Racing Outside the Line: A Love Story at 190 Mph (19 page)

As Seth’s car started its laps, they mentioned that he had been having a decent season, so far, but had never started above third here at Indianapolis. They also said that his times during happy hour were some of the fastest overall. The table of times graphic on the right hand side of the screen made it remarkably easy for me to see that Seth’s first lap time was good enough to have him start second in the race. The second the time posted, the group of people in the small room and the guys outside of the hauler started cheering. Wyatt stood up, and I heard him say out loud, "Thatta boy, now really drive her in deep this time." I stood up with him because it felt weird to be the only one sitting. Seth’s second lap time earned him an insane amount of cheering, high-fives, and air punches as it showed him taking the pole. I smiled along with them, but my own smile was a curious one. Had my attempt at motivating him been the real reason for this? No, I knew there was more to having the fastest time than the driver; it had a lot more to do with setup on the car than with Seth’s driving.

I turned to Wyatt and asked quietly, "What about the other cars, could one of them knock him out of position?"

Wyatt smiled as he gave a few high-fives over my head. He shook his head at me explaining, "There are only five cars left, and none of them had times anywhere near Seth’s during practice."

I nodded showing I understood him as he jerked his head toward the garage, "He’ll be back in a minute, let’s go congratulate him."

Now that was something I could definitely smile at and did, quite largely. Wyatt rolled his eyes at me and placed his hand on my back to push me out of the hauler. As Seth pulled into the garage, the crowd of guys gathered around him rapidly. More high-fives and fist bumps followed and even a few manly hugs. One hug was from Desmond, who must have been watching his laps from inside the garage, but I didn’t know who the other guys were. Before I knew what was happening, the vultures descended, and several media people circled Seth like tasty new road-kill. Microphones were pointed like weapons as they all shoved them towards Seth trying to get a piece of him. I was content to stand by and listen since I couldn’t push my way to the front to see Seth. I knew I would get my turn to congratulate him, if not now, then later, when we were alone, and he was claiming his prize for winning. I smiled to myself about that.

I couldn’t make out the words of the announcer or Seth’s response because there were just too many people in the way, but suddenly the crowd cleared enough for me to see Seth’s face again. He had the most satisfied and handsome expression that I wanted to run to him and kiss him right there, cameras and scandal be damned. Of course, I didn’t, I controlled myself.

I watched the interviewer say something then Seth smiled for an instant, before someone scooted in front of me. Moving to the side a bit more, my line of vision was completely clear, and I saw why the crowd suddenly cheered… Alexandria had appeared out of nowhere and was kissing Seth. My stomach did a small flip, and I began to get angry. What a bitch! And how pathetic was she to be foisting herself upon Seth when he clearly didn’t want her. My hands were balled into fists at my side as I tried to compose myself. Now was not the time to go charging in there and kill her with all these cameras around. I closed my eyes, needing to find a way to calm down. I told myself,
when you open your eyes, he will have pushed her off him and you can breathe again… not a big deal
.

But when I opened my eyes, she was still kissing him, and what made the world drop out from beneath me was the fact that she wasn’t just kissing him,
he
was kissing
her
. My mouth became dry. I became horribly nauseous as my eyes tried desperately to comprehend what they were seeing. His right hand was tangled in her hair, and her tongue was most definitely down his throat.
Oh, God
. Tears took over my eyes. My chest hurt like hell with a searing, burning, ripping pain that knocked the breath out of me. His left hand moved to her hip. My breath was coming out in short, quick, labored breaths and I swear, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Clutching at my chest, I couldn’t stop staring, wide-eyed as he continued to kiss her.
Why was he kissing her? Why was he kissing her? He didn’t
want
to kiss her, so why was he doing it? Why?

I was so confused, so awfully wounded and still so stunned that I couldn’t move until I heard Wyatt curse next to me, "Damn it, Seth!" His voice was so full of anger that I looked at him to see what he was so angry about. I saw my reflection in Wyatt’s eyes as he looked down at me and saw my pain. He shook his head breathing, "Oh, Lexie."

Then he looked up at someone next to me. I turned to see who it was when my eyes connected with Desmond’s. I was still clutching my chest as a tear began to run down my cheek. I felt my lips forming the word "why" when Desmond’s face exploded in anger. I heard him say, "I fucking
knew
it!" The full force of his anger hit me, and I jerked back as if he had hit me. Scanning the area like a panicked animal, I saw Seth still kissing her.
Kissing her? Why? Why was he kissing her?
The tears fell faster as I managed to turn around. There was noise behind me, and Wyatt wasn’t next to me anymore, but I didn’t care, I just had to get out of there.

With every ounce of will power left in me, I slowly picked up my right foot and placed it down in front of me, then did the same with my left foot until I was able to convince myself to walk away. Watching the ground, I moved myself through the people who seemed to be rushing past me. The tears just kept falling down my cheeks as if they had a mind of their own and understood what was happening long before my brain was able to take it all in. As I walked, I tried to process what I had seen.

He was kissing her. He was really kissing her.
It felt like a strange language that I wasn’t familiar with, one I was trying to relate to my own language, trying to draw some meaning from.

The realities of the image slapped me in the face…
Why was his hand wrapped up in her hair? If it was me he wanted, then why was he holding her to him instead of pushing her away. Why?
My chest burned like someone shoved a hot poker from the fireplace into it. I slowed my steps as I tried not to breathe, but I forced myself to keep on walking. I had to get away from here. I had to get away from that… from them… the two of them… together… kissing. His
tongue was in her mouth. Oh, God
, my stomach lurched and thankfully, I was behind a building where there weren’t any people near me as I bent over and emptied the contents of my stomach onto the pavement.

Shaking, I managed to pull myself up and keep on walking. I didn’t know where I was going; I just knew I had to get further away from the blast site. The air around them was tainted, and I knew I would be able to breathe better if I just got further away. That damned voice in my head started in on me,
you should have known this was going to happen. You knew what he was like. Even Desmond tried to warn you. You mean nothing to him.

An eternity of pain later, I began to recognize the motor coaches that were around Seth’s. The pain his name brought to me was unbearable. I clutched my chest even harder. What was I going to do? Was I going to walk right into Seth’s motor coach? I clearly didn’t belong there.
He was kissing another woman, he was wanting another woman.
He lied to me. He didn’t want me. But he really seemed to want me. How could I have been so gullible? I stumbled toward the door of the motor coach not knowing what else to do, but I stopped a few feet before the door, my hand stretched out, unable to move further. The door suddenly swung open, and I tried to recognize who was in front of me.

"Gene?" I was shaking as tears streamed down my face. I could feel the same expression on my face that had been placed there by the immediate image of Seth kissing her.

"Oh, darling.’" His mouth was turned down, and his eyebrows were knitted together in sympathy and concern. It knocked the last of my strength out from underneath me.

I dropped to the ground crying uncontrollably, "He kissed her, Gene, why was he kissing her?"

Gene patted my back and was whispering comforting things that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to understand. I vaguely remember that Gene was able to get me into the motor coach and crumpled into a ball on the couch before I cried out everything that was in me and fell asleep.

A short time later, I awoke to the sound of arguing voices coming from outside. I didn’t immediately understand where I was at or what had happened. My body felt heavy, and my eyes stung as I tried to adjust them. I stared at the back of the couch really trying to avoid remembering how I got in this position. The sounds from outside floated toward me.

"Like hell you are!" I recognized Desmond’s voice, but it didn’t sound quite right having never heard him this angry before in my life. "You’ll stay the fucking hell away from her from now on or so help me, Seth, I swear I will kill you!"

There was mumbling I couldn’t make out then Desmond continued, "I will NEVER let you near her again! You selfish prick! I warned you!" The scuffling of feet could be heard and what sounded like the grunting of some sort of altercation. I wondered what was going on, but knew there was a reason my brain was avoiding comprehension. I felt numb and lacking the energy to feel anything.

"Desmond, back off!" Wyatt yelled angrily. "This isn’t helping anyone!"

"No, but it’s making me feel a whole lot better!"

More grunts and scuffling, "I’m not going to stand here and just let you beat the shit out of me this time!" I curled up into a tighter ball in recognition of the voice I didn’t want to remember. Pain coursed through the veins around my heart, and I squeezed my eyes shut to the onslaught of images that were choking the breath out of me. Putting my hand to my eyes, I tried to block out the memory of Seth kissing Alexandria.

"Seth!" Wyatt yelled, "Get off him! He has every right to beat the crap out of you, get your hands off him!"

"I’m going to talk to her and I’ll break both your legs if I have to, but YOU aren’t going to stop me!" I could tell Seth wasn’t bluffing.

"He may not, son, but I sure as hell will." It was Gene, and he wasn’t yelling, but there was a loud, cold harshness to his voice that deeply surprised me. He was standing just outside the door to the motor coach, so his voice was pretty clear to me.

"No, Seth. I can’t trust ya. Ya hurt me too, kid. Ya made me a liar today. I told her ya cared for her like no other. I told her she was different. You let me down, kid, you let me down." Gene sounded so very upset, and it made me want to go to him and comfort him, but my body was broken. I couldn’t get myself to move even if I could have handled seeing Seth.

The voices died out after that. I closed my eyes again and fell into a dreamless sleep.

What felt like several hours later, I woke up alone in the motor coach. I felt stronger, which, considering I had been at my lowest point in a very long time, isn’t saying much. Sitting on the couch, I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself. The room was too familiar, had too much of Seth in it for me to be comfortable there. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together walking into the bedroom. I picked up everything that was mine and shoved it into my suitcase as quickly as possible, trying not to look at my surroundings or breathe in Seth’s scent. When I had all of my belongings, I pulled my suitcase and bag out of the bedroom and put them by the door. If I were lucky, there wouldn’t be a single person outside and I would be able to leave without being noticed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore; I wanted to get out of there. Peeking out the window, I saw Gene sitting in one of the camp chairs watching the TV screen. I would have to talk to him.
Deep breaths—just take deep breaths
.

The second I stepped outside, Gene was out of the chair and rushing to me. He didn’t say anything, so I took my opportunity to control the topic. "Can you drive me to somewhere where I can get a taxi? I want to go to the hotel Desmond and Wyatt are staying at." It was a lie. I had no intention of going to the hotel, but I knew Gene would disagree even more with my true plan.

"Ya sure ya want to leave alone, hun? I got a radio to Wyatt, I can call ‘im an’ he can take ya."

"No, Gene," it took a lot to control my voice, to make it sound the least bit even. "Thank you, but really, I just want to get out of here."

He looked as if he might continue to argue, but his eyes turned sympathetic, and he nodded. I walked back to the motor coach and pulled my suitcase down half of the stairs before Gene came and took it out of my hands. Feeling even more like an invalid, I grabbed my other bag and held on tightly to it in order to feel like I had control over something. When we got to the parking area, I assumed that we would keep driving to the front of the track or something, clearly there weren’t any taxis waiting out here. When Gene slowed down, I looked over at him with confusion.

He pointed at a limo, "Jared’ll take you to the hotel, much easier than a taxi."

I nodded as we pulled up to the limo. Gene passed my suitcase to Jared and told him where I wanted to go before turning back to me.

He wrapped his arms around me, and for a moment, I thought he was going to cry. "I’m just so sorry, darlin’, I
know
Seth really cares for you…" he was trying to reassure me, but that comment brought back the blinding pain in my chest. I jerked away from him a bit, unable to control the pain on my face. It took me a few breaths to regain composure. I knew he was watching me and worrying about me, but I only had so much strength and any mention of
him
was going to seriously deplete that strength.