We start walking
back to campus when I feel him. I knew it. He’s never going to let me go. He’s
never going to stop bothering me. “Sophia!” I hold on tighter to Adam and can’t
turn around. I can’t face him.
“Kyle, leave
now.”
Erin
yells.
“Harrington not
tonight man. You’re drunk. Just walk away.” Adam pulls me in closer.
“Oh I see what’s
going on Simpson, you fucking my girl?”
“She’s not your
girl anymore. Just get out of here.”
“Is that what you
want Sophia? You want me out of your life?” I need to do this. I need to tell
him again. He won’t leave me alone. I look at
Erin
and she gives me a nod. I turn around
and look at him. His eyes aren’t his anymore. I don’t know who he is but I
don’t want him near me. I need to be strong and stand up for myself. What he
did to me isn’t my fault. “Kyle we aren’t together anymore. I don’t want you in
my life. Please leave me alone.” Adam pulls me back toward him and doesn’t let
me go. Kyle backs away and doesn’t say anything before leaving.
Erin
comes over to me and hugs me. “See you
can do this. Just be strong.”
“You’re right. I
can do this.” Kyle will not run my life anymore. I will get over him and move
on with my life without him.
Connor walks
Erin
back to her dorm. We give each other
another hug before parting ways. Adam takes my hand and we walk together. The
silence between us is comfortable. I need it. I don’t want him to ask
questions. Not tonight. When we get to my room, he looks at me and moves a
piece of my hair from my face. “You’re so beautiful Sophia.”
“Oh Adam,” I
bring myself to him and rest my head on his chest. I love this feeling. I love
being so close to him. I feel his heart beating. “Thank you for tonight. You’re
always saving me.”
“And that’ll never
stop Sophia. I’ll always be here for you.” He rests his chin on top of my head
and we stay like this for a while longer.
Today’s my
session with Dr. Taylor. I let out a sigh and take in what’s around me as I
walk to the counseling center. I can’t tell her about Kyle hitting me. I don’t
want anyone else knowing. I’m in a good place now and I just want to forget all
the scars. I’m smiling and laughing more. The nightmares are over and I can
sleep through the night. Adam and I are hanging out more. I love the way he
makes me feel.
Last week we
drove to
New
York City
to look all of the Christmas decorations and ice skating at
Rockefeller
Center
. It was great to get away from
everything and everyone. He never left my side and held my hands through the
city. We talked about coming back every year around to create more memories. I
love this man and being around him. He left me kisses on my forehead and was
the perfect gentleman.
I make it inside
as I walk into her office and take a seat on the sofa like I always do. Dr.
Taylor looks up from her laptop and smiles.
“Hi Sophia.”
“Hi
Dr. Taylor.
Take your
time, I know I’m early.” I take out my cell phone and play a crossword puzzle
game while waiting for her to be done. While playing my puzzle, my phone starts
to vibrate and I see a message from Adam come up. I get excited and start
bouncing on the sofa. I look up to see if Dr. Taylor notices my excitement but
she didn’t. I open the message and smile:
Adam: Good morning pretty girl. Just
checking up on you to make sure you’re ok.
Me: Good morning yourself. I’m ok. I’m in
a session with Dr. Taylor. Can we talk later?
Adam: Yeah no problem. I’ll be lifting
for a little so I’ll text you later?
Me: Sounds good. Have fun.
Adam: You too ;)
I giggle to
myself and close out of the messages. When I look up, I see Dr. Taylor looking
at me smiling. “How are you today Sophia? You seem very happy,” Dr. Taylor
states.
“I am happy.
Kyle and I are over. It feels so good to not have him around me.”
“That’s great
Sophia. So tell me more about Adam.”
I don’t know
where to start but all I know is that having Adam back in my life means the
world to me. I feel complete and whole. My missing puzzle piece came back to
me. He shows me how I should feel and helps me realize what I truly deserve.
Happiness
.
I
deserve this happiness and I won’t let it go. Adam’s here to stay. “We’re
taking things slow. Actually, we haven’t really talked about a relationship.
We’re just friends.”
Dr. Taylor
strokes her chin and nods her head. “Sophia there’s nothing wrong with being
friends. You just got out of a relationship and you need to give yourself time
to heal from Kyle. In order to maintain and build a healthy relationship, you
need to help yourself first. Are you still writing?”
“Every
night.”
“Good Sophia.
Don’t stop writing. Remember, the key components of a healthy and long lasting
relationship is trust, communication and love. You have to let Adam in all the
way if you want this to work. It’s going to take time Sophia but don’t’ rush
it.” I relax my shoulders. She’s right. I love him but I need to make sure I’m
ready before I get in a relationship with Adam; if that happens. I know Dr.
Taylor is trying to give me different points of view and she wants what’s best
for me. I want that too. “You have to let go of the past before you can move on
with your future. Stop blaming yourself for things you can’t control. It’s
going to take time but be patient. I know you can do this Sophia.”
“
Dr. Taylor
starts writing in her notepad, “I am so proud of you Sophia. Now let’s focus on
what you’ll need to do in order to continue feeling this way.”
“Well I don’t
know.” I raise my eyebrow to her. What is she getting at? The question seems
too easy to answer. “I don’t know I mean I guess just making sure I talk about
my feelings and stay away from questionable situations.” Dr. Taylor doesn’t respond.
She keeps looking at me waiting for me to say more. “I don’t know what you want
me to say.”
“I need you to
realize it’s not going to be easy Sophia. You have to take steps to ensure
maintain control of your life. Let go of the anchor that’s holding you down so
you can swim to the surface and be above the water.”
I slide down on
the sofa and look down again. I hate when she’s always right. I don’t know what
to say to her. The weight I feel is preventing me from being happy and I know I
need to let that go. It scares me to think that I can be happy. I haven’t been
happy in so long.
This is my time!
“I
understand what you’re saying.”
“It’s very
important that you realize what triggers your fears and angers. Don’t shut
down. Instead, walk away from the situation and write. You know my door is
always open. Talking about how you feel will help you as well.”
Oh well that
does make sense. “You’re right. I don’t know. I just don’t want anything to
pass me by you know?”
“Of course dear
but time will tell. Just enjoy the moment. Now tell me how you’re feeling now.”
I smile. How am
I feeling? I feel happy. “I feel great Doc. Adam has been wonderful and it
feels good to have him back in my life.” And that’s the truth. Having
everything in place seems to be perfect. I’m letting go of Kyle and I’m not
blaming myself anymore for what happened between us. It’s not my fault. He did
this to me. Dr. Taylor doesn’t say anything. She watches me.
Studies
me.
“Doc
have
you ever felt like you were
flying? Or just on cloud nine?”
“Is that how
you’re feeling?”
“Yeah.
I really am happy and I don’t want to do
anything to mess it up.”
Dr. Taylor
frowns.
“Sophia why would you think that?”
“I don’t know. I
always seem to mess up something.”
“I see. Well
you’re feelings are understandable and I see where you’re coming from. Try and
see everything you’ve accomplished. You are a much happier and brighter person
since the first time we met. You are more in control of your life and
feelings.” I listen to what she’s saying. She’s right. When we first met, I
called her a bitch and told her to leave me alone but she broke down my walls.
I am who I am with her help.
Dr. Taylor and I
talk about steps I need to take in order to stay happy and confident. She
emphasizes not to rush anything and to not make any rash decisions that I agree
with. The rest of the session goes by quickly and I thank her for a great talk
before I leave.
I am not sure
what I want to do after meeting with Dr. Taylor so I go to my favorite place;
the bench under the tree. It feels peaceful sitting here as I think about the
last few days. I breathe in the afternoon air and feel all of my stress
evaporate from my body. I take out my phone and call Sarah:
“Hey baby
sister!”
“Hi, am I
bothering you?” I ask.
“Nope you’re
good. What is up? Excited to come home soon?”
Ahhh
! Christmas break. I was happy to be
going home and spend time with my family, “Of course, but I need some advice.”
“Sure babe, what
is up?”
I end up telling
Sarah almost everything that happened between Kyle and me. I tell her about the
fights and his insults. I explain our last encounter and how Adam came to the
rescue. I leave out the parts where he has been hitting me and feel guilty, but
I don’t want to drag her into my mess. There is silence on Sarah’s end, “You
still there?”
“What did that
little weasel do to you again? I’m going to kill him
Soph
.
You better keep him away from me!”
“Sarah it is ok,
I promise.” I try and make myself believe that everything is going to be
alright. A part of me is scared and I’m trying hard not to think about what
Kyle is capable of doing. “I have Adam, Connor and Erin, please don’t worry.”
“Sophia I just
want you to be safe and happy.” I know that she is worried about me but I need
to let her know everything is ok.
I sigh, “I know
Sarah, but everything will be ok, I promise. I have to get going, but we will
talk later.”
“I love you
Soph
,” Sarah sweetly says.
“I love you
too.” We end the call and I just sit on the bench a little while longer. I look
up to the sky and close my eyes. I think about my mom and what advice she would
give me in this situation. I know she would want me to be with Adam, but love
takes time. All I can do now is hope it will work out in the end for us.
When I get back
to my dorm, there are flowers all over. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. There
are lilies and roses all over. I pull the envelope that’s taped on my door and
open it. A note from Kyle:
Sophia,
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for what
happened. Babe, I didn’t mean it and I will do anything and everything to make
it up to you. Please forgive me and know that I would do anything just to see
you smile. Please come back to me. I can’t live without you and I want you
back. If you come back to me, I promise I will make you feel special every day.
Give me another chance babe.
I love you forever,
K
I feel nothing
when I read his note. It is bullshit. Kyle isn’t sorry, nor does he care. I
don’t believe anything he wrote and it doesn’t matter. He can’t buy my
forgiveness and I know what he’s trying to do. I take out my keys and open my
door. Before I could close the door, I feel someone’s hand on my shoulder.
Shit, Kyle. I turn around and he looks terrible. There are dark black circles
under his eyes. His hair is oily and messy. He’s staring at me with his
bloodshot eyes. I try and push him away but he fights me back.