I finish my
presentation and look around the room. I feel his eyes on me and the sadness in
me consumes my body.
Adam.
The way he looks
at me makes me wonder if he knows I’m talking about him. It’s obvious and I
think that’s what I want. We look at each other for a brief moment before I go
back to my seat and hear Dr. Mason congratulating me on my wonderful
presentation.
The rest of
class goes by in a blur and the next thing I know Dr. Mason dismisses class. I
get my things together and walk out to meet Adam in the hall. When I get out in
the hallway I notice Connor standing next to Adam. “Hi Connor,” I wrap an arm
around his waist and put my head on his chest. He’s a good five inches taller
than me. He’s very attractive with his black hair and hazel eyes. I give him a
quick squeeze and look up innocently at him, “Want to come with us and get
breakfast?” I see his face scrunch as he’s thinking about whether or not to
come.
Connor was
really affected when I pushed them both out of my life. When his parents died
he didn’t have anyone either until the Simpson’s adopted him. Since that day,
Adam and Connor were brothers and best friends. Each time Adam would come
around, Connor would stay home. I didn’t understand why he avoided me but Adam
said not to worry about it. I don’t remember how we became friends but once we
did, it was an instant friendship. Connor helped me through a lot and always
said that one day I’d be his sister. I thought that we’d be ok since we’ve
talked and hung out a few times. But I know he’s scared like me and doesn’t
want to get too close.
I still hope he
feels the same way. He looks down and eyes me with some resistance. Even after
the few times we’ve hung out, he’s still feeling weird around me. I don’t blame
him but I hope things will be ok soon.
“Only
if you pay,” He replies.
I start laughing
and take his hand in mine. It’s comfortable to be around him. As we walk ahead,
I can feel his smile. We start walking over to the café in silence. I nudge
Connor in the arm, “so what’s going on with you and Erin?”
“Ha
ha
real funny, I’m still mad at you.”
I pout, “I know
you are and I’m really sorry.” I stop and turn him toward me. “You know leaving
you was the hardest thing, but I had to do it. I wasn’t the same Sophia you
knew and loved.”
“Love,” He said.
I look up at
Connor, “Huh?”
“You said loved.
I still do love you
Soph
. Just because you pushed me
away doesn’t mean I left. I was just waiting for you to stop being a bitch and
realize it.” His voice was soft.
I feel the tears
coming down from my eyes and jump into his arms. He holds me tight as if
letting me go would be the biggest mistake. I whisper how much I miss him and
that I am sorry. I promise never to leave him again and I can hear his breath
hitch. I got the easy part of the way, now it is time to get back Adam.
“So touching you
guys, now can we please, eat I’m starving.” Adam pats Connor on the shoulder
and we walk toward the cafe.
We make our way
to the counter and put in our orders. I order a blueberry bagel with cream
cheese on the side, Connor orders a muffin and Adam orders a breakfast
sandwich. We find a table in the corner of the room and take a seat, “Alright
so here we are,” I say, “I’m really sorry you guys for being such a bitch.”
Connor smiles
and eats his breakfast. Adam looks at me but doesn’t say anything.
“Adam…” I start
to say.
Adam interrupts
me and I see him smiling. “
Soph
it’s been a long time
and the times we’ve hung out have been great.”
“Yeah I know…”
I’m waiting for him to tell me everything is a mistake and he doesn’t want to
see me again.
“Let me finish.”
He takes a bite of his sandwich. “It’s been a long time and I just want to say
I’m sorry. I knew that leaving you would be the biggest mistake of my life. I
regret it every single day and I wish I could take it back. But you scared me
back then. You weren’t the same and I was too scared to try and break through
to you.” He takes my hand into his, “I just want us to be friends again.”
There’s the key
word,
friends
. My silly notion of us
having our own happily ever after goes down the drain.
“Yeah I agree, friends.”
I feel the pain in my heart again but ignore it. I should have known better, he
doesn’t think of me that way. We start talking away and catching up on what
we’ve all been up to. Time goes by so fast and it’s almost
noon
.
“Alright guys I
got to go to work. But I’ll talk to you later, ok? I said.
Connor and Adam
both get up and hug me good-bye, “I’ll text you later,” I smile.
“I’ll be
waiting,” Adam replies.
The walk to the
counseling center isn’t too far away. It gives me some time to think about the past
few hours and how my life has gone back to the way I want it to be. I have my
best friends back and I’m happy.
I finally get to
the counseling center and put my things down on my desk. There’s a beautiful
array of pink and white lily’s sitting on my desk, “Oh my God what is this,” I
softly say. I open the note that’s attached to the bouquet:
To the love of my life.
I hope you have a great day today. I’ll be thinking of you.
Can’t
wait to see you tonight.
Yours,
K
I throw the
letter away. I can’t believe he has the nerve to do this. Nothing is changing
and I don’t want him back in my life. I look at the bouquet in disgust. There’s
nothing Kyle can do to make me forgive him. I take the bouquet and throw them
away.
“Now is that how
you show your appreciation?”
I look up and
see Kyle staring at me. I start panicking and remember I’m on campus in the
counseling center with people all around. “Kyle, go away. Don’t send me
anything because nothing will change.”
He put his
forearms on the ledge and leans in closer, “You will be mine again,” he
whispers.
I hate him. His
eyes are dark and scary. I can’t believe I wasted my time with him. I regret
each moment and want nothing to do with him. “Kyle I will never be yours again.
Now please leave before I call security.” I can’t help but notice the smirk on
his face as though he doesn’t believe me. I pick up the phone and he starts to
back away. “You’ll be back.” He leaves and I sit back down in my chair. I can’t
deal with this bullshit anymore. I get to work and try to forget about him and
our little encounter.
There aren’t any
students this afternoon and work goes by so slow. I’m so bored and can’t wait
to be done. I finish making all the copies I need and all the confirmations
calls are done. I help run various groups we have on campus, but today isn’t
very eventful.
“Sophia?”
I turn around,
“Oh good afternoon Dr. Taylor, how are you? Do you need anything?”
“No sweetie, but
you didn’t get the message huh?” she laughs.
“What message,”
I slowly said.
“I cancelled all
the appointments today because I’m on call at the hospital for my mom. I knew
it wasn’t a good idea to be here when I had to be ready to go at a moment’s
notice.”
“Oh gosh, no I
didn’t know. I hope your mom is ok. Do you need anything?”
“No sweetie I’m
fine but go home,
do
something fun today and we will
reconvene at our next session.”
I start getting
my things together, “Sounds good. I’ll keep your family in my prayers.”
“Thank you Sophia
that’s very sweet of you.”
I give her a
quick hug and text
Erin
to tell her to meet me for some girl
time. When I get to my dorm,
Erin
is waiting for me on my bed, “So you
mind telling me what the hell is going on,” she asks.
My hands run
over my face and start shaking my head, “Adam wants to just be friends.”
“Well that’s
better than nothing
Soph
.”
Erin
’s tone seems hopeful but how can I
picture my life with Adam when all he wants is my friendship.
“Yeah I guess.”
I sit on my bed and pull my legs in. “I want him to know how much I miss him.”
Erin
comes closer to me and puts her arm
around me. “Let it work itself out babe. It’ll get there.”
I sigh. “Thanks
for being here for me.”
She gives me a
hug, “Always doll.”
I groan knowing
that she’s right. “Alright you are right. But can we get dinner I’m so hungry!”
* * * * *
After dinner
Erin and I decide it’s time to have some fun and to forget about all the drama.
We walk to a nearby bar that is an all-time favorite in town. It’s a bar and
grill with TV’s all over playing all the major sport games. The patio is huge
with tables and an outdoor bar. As we walk-in, I notice the bar is packed. We
see Adam and Connor playing darts. He’s here. I must have stopped breathing
because
Erin
starts laughing at me before leading me
to the bar. “Let’s do a quick shot!” I nod. I can’t get drunk but a few drinks
won’t hurt. “Bartender two lemon drops!”
“You can’t let
me get drunk, Erin!”
“Yeah we can’t
get you drunk.” We both throw our heads back and laugh.
Last time I got
drunk, it was my freshmen year, I was so mad with the world. I hated everyone.
I tore my room apart. I nearly attacked
Erin
. It was a bad situation and poor
Erin
had to watch me break down so since that
night, I have not drunk a drop.
The bartender
brings our shots with some sugar packets. We pick up the glasses, lick the top
of our hand and pour some sugar on, “Alright ready?”
“Ready!” We
clink them together, lick the sugar and take the shot. The alcohol goes down
smooth.
Erin
grabs my arm and pulls me toward Adam
and Connor. “Come on!” I freeze and pull my arm away. I scratch my head and
point over to the TV. “Um don’t you want to watch the game?”
Erin
wasn’t taking no for an answer. She
takes my arm again and we walk over to the guys.
“Anyone up for a
fun game,”
Erin
walks over to Connor and puts her arm
around his waist. I get shy again around him. I wish he would tell me he wants
more. I’ve been thinking about how good we can be together. I look at him. He’s
wearing light jeans with a white sweater and a black polo underneath. He always
looks good. His hair is a little messy-I love when it’s like that. Adam
finishes his beer before walking over to me. Please, do not sound like an
idiot. He puts his arm around my shoulders and brings me close to his body,
“Hey you.”
“Hi.” I rest my
head on his chest and close my eyes. He’s perfect. This is perfect.
“How was your
day?”
“Better now.” He
kisses the top of my head before going back to his game with Connor.
The rest of the
night we’re laughing together and playing darts. It’s fun hanging out with
everyone. We drink a little more but nothing crazy. Erin and I take another
shot before killing the guys at darts! The bartender calls for last rounds and
we decide it’s time to head out before it gets wild. Adam pays for our drinks
before we head out. I watch as Connor and Erin hold hands and walk in front of
us. Adam pulls me toward him again, “I think they’d be good together. He can’t
stop talking about her.”
“
Erin
too, she likes him.” We walk out
together when I feel my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I pull it out and
see it’s a text message from Kyle.
Kyle: Having fun? You can try and hide
from me but I’ll find you.
My body tenses.
He’s here. I look around trying to find him. I know he’s here. I feel him. “Hey
what’s wrong,
Soph
?” I turn back around and see
Erin
holding onto my shoulders. Connor and
Adam are both looking at me. I don’t know what to say. I start shaking and hand
my phone over to
Erin
. She reads the message from Kyle but doesn’t
say anything. “Hey it’s ok. Let’s go.”