly story.”

“Why didn’t you get clean?” Seth asked. “You were in rehab.”

She shrugged. “Getting clean is hard work. These guys offered me an easy way out. They all promised to help me quit gradually but that never happened.”

“It must be hard for you to trust me,” Brant said. “You’ve probably heard every promise and every excuse.”

“No one ever told me they were buying the coke to bait a mouse trap before,” she said with a smirk.

He smiled back. “I’m going to stay clean.”

“Me, too.”

Seth glanced from one to the other and wished he had taken advantage of his brief time alone with Alice even if the timing wasn’t quite right.
Now they’re staring at each other like they’re alone and smiling those knowing smiles. I told him I loved her. The bastard can’t stand to see me have anything nice, or do anything before him. He has to be first at everything. It must make him angry that Chloe got engaged first and now he doesn’t want to be last.
He had never used so there was nothing he could add to the conversation.
I want to tell her I’ll protect her from people like her ex-boyfriends, and people like Brant. But how?”

“Of both addictions,” Brant added, catching Seth’s attention.

“What else were you using?”

“We were talking, oh it was almost a week ago now, and Alice said I was addicted to anger and I think she was right. I’ve been talking with Dr. Keaton about it and he’s helping me find ways to choose to react differently now, even though it means I don’t always get my way, like with you this morning.”

“So that’s why you’re acting like a peace loving hippy all of a sudden.”

Their family had always been traditional and conservative. Grandpa Bye had told them stories of the ‘wild, irresponsible,’ hippies and their ‘vile communist poison’. Brant knew an underhanded insult when he heard one.

“Can it, Seth,” Brant snapped. “I thought you’d be happy that I’m finally changing. You won’t have to cover for me anymore. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Seth felt his gut tighten.
I’ve always watched his back. If he doesn’t need me then will I protect? Alice. There’s Alice, now. She needs me.

Alice was watching the beginning of the argument with her heart in her throat and a voice in the back of her head screaming at her to run. That voice had kept her alive for five years but she stood her ground.
He said he’d change and so will I. No more running. He’ll let go of the argument as soon as it’s done, just like he said he would.

“But you won’t change,” Seth said. “You can’t. You’re angry now!”

“No, I’m just mad at you,” Brant said. “That doesn’t mean I’ll stay mad.”