“Do you want to
go shopping tomorrow?” Sarah asks. I turn back to her and smile. “I miss her
too
Soph
, but I’m glad you’re back.” She touches my
shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
I grab her hand
and smile. “Yeah that sounds good. Did you finish wrapping all the gifts?”
“Of course, I
think what you bought Adam and Connor is pretty cool and they’ll like it.”
I smile to
myself and feel proud. “Well we’ve missed like four Christmas’ with them so I
wanted to make it up, you know?”
Sarah’s smile
goes from ear and to ear and I just laugh. We say good night and I make it
upstairs to my room and lay in bed. I get a little nervous and feel like a
little girl. I take out my phone and call Adam.
“Pretty girl,”
he answers.
“Hi,” I shyly
respond. I play with my hair and wish he were here with me. Just thinking about
his lips touching mine sends sparks through my body.
“What are you
doing?”
His voice makes
my body tremble and I want to be with him so bad. I want to tell him just how
much he means to me and how I want us to be together but it doesn’t feel right
to do that on the phone. “Just lying in bed, you?”
I hear a moan
coming out of his mouth, “Thinking about you.”
“And what about
me,” I love how flirty he makes me feel, “Naughty thoughts?”
“Whoa pretty
girl. Feeling pretty frisky, huh?”
“Of course not,”
I sit up on my bed and think about what we just said. I do not want to give him
the wrong idea. I know that we’ve been flirty lately but I don’t want to be a
hook-up. I
want
to be
his
girlfriend.
“I keep thinking
about our first night together. Touching your skin and waking up next to you. I
can’t sleep now because you’re not by my side.” I hear him breathing. I wonder
if he fantasizes about us.
My heart aches
for his touch. “Come over Adam,” I said without thinking. “Please?”
“I thought you’d
never ask. I’ll be right over.”
As soon as I
hang up with him I jump up and check myself in the mirror across the room and
make sure I look adorable and sexy. I put on my old cheerleading shorts and a
fitted hoodie. I check my hair and throw it up in a loose ponytail. My dad and
Sarah are in bed by now but I still have to be careful so I don’t wake anyone
up. Adam’s house isn’t that far from mine and I know he will be here soon. Just
as I am going to get back on the bed, my phone buzzes:
Adam: Here
I skip down the
stairs with a silly grin on my face. When I open the door and see him I wrap my
arms around him and hold him for a minute. “Wow you look nice.” He says looking
down my body.
“Oh this is just
what I wear to sleep.” I see his eyes get wider and his jaw get tight. I get
closer to him and can hear his breathing get uneven. I lightly touch his arm
and tease him. Sarah gave me advice on how to tease guys and what drives them
crazy. I hate being so inexperienced but it is fun learning with Adam. “Want to
go upstairs now?”
Adam looks at me
and simply nods. I take his hand and guide him upstairs to my room. We get in
and I slowly close the door. When I turn back around, Adam has made his way to
my bed and gets comfortable under the blankets. I stand at the edge with my
arms folded across my chest, “Comfortable?”
“Not yet.” He
pats the space next to him and I go sit next to him. We don’t say anything for
a few minutes but just look at each other. I drink him in and cherish each
moment. His eyes are so beautiful and filled with desire. I can feel myself
getting hot and I wish he’d just take me now. I’m ready to give Adam
everything; my body, my heart and soul. I take off my hoodie and fling it on
the ground. I hear Adam inhale sharply. “You ok?”
“Huh?” I see
desire and want in his eyes. It makes me feel seductive and powerful. I want
him just as much as he wants me, but tonight will not be the night. I want our
first time to be special-to be memorable.
I turn my body
around and face him. My pink tank top is fitted and flaunts my body. “I asked
if you’re ok.” I bite down on my lip and watch as he parts his lips.
“You’re so
beautiful.” He says to me while caressing my arm.
“You aren’t so
bad yourself.” I stroke the stubble on his face.
“Pretty girl,
please don’t.” His voice is low and hoarse.
I’m confused at
what he is telling me. Maybe I read all the signs wrong and he doesn’t want me
the way I want him. “I’m sorry. Let’s just go to bed.”
He takes my hand
and looks at me. Those eyes
again.
He makes me forget about my irritation. “Hey
Soph
,
stop.”
“What?” I answer
quickly. “You don’t want me.” I look away from him since I don’t want him to
see my hurt feelings.
The tension in his
face tightens. “Is that what you think?”
I roll my eyes,
“It is what I know.”
“Baby, listen to
me. I want you… BAD! But not like this. I don’t want you to think of us as a
hook up or friends with benefits type of relationship.” He touches my face and I
lean into him. “I want to make you feel special so you feel nothing but love.
Do you understand what I am trying to say?”
I can’t respond
back. My whole body freezes. His honesty is killing me. I’m glad he is able to
open up to me but it scares me. Are we opening ourselves up too fast? I try and
shake away my insecurities but I can’t seem to let go of those thoughts.
“Then let’s not
rush anything ok? I don’t want to mess anything up.”
I lean in and
kiss him on the cheek. “Let’s go to sleep then.”
“Only if you let
me hold you,” he whispers.
I oblige him by
moving closer to him and push my body close to his. He wraps his arms around my
waist. I hold his hand and stroke his arm. I love this feeling of him with me.
I slowly close my eyes and feel his arms hold me tighter. I can get used to
this feeling.
We wake up the
next morning in each other’s arms. Everything feels great and I don’t want him
to leave. He wants to leave before my dad and Sarah wake up. He gives me a kiss
on the cheek and a long hug before he leaves. When the door closes, a part of
me starts to get sad. I thought we would be together by now but nothing yet and
it sucks! I know that he is taking things slow because of me and I get it-
I do!
But a part of me is so mad. I
want him to lift me up in his arms and take me away… away from myself and away
from the memories of the darkness. Maybe I should just make the first move? I
don’t want him to think I am being pushy. I run my hand through my hair and
decide to take a shower.
I spend a lot of
time with my family as the next few days go by. Dad took us shopping and out to
dinner one night. It felt so good to catch up with them and for us to be a
family.
Sarah and I shop
up a storm! We have been at the mall buying last minute items and of course
things for ourselves. One night, we decide it is time for some quality sister
time. We go out to dinner and talk about everything. It is nice to spend some
alone time with her. I feel bad that she still hasn’t found someone for herself.
My dad has kept her busy with making arrangements about new clinics. I keep
telling her to make sure she has time for herself.
After dinner, we
go out to Olive’s Bar. It is busy tonight! I see a few friends from high school
and I freeze. I haven’t talked to them in years but when they see me, all the
hugs and kisses come as well! Apparently Connor told people in town I was back
to “normal.” We talk about what we have been up to the last few years. I did
feel normal again and I am having so much fun. We dance and laugh the whole
night. There are a few guys who try to get our attention, but all I can think
about is Adam. I think about what he is doing and who he is with right now. I
want to text him but Sarah wants to spend time with just me.
This was exactly
what I needed-a
break.
Erin
texts me every day, she is having fun
back home in
New
York
but wants to be with us. She wants us to come up for New Years, but I am not
sure what we are going to do. I told her I would let her know when I find out
from Sarah and the guys.
Its Christmas
Eve night and I really don’t know why Adam hasn’t texted me. I roll my eyes and
figure he is out partying it up with Connor. It makes me really sad and I start
to think he has changed his mind about me.
I look over at
the box and envelope that Adam gave to me and wonder what is inside. I’m about
to get up and open the gift when all of a sudden I feel him. The power of his
presence is overwhelming. I can’t believe how my body reacts whenever he is
near. I have fantasies about him kissing me all over and us making love. My
skin begins to burn up as my mind drifts to my deepest desires.
“You promised
you wouldn’t open the gift until Christmas,
Soph
.”
Adam walks over to my bed and sits down, “You know it is not nice to break promises.”
I close my eyes
and turn around, “Well you know me, and I don’t like waiting.” I roll my eyes,
“Plus you’ve been ignoring me since the other night.”
A sly smile
comes across his face, “Did you miss me?” He gets up and touches my arms. “You
know, I did think about you. You’re always on my mind pretty girl. I keep
thinking about ways I can make you feel special. I want to be the one who makes
you smile.” He kisses my forehead and I wrap my arms around him. I never felt
this way before. He is the only one who has touched my heart and soul. I hope
that I can be enough for him. I hope that I’m the only one in
his
heart and mind.
I pout, “Why
didn’t you text me or call?”
“My parents,
Connor and I have been busy to be honest. Dad has us moving things around since
he renovated the whole basement for us when we’re done with school,” his body
shifts over to me and before I know it, his face is inches from mine, “I
thought about you the whole time though.”
He picks me up
into a hug. I think about being in his arms forever. He is the only place I
want to be. “I missed you.”
He runs his nose by my cheek, “I missed you too pretty girl. God, you smell so
good.”
The honesty and
love in his tone makes me melt. I don’t think I will ever get tired of him or
what he says to me. I love how honest and open he is. I All I can do is nod and
smile. Each time my heart beats, it beats for him. Every breath I take, I take
for him. He is my life he means everything to me. I close my eyes and feel his
breath on my face. I want to take my hands and run them through his hair.
“How about we go
ice skating tonight?”
My face is still
against his chest. I close my eyes and we stand there before I answer. “I’d
love that.”
“Be ready in
thirty, ok?”
I nod. He gives
me a quick kiss on my cheek and leaves my room. I get ready fast and make sure
I look good. I curl my hair into soft curls and spray some hairspray in my
hair. I run down the stairs and look outside. It is lightly snowing out and I
am excited; I can’t wait to spend time with Adam tonight.
Right at
6 o’clock
I hear the door open. I run to the front
door and see him standing there in his jacket, hat and gloves. He looks
absolutely adorable. I jump in his arms and give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“You just saw me pretty girl. Miss me already?”
“Yes!” I wish I
could tell him I miss him whenever he is not around me.
“I missed you
too. Are you ready?” I nod. “Then let’s go.” Adam grabs my ice skates and we
head out to his car. His parents bought him a new black Nissan 370z. It is an
awesome car and I can’t wait to get in. Adam opens the door for me and I get
right in. Inside is just as beautiful. I see Adam’s wallet in the console and
wonder what he has inside of it. I grab it and when I open it, I see a picture
of me inside. I don’t remember where this was taken. It looks recent. I’m
wearing a black dress and my hair is curled. The last time I wore that dress
was when Erin and I went out to celebrate our grades.