I stay in bed
for a few more hours before deciding it’s time to get up. I get my phone from
the floor and put it on my desk when I notice a note
Erin
has left me.
I’m here for you if you ever need me.
Don’t shut me out. I love you!
BFF
I smile as I put
the note back down. I know she wants to be here, for me but I can’t drag her
into this mess with Kyle. I don’t want her getting hurt too.
I lift up my
shirt and look at my stomach. There’s a slight yellow and purple bruise. It’s
fairly big and when I touch it, I flinch at how sensitive it is. I walk over to
my desk and pick up the picture frame of Kyle and me from when we went to
California
to visit his parents. How did everything
change? A single tear falls from my eye. The Kyle who stole my heart isn’t here
anymore. I put the picture frame in the garbage. Today is a new day and I need
to get rid of all the negativity.
I brush away
thoughts of Kyle and get ready. I have to keep telling myself this isn’t my
fault. I sit back on my bed and slowly count to ten. I let out a breath and
open my eyes. I’m here. I’m alive. I need to be stronger. Better. I can do
this.
I get up from my
bed and look at my reflection in the mirror. “Sophia Burns, you deserve to be
happy. You deserve to smile. Sophia Burns, open your eyes and start living your
life.” Wow that feels good to say out loud. I throw on a yellow hoodie and my
black yoga pants. I look at myself in the mirror and promise myself that I’ll
learn how to be happy. I put on my sneakers and head out of my room for a long
walk so I can get things in perspective.
The walk is
soothing and helps me clear my mind. I don’t want to be anywhere near Kyle but
getting an order of protection won’t do anything for me. It is a piece of paper
that no one cares about enforcing. His parents will bail him out of jail
anyway. I feel like I can’t ever be alone or else Kyle will get his way. I’m in
my own world when I hear a sweet and loving voice behind me. “Good morning.” My
heart goes crazy and I start to sweat. This isn’t good. I have to say
something, this time, anything to him!
I whip my head
to him. “Morning,” I casually say. I’m lame there’s no question about it. He
looks so sexy with his sweat pants and red hoodie. His thick dark brown hair is
messy and I just want to run my hands through it.
“I heard you had
dinner with Conner last night. How was it?” He winks at me and I melt. I miss
him. This is how I should feel. I want Adam back.
“It was so fun!”
I sound a little too happy and tell myself to be cool. “We talked for a little
and he ate my food.” I nervously laugh. “How’ve you been?” We stop walking and
I turn to him to get a better look in his eyes. I remember his blue eyes and
how calm I would feel every time I looked at him. I can’t explain why he makes
me feel this way but I don’t care-I
love
how he makes me feel. I love him.
“Good,
real good, and yourself?”
He smiles at me again. I can look at his smile every day for the rest of my life.
I want to promise him so much. Our friendship means the world to me and I hope
that when we do become friends again, that relationship will turn to us being
lovers. He’ll always be my best friend. The distance and time doesn’t matter.
He’s back for a reason and now it’s my time to take charge.
“I’m ok.” I look up and see him staring at
me. “What are you looking at?” I laugh.
Adam shakes his
head and runs his hand through his brown hair. “Nothing, I’m glad I decided to
come to this school.”
I touch his arm
and smile. “I’m glad you decided to come here too.” We continue walking toward
my dorm in silence. I like being around Adam because he’s easy going and the
silence between us isn’t awkward. Even though we still have so much to talk
about, nothing seems out of place. I don’t want to bring up the past since it’s
done and over with. We can’t change anything that’s happened but instead we can
build a stronger present and future. When we get to my dorm, I turn around to
face Adam. “Thanks for walking with me today. It was fun.”
Adam smiles and
gently takes my hand. “I hope we can see each other soon. Have a good day,
Soph
.”
“You too Adam,”
We look at each other for a few seconds and then he turns to walk away. I want
to run up to him and hold him in my arms but I can’t bring myself to do that.
Time will bring us back together and I have to have faith. I get back to my
dorm and grab the photo album on my desk. I flip through the pages and look at
the ones of Adam and me. I remember each of these moments with him-us in
Florida
, junior prom, getting our driver’s
licenses, birthday parties and holiday gatherings. Now it’s time to make new
memories. I slowly close the album and make a mental promise to myself that I
won’t mess up anything with Adam. After a few moments, I grab my towel and
shower kit and head for the shower.
I don’t have
classes today but Dr. Henry sent an email to all of us to meet at
one o’clock
for an important announcement. I change
into my skinny jeans and a sweater. I sit on the floor in front of my long
length mirror and apply some make up. I check my phone and see a text from
Erin
.
Erin
:
Just checking up on you babe. I hope you’re ok. Sorry I had to leave this
morning but we’ll talk tonight.
xoxox
forever Sophia!
I smile at her
message.
Me: Thanks
Erin
I owe you so much but I’m ok.
Erin
:
You don’t ever owe me anything. Just promise me you’ll stay away from Kyle.
Me: I promise.
Erin
:
K good. I love you!
Me: I love you too!
I put down my
phone and finish putting on my makeup. It’s still pretty early and I don’t have
anything else to do. I get my phone again and call Sarah. The phone rings twice
and she answers.
“Morning sweetie,
what’s up?” Her voice is always upbeat and I envy her a little bit. She is able
to overcome the negative aspects of life and enjoy living. I don’t want to keep
feeling dead inside or deal with all the demons around me.
“Hey! I just
wanted to say hi and see if you’re around.”
“Oh no, I’m not!
I’m sorry but I think dads nearby. You ok?”
The worry in her
voice makes me sad. I don’t want her to think anything’s wrong. “Yeah, yeah no
worries, I don’t have classes today and wanted to hang out.”
“I’m sorry
sweetie but today’s a bad day. Why don’t you and Kyle come over for dinner this
weekend?”
Ugh Kyle I
thought. “We broke up Sarah.”
“
Soph
, what happened?” The concern in her voice makes me
nervous. I don’t want to lie to her but she doesn’t deserve to worry about me.
She has enough on her plate. I can handle this.
I sigh into the
phone. “We just haven’t been getting along and it was time to break up.”
“Are you ok
though?” Sarah asks.
I get up from
the floor and grab my purse. “Yeah I’m fine, no worries.” I walk out of my room
and take the elevator down. “It feels good to be on my own.”
“That’s the
spirit,” Sarah laughs.
I get outside and instantly feel better. “Alright love, I’m going to get some
things done but I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
“I love you too
Soph
. Talk to you later.”
I hang up with
Sarah and decide to call my dad for breakfast.
I get to the
café and wait for him to meet me. I want to see him and ask for advice. My dad
means the world to me. When my mom died, he took over everything and even
though it was hard, he never gave up. I admire his strength. After ending my
friendship with Adam and Connor, he tried to do everything possible to make me
see how I was overreacting. Needless to say, it didn’t work but his words stuck
with me.
“Sophia, never forget the ones who
touched your life and who you keep in your heart.”
I get to the
café and see him sitting there waiting for me. I look at him and think how
lucky I am. He looks up from his cell phone and smiles at me. I walk to where
he’s sitting and he gets up to give me a hug, “Hi Dad.”
He lets me go
and we sit down, “Hi sweetie. This is a nice surprise. How are you?”
“I’m good, just
tired. Today’s the meeting with Dr. Henry and I have a feeling he’s announcing
who they have chosen for the positions.”
My dad’s face
lights up and I can tell he’s hiding his excitement. “Well I sure hope you get
it sweetie. You deserve only the best.”
I smile. We look
through the menu and decide on a light meal. Dad walks up to the counter and
orders two of everything-coffee, yogurt and muffins.
The conversation
is nice. I listen to him talk about work and his upcoming travel plans. He
wants to go to other countries and open clinics to help those in need. I’m
happy for him and want to help him out but Sarah’s going to be his travel
companion. A part of me is jealous but I have to finish school and if I get the
position at
Optimax
, all my time will be there.
We’re eating our
yogurt and I decide to tell him about Kyle. “Dad, I broke up with Kyle.”
His eyes give me
an odd stare. “Honey what’s wrong? I thought you guys were good.”
I shrug my
shoulders and slump in my chair. I take another bite of my yogurt and play with
the spoon. We
were
good. Now he uses
me as a punching bag and I can’t let him do that anymore. I want to tell him
that. I just can’t. I can’t break his heart. “We aren’t good anymore and it’s
time to move on.”
Instead of
pushing for more details, he sits there and smiles. I try and read what he’s
thinking but can’t figure it out. He drinks his coffee and shakes his head.
“Whatever makes you
happy.
”
I think about
what he says. Something so simple has such a profound meaning and impact. I
need
to do whatever makes me happy.
Being with Kyle doesn’t make me happy. It shouldn’t be a hard feat. Being happy
is essential. I think I need to stop over thinking everything and just live but
something is gnawing at me. There’s something brewing and I can’t seem to
figure it out.
We finish our
breakfast and head out with my dad’s arm around my shoulders. “Dad thanks for
having breakfast with me.” I give him a hug and hold on a little tighter.
“Anytime Sophia,
you know that.” He kisses me on the head and looks at me. “Promise me
something?”
“Sure.”
He breathes in,
“Be happy for
you
and no one else. “
I laugh,
“Alright dad. Love you.”
“Love you too
Princess.”
I walk back to
campus and head toward the gym to see if Adam is there. I look around to make
sure I’m alone. I hate that I need to watch where I’m going. I need to let
Kyle’s control over me go. This is a new start to my life. I need to start with
a clean slate and do what makes me happy. Can I do it though? I tell myself
that this is what needs to be done in order to live and get what I want.
I get to the
doors of the gym and take a deep breath. I peek inside and I don’t see him. I
feel like a creeper. I turn back and decide to go to my meeting in the Dr.
Joseph Henry building. I see Adam walking and I freeze. I want to call out to
him but he looks like he’s in a hurry. The sight of him makes me weak in my
knees and it’s hard to breathe. The feelings of longing and want speed through
my body and mind. Memories flood through of our days and nights together. Each
day that passes, I feel closer to him. I watch him as he walks into the gym
with his black shorts and yellow long sleeve shirt.
The sobs build
up in my chest as I imagine reaching out for him to save me. He’s it for me.
Just his presence makes me weak inside and breathless. I bury my face in my
hands and feel each sob release from my body. I just want him. I want to talk
to him and tell him how sorry I am for everything. Enough is enough. I will not
go another day without him. When I look up, I see Connor looking over at me. I
wonder how long he’s been standing there. He walks over to me and brings me
into his arms. I sigh and let the tears fall again.