Reason to Believe (White Lace)

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Dedication

Acknowledgments

By Gina Gordon

About the Author

The Editor’s Corner

Excerpt from
Naked

If I saw one more naked body part I was seriously going to throw something.

I swiveled in my desk chair, turning away from my computer, where a group of naked individuals got off on my screen. It was the sixth pornographic scene I’d watched in the last four hours, and it was all part of my job.

I had thought becoming a director of porn was going to be fun. And it had been…at first.

What red-blooded male wouldn’t want to work in an industry with hot women and access to sex twenty-four hours a day? But a few months ago, I’d been promoted to Vice President of White Lace Productions, the largest producer of adult entertainment in Canada, and I had to face facts: I was in way over my head. I was floundering in a sea of corporate tasks that I had no idea what to do with. I was now responsible for production schedules, budgets, casting, and actor relations, and I was so out of my realm.

I was an artist.

I
was the visionary, for fuck’s sake.

I watched as cars traveled east and west on the main road in front of the office building, the harsh moans and grunts playing in the background—the soundtrack to my life. But lately, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be more to life than porn.

My office door swung open, tearing my attention away from the monotonous traffic, and a familiar voice blurted behind me.

“I think I’ve just done something reckless and you might have to talk me off the ledge.”

I swiveled around and watched my best friend, Max Levin, stalk into my office.

Did I mention he was the traitorous asshole who used to be VP and left to pursue his passion, opening a boutique hotel in downtown Toronto?

And he’d left me to figure it out all on my own. The dick.

But with the way his body vibrated with tension, I couldn’t be mad right now. Especially because the vein on the side of his forehead looked like it had its own pulse. Max was seriously freaked.

“What did you do?” I rose from my seat, chest and stomach tight with dread.

Max was always the picture of calm. He was the most collected and in-charge person I knew, but this man standing in front of me was a stranger. He had one hand fisted at his side, the other grasping the handle of a white shopping bag. His black hair looked like he hadn’t touched it since he emerged from his last shower and the designer suit that always adorned his body was wrinkled and dull.

He slowly reached across his body and his hand disappeared into the bag. Immediately my brain went
American Horror Story
on me and I braced for the sight of a severed head or some other bloody appendage. But no matter how much I prepared myself for the worst, nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the tiny blue velvet box that was placed on the desk in front of me.

It felt like I’d walked into an invisible wall, my breath expelled from my mouth in a long whoosh. I had thought I had more time before my best friend left me for the dark side. Deep down, I had thought that things were going to stay the same
despite
Max finding a girlfriend. But I’d been terribly wrong.

So I did the one thing I did best.

“Maxy, you know I love you, but I don’t
love
love you.”

He wasn’t impressed with me making light of the situation. And even I couldn’t laugh any longer when he pulled out another box. He opened both, diamonds sparkling up at me in a disgusting display of happiness.

“You bought two rings?” Just like the way Max carried himself, the rings were modest. They were beautiful, but unrepresentative of his means. He could afford diamonds fit for royalty, but that wasn’t how he lived his life. And it only made me admire the man even more.

Max shrugged. “I couldn’t decide.”

“So you’re going to ask Everly to marry you.” It wasn’t a question. It was fact. Not only because of the bling sitting on my desk, but because the moment I had said her name, Max’s face softened and the smile he’d had permanently etched on it since the moment Everly Parker had walked into his life returned. There was a lightness that followed him around now, making everything he touched, looked at, felt, more beautiful. I knew it in the way he smiled whenever her name was mentioned. In the way his eyes brightened whenever he was in her presence.

I’d known Max more than half my life, and I hadn’t seen him this happy since…ever.

“Am I totally crazy?” Max walked around my desk and joined me in front of the window. We turned and stared out, watching the cars drive past on their way to destinations unknown.

He wasn’t crazy, but having this conversation while women squealed and men grunted dirty commands in the background might be certifiable.

“You’re moving in together this weekend,” I said, looking over at him. I noticed the vein in his forehead throbbed a little less. “Marriage would be the next logical step.”

There was nothing logical about love. There was even less logic in letting a woman get so close she fucked with your confidence.

“We’ve only known each other for five months, but I just can’t…” His words trailed off, but he didn’t have to finish his sentence. I already knew.

He just couldn’t imagine his life without her.

If he weren’t my best friend, this display would have made me barf. I didn’t believe in love or soulmates, because those things didn’t exist, not really. I had resigned to living my life unattached, and I was content with that. Because I wasn’t worried about me. I worried for the day my best friend woke up and it was all taken away from him.

“Logical.” Max nodded, as if trying to make himself believe he was doing the right thing. “It’s the next step.”

I clapped him on the back and his head turned toward me. “It’s the right choice, man.” Max let out a heavy breath, relief washing over him as I spoke the five simple words that let him know I supported his decision.

Not that he needed it.

“Now…” I gestured behind us to my desk. “Put those things away. I’m going to need to have major eye surgery if I have to keep looking at them.”

Max laughed, his old self returning as he collected the boxes and slipped them back into the bag. When he was done, he caught sight of the action on my computer screen and one eyebrow lifted in curiosity. “Kayla’s a redhead now?”

You knew you worked in the porn industry too long when the first thing you noticed about an orgy scene was the color of an actress’s hair.

“I thought we should give it a try since we only have two other redheads.” I couldn’t find a redhead willing to do porn if my life depended on it. I’d even settled for a woman with auburn hair, but that only served to remind me of the one I let walk away.

You can’t lose something you never wanted in the first place.

“Good call.” Max rounded my desk and sat across from me in the metal chair that had black leather cushioning. “How are things going?”

“They’re going.” I was determined to rock the VP title, even though I didn’t get to do the one thing I loved—get behind the camera. Sitting at a desk all day was a challenge, and I’d developed a newfound respect for Max now that I knew all of the bullshit he’d had to deal with on a regular basis. “I miss being behind the camera.”

Had I known that taking over as Vice President of White Lace was going to involve listening to disgruntled porn stars bitch about…everything, I might have reconsidered Hirsh’s offer.

Hirsh Levin was the owner of White Lace, and my best friend’s father. In some ways, he was my pseudo-father, having practically raised me since he and his late wife, Ellie, had taken me in as a child. But deep down I feared the worst. That one day he would realize I
wasn’t
his family and he’d let me go. He owed me nothing, which was why I had stashed away enough money to get me to Silicon Valley in the event Hirsh woke up and finally realized I wasn’t worth it. I had contacts in California, and finding someone to hire me wouldn’t be too difficult, but it meant having to leave everything behind in order to continue working in an industry I just wasn’t sure about anymore.

“I’m sure you can figure out a way to get back to directing.” Max crossed his ankle over his knee, sitting back. “Delegate some of the work. Get Rod to do the casting. Kayla can scout new locations.”

He didn’t even work here anymore and he was still handling things, which only proved how out of my depth I really was.

To be honest, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with my life. Before Max had quit to pursue his own dreams, my life had been contentedly compartmentalized. Work. Sex. Friends. Everything fit neatly into its own little box. But seeing Max happy, successful, and in love, pursuing the life he’d always wanted, had thrown me for a loop.

So I’d made some changes. My life was now one oversized compartment of nose-to-the-grindstone work. No partying. No slacking. And definitely no distractions. Which meant the biggest change of all. A revision to the where-I-stick-my-cock compartment.

For the record, it was nowhere.

I needed to figure out my future—at least on the career front. I couldn’t deny there was a part of me that wondered what other opportunities were out there. But I didn’t even let myself think about them right now.

“I rented the U-Haul.” I cleared my throat, needing to change the topic of conversation away from my failures. “It’s parked out back and ready to move you to Everly’s.”

Twenty minutes ago I had thought Max was crazy for moving in with Everly. Now I thought he was crazy for wanting to get married.

“And I’ve got packing tape and boxes with your name on them.” The smirk on Max’s face deserved a punch in the gut.

“You’re lucky I consider you my brother, because there is no way in hell I would help anyone else move, let alone pack all of their things.” I rolled my chair under the desk and moved the mouse across my computer screen to check the time remaining on the video. “I just need ten minutes.”

I wasn’t going to bother rewinding it to catch up on the time I’d lost talking Max down from the ledge. I was already behind schedule. I should have watched these videos two days ago.

“Take your time.” Max stood, straightening his suit jacket. “I want to give Grace and Sadie as much time as they need to move out. Less chaos.”

Grace and Sadie were Everly’s roommates, and I was totally on board with Max’s plan. Not because I was averse to chaos, but because I was definitely averse to being in the same room as Grace Nolan—the one I let walk away.

“I’m going to wander around,” Max said as he headed for the doorway. “I sort of miss this place.”

Grace and I had had an unforgettable encounter in this very office. Then I’d dismissed her without a second thought.

Or so I’d made her think.

I’d had so many thoughts since that day. I just couldn’t tell her that. There was no way in hell I was giving a former escort trained in telling men what they wanted to hear the satisfaction of knowing she’d slipped under my skin and that five months later I still couldn’t shake her.

But I did my best, at least at this very moment, and returned to watching people screw.

As if he’d set a timer, ten minutes later Max walked back into my office, waving pink slips of paper at me.

He held one up and read from it. “ ‘Ben, where have you been? Call me. Amber.’ ”

I groaned and returned to watching my scene.

Max shuffled through the papers. “Clarissa called. She thinks you could have fun together.”

When I had stopped returning calls on my cell, women had begun calling the office. Their persistence had no effect on my decision to swear off sex. Not one of those offers was tempting. The funny thing was, if Grace had her name on one of those pink slips of paper, I wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

“Sarah and Jennifer are looking for a third to join their party.” He was standing in front of my desk now. “That sounds like your MO.”

Like any sane man, I avoided commitment and made a point of never letting women get too close. I made it even more impossible by ensuring my sexual encounters were never just a party for two.

“Melissa misses your…Wow. Barbara actually writes these down word-for-word.” Max laughed.

“I’ve told Barbara more than once to just throw them away or not take the message at all.”

My angelic assistant, Barbara, probably thought I was some kind of sex fiend.

Aren’t you?

“Still on a fast?” Max slipped one hand inside the pocket of his dress pants.

I nodded. He was the only person who knew about the current status of my sex life. And only because he knew me too well for me to hide it.

Without another word, he walked over to the trash can and let the pink pieces of paper fall to their death.

He stood there for a moment, distracting me as I tried to keep one eye on the screen and finish this scene. But I could feel the anticipation rolling off his body.

When I looked up, the grown-ass man gave me sad eyes. “I know I said take your time, but…” He looked like a kid on Christmas morning—wide-eyed excitement and nervousness.

“All right. Let’s go.” I closed the media player and shut down my computer. “But I’m not packing your underwear. That’s just…sick.”

Max picked up the bag with the engagement rings and was out the door before I could even get up from my desk.

I wasn’t a complete asshole. I loved my friend and wanted only the best for him, and if that meant indulging his naive belief in love, then I’d do it—even if I knew it would never be on the horizon for me.

I just didn’t believe in nonsense.