Racing Outside the Line: A Love Story at 190 Mph (22 page)

"Okay... " Chelsea began. "I’m going to leave you alone in here for ten minutes, no more tears. When I come back, you’re leaving this room, and we’re going to the beach," I started to shake my head, "maybe we’ll just drive up 101 for a while, maybe we’ll get something to eat, maybe we’ll get out and walk along the shore, we’ll decide that as it comes, but we
are
leaving this house."

I knew that tone of voice was one I couldn’t argue with, so I just nodded my head.

"Ten minutes," she reminded as she left the room and closed the door behind her.

The floor vent captured my eye again as my brain went into overdrive. Did he think I was just going to run into his arms and forgive everything just because he threw a piece of jewelry at me? Did he think I was that superficial? Maybe that’s how he got she-who-will-remain-nameless. Did he think it would make up for it all… for seeing it with my own two eyes, his hand tangled in her hair pulling her closer to him. I threw myself back on the bed.
Stop thinking about that
I tried to tell myself. Was this just some sort of a scheme to get me to talk to him? Maybe he would say, "Oh wait, I didn’t really mean I would marry you, I was just trying to get you to speak to me again." Well, what on earth did an engagement mean to him anyway? He was engaged to ‘that woman’ and it didn’t mean anything. Hell, he was sleeping with me at the time. Maybe he’s sleeping with someone else while he’s throwing a ring at Chelsea’s door. Maybe there’s no ring in the box to begin with. I sat up and with a shaking hand, opened the lid of the box to reveal a pile of diamonds. I was breathless as I blinked a few times. Okay, so I’d never been much into jewelry and I’d never paid much attention to diamonds and rings, but I thought it was certainly safe to say that I was holding at least $50,000 in my hand.

The ring itself was absolutely stunning. The band was platinum (I knew that much) and had little round diamonds all around the delicate band. On either side of the diamonds there was an intricate swirly design engraved. It was exceptionally feminine and pretty. The diamond in the center was, I don’t know what to say about it. It was huge, vast, extensive, monumental, planetary, yes, that’s it, it was planetary. It was round and exquisite and captured the light with small round diamonds (smaller than those on the band) circling the edge and the same swirly design holding it all together around the central planet. It was a solar system in and of itself. I didn’t want to try it on, it wouldn’t help matters. I had to make a decision, but I couldn’t think to do anything but sit and stare at it.

Did he love me? What was this ring supposed to say to me? Did I still love him? Okay, stupid question. Of course, I still loved him or my heart wouldn’t be searing with pain every time I thought of him. Could I trust him ever again? That was the question. Could I trust him—forgive and forget and trust again. I didn’t think so; too much pain, both recent and for so many years past.

I was sitting there staring at the ring shaking my head when Chelsea opened the door. She didn’t say anything for a moment, then stepped in and sat down on the opposite side of the bed. "It’s impressive, I’ll give him that much."

"I’ve never held fifty thousand dollars in my hand before."

"Aww… honey, sweetie, babycakes," her voice dripped with condescension… "that’s at least a hundred and fifty."

I felt my eyes get wider. Holy crap! I snapped the box shut and shoved it at Chelsea shaking my head frantically. She threw up her arms at me. "Uh, huh… it’s yours, Lexie, he bought it for
you
. You looked at it… it screams
you
! If I had to pick one ring on the face of the planet that looked like it had been made with you in mind, it would be
that one
."

I continued to shake my head. "It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a ring. It’s just a ring! He gave witch-woman one too. I bet that one fit her nicely too! It doesn’t mean anything; he was screwing
me
with
his
ring on
her
boney finger. It doesn’t mean anything!"

"You’re right; the ring alone doesn’t mean much. But there’s more."

I got up from the bed and stomped around the room as I yelled, "What do you mean there’s more? What, did he bring earrings too? A necklace? Or maybe both? How about a new car?" I was gesticulating wildly in my fit. "None of it means anything!"

"Lex, shut up," she said quietly, "and sit down." Her tone surprised me into silence. I looked up to see that she was exceedingly serious and a little sad. I sat back down on the bed. "I wanted to give you time to adjust to the ring before throwing this at you, but I now think it’s best just to get it all out there." She took a deep breath, she looked nervous. "He has a plane chartered, ready to go the second you say yes. He has a private resort booked for the next two weeks with rooms for you both, Desmond, me, Wyatt, Gene, and anyone else you want to bring. He has a Reverend ready to marry you the minute we all get there." She paused as I sat there staring at her like a stone statue. "Honey," she reached out and grabbed my hand, holding it between both of hers, "he’s still a jackass, it’s true, but sweetie… he’s serious."

The words kept repeating in my brain as I tried to take them in.
He’s serious… he has a reverend ready to marry you… he’s serious… he’s serious
. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t make it all make sense to me. He wanted to marry me… like, immediately? But then, why did he kiss slut-face? I heard the front door open and looked up, panicked at Chelsea.

"It’s just Desmond. He’s going to talk to Seth. He won’t let him in. He’s just going to talk to him." Letting out a deep breath, my brain returned to its previous occupation.
He’s serious… He’s serious
. The words kept reverberating in my brain ricocheting off every wall.

"Come on out into the kitchen, I’ll make us some lunch, you haven’t eaten today. This isn’t going to get decided until you’re ready for it to, and you don’t have to be ready anytime soon." She stood up and walked over to the side of the bed I was sitting on. "Come on," she encouraged, pulling me by the hand she was still holding onto, "I’m hungry and I know you are too."

Allowing myself to be pulled off the bed, I stumbled after Chelsea, not really watching my own footsteps. She dragged me over to the bar stools and sat me down as she went to the fridge. I watched her as she pulled out some hamburger and broke open the package. Pulling my hands up on top of the counter I stared at the little box, flipping the lid open, then closing it, then flipping it open again, then closing it. It was a five-year-old thing to do, but it distracted me from thinking about it all.
He’s serious
, clunk open,
he’s serious
, smack shut.

Desmond came back a minute later and asked Chelsea, "want some help?" as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sure, but first, can you go turn on some music in the living room."

"Sure," he sounded grumpy. I wondered what he had spoken to Seth about, but then decided it was best to avoid that line of thought. I went back to my box…
He’s serious
, clunk open,
he’s serious
, smack shut.

The music impeded my ability to hear the box opening and closing, so I switched to rolling it around on the countertop. I put my arm up on the counter and rested my head on it as I stared at the rolling box… He
has a Reverend ready to marry you
. I heard a song I liked playing on the radio and remembered that I missed alternative rock stations, there weren’t any decent ones in North Carolina. An image of me in a white dress dancing to this with Seth in a tuxedo flitted across my mind. Did I want to marry him? Did I trust him enough to marry him? What if he kisses another woman? What if hoochie-woman comes back and kisses him again, will he tangle his hand in her hair again and pull her in for another kiss? Was being legally married any different from being engaged? It was for me, but was it for him? I rolled the box along the countertop again and it almost fell off.

Chelsea interrupted my trance, "Honey, you may want to be a bit more careful with that hundred and fifty thousand there."

Desmond walked to me and leaned over the kitchen sink extending his hand toward my box. "Lex, can I look at that," he asked as though I were a five-year-old playing with a toy. "Just for a sec?" I nodded. It wasn’t as if he was going to run away with it.

He opened the box and gawked at the contents. "Holy shit!" I was really surprised by this reaction. It didn’t make much sense since he had to have seen the ring Seth purchased for hell-hound girl. I couldn’t figure out why he was so surprised. He must have read the confusion on my face as he spoke to me, "I didn’t think he, I mean, I wondered, but he wouldn’t say…"

Chelsea beat me to the inpatient punch, "Desmond, just spit it out."

"He’s had this since last Wednesday," Desmond said severely as he watched me. "His accountant called to ask whether he had made a sizable purchase on his bank card recently, and I asked him about it. On Wednesday night, he just shrugged and said ‘so what?’ but when I kept bugging him, he smiled this goofy smile and said that he just finally bought something that he had always imagined buying. That was almost a week ago." He sounded dumbstruck as he stared at me. Then, I watched his face turn angry, "How the hell long has this been going on between you two?"

Uh oh
, I thought and buried my face in my arms as I said into the countertop, "We first slept together a week ago."

"A week!" Desmond exploded. "I’ve been around you two all week, and you never told me! I thought this had just happened, I thought you had just told him how you felt… you slept with him? And the motor coach!" I heard him slam my box back down on the countertop and go stomping out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Chelsea and I both looked at each other then ran for the front door. Halfway there Desmond came stomping back in. "Bastard already left," he cursed as he stomped his way out to the patio grumbling, "A week! Well, at least he had the good sense to rectify the situation and go out and buy that monstrosity the next day."

I finally put two and two together, and turned to Chelsea. "He bought it before he kissed her."

Chelsea smiled indulgently, "Yes, it appears he did." She grabbed my arm and pushed me toward the patio, "go out onto the patio, I’ll be out in a second to cook the burgers."

I did as directed, and couldn’t take the vague smile off my face. He went out and bought a hundred and fifty thousand dollar engagement ring for me the day after we made love for the first time. He wanted to marry me at that very moment.

Taking my seat on my swing next to Desmond, I looked over at him with a smile on my face. He looked back at me and rolled his eyes. He let out an exasperated sigh before grudgingly stating, "I don’t know why I'm helping him," he shook his head and rolled his eyes dramatically before continuing, "He spent two hundred and ten thousand, Lex, on
two
items from the same place with nearly identical model numbers." When I continued to look at him in confusion, he added, "He must have bought a matching wedding band the same day." My smile was the size of the diamond, planetary. He wanted to marry me that day. But why didn’t he just ask me then? Why did he wait? Skank-Chick. He kept saying he had to end it with her before we could tell Desmond. It would make sense that he wanted to end it with her before proposing. It would be the logical step. That still didn’t explain why he was kissing her.

"Lex, why don’t you go get some plates and napkins and set the table out here? It’s too nice a day to eat inside."

After setting the table, I flopped down in my usual chair and looked up at Desmond. "Are you really angry with me?"

He looked at me for a few moments before throwing himself into the chair across the table from me. "I knew about it. It was hard not to notice, but I didn’t know you two had finally quit fighting it. I was kind of waiting…" He paused and seemed uneasy about continuing. "mmm, you’re not gonna be happy with me." Now he had my full attention. I leaned forward in my chair and rested my arms on the table. "I uh… well, I sort of threatened Seth."

No surprise there
, I thought falling back against my chair, "Des, I knew that. That’s no shock, and I heard all of you arguing outside the motor coach that day when… you know." I didn’t want to bring back to my mind the emotional ache attached to that moment.

"No, Lex, umm," he looked away from me at one of the trees in an absent-minded sort of way. "I saw you," he stated, not looking at me, "and Seth, together… you know,
together
," he looked at me meaningfully. When could he have possibly seen us together? We were pretty careful. In the pool maybe? "In your room," he continued, but I knew it was next to impossible for that to have happened without either of us noticing. How could he have—"the morning after your prom."

Oh, God. Oh geez, Oh crap… how?
All this time he’d known?
Oh God
. I pushed the chair back and stood up.

"Seth saw me and came outside with me. "

"Seth
saw
you? You
talked
to him?"

"You
talked
... after you beat the crap out of him… you talked about
what
?"

He looked at the tree again then brought his hand up to rub his eyes. If he looked uncomfortable with this conversation before, it was nothing compared to the discomfort that appeared on his face now. "I was trying to protect you. I wanted you to have a life, I wanted you to go to college and do all the things mom and dad wanted you to be able to do."