Rapturous (22 page)

“You guys all stick together,” Tenley says, amusement dancing in her dark eyes.

“It’s a tough spot for him. He’s in love for perhaps the first time in his life, and he’s struggling with how to reconcile the emotion with the lifestyle.” Devon takes hold of Tenley’s hand and brings it to his lips. “I’ve been there.
I get it.”

“Oh,” she says on a deep exhale. “You have?” Her voice squeaks uncharacteristically on the two small words.

“We’ll talk about that later,” he says to her.

“On that note, I should get out of your hair.”

“Don’t go yet,” Devon says. “I’m having an idea… It’s a somewhat dastardly idea and goes against everything I believe in when it comes to the bro code, but it might solve your problem.”

“Can’t wait to hear this,” Tenley says.

“What if we made plans for you to receive training at my club, under the supervision of one of my staff members? You could do as much or as little as you want—everything from merely talking to actually participating in a scene. So the training would be legitimate, and it would be up to you to decide how you want to structure it.”

“And she would tell her
guy about the training?” Tenley asks.

“Eventually, when she’s ready to. Then he would know she’s truly interested in the lifestyle because she’s gone so far as to arrange for training. Hearing that would spur me to action if it involved the woman I love. I’d be surprised if it didn’t do the same for Addie’s guy.”

As I stew over Devon’s idea, I chew on my thumbnail, a throwback habit to my angst-ridden
teenage years. “I can’t imagine letting any other guy touch me.”

“You don’t have to actually have sex to receive training.”

“I don’t?”

“Nope. So what do you think? Would you like to set up some training with a member of my staff?”

“Would I be able to meet him before I trained with him?”

“Of course. I have a few people in mind for you. Let me make a call.”

“So like right now?”

“Are you doing
anything?”

I swallow hard. “Um, no. No other plans for tonight.” I think about Hayden telling me earlier he was coming over to talk. Is he waiting for me to get home? Is he worried about where I might be or what I might be doing? I feel terrible for causing him any concern, but he did push me into a corner earlier by refusing to share this part of himself with me.

Before I’ve had time to work
myself into a full-on panic over Devon’s idea, the elevator dings to admit three men, each more handsome than the next. They’re shirtless and wearing tight jeans or black pants that leave very little to the imagination. It’s a buffet of male beauty. I’m introduced to Tony, Justin and Andre. Tony has the blond, blue-eyed California surfer look down to a science, while Justin is the brawny body builder
and Andre, who’s also muscular with intricate sleeve tattoos on both arms, has the most gorgeous skin I’ve ever seen on a man. When I say so, he tells me his mother is Mexican and his father is black.
 

“I’m insanely jealous,” I reply, as I realize I’m flirting with him. I immediately feel guilty, though I have no good reason to. Hayden has made no commitment to me. If anything, he’s done the
opposite, so I’m not doing anything wrong by enjoying a conversation with another man. But my heart belongs to Hayden, and that’s why none of this feels “right” to me.

“I’ve asked you gentlemen to join us because my friend Addie is interested in training.”

“Are you a sub?” Tony asks with genuine interest.

“I never have been before, but I’m interested in trying.”

“There’s a guy,” Devon says.
“He’s a Dom, but he’s not sure Addie can submit the way he’d need her to.”

“If you were my sub,” Justin says meaningfully, “I’d make sure you were fully satisfied.”

“Phew,” Tenley says, fanning her face. “It’s getting warm in here.”

Everyone laughs, which breaks the tension somewhat. The guys have a drink with us while we talk about innocuous topics such as the Dodgers and the latest Hollywood
gossip before Devon politely requests that they leave us.

Each of them bends to kiss my cheek on the way out, telling me it was nice to meet me. The elevator arrives, and they depart.

“
Where
do you find these guys?” I ask Devon the second the doors close.

“They find me. More importantly, are you interested in getting to know any of them better?”

I think it over for only a moment because I
already know which one I’d chose. “Andre.” I felt an immediate sense of kinship with him, and I feel like we could be friends at the very least.

“Excellent. Come tomorrow night at ten, and I’ll set things up for you.” I must look poleaxed or something, because he quickly adds, “If that’s what you want.”

Is it what I want? Am I really prepared to go through with this? Am I doing it for the right
reasons? Will this do more harm than good for Hayden and me? Is there even a Hayden and me? What choice has he given me?
 

“Addie?” Tenley says. “What’re you thinking?”

“So many things. Most of all, I’m afraid I’ll mess things up with him.”

“From what you’ve told us, there is no relationship with him unless you can overcome the obstacle the lifestyle has put between you,” Tenley says. “Right?”

“Yes, I guess that’s true.”

“If I were in your position,” Tenley says, “I’d feel I had nothing to lose by continuing my research.”

“Would that include allowing another man to touch me?”

“If it was for a good cause in the end and you both knew the restrictions going into it, I can’t see why not.”

“You have to understand,” Devon says, “that the rules of fidelity and monogamy are looser within
our lifestyle. I assume your friend has been in the lifestyle for quite some time. Would you agree?”

“From what I can ascertain, I’d say that’s a safe assumption.”

“Then you could safely argue that you’re playing catch-up so you can get on the same page with him.”

I smile at that. “That’s kind of a stretch.”

“Are you a practitioner of yoga?” he asks, surprising me with the sudden shift in
conversation.

“I have been in the past.”

“Then you know how the skill set builds upon itself. The more you practice, the more you can do. The more you can do, the greater the benefits. This isn’t all that different. Andre can help you master the basics so you can fully realize your potential. Everything you do with him would be safe, sane and consensual. Even if he never lays a hand on your
body or you never touch him, he can walk you through what to expect if and when you do venture into a Dom/sub relationship.”

The yoga analogy resonates with me. “So you’re saying it would be akin to working with a personal trainer. It’s just that the training is sexual rather than physical.”

“The training is sexual as well as physical and emotional. Everything comes into play.”

“I’ll admit
to being sincerely intrigued.”

“Would you like to get your medical exam out of the way now, so you’re ready to play tomorrow?”

He says this the same way anyone else would offer another drink.
 

“
Now?
” It has to be close to midnight.

“I have a doctor here around the clock.”

“Wow. You don’t fool around.”

“Well, he does, but not when it comes to safety,” Tenley says. “The exam is quick and painless.
Nothing you haven’t had before.”

I try to find my inner reserve of courage. Then I remember the condition of my um, areas, and I wonder if having the exam now is a good idea. But the thought of any more delays when I finally have a real chance with Hayden is more unbearable than the exam could ever be. “Okay. Now would be great.”

Twenty minutes later, I’m seated on an exam table wearing a cotton
gown and nothing else while I wait for the doctor. I’ve been weighed and donated pee and blood. Now comes the “fun” part. I feel like a nervous sixteen-year-old having my first pelvic exam when I’m more than a decade removed from that mortifying incident.
 

Thinking about Dad declaring it was time to get me a lady doctor makes me smile. The poor guy did the best he could with a broken heart and
a teenage daughter he had no idea what to do with. Though I was twelve when she died, my memories of my mother are somewhat fuzzy. I’ve read a lot about grief and the way it screws with your mind. I think that’s what happened to me. Her death was so traumatic that I blocked all the good stuff along with the bad.
 

Dad took me to a therapist after she died, and that helped somewhat, but it didn’t
bring back my memories. I have pictures that fill in some of the gaps. They’re all I have of her, so they’re my most priceless possessions. I keep them in a fireproof box so they’ll be safe no matter what happens.

Why am I thinking about my mother right now? I’m still puzzling that over when a knock on the door makes me gasp. I’d almost forgotten where I was and why. The door opens, and another
of Devon’s DNA-blessed employees walks in. Naturally, the doctor on call is a man—a tall, gorgeous, blond man with a smile right out of a toothpaste commercial. My aching lady parts shrivel up in horror at the thought of exposing themselves to him.

“Addison, is it?”

“Yes. I go by Addie.”

“Addie, I’m Doctor Byron.” Fitting that he should have the face and name of a poet. He makes a note on a
page on his clipboard. “Mr. Black said you need the new-member physical. I have a brief questionnaire, then we’ll do the exam and get you out of here. Sound good?”

“Um, sure.”

He asks the usual questions about my cycle, whether I’ve ever been pregnant—I haven’t—and how many sexual partners I’ve had. Ahhh, I settle on twelve. A nice even dozen, and I note the slight lift of his brow that might
indicate judgment. I’m immediately on edge.
 

“Last time you were sexually active?”

“Yesterday.”

He makes another note. We go on to cover family history and other routine questions before he clicks his pen and stands to wash his hands. “You can lie back and scoot your butt toward the edge of the table. I’m sure you know the drill.”

I know the drill, all right. Gritting my teeth, I move into
the required position.
 

“Do you do regular breast self-exams?” he asks as he settles my feet into stirrups.
 

Define regular. “Yes.”

“It’s very important to stay on top of that.”

“Got it.”

“I have to ask… You appear bruised—”

“I had sex yesterday. Good sex.
Vigorous
sex.”
 

“It appears you also had vigorous anal sex.”

“I did. It was incredible.” I prop myself up on my elbows, forcing him
to look at my eyes rather than my bruises. “Have you had anal?”

His mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

“You can ask me. Why can’t I ask you?”

“I suppose that’s fair enough.”

“Well?” I raise a brow in inquiry.

“I can’t say that I have.”

“You ought to give it a try sometime.”

“Um, right, well, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll, ah, use some lubricant on the speculum since you’re bruised.”

“That’d
be very nice of you.”

Despite the lubricant, the speculum hurts going in, and I lose some of my bravado. Every second it’s in there feels like a week. He moves quickly to take the swabs he needs and removes the speculum. I release a long deep breath. My relief is short-lived, however.

“Two fingers to check your uterus and ovaries, and then we’re done.”

His fingers hurt almost as badly as the
speculum did, but I grimace and bear it, telling myself it’s for a good cause. He pokes around for a solid minute before finally withdrawing.

“Everything looks good. Your test results will be back by tomorrow afternoon.” He hands me a slip of paper. “You can call the number there and give them the code to get your results.”

“Got it, thank you.”

He hands me a business card. “If I can be of assistance
to you at any time, don’t hesitate to get in touch.”

Wondering what sort of assistance he thinks I might need, I take the card. “Thank you.”

“A pleasure. Have a good night.”

“You, too.”

I can’t get my clothes on fast enough. Suddenly, I’m out of steam with this day, and I want my bed. I step out of the exam room to find Tenley in the waiting area.

“How’d it go?”

“Oh, you know how it is when
you have to spread your legs for a hot-as-fuck male doctor.”

She laughs. “I’ve told Devon he needs to take mercy on us and hire female doctors. He swears he has them, but I got a guy, too.” She glances around the corner to make sure we’re alone. “Would you hate me forever if I don’t leave with you?”

“I’d hate you forever if you did with that amazing man of yours waiting for you.”

“He is pretty
great.”

“He really is.” I hug her. “Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it.”