Reason to Believe (White Lace) (2 page)

“Gentlemen, I hope I’ve satisfied your needs.”

I had no idea how wonderful it would be to say those words without being naked and in a bed.

One of the executive vice presidents looked across the table at me with utter confusion, his almost white eyebrows nearing his hairline. “So you’re saying we should tell the staff exactly what our plans are?”

I had been hired by Ken Wilson, President of Plastic Solutions Inc., to conduct an assessment of his organization; to make recommendations on how he could maximize efficiencies and develop an implementation strategy for an aging workforce averse to change.

I stared down the five men around the table. “I know people always spout transparency, but it’s true.” A couple of them shook their heads in disagreement. Ken sat stoic, his Grecian 5–formula hair stared back at me like its own entity. “If your staff feels like they are in the loop, that you respect them enough to give them information, then change will work.”

Transparency. Funny how that was always my number one recommendation. Too bad it was the one thing I couldn’t employ in my own life.

There were certain things everyone in this room knew about me. I had just graduated with a degree in business and was pursuing my own consulting firm in organizational change management. I was kind, loyal, and fun to be around. Or so I’d been told.

But there was one thing they didn’t know about me…

I used to be an escort.

“Ms. Nolan…” The youngest executive sitting at the table looked at me like he had a secret; like he was better than me simply because he had balls. “There’s transparency, and then there’s transparency.” He pushed the file folder with my report away from him. “You can’t expect the company to involve staff in all decision making. That would be inefficient, not to mention suicidal.”

“I’m not suggesting you involve them in decision making, but allow them to feel like they have a say. Respect them enough to include them in the process.”

During my interviews with staff, I had gone the extra mile and slipped in some questions geared at employee engagement. I wasn’t surprised to find out that installing a water purifier in the lunchroom sink or purchasing a communal single-cup coffeemaker would be good for morale.

Ken turned to me with a smile. “I think you’ve given us a lot to think about, Ms. Nolan.”

I had scared his executives straight. And it felt damn good.

Ken concluded the meeting then turned to me. “Would you wait a few moments?” He held up his smartphone. “I just have to take care of something.”

I nodded then began to pack my things.

I’d been running ragged for months trying to start my own consulting firm; but it was turning out to be much harder than I’d anticipated. Every day I woke up paranoid that someone would recognize me and expose my former career. I was in a constant state of nervousness and the knot in my stomach I had thought would go away the day I’d stopped being an escort was still there, making me believe that no matter how hard I tried, my past would never be behind me.

Exactly as I’d planned, my contract with Ken was now complete and it was time for me to move on. Next week I’d start a new short-term job at a family-owned less than truckload shipping company looking to review their business processes in the hopes of expanding. The break came at the perfect time, considering tomorrow I would leave the only home that had ever made me feel safe.

I had moved in with my best friend, Everly Parker, and her grandmother when my parents had kicked me out after discovering I was an escort. Everly’s house had been my sanctuary. My safety net. The place where I stood on my own two feet, on my own terms, and did what I had to in order to get to this point.

And despite being ecstatic for Everly and her new relationship, I couldn’t help but feel lost and exposed. After four years of busting my ass in school, I just didn’t think I’d get here and feel so alone.

Not to mention horny.

Quitting sex cold turkey had been harder than I’d thought and I was doing everything I could to get my mind off it. I’d been taking classes all over the city; painting, pottery, yoga, and spinning. Anything to settle my brain. But no matter how hard I concentrated on the task at hand, I was restless. Jittery. Unable to get the overwhelming ache between my thighs to subside. On the day I had quit, I’d promised myself no more sex. I’d had plenty of it after all. I wanted to concentrate on my work now. Alas, my libido had other plans and my vibrator was about to break down. I was sure I’d be developing carpel tunnel.

I’d been living a dual life for three years, and I was torn between my old life as an escort and my future. I’d had to become someone else in order to get through my time in the industry, but as I tried to assimilate to a normal life, I realized that I’d let my escort alter ego, Jade, take over, and I had no idea who I was anymore.

I knew that happily ever after existed. And I knew that despite my former chosen profession, there was one waiting for me. Because fairy tales were what you made of them. Since childhood, I’d dreamed of finding my prince charming, who would sweep me off my feet and whisk me away on a white horse to his castle.

Was that dream so unrealistic?

“I think I’m going to have to convince a few of my guys to show up for work on Monday morning.” I jumped when I heard Ken’s voice behind me. “You definitely made an impression.”

I stood, pulling my dress down my thighs, looking over at him with a smile. “Wasn’t that your point?”

I’d met Ken at a Marketplace Symposium last year, and for some reason he’d taken a liking to me. He’d handed me his card and said that I could call him anytime for a job. As soon as I’d graduated, I took him up on his offer.

He sat beside me, at the head of the boardroom table, gently swiveling with his fingers steepled. “You’re just too smart for your own good.”

He didn’t need this review, and I knew it when I’d accepted the contract. He was just trying to stir up some awareness with his staff. And I had no problem being a part of it.

“So how was my delivery?”

“Just as insightful and professional as I had expected.” He tapped his fingers on the long glass table. “You’ve made it quite clear that it’s my upper management that requires some additional training.”

“With change comes a shift in priorities, in protocol and rule-making, and that challenges the reins.” I slipped my laptop into its case and collected my highlighters and pens.

He leaned across the oversized table, clasping his hands together. “Are you sure I can’t lure you into coming to work for me?”

I gathered up my hair and pulled it to the side, wrapping it around my neck to rest on the right side of my collar.

Ken had been relentless in wooing me with an offer to become his personal project assistant, but I wasn’t interested in working for someone else. I wanted to control my schedule. I wanted to call the shots. Not to mention, not being in one place for too long minimized the risk of people finding out about my past.

“It’s a nice offer, and it’s much appreciated, but I want to try things on my own.”

His persistence was baffling and it made all of my red flags go up, because the only reason I’d ever gotten attention from men was because of my looks or what I could do for them in bed.

“Just know the offer stands. If you get tired of going at it alone, give me a call.”

He stared at me and I had no choice but to hold his gaze. Nervousness washed over me, not because he made me uncomfortable, but it was as if Ken staring at me for too long would reveal my secret. How would he react? Would he have given me this opportunity if he’d known about my past?

I didn’t want to find out.

“I knew there was something special about you the first time we met and you disagreed with your professor about rational choice theory.”

I found it odd that he chose that moment to form his opinion of me, because I definitely hadn’t employed any logical or prudent decisions in my own life. I’d become a damn escort, for goodness’ sake.

“The office door is always open, Grace.” Ken held out his hand and I shook it.

With an appreciative smile, I walked out of the suburban office building and trekked across the parking lot to my hatchback.

I didn’t regret my decision to become an escort. I’d done what I had to do at the time in order to help my family and obtain the future I wanted—to be my own boss and build a career at something I was passionate about. Next up, finding someone to love.

I knew my prince charming was out there. I may have to turn over a few extra rocks and kiss a few extra frogs to find him, but I was willing to do the work.

There’s a happily ever after out there for me, and when I find it, I’ll grab on with both hands and never let it go.

Four weeks later…

I was certain that when I’d walked into the office this morning, the giant naked woman that formed the logo of White Lace Productions hadn’t been replaced with a sign that said “Romper Room.”

“I want to intern with you.”

A teenager, no more than nineteen, sat across from me. Acne marring his pale skin. Dark-rimmed glasses the most prominent feature on his forgettable face. He might have only been five years younger than me, but there was no mistaking that I was miles ahead of him in life experience.

I was going to kill my assistant, Barbara, for letting him in here before I’d even had my morning coffee.

I smoothed down my shoulder-length hair that I hadn’t bothered to secure away from my face after I’d showered this morning. “Look…” I froze. I thought I had been listening when he’d introduced himself.

“Cory.” He smiled wide, hope washing over his face. Too bad I was going to have to crush it.

“Cory. Right.” Showing up unannounced had been ballsy. I had to give him credit for that. Plus, I envied his commitment to stay in school. To learn the fundamentals. I’d only made it one semester before dropping out to work full time at White Lace. Sometimes I wondered how much better my work would be if I had stayed in school. Sometimes I wondered if I’d still be here if I hadn’t dropped out.

I shuffled around the production schedule I was supposed to be reviewing and sat back in my chair. “We don’t usually take interns from college programs.”

Not because we didn’t want to, necessarily, but what college was going to allow their student to intern at a porn company? The alumni and parents would just love that.

“Please?” He eyed me with a sad puppy-dog face. I wasn’t a chick. That wouldn’t work on me. “I’m a hard worker. I learn fast. I’ve wanted to make movies my entire life.”

I could relate to that. But when it came to being a filmmaker, there were only three things I needed to know.

“Who’s your favorite director?”

He looked at me like I had a dildo on my forehead. “Tarantino.”

“Favorite actor?”

“De Niro.”

How was I supposed to mentor a kid whose idols were as predictable as the sunrise? “Favorite Schwarzenegger one-liner?”

“What?” Now he looked at me like I had two dildos stuck to my forehead.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the greatest actor. Ever. His ability to deliver a one-liner—epic. There was no question he had some of the most classic movie moments of all time.

I clasped my hands on my desk, leaning forward and repeating my words very carefully. “Favorite. Schwarzenegger. One-liner.”

He scrunched up his face. “I’m not really an Arnold fan.”

I couldn’t work under these conditions. Good thing I was already going to say no.

“Get out right now.” I gestured to the door with my hand, looking away in disinterest.

Cory actually contemplated getting up and walking out, his body hovering over the seat of the chair, until I burst out laughing. He settled back, blowing out a huge breath then chuckling along with me.

But then his laughter stopped, and the awkward, shy kid no longer sat in front of me. His expression had now turned to determined adult in an instant. “I want to work here, Mr. Lockwood, and placements start next week.”

Cory had emailed me over the summer, and in the fall, but I’d shrugged him off. We hadn’t had an intern yet this year, simply because Max wasn’t here to arrange it. Normally, my only involvement with them were the few days they got to spend on set. I usually pushed them out of the way. Nothing ever messed with my vision.

I was the last person this kid wanted to show him the ropes.

I was no role model. Not for children. Not for teenagers. Not even for grown-ass men.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Cory.” Despite my words, he remained steadfast in his look of determination. “I don’t really have time to take you under my wing, and I should be honest with you. I dropped out of college.”

“I know.” Cory shrugged. I could tell he was getting disinterested with my excuses.

“You checked up on me?”

“Of course. I needed to make a case with my instructor, so I did my research.” He sat back, a smug smile spreading across his face. “I know everything about you.”

I snorted. “I highly doubt that.”

“Benson Lockwood.”

He knew my real name.

“Born April 24, Toronto. Son of Anne and Greg Lockwood. Lived with Ellie and Hirsh Levin for the latter part of your childhood and teenage years. Max Levin, former VP, is your best friend. You graduated high school and spent a semester in the film studies program at Shaw College, but dropped out to pursue your career in porn. You have filmed approximately three hundred and eleven films, thirty-five of them you’ve been the male lead. You’ve been nominated for four AVN awards, three Adult Entertainment Life awards, and named director of the year by
SexLife
magazine. You dated former porn star Cora Clayburn on and off for three years, but were simultaneously seen with various other women during your time together. You—”

I held up my hand. “Thank you, Barbara Walters.” I tapped my pen on the desk. All of this stuff was public knowledge. But I had to admit that it was reassuring to know that the Internet only housed details of my surface life. There was no reason for anyone to know why Hirsh and Ellie had taken me into their home in the first place.

Cory sat forward, placing his hands on his knees. “Please, Mr. Lockwood?”

I let out a heavy breath, tossing my pen on the desk and sitting back, my legs falling open to the sides of the chair. “You got approval from your instructor?”

He nodded. “And she’s gotten approval from the dean.” His tiny frown now pulling up with hope. “She wants to meet with you, though. Tomorrow at noon.”

This was getting way too complicated.

“Why here? Why porn? If you’re in school, you have every opportunity open to you.”

“I need to do something different. I need something that will make me stand out from the crowd.” His eyes lowered to my desk. “I never do. I usually just fade into the background and I promised myself that once I got to college things would be different. If I do this, then maybe…” His words trailed off, but he didn’t have to continue for me to know what was missing.

Girls. He needed help with girls.

I scrubbed my hand over my face, the two-day stubble scratching at my palm. “Interning at a porn production company isn’t going to get you laid.”

Cory quirked up one eyebrow, giving me a great are-you-kidding-me look. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fine. It might get you laid, but I won’t promise anything.”

“So then it’s a yes?” The excitement and hope filling up the kid’s eyes pulled at my heartstrings.

But he’d come at the worst possible time.

“All I’m asking is that you think about it.” He was trying to sweet-talk me with the no-pressure approach. He was trying to be blasé about it, but I could see the way his jaw clenched with every word he spoke.

Christ. I was going to cave. I just knew it. “I’ll meet with your instructor, and we can go from there.”

If there was ever a smile that could be used to light up a city, it would be Cory’s at this moment. And when he left my office, he did so with a lot more swagger than when he’d walked in.

After an extra-long day, I packed up my stuff and left the office, needing a six-pack of beer all to myself. Luckily, Max’s fridge was always fully stocked.

I made my way to the house he shared with Everly. I had been summoned to their love den, although I wasn’t sure why. I walked in without knocking, calling out for my best friend. “Maxy!” I made a beeline to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

“We’re up here.” I heard Everly’s soft voice from the second floor.

I took the staircase two steps at a time, noticing that the walls had been painted a subtle beige and the wood flooring had been restained, but when I breached the doorway of the spare bedroom, I stopped dead.

Max was nowhere to be found.

Instead, Everly stood on the farthest side of the black futon, looking through a bunch of bags, and on the opposite side…

She
was here.

Grace Nolan.

She looked amazing. She
always
looked amazing. My stomach did a little flip-flop whenever she was in the room. And this time was no different.

Her dark jeans were tight in all the right places. Really the only place that mattered was her ass. That fabric hugged every curve of soft flesh I remembered as if we’d fucked just this morning. Her sweater was equally tight, the soft swell of her breasts accentuated by the light knit. She did a quick flip of her head, her auburn hair falling behind her shoulders, and I caught a tiny glimpse of her neck. My mouth watered. I knew exactly what that neck tasted like. Smelled like. What it was like to glide my fingers down the soft curve and fist my hand in her hair.

But I couldn’t go back to that night. I wouldn’t think about it.

“Hey, Evs.” I cleared my throat. “Whatcha doin’ in here?”

“Cleaning out the spare room,” she answered. “We just threw everything in here while we were renovating so it’s time we cleaned up the mess.”

Grace finally looked my way and those jade-colored eyes met mine. I didn’t even have to look in the mirror to know that at this moment I resembled one of those cartoon dogs with their tongues hanging out, panting and whimpering in misery. But I hadn’t even registered as a blip on her radar. And if I didn’t get a grip, I couldn’t be held accountable for mauling her right here and now. Good thing I’d decided to only date my hand for the foreseeable future.

I snapped myself out of it. If she wasn’t going to acknowledge
it,
the pull between us that was achingly apparent whenever we were within fifty feet of each other, then neither would I. I couldn’t let her get the best of me. She’d already done that once, and I’d promised myself I’d never let it happen again.

“Where’s Max?”

I took a swig of my beer and, I couldn’t help it, my eyes were immediately drawn to the pebble of Grace’s nipples against her sweater. She was watching me, her stare half-hidden under heavy lids as she sorted through a plastic bag.

Being a shit-disturber, I flexed my forearm, loving the way her neck corded in response, as if she was straining to keep herself in check.

I sucked in a breath. Maybe she wasn’t as unfazed as I had thought.

“He went to pick up pizza.” Everly tied up a plastic bag and threw it to the corner of the room where a sign marked “Donate” was taped to the wall.

“Awesome! I’m hungry.”

Grace tied up another plastic bag, throwing it in the donate pile. “Who said there would be any leftover for you?” She glared at me, and that glare was the only hint I needed to determine which side of Grace Nolan had shown up tonight.

I’d noticed within days of meeting her that there were two women lurking behind those green eyes. Grace, the sweet, loyal, kind, driven woman who would give away the last shirt she owned if it would help someone else. And then there was Jade, the cocky, distant, dare I say rude woman who shook everything off with a scoff.

I never knew which one I was going to get, but on the day we’d had sex, it was definitely the vulnerable, shy Grace who had her arms and legs wrapped around me. She’d let down her guard for the few moments we were together, and that was the Grace I couldn’t get off my mind.

“Don’t worry, doll. I sent Max my order—large pineapple, bacon, and hot pepper.” I winked. “I’ll leave you to your cleaning. Just make sure my bed is clear before bedtime.”

“What do you mean
your
bed?” Grace looked none-too-pleased, throwing down the sweater that she’d had in her hand.

When I’d gotten the invite this morning, I’d laid claim to the futon. Knowing there would be drinks involved, I didn’t want to risk the one-hour drive to my house.

“Max didn’t tell you?” I was looking at Everly now. “He said I could stay over tonight so I don’t have to drive home.”

“But
I’m
staying here tonight.” Grace fisted one hand at her side.

We stared off. It didn’t look like either of us was going to cave. And I didn’t even know why we were competing in the first place.

“Let’s just worry about that later.” Everly reached out and placed her hand on Grace’s forearm, and finally she broke eye contact with me.

I was totally screwed. When Grace and I were together, I had no control over my libido. How the hell was I going to sleep under the same roof as her? I couldn’t risk another momentary lapse in— No. It hadn’t been a momentary lapse of anything. I had given in to raw, sexual desire. The kind that I’d only captured on film a handful of times, and the fact that I’d found it with her had knocked my world off balance.

There was something about Grace Nolan that made me want to know her. Maybe it was the subtle way she carried herself and the secrets I knew were hiding behind her stunning smile. Or maybe it was a connection that stemmed from the similar way we made our money in the sex industry. Whatever it was, it had filled a hole I hadn’t even known existed until that afternoon in my office.

Right now my world was turned upside down and I couldn’t afford the time and energy to figure out how she fit into my life, if at all. Grace Nolan was a distraction. And if I had any hope of discovering how I was going to move forward, I needed to keep her at a distance.

No matter how much I wanted her.