Race to Recovery (Full Throttle) (16 page)

Chapter Ten

Brant sat in Dr. Keaton’s office the next afternoon with a thundering heart.
If someone saw Alice come to my room last night I’ll have a lot of questions to answer.

But Dr. Keaton didn’t ask about Alice. “How is your relationship with your brother?”

“Different,” Brant answered, relieved that his secret was safe. “I don’t think he’s happy with me right now, but not in the same way as before.”

“How so?”

“Aren’t you supposed to
analyze
me and not my brother?”

“When you came here you were selfish, arrogant, and liked to be angry—to use your own words from one of our previous meetings. You liked being right, has that changed?”

“I want it to but don’t we all like to be right?”

“You’re right. It’s how we deal with being wrong that makes all the difference.”

“Seth and I argued the other day and I didn’t get my way, I couldn’t convince him that I was right.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Sad, because I think I was actually right this time. I feel sad that he can’t be happy for me right now. Sad is a lot scarier than being angry.”

“Anger is all about you, Brant. When you react in anger you’re saying that your desires and emotions are more important. You feel sad and that means you care about Seth too, you’re hurting because there’s a gap between you now and you take some of the blame.”

“Being angry meant I didn’t have to admit to that blame so people couldn’t judge me on the things I did wrong, only on the anger. I don’t like people judging me.”

“That’s why you fought me so hard?”

“Not entirely. Have you ever been high?”

“No, I haven’t. But my father was, and he was abusive. Maybe that’s not the same but I have a fierce desire to help people who want out of that life and a fiercer respect for those who choose it on their own. My father wasn’t strong enough to do that.”

Brant nodded.

“Brant, why did you come here in the first place?”

“I wasn’t in control anymore, that’s what you want me to say, right?” He shrugged. “I didn’t know I had other problems until I came here. I came because I didn’t want to lose my career or my family.”

“You came here to stay in control. You fought me because you wanted to be in control. How do you feel now?”

“Scared and confused.”

“You can still be in control of your healing process; you can hinder it or help it, that’s up to you. I’m not here to force you or judge you. I’m here to ask questions that might point you down the path of healing and to provide professional help when you need it.”

“That last part sounded cheesy.”

“You’re right. The choice is yours Brant. Are you going to take positive control over your life?”

* * * *

Seth had been trying to ignore his brother all morning but it was next to impossible and Brant’s ever pleasant false front was beginning to wear on him. Fortunately Brant had gone for his meeting right after lunch giving Seth the opportunity he had been waiting for.

“Alice, I think I could use a walk. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting lately, more than I’m used to.”

“I guess you’re not suggesting that we pace around the Common Room.”

“I was hoping to go out in the garden.”

Alice glanced around, her hand rubbing her arm, and then she sighed. “Okay, a short walk.”

Seth’s mind was racing. He had imagined this conversation hundreds of times since deciding to cut Brant loose and look after Alice instead.
Now that I’m here, where do I start?

“Seth, why are you so angry at your brother?” Alice asked.

Seth frowned. “I have lived in Brant’s shadow for fifteen years, at least. I have kept him out of trouble with fans, sponsors, rival drivers, and our father ever since he started racing competitively. He has never thanked me for that, or for keeping his car running. He’s barely polite when he’s in a good mood and if he feels he owes you for any reason, he’s downright hostile. If he needs something from you he doesn’t ask, he demands. I’ve had enough of the abuse and enough of him. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve come to a difficult decision about Brant.”

“But haven’t you noticed that he’s changed?”

“I’ve noticed he’s been playing a very involved game and I’m scared you’ll get hurt when he gets tired of it, and of you.”

“I think you should give him a chance.”

“To do what? Hurt you? No, I’m done with him. I don’t want to be Brant’s support person anymore.”

“So you’re going away?” She was careful to keep her voice blank.

“I was hoping not to. Brant doesn’t need my help, he’s made that perfectly clear on more than one occasion, he just wants me here so he can kick me around. But you and I have become good friends this last week, haven’t we?”

“Yes, we have,” she said, eyeing him warily. “Why?”

“Alice, I want to help you. I want to see you free of the drugs and the fear. I could keep coming as your support person instead of Brant’s. If you needed to talk I’d be here, just for you.”

“Seth, I don’t know …”

He stopped walking and grabbed her hands, forcing her to face him. “Alice, please. I’ve fallen in love with you and I want to keep you safe.” He pulled her close and kissed her.

When he let go of her hands she stumbled back, her eyes going wide but not with wonder or surprise. Her hands went to her mouth and she shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “He wasn’t right. He couldn’t have been right.” She backed away, still shaking her head, then turned and fled back up the path.

* * * *

Brant came out of his meeting feeling more confident than he had in days. He had a plan of action for his recovery and more importantly he had Alice. He came into the Common Room expecting to see Alice laughing at one of Seth’s jokes but they weren’t there. They weren’t in the TV room, the library, or the garden either. He had left his room key with Seth in case they wanted something from the fresh back of snacks Seth had bought so he went to his room and tried the door. It swung open easily.

Seth was pacing the narrow path around the
meager
furniture. When he saw Brant he snarled, “What did you do?”

“Me? I don’t even know what you’re talking about! What happened, Seth?”

“I don’t know, Brant. Everything between me and Alice was fine and now she won’t talk to me.”

“So what did you do?”

“Nothing!” He dropped into one of the chairs. “I told her I wanted to help her. I thought women liked knights in shining armour. You said she liked romance novels and happy endings!”

“Is that all?”

“Then I told her I was in love with her and I kissed her.”

Brant groaned. “Did you ask permission before you kissed her?”

“More important is why she started saying ‘He wasn’t right. He couldn’t have been right’. So just what have you been saying about me when I’m not here to defend myself?”

“Nothing! I haven’t told a single embarrassing story about you, I didn’t tell her about your plan. I swear it.”

“Then who is she talking about?”

“I don’t know. Where is she? Maybe I can talk to her.”

“Yeah, sure, except that she’s locked herself in her room and won’t answer the door.”

“Let me try, all right? Wait here.”

Brant hurried down the hallway and knocked lightly on Alice’s door.

“Go away,” she shouted. Her voice was heavy with tears.

“Alice, it’s me, please open the door.” He could hear her crying but no movement so he said, “At least tell me what’s wrong.”

Her only response was a long wail. Brant ran straight down the stairs to Dr. Keaton’s office. He was expecting the frown when the door opened so he started talking right away.

“You have to help. There’s something wrong with Alice. She was happy at lunch and now she’s locked in her room, crying.”

“I don’t know what you think I can do, Brant.”

“Get me in there so I can talk to her.”

“You know that’s against a lot of rules.”

“Then you talk to her! Something is wrong!”

“Okay, give me a few minutes and I’ll see what I can do.” Brant was pacing in front of Alice’s door when Dr. Keaton came up the stairs. “Calm down, let me talk to her.” He knocked on the door. “Alice, it’s Dr. Keaton. Your friend is worried about you. Will you unlock the door and let me in?”

“Why? So you can lie to me some more? Go away.”

“Alice, this isn’t healthy.”

“Go away! You can’t help me.”

“Now will you open the door and let me in to talk to her?”

“Brant, why are you so insistent about this? Are you and Alice involved?”

“She’s my friend, maybe the first real friend I’ve had. She helped me, a lot, and now I’m going to help her. She doesn’t need a shrink to sit across from her and ask questions she needs a friend to comfort her. That may mean hugging her and letting her cry and you’ll just have to be okay with that. Now open the damn door.”

Dr. Keaton nodded and pulled a key card from his pocket. “Don’t force this Brant. If she wants you to leave you have to leave.”

Inside Brant found Alice on the bed curled up in a little ball still sobbing. He frowned and sat on the edge of the bed. “Alice, come over here and cry.”

“Brant, how did you get in here?”

“Dr. Keaton.”

“It’s against the rules.”

“You have us both worried. Come put your head on my shoulder and you can get all this crying out.”

“You don’t want to know what’s wrong?”

“Right now it’s enough to know that you’re okay. Come on.”

She scooted across the bed and let Brant tuck an arm around her shoulders. She promptly broke down crying again. Brant bit his tongue, stifling his own curiosity, and let her cry. Finally the sobbing quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and Alice said, “You’ll hate me.”

“Why? Because my brother was an idiot?”

“You know?” She pulled back so she could look into his face.

“Yes, Seth told me. Alice, I know I’m prying, but who were you talking about, when Seth upset you, I mean?”

“No one, it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. We have to trust each other Alice.”

“If I tell you, you’ll hate me.”

“Alice, I love you. Please, tell me what happened to scare you so badly.”

“I left rehab six months ago with a charming patient named Richard. He said he was clean, that he would help me get clean. We moved in together and that’s when my brother cut me off. Of course Richard didn’t get me clean and when he thought I was doped up enough he tried to whore me out.