Each morning, I
wake up without the feel of his arms around me. I turn over and imagine Adam
sleeping next to me, but the ache in my heart grows and I realize he is not
there. All I do is cry. I remember all the plans we made and how he opened his
heart to me. I know that Adam is the one for me. He was trying to save me and
to protect me from the world, but I was too blind to see that. What if it is
too late, what if he won’t take me back again?
Every time I
close my eyes, I see him standing there with his glorious smile, waiting for me
to jump in his arms so he can sweep me off my feet and take me away. I’m back
in the dark and the shadows all around me are telling me how much of an idiot I
am. I love him but why do I treat him so horribly? I thought time away from him
would make me feel better, but I am full of regret. I did not mean to hurt him.
I didn’t mean to be the cause of everyone’s pain, including
my
Adam. I
know what I did was stupid, but what else am I suppose to do? How can I live my
life like that?
I get up a few
times to try to eat, but nothing tastes good. I look at myself in the mirror
and hate what I see. My hair is messy and my clothes are too big on me. I have
lost five pounds and very pale. A part of me died when I left Adam and everyone
behind. I don’t know who I am anymore. Dr. Taylor called me a few times and
left me voice messages. I know she is worried and disappointed in me. All the
work we did over the last few years is gone. Gone like everyone else in my
life.
During the day,
I will try and watch TV or listen to music. I take out all the pictures that my
dad kept while we were growing up, and will look through them. I set the
pictures of Adam, Connor and me aside and remember how life was before all the
craziness happened. Life was beautiful back then. I had everything I could ever
want and there was no darkness or sadness.
The next
morning, I find myself reaching over to see if Adam is there but then I
remember
,
it is just me in the house by myself. Today
is going to drag on, I keep thinking about just caving in, and calling Adam but
I can’t bring myself to do even that. I know my love for him is still there. I
wonder if he still feels the same way. I have to call him…I have to do
something
.
My heart is crying for him… for
us.
When
you love someone, you shouldn’t treat them bad, but I did. I close my eyes
again and imagine Adam getting ready for work. The way he takes forever to fix
his tie or his morning pep talks. I am a fool, simple as that. I get out of bed
and try to get ready for the day.
After taking a
shower, I make my way down to the kitchen and make breakfast. I take out some
eggs and sausage from the freezer and start cooking. I am on autopilot; it is a
surprise I don’t burn down the house. Before I can sit down and eat, the
doorbell rings and I don’t feel like getting up. I figure I will let it go
since I’m in no condition to talk to anyone. The doorbell keeps ringing. “Who
the hell is at the door,” I mumble to myself. I quickly get up and answer the
door. “Can I help you?”
The deliveryman is standing there with a huge package and a clipboard. “Good
morning ma’am, if you could sign here that will be great.” He hands me the
clipboard and I sign on the dotted line. “Thank you kindly.” He hands me the
package and waves goodbye. I shut the door and put the package down. I didn’t
think anyone would send me anything and I’m curious to find out what is inside.
I tear the tape off the box and open it. Inside, there is an album full of pictures,
a teddy bear and a card. I take the album out to look inside and am shocked to
see pictures of Kyle and me during our time together. There are pictures of us
from
California
when we went to visit his parents,
pictures of us on the beach and in the car. I touch each one and cringe. I drop
the album and cover my mouth. He knows I’m here at my dad’s house. How is this
possible? I bend down and take the card out. I quickly remove the card from the
envelope and read what it says:
Babe,
I know that I did some shitty things to
you and I’m sorry. I can’t live without you. Don’t you know how much you mean
to me? I haven’t been able to do anything and I just need you back in my life.
I know that I can be the man you want me to be. Please come back to me. I can’t
go on without you. I promise that when you come back I will treat you so good.
So right.
Give me this chance to prove to you that I can
make you happy. I’ll be waiting…Forever.
Always yours,
K
I drop the
letter on the floor and back away from his gifts. I don’t know how he knows I’m
here. I start looking around the house to make sure all the doors and windows
are locked. I run back upstairs to get my phone. I know I have to call Adam; it
is time to go back. When I get to my room, I see someone sitting on my bed. I
freeze at the door. I am too scared to move. Kyle’s in my room, sitting on my
bed. I want to scream. I want to run but I’m paralyzed with fear. The hairs on
my skin start to stick straight up. My heart is beating a million times a
second and my head is spinning. I start to bite the inside of my cheek. I’m
telling myself to run and get away before he hurts me again. I let out a
whimper and Kyle turns around to look at me. His dark eyes filled with black
circles. His face is scruffy as though he hasn’t shaved in weeks. Kyle gets up
from my bed and runs up to me. He pulls me in his arms. I flinch at his touch.
I start thrashing and try to pull away. “Babe stop, it is me.”
“Kyle.” I
scream. “Go away! Leave me alone!” I thrash some more trying to get out of his
death grip.
“No babe. I
can’t let you go. I made many mistakes but I have changed. Trust me please. I
love you, can’t you see that?”
I know I have to
do something to get him to let go. I quietly calm down and look in his eyes. I
hope this works. “Kyle, I know you’re sorry and I believe you.” The look in his
eyes shows me that he believes what I’m saying. I get on my tiptoes and lightly
kiss his cheek. He slowly loosens his grip from me and I bring my hands to his
face. “Now you need to let me go, ok?” I stroke his face and start to smile.
“I’m glad you’re back.”
“Oh babe, I’ve
missed
you.”He
starts to lean his head to mine and I
know this is my chance to get away from him. I knee him in his groin and he
jerks down in pain. “You bitch!” I run down the stairs toward the kitchen. I
get the cordless phone and start to dial Adam’s number.
“Come on pick
up.” I start opening drawers trying to find a knife.
“Sophia?”
Finally, I find a knife. I back into the counter and keep my eyes on the
stairs.
“Adam, oh my
God, Kyle…” The line goes dead and I look at the phone. “What the hell?” I hear
Kyle laugh and turn around. He has ripped the phone line out of the wall and is
standing there with an evil expression on his face. I can’t read what he is
thinking, but the fear in me starts to crawl up to the surface.
“You shouldn’t have done that Sophia. Now I’m
pissed.”
I move away from
him. I point the knife at him but it makes him laugh. I try to think of
something else to do to distract him and get away. “Kyle, leave me alone now. I
do not want you here. Just leave!”
He starts to
shake his head and brushes his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do that. You
see, if I cannot have you, no one will. Do you understand that?”
He moves closer
to me and my whole body is shivering. I want him to get out of my house and my
life. “Please Kyle just walk away now and I won’t call the police or anything.”
Kyle charges at
me and I can’t move. He puts his hands on both of my shoulders and starts to
shake me. I am holding onto the knife and shake. Kyle sees the knife in my hand
and grabs onto my wrist. I squeeze my eyes shut from the pain. He holds my
wrist with all his might and I let go from the pain. “You don’t fucking get it.
I am not letting you go this time. I’ll kill you before anyone else can have
you.” His lips curl and he brings his hands to my face. I feel little and
scared. I just want him to go away. I want Adam back. “No one can take you away
from me, do you understand?” he sneers. Then out of nowhere, he punches me in
the face and pushes me on the floor. I fall on my side and my head slams
against the floor. The excruciating pain spreads through my body and all I can
do is pray that someone saves me. When I feel his body on top of mine, my body
goes numb. I do everything I can to get him off me. I put my hands on his face
and push him off, but he wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes. He is
cutting off my breathing and I let go of his face. When he lets go of my neck,
I try again to fight him off me.
Nothing is
working. Everything I do he is deflecting or taking over me. I scream for help
and try to bite him, but that makes him mad. He slaps my face. My head whips to
one side and I can feel blood coming out of my nose. His hands are going under
my shirt and all I can do is whimper. “
Shhhh
, you
know you want this babe.” He brings his face close to mine and starts to kiss
me. I keep my mouth closed but Kyle pries it open with his tongue and pushes
in. He rips my shirt off and all I can see is darkness. No one can save me now,
the darkness has found me and will swallow me whole. I feel his hands on my
breasts and I whimper. “See, you know you miss my touch.” His whispers are
chilling. I hate his voice. I hate him.
There is noise
coming from the front of the house. I slowly open my eyes and see Kyle’s head
looking at the door. This is my only chance to get him off me, so I have to
take it. With all the strength I have left, I force him off me and kick him in
the groin. I hear him gasp and moan in pain as he rolls off me. “Someone, help
me please!” I run toward the door but it swings open. Adam and Connor are
standing there. The sobs start coming and I run into Adam’s arms. He smells so
good. I miss smelling him. I miss everything about him. “I’m so sorry,” I
stutter. “Please forgive me. Please love me again and don’t ever let me go.” I
tug tightly onto his shirt and just cry.
“Connor, find
him…
NOW
,” Adam’s voice is full of rage. I look
over and see Connor go through the house. Adam picks me up and walks me over to
the couch. He strokes my face and kisses me all over. I look down and realize I
am in just my bra and yoga pants. Adam quickly looks away and takes off his
jacket for me. “Here baby, wear this.” I do as he says and curl my body onto
his lap. I rest my head on his chest and let everything out. I am holding onto
him as if he is going to leave again.
“Do you hate
me?” My voice is low and I am scared to know how he is feeling.
“I can never
hate you, as many times as you defy me and we argue, nothing can make me hate
you.”
“Well, I know
you’re mad at me.” I look down as my hand curls into his. Our hands fit
perfectly together. He pulls me off his chest and holds me at arm’s length. His
hand touches my face and I flinch from the pain. He pulls me to his lips and
kisses my cheeks, nose, lips and forehead. I love his kiss. I love him.
“A little, but
now that I have you, nothing else matters.” Adam starts to kiss me again. Oh
how I have missed his lips. “It hurt watching you walk away and I don’t want to
feel that way again. Can you please let me take care of you now?” I nod. “Baby,
you need to stop running away from me.”
“I know, but I’m
just scared.” I bury my head into the crook of his neck. “I know I’m hard to
love but don’t give up please. I can’t do this without you.” I break down
again. I don’t know how long I cry, but I don’t care. Adam holds me tighter.
Connor comes
rushing in the room. “Adam, he is gone.”
I can’t believe
what I’m hearing. How can he be gone? I hold on to Adam tighter.
“Connor, can you
please get
Soph’s
entire things ready and book us a
flight. We’re going to
Florida
.”
The flight down
to
Florida
is smooth and quick. I don’t leave
Adam’s side. Adam assures me that he let my dad and Sarah know what happened
and that he is taking me away. My dad is still in
Atlanta
for a conference and Sarah is going be
there in a few days to join him.
Lydia
and Frank told us to be safe and to be
careful.
We are headed to
Miami
for the next week until Kyle is found.
Connor and Erin stay behind to get work done to find Kyle. I told them not to
call the cops because it will not help. The Harrington family will find a way
to blame me for what happened. There has been no contact from him, but Adam
isn’t taking any chances. I want to think this getaway will help us find our
way back to each other. Things have been tense, but Adam keeps reassuring me
that he is worried and mad about the Kyle situation.