Racing Outside the Line: A Love Story at 190 Mph (23 page)

He let out a loud sigh and lowered his head. "I told him he had to just leave, that if he stayed, you would stay for him and never have the life you deserved. I told him you were too good for him and if he didn’t just walk away right then, he would ruin you, and I would kill him." He stood up then and reached out to me, "Lex, I’m sorry… I—"

I held up my hand shaking my head, I’d heard enough. I walked away, into the house, before I realized I had nowhere to go. I shoved my way out the front door and onto the front porch and still had nowhere to go. Standing there, looking out at the street it all came together. That’s why he left. He wanted me, but Desmond convinced him he would be screwing up my life. He always wanted me, that’s why he said he bought something he had always imagined buying. He had always wanted to be with me; imagined marrying me, but Desmond convinced him he didn’t deserve me. What a load of…and when he said, "Desmond is going to kill me" before kissing me that first time on the balcony, it was because Desmond had told him that.

The front door opened, and I heard Chelsea’s voice, "Lex, you okay?"

I nodded, but continued to stare at the street in front of me. "Lex?" Chelsea was now standing beside me. I turned to look at her. "Changes a lot doesn’t it?" I nodded again.

Finally finding my voice, "Would have been nice to know four years ago."

"Yup, it would have. But that’s water under the bridge, now. The current question on the table is, do you want
this
or not?" She held out my box and opened the lid. My ring sparkled at me. It was
my
ring. I reached out and pulled it from the box for the first time. It was heavy, heavier than I had expected, but the only rings I had ever worn were my high school ring and my sorority ring, neither of which, had a massive planet of a diamond surrounded by a million moons.

I put the ring back in the box, "He was still kissing her, Chelse."

She nodded, closed the lid and handed the box back to me, "Yes… he was, but maybe he’s earned the chance to tell you his side of it?"

Being beaten up by Desmond, having to live with Desmond knowing that we’d made when I was only seventeen, having to walk away from me when he clearly didn’t want to, dealing with my overtly flirtatious behavior when I came back, hiding the fact that we were sleeping together
again
, being beaten up by Desmond
again
… I guess he had been through enough to warrant the opportunity to explain himself. I nodded.

"Okay, now that that’s settled, you need to eat something, and I’m not having any head shakes, you’ll eat and you’ll like it."

She shoved me back into the house and out to the patio where Desmond sat guiltily at the table. He opened his mouth to say something but Chelsea interrupted him, "Eat first, talk later." He nodded and closed his mouth.

I managed to get through half a burger and some salad before shoving my plate away from me. I was a slow eater these days, so Chelsea and Desmond were finished just before I was. I picked up their plates and took them into the kitchen. I used the restroom before heading back out to the patio and clearly Desmond and Chelsea had been having a discussion while I was gone. I paused to listen in for a moment thinking it might be more information no one had bothered to share with me.

I heard Chelsea’s calm, but angry tones first, "You still don’t get it do you? You have no clue what she was like that first year. She wouldn’t go anywhere, she wouldn’t do anything. She didn’t even have any friends until I brought her into the sorority. She wouldn’t talk to
anyone
. Even her roommate said she was like a ghost.
YOU
did that to her, not him. You might have thought you were just beating
him
up, but she beat herself up over it for years."

"I thought I was doing what my dad would have done." His voice tugged at my heart more than his words, he was really upset that he hurt me. "I thought I was protecting her. I…" It was quiet for a few moments.

Chelsea resumed her usual comforting demeanor. "She’ll recover and she’ll forgive you. It’s been hard for you too, I get that, I really do Desmond. I just want to make sure you aren’t going to interfere with whatever her decision will be."

"It’s okay, Des, I know
why
you did it and that’s enough to make me forgive you."

"I swear that I didn’t know it would hit you as hard as it did. By the time I realized it, it was too late."

"I know," I nodded and let him hug me. He scooted away from me over to one side of the swing and pulled my feet up on his lap taking my flip-flops off as he pushed the swing back and forth.

Chelsea came up behind us, "I’d still like to go for that drive up the coast, and I know this beautiful restaurant where my dad used to take my mom and me. It sits atop a cliff overlooking the ocean. We can take our time driving up the coast and be at the restaurant in time to watch the sunset." I grabbed at Desmond’s arm and looked at his watch, it was a little after 3pm. "Come on, Lex, I’m bored."

Chelsea smiled at me and grabbed my hand pulling me up from the swing before turning back to Desmond, "Did you bring a suit with you?"

After taking some time to get changed, we were piling into Chelsea’s Escalade and on our way to the coast. Just as the sun was starting to get low, we pulled off the highway and followed a small road inland for a while. It was all trees and low sunlight filtering through them until we reached an even smaller road that wound up a hill. I managed to catch a small sign that read, "Shadow Creek Restaurant" as we pulled into a gravel-paved parking area. For a restaurant at dinnertime, I noticed there weren’t many cars in the lot. I turned to Chelsea, "Is this place any good? We seem to be the only ones here."

"It’s one of the best restaurants I’ve ever been to," she responded with a smile.

"Did you book the whole place or something, Chelse?"

"
I
didn’t," she answered, her smile widening.

I turned skeptical eyes upon her, then looked back at Desmond who threw up his hands and said, "Don’t look at me. I didn’t even know where we were going."

I sat there trying to figure out what I was missing, but Chelsea and Desmond were already out of the car and walking away, so I gave up and followed. The restaurant itself was nestled amongst tall Redwood trees and lush green foliage atop a high cliff. A pathway of steep curving steps led up to the restaurant that I knew I would never be able to navigate in my heels. Thankfully, an adorable little trolley sat opposite the steps that looked like a small San Francisco cable car. It followed a railway that led directly up to the restaurant.

Finally catching up to Desmond and Chelsea, a young man in a 1920s style elevator operator’s uniform greeted us and bid us to board the trolley. As the trolley climbed the side of the cliff, the view became even more breathtaking. We could see the horizon and the sunlight bouncing off the waves of the ocean. Unexpectedly, my heart began to ache, and I leaned against the railing inside the trolley to support myself. I missed Seth. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. There was no one in the world I would want to share this with more than him. But, he kissed another woman and even after everything that could come to mind from today’s enlightening conversations, the one thing that popped in at that moment was the image of his hand tangled in her hair pulling her closer to him. My stomach rolled.

"Just a little nauseous is all," but Chelsea looked at me skeptically. She was about to say something when the trolley came to a stop.

"Enjoy your evening," offered the young man as he opened the doors and put his hand out to offer his assistance in exiting the trolley.

The restaurant was almost as beautiful as its surroundings. It was half brick and half Redwood with massive windows around the entire building. It looked like something Frank Lloyd Wright would have built. We entered through the doorway and into a large room with high ceilings, exposed Redwood beams, and a stone fireplace that took up an entire wall. Seating for at least a hundred people faced me, but no one was in there. The host appeared before us dressed in a tuxedo-style uniform.

"Miss Hale, Mr. and Miss Winston, welcome to Shadow Creek, won’t you please follow me." Okay, now I knew something was up. How did he know our names? What was this all about? Chelsea grabbed onto my arm pulling me forward. She didn’t seem surprised by any of this, so she must have been lying and did this to give us a nice evening. The host led us through the normal dining area, past the bar that occupied the center of the restaurant and out a set of tall glass doors to a brick patio. I kept thinking to myself that this had to be Chelsea’s doing, but I knew this was a bit too extravagant for Chelsea’s taste. She was completely not the type to throw her money around.

The view distracted me as we looked out, not onto more greenery and forest, but a sparkling river turned golden by the sun that was gently lowering itself in the sky. I would not have guessed that this cliff we sat at the top of, backed to a river; it was too perfect to have imagined. Looking out down the river, you couldn’t see where it met the ocean, but turning just a bit more, you could see the ocean on the other side of the restaurant. I was awestruck.

"This is magical," I said to Chelsea as I looked out at the ocean.

"You’re telling me," she replied. But her eyes were not on the ocean or the river, they were lower. I followed the direction she was staring, down the brick covered cliff-side to notice several torches lighting a half circle around one single table. On the table was a crisp white linen tablecloth, centerpiece of red rosebuds in a crystal bowl, shimmering crystal and glinting gold plates. I was about to ask if we were eating there when the final surprise came into view.

There, sitting on a low brick wall looking heart wrenchingly handsome in a black suit, charcoal grey dress shirt and light purple tie was Seth. I stopped breathing for a moment as our eyes connected. He was nervous, I could tell that by the look in his eyes, although he was doing a good job of hiding it. Damn, he looked good.
No, I can’t do this, I can’t handle this.
I shook my head and turned around ready to bolt.

Chelsea grabbed hold of my arm. "You’re gonna have to talk to him sooner or later. It’s not fair to leave him hanging while you stare at his ring."

"
I’m
not fair?" How could she turn against me like this? "
I
wasn’t the one kissing some other woman!"

"Don’t yell at
me
about that," she sounded not so much harsh this time, but definitely tough. "Go yell at
him
. Go tell
him
what he did to you. Go ask
him
why he did it. But don’t run away." She let out a deep sigh and grabbed my hands. "You know I love you, and you know that if you go down there and he hurts you more, Desmond will go down and kill him. and I’ll
help
you run away. But you’ve spent too much of your life in hiding. Go
deal
with this." I nodded my consent, but made no move to leave the spot I was rooted to.

My heart beat uncontrollably, and my stomach did its best impersonation of an acrobat in Cirque De Soleil, but I pushed myself to walk down the several sets of brick stairs that led to Seth. As I reached the lower patio, Seth turned around to look at me. I quickly turned my head to stare at the river that was a mere twenty feet from us. The sky was a deep orange hue and I guessed that the sun was starting to duck beneath the horizon. I looked back up to the landing where I left Chelsea, but she wasn’t there.

"I didn’t think you’d come if you knew I was here. I didn’t mean to startle you."

He was right about one thing, I certainly wouldn’t have come. I moved forward to lean against the low brick wall.

"Will you let me explain what happened that day?" I waved my hand inviting him dispassionately to continue. "When Gary, my crew chief, radioed to me that I had taken the pole, I was excited, to say the least. I was amped and dying to tell you. I ran through it in my head, what I would say to you. I wanted to tell you that your idea of motivation worked. Even more than that, I wanted to tell you what I had been trying to tell you all day, that I… that I love you. I know I fucked this all up royally, but I
really
love you, Lexie… God, I love you so much it hurts."

"Hmph! You don’t know the meaning of the word
hurt
." I had been trying for an angry response, but my voice broke on the word hurt, and he winced in response.