Reaching Out to the Stars (18 page)

My dad had come from a golf game and said, “Hey, did you hear that Michael Jackson died?” We all looked at each other and laughed as we thought it was another one of my father’s far-fetched jokes.

He said, “No, I’m not joking, I’m serious.”

I said, “Dad, if that was true it would be all over the media because that would be huge.” David actually started yelling at him, as he usually does when he starts to get upset. “That isn’t even funny, Dad. You shouldn’t even joke about things like that.”

I looked up as Bryce returned to the table, not even knowing that he had left, being so caught up in the conversation. As he sat down, he said, “It’s true, I just looked it up online.” I dropped my fork. I can’t even explain the feeling that went through me. I kept saying, “Are you kidding me, are you kidding me?” I could not even eat the rest of my meal. I could tell that David was upset, too. I was not prepared for the huge effect this was going to have on me as a fan and as an individual.

Michael Jackson was a huge part of our childhood. I watched news coverage that night and I was still in shock.

When I woke the next morning, I tuned directly to all of the popular news channels. In five years, I have never started my morning off with anything but PBS Kids. For some reason, I could not tear myself away from the coverage all day.

Memories started flowing through my mind as I watched clips of Michael through the years. I remember like it was yesterday the year Michael Jackson won eleven Grammy awards after Thriller was released. The red or blue glittery jacket with the sequined glove and his soft, high pitch voice quickly came to mind. I remember how big the making of Thriller was back then.

Finally, I called my mom at work. When she answered the phone, I started to get weepy. She asked me what was wrong. I replied, “I know it sounds crazy but I am so upset about Michael Jackson. I can’t stop watching it on television and I keep crying. Is this normal?” She then said in a soothing and understanding voice, “Yes, it is normal. We all did the same thing when Elvis died. Your Michael Jackson is our Elvis.”

As I hung up the phone, I felt a little relieved to hear my mom say that it was alright to feel as I was feeling. I then began to play my Michael Jackson CDs and as a tribute to the King of Pop, I danced and sang with my children. I listened to nonstop Michael until it was time to go to bed. It made me feel so much better.

The death of Michael Jackson has made an impact on me in many ways. This terrible tragedy started my endless thinking again. The morning of the 26th of June, as I tuned into The Today Show, I remembered Matt Lauer briefly talking with a woman who they immediately cut short. She was bashing Michael Jackson and I remembered her saying that Michael was obsessed with fame.

Matt Lauer quickly shot back at her with the words, “Was he obsessed with it or was he a victim of it?”

Thinking back on that interview, I was a bit angry.

We as children grow up with idols like Michael Jackson. We look up to them, want to be like them and we cherish the art of the music they bring into our lives that we will never forget. They become a part of us. Artists such as MJ are born with a God given talent that gives us the joy of being able to know it and love it. We think that being famous is a great thing and as children and even as adults, sometimes we don’t understand it.

Even though Michael loved being a performer, that is all he knew about life. He did not have a choice. He would never know what it is to have a normal life any more than most of us will know what it is like to walk a day in his shoes. Sometimes I feel like someone of his legacy almost makes a sacrifice to deliver an incredible artistry to all mankind.

We have normal everyday lives and even though we all think that dream, we can somehow live it through them. In a reverse situation, sometimes I think that Michael’s other passion was to help children to appreciate their childhood, as he never had a normal one of his own.

Unfortunately, labeled as strange, it’s too bad that a lot of people forget about all the good he did as a human being along with his talent just because of false accusations that some people chose to believe.

Maybe experiencing the life of a fan, we would like to keep our normalcy but be a little more like them. Maybe they would like to continue their careers as artists and to be a little more like us, unless wanting what we can’t have is just part of being human.

With regard to a life of fame as opposed to a life of normalcy, I think I should start to be more thankful for what I have. At least when I am sporting a headset while playing Karaoke Play Station and drooling over my favorite Idol contestant, the only ones who can label me as strange are my family and friends. I’m not a celebrity and I don’t care.

Michael Jackson has left an imprint in my heart forever, not only as a legendary artist, but also as a human being.

Chapter 18

Mohegan Sun

It is July 30th, 2009 and I can’t believe that Bryce and I are going to be celebrating our tenth Anniversary. As we never get away with the kids, we originally had thought for our tenth that we would go back to New York City. Laney had even offered to hook us up with an awesome place. We had been looking forward to it. The only problem was, we should have known from the get go that it was not going to happen.

We have children who do not sleep! Therefore, nobody was jumping off the edge of their seats to take them for an overnight. We had pretty much given up when my friend Katie had offered to stay with the kids here at the house with her two kids. Katie and I met a year ago when Ethan started preschool at age three. Her son, John, and Ethan were in the same class.

Ethan was definitely suffering from some major separation anxiety. I don’t know who took it worse, Ethan or me. So far, one of the hardest experiences for me as a mother was my son crying, “Mommy don’t go” and having to turn my back and walk away from him. I’m not sure who cried harder. So when the year ended, Katie called me over the summer to get the boys together. They ended up being friends and so did we. She also had a daughter, Avery, who was only a year younger than Faith.

I was unsure at first whether to take her up on her offer. I had nothing but complete trust but did not want to leave her with a possible nightmare. As New York seemed a little far for us to be away from the kids, in case we were needed back home, we settled for a night at Mohegan Sun which was only one hour away. Although it was not New York, it was a lot of fun.

When we said goodbye to the kids, they seemed excited about their sleepover. I had bought them new sleeping bags and tried to talk it up a lot. As I knew I would miss them, I was also looking forward to a night amongst adults.

As we entered into the valet parking lot at the casino, the attendant took our car and we entered the hotel lobby. I had been to Mohegan only two other times, Clay Aiken and Clay Aiken. I was admiring the atmosphere like it was my first time there, and my heart started to grow with excitement.

We made our way to the check in counter and got the keys to our room, on the seventh floor. We had never stayed overnight so we were not really sure what to expect. As we got into the elevator, I held on to Bryce as if I was jumping out of a helicopter. Anyone who knows me well would probably be surprised that I did not walk up seven flights of stairs. I again recalled when we took our trip to New York City. Uncle Tony teased me about my fear of elevators. Each time we entered and exited our hotel, I would turn as white as a sheet.

The elevator doors finally opened on the seventh floor, which was in seconds that felt like hours, and we made our way down to our room. As we entered, we saw a small living area and thought, where do we sleep? We looked further and saw there was a bedroom that was separate off the living area with a walk in closet containing a safe and his and her bathrobes. Then we made our way to this amazing bathroom.

Looking straight into the bathroom from the doorway was a huge glass shower stall, the toilet tucked in its own private area to the left of the stall. Upon entering, on the right was a double sink vanity and on the left a jetted tub with a full paned, one way view window overlooking the casino.

When I looked at Bryce with my jaw dropped to the floor, it was like looking into a mirror because he looked the same way. I could not help but feel somewhat important, and then I thought, is this how they live times one million? It then, at that moment, hit me like a ton of bricks.

I think I felt I had a glimpse into the life of a star for a second. Even though I am not a celebrity, having a little more than I was used to, it was all relevant. With how excited and happy I felt at that moment, I started to think that maybe just having a little more than we are used to every once in awhile was all it took. There was no need for a life of stardom. As a matter of fact, having the most you could possibly have every day in your life would probably get boring after awhile and then to what would you have to look forward? I think sometimes we lose appreciation for things when we get too spoiled. Maybe that is why it is also best to keep our favorite celebrities at an arm’s length and to be careful for what we wished.

That night we won five hundred bucks on a slot machine. Bryce is the one who won it which was weird because I am usually the lucky one. He said he did not understand because he never wins anything, as he wore a smile from ear to ear. Then I noticed that he was also wearing Uncle Tony’s ring. I know that Uncle Tony was sitting on his shoulder that night. With that money, we paid for the repairs on our Chevy Blazer, the car that Aunt Carol and Uncle Tony had given us. Maybe he knew we needed a little help at that moment.

We enjoyed ourselves that night, not turning in to bed until 2 a.m. I was a little worried about being too tired when we got home the next day where the great every day responsibilities awaited us. We drove home in buckets of rain and picked up the kids at Katie’s house. Faith greeted us with a smile but Ethan clearly had missed us as he got very emotional when we walked in. I think he was angry at us for leaving. He kept crying on the way home.

Our next adventure out would be in a couple of weeks to see American Idols Live, Season Eight, in Boston on August 18th. Although it would not be an overnight, I knew Ethan would not be pleased. I thought it may just be best to leave the kids with my parents as we mostly did on the rare occasions when we would actually go somewhere. That is where the kids are most comfortable and that is who I am most comfortable leaving them with.