Reason to Believe (White Lace) (4 page)

I had downloaded number thirty-four.

And I’d had the best solo orgasm of my life.

Seriously, I was a perv. Who got off seeing a man they had a crush on with other women?

I shook my head, walking into the high-rise office building downtown at Yonge and Adelaide. What had possessed me to take this meeting? I’d had to use public transportation because there was no way I was braving the drive into the center of the city in the middle of a weekday.

I loathed public transportation and I had grown accustomed to having a personal driver who took me wherever I needed to go.

My heels clicked on the tile as I walked up to security. An attractive man greeted me and it didn’t go unnoticed the way he sized me up as I walked toward the security desk.

“I have an appointment with Collette Ellery.”

She had recently taken over as CEO of Elle Cosmetics and was looking to reorganize the company. Apparently one of the clients I’d worked for over the summer had recommended me.

Word of mouth was working in my favor, which was good for business and my bank account. However, I needed more of it considering it had been weeks since I’d finished my last contract job and I didn’t have anything else lined up.

The security guard picked up a binder, flicked over a few pages, then laid it in front of me. “Fill this out, please.”

I felt his eyes on me while I scribbled my name, the date and time, and when I looked up, he immediately averted them to one of the small televisions behind the desk. I clipped on the visitor badge and headed to the elevator. I pressed 18 then settled against the back wall.

There had been a time when Jade would have flirted with Mr. Security Guard, leaving him a throbbing pile of goo upon her exit. I had learned from the best after all.

When I first laid eyes on Sadie Spencer, I had been waiting for a classmate at a trendy bar downtown. She was with a John. I had been sitting beside them and eavesdropped on their conversation, somewhat in awe of her confidence. I had accidentally caught her eye and from that moment on she knew I was listening. Just before she left with her date she slipped across the wood, toward me, her bar napkin, on which she’d scribbled:

It’s harder than it looks. Call me if you’re interested.

She’d signed her note
Stella
—her escort name.

I had immediately dismissed it. But then my world had come crashing down.

The second semester of my first year of university, my parents had told me they’d lost all of their money in bad investments, which meant my tuition check for my second year was going to bounce. Not to mention the mortgage payments if they didn’t figure out a way to fix their finances, and quick. I’d known working at Gap wasn’t going to solve my problem. I’d needed a way to make a lot of money, quickly, not only for my tuition, but my parents needed help, and I couldn’t leave them hanging. Not if there was something I could do.

So I’d called Sadie.

I had lied and told my parents I’d gotten financial aid and a part-time job as a receptionist at a veterinary clinic. It had worked for a while, until they found out where the money really came from and had kicked me out of the house. Everly’s grandmother had been kind enough to take me in, which helped a lot, since all of the money I made from that point on was earmarked for school and building my nest egg.

I had known that becoming an escort would make the road ahead much more difficult. I was prepared for judgment. But I couldn’t deny that I’d lost a little part of myself every time I had slept with a client.

And now that I was done, I had no idea how to get those parts back.

When I stepped out of the elevator, I was directed by the receptionist to have a seat in the waiting area.

She had red lips and a sweet little smile. Today, my lips were the same shade, but sweet could never be used to describe anything about me. But I knew there was a man out there who was willing to look past Jade and move toward a future with Grace. I wanted a suit-wearing, college graduate that would blend into the crowd and give me my picket fence and 2.5 children. I wanted someone who would give me normal, and that included sex. No kink. No sharing. Just your regular boring-missionary-with-the-lights-off sex.

“Ms. Nolan?”

I looked up, remembering I was here for a meeting and not to contemplate the sad state of my life.

Collette wore Lane Bryant women’s wear and most likely colored her red hair from a box. Despite being in her early thirties, she looked far beyond her years. All she had to do was ask and I’d be happy to give her some fashion tips. If she was going to be the CEO of a cosmetics company, she needed to step up her game.

Soft music played from a clock radio on a shelf behind her desk when I stepped into her corner office. I swiped my hands behind my butt and thighs, smoothing down my skirt before I sat on the black, fabric chair across from her.

Her office was just as thrifty as her hair and clothing. An old, weathered coatrack sat by the door with an equally weathered trench coat hanging on it. The windows were covered in an inch of dirt and grime, which matched the color of the couch that sat behind me.

“Ms. Nolan, I’ll cut right to the chase.” She settled into her black leather chair and placed her hands on her desk. “Your services are exactly what I’m looking for.”

I had expected small talk. I had expected getting-to-know-you questions and frivolous banter. Instead, Collette Ellery wasted zero time letting me know why I was here.

I liked that.

“You came highly recommended,” she said. “Ken Wilson told me that you’re only interested in short-term contracts, but I was hoping that you’d consider working for me for an extended period of time.”

I definitely wasn’t expecting that kind of offer.

Ken had already done more than enough to help me. And now that he’d recommended me to Colette, it seemed I was indebted to him even more.

“But…”

Of course there was a but. There was always a but.

“You’re also right out of school and I was hoping for someone a little more seasoned, but I am in a desperate situation.” She sat back; the white silk blouse she wore under her black suit jacket gaped open, and I saw much too much cleavage. “I want to change the direction of this company and I want as little resistance as possible.”

A long-term contract was not what I was looking for. Contracts that lasted only a few weeks enabled me to satisfy my craving to meet new people, but also meant I didn’t stay in one place long enough for my history to come up in conversation. Plus, no one wanted to befriend the consultant hired to review their job specifications.

Still, with no other contracts in place, I couldn’t afford to be picky.

“I know you’re a consultant, but honestly…” She leaned forward, her red hair falling over one eye. “I need someone on my side.”

“I’ll admit, I’m intrigued.”

I had always been fascinated with meeting new people, figuring out their backstories and discovering what made them tick. Which made my decision to specialize in organizational behavior a given.

“You’d still be a consultant, but instead of just completing a review and making recommendations, I’d like you to stay on and help with implementation and change management.”

It meant I’d get to stick around and see my recommendations in action. To see if they actually worked, and have the ability to tweak them if necessary, based on the best interests of the company.

“My mother built this company from the ground up, making face cream in our basement. It’s not enough anymore though. I have a vision, of course, but with senior executives who haven’t changed the way they do business since 1985, I’m having trouble convincing them to support my ideas. They are loyal to my mother and to the company, but not to me, so I expect a couple to jump ship now that I’ve taken over, but we can no longer operate like the Internet and social media don’t exist.”

She was right. The company had virtually zero presence online.

“I totally understand. Change is tough, trying to get people to change even more so.”

Lucky for her, I had the special skill of figuring out people’s innermost wants, and using them to my advantage.

“How did you get into this?” she asked, leaning forward on her desk. She was doing her best to look interested in my work, but I could tell she was more interested in me than what I studied.

“I wanted to take something in school that I could use in the real world. No sociology or anthropology for me.” I smiled. “So I took business. I started off in human resources, but organizational behavior was much more fascinating. I’m good at reading people. Figuring out their motives. Everyone just wants to be heard.”

She eyed me, not in envy, which was the usual look I got from other women, but in curiosity. However, there was still one burning question that hadn’t been addressed.

“Why me?”

She didn’t even hesitate when she responded, “You’re highly recommended. You’re young, so I assume you’re familiar with the current market, and…you’re cheap.” She was honest. I admired that. “I’m hoping you’ll at least consider my offer.”

In all honesty, there was nothing to think about. I didn’t have any jobs lined up. Not one. Which made this my best offer. But I wasn’t going to jump at it. Desperation never worked for anyone.

“Let me give it some thought.”

I stood, extending my hand, and let Collette know that I’d like to take a couple of days to consider her offer. She was agreeable, and even gave me her personal cell number before I walked out of her office and took the elevator down to the lobby.

I made my way home, and as soon as I walked in the door of my apartment, I was greeted by my newest friends—Cynders and Princess. I bent down, their purrs doing something to my chest, easing my tension, limiting the negative thoughts about failure that had all of a sudden taken front and center in my brain.

A couple of months ago I had decided to foster cats. I now had two who I’d keep until the shelter could find them a permanent home. I bent down, scratching Cynders on her head and running my hand across her back. Sadie hated the cats, which was why I didn’t tell her that a third cat would be arriving next week.

I checked their food and water bowls, making sure they had enough to last them until morning, and then retreated to my room.

Flopping down on my bed, all alone, I scolded myself.

I had been naive. I hadn’t thought about what life would be like when it was all over. When there was no more sex and no more cash filling up my bank account. I hadn’t realized that it would be so damn hard. I had spent so much time thinking about the endgame that I hadn’t thought about what would happen when I got there.

Yes, I had graduated from university.

Yes, I had started my own consulting firm.

Yes, I was making my own money and paving my own way.

But I felt like I was stuck. Too stressed out to enjoy the present and too inadequate to obtain my future.

I had grown up in a normal middle-class home with a stay-at-home mom and a father who worked morning, noon, and night. And when it had all come crashing down, I saw how helpless my mother had become, how strained their marriage got just because of money, or its lack.

It was that realization that had solidified my future. I’d never let myself rely on a man to survive.

Which was why I was going to take Collette’s offer.

I had made a promise three years ago that I would make it on my own.

And I was much too stubborn to give up.

A consistent paycheck was the smart decision. At least for right now, even though the thought of it made me nauseous. I hadn’t even been able to survive on my own for a year. But I needed to move forward, and at the same time, I needed to figure out who I wanted to be.

Maybe working at a company long enough to develop relationships might help me find myself again. Maybe it would help me remember the girl I’d been before I’d taken money to have sex.

I needed to find that girl. I need to
be
that girl.

Because I sure as hell wanted to stop being Jade.

This kid was giving me a run for my money.

Professor Hughes had been right. Cory was eager. Ambitious.

But I had to admit, it was weird how he looked at me. With admiration, with respect, and with a little bit of awe.

The truth was, he was freaking me the fuck out, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to deal with it.

I was playing the part of teacher and I’d even dug out the khaki pants Ellie had given me for my birthday six years ago. It was my pathetic attempt to put some kind of distance between us, considering I was supposed to be his mentor, but the reality of our situation only moved us further apart the more we interacted.

I was failing. Big-time.

It had been a week since he’d started. I didn’t feel comfortable yet sending Cory on set by himself, and with my hectic schedule I didn’t have time to accompany him. I felt awful knowing that he was probably itching to get behind the camera, just like I was. So I had promised him we’d spend the last part of today filming.

With the intention of creating a fake set, I’d brought three cameras into my office. I let Cory set them up while I went in search of subjects. To my dismay, the only props I could find were blow-up dolls. I brought them into the office, setting them down on the couch, a blond female doll straddling a brunette.

When I turned, Cory looked at me with a shy smile, his face red and splotchy with nervousness. He worked the focus and fiddled with the settings, pointing each camera at the couch, one on each end and one dead center. Exactly what I would have done.

When he was happy with his setup, I checked his shot. “Zoom.” I urged. “Closer.” I stood back, taking in the scene. “I don’t like a lot of periphery. It has its time and place, but not for sex. Not for any romantic moment, really. You want to capture the closeness. You want to make sure you have your camera aimed and centered on the couple.”

“You mean the live space?”

I froze. Case in point. Failing. Big. Time. “The what?”

“The buffer space around your focus.” When I didn’t react, he continued, “Like the safe space that doesn’t end up in the final cut, but where the boom can safely sit for instance.”

“Right. The couple is your live space.” I nodded, doing my best to pretend I knew exactly what he was talking about. I was going to have to Google the shit out of directing before I showed up for work on Monday. “Right now, we’re just at the start of the scene. There’s only kissing going on. Focus on their faces.”

Cory’s face flushed at my comment.

“You wanted to intern in porn, kid, you’re going to have to get used to sex.”

He let out a heavy breath. “It’s hard to get used to something when you’ve never done it.”

I stepped back, crossing my arms over my chest. “You’ve never had sex?”

He shook his head, eyes lowering to the floor.

“Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Listen, I wish I had waited. My first time was…not normal.” That was the most PC way of explaining it.

Cory stared at me, his eyes alight with excitement, but I remained silent. “Hey, come on. You can’t drop a bomb like ‘not normal’ and leave me hanging.”

I let out a steady breath and returned to the camera on the left side, biding my time. This kid blushed at the sight of a blow-up doll. How the hell was he going to react to my first sexual experience?

“Let’s just say it involved two women and another guy—and looking back, I wish it had been different.”

“Your first time was an orgy?”

I laughed. “I told you it wasn’t normal.”

“You’re like the Yoda of sex.” He walked closer and in a strained, cartoony voice he said, “Teach me, you must.”

I laughed. He may like Tarantino, but at least he knew his classic science fiction. “I’m supposed to teach you about film, not about sex.”

“One in the same.” He shrugged. “At least here it is.”

“Tou—”

“Hey, Ben, you…”

A tingle raced down my spine at the sound of Grace’s voice.

I hadn’t even turned around, and yet I felt her. That electric pull that somehow tied us together despite how much I wanted to sever it. Her scent flooded my nostrils, probably flooded the entire room, a soft flowery musk that always got my dick hard.

Cory had gone silent beside me. His hands fidgeted in front of him while he watched her with wide eyes. I’d also noticed that he’d stepped to the side, to get a better look.

When I finally turned, she appeared…

Fuck.

She was so hot. Blindingly hot and the picture of perfection.

She wore a gray dress that hugged her curvy hips. Her legs were in black stockings and she wore black boots that went up to her knees. A black coat was slung over her arm and she gripped the straps of her purse with the other hand. Thick, black bracelets wrapped around her wrists. Red lips taunted me to kiss them and her auburn hair tempted me to run my fingers through the shiny strands. My hands itched to reach out and touch her, any part of her that she’d let me. But I knew she’d never allow me to put my hands on her again.

And even if she did you promised yourself no more random hookups.

“Grace? What are you doing here?”

She fisted her hands on her hips and shot me an annoyed look. “Don’t tell me you forgot.” Even while frustrated with me, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. “We’re on swag duty.”

Shit. I had forgotten, despite the thousands of boxes tucked away in the two boardrooms. The days of the week had all blurred together now that Cory was at my side every second.

But I had to admit, I was having fun running through fake filming scenarios with him. Even though it felt like he was teaching me more than I was teaching him.

“Who’s this?” She pointed to my intern.

“Cory.” I cleared my throat, straightening myself against her scrutiny. “He’s in film school at Shaw College and interning here.”

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You have an intern?” She let out a squeaky laugh.

“I practically forced my way into White Lace,” Cory said with a proud smile.

“You were relentless.” I laughed. If filmmaking wasn’t in his future he’d be a good lawyer.

“And it’s your plan to film porn?” Grace asked.

“Well…I don’t know.” Cory shrugged, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Grace was making him uncomfortable, although I had no idea if it was because of her mere presence or her questions about his future. “The possibilities of where I end up are endless, but I knew with interning here I wouldn’t be getting the same set of boring fundamentals that everyone else is.”

“Hey, I’m teaching
some
stuff.” I turned away and mumbled under my breath, “I think.”

“I don’t mean you’re not teaching me. I meant interning here gives me an edge over everyone else because it isn’t traditional.” He walked forward and I thought maybe he was going to put a hand on my arm—like he was the adult and I was the child in need of consoling. “You’re teaching me things without even knowing what you’re teaching because you didn’t learn from a book.”

And thank fuck I didn’t. I wouldn’t have lasted.

I didn’t last.

I turned back to Grace. Our eyes met, and for the quickest second, her eyes widened, the emerald green of them darkening with desire. But I didn’t have time to consider what it meant, because then she was all over me.

“What the hell are you wearing?” She’d secured one hand in the crook of her opposite elbow.

“Clothes.” I looked down at myself. I’d been proud of putting on these khakis this morning.

“Where are your jeans? Cargo pants?” She looked up at me, a weird scrunch to her face I’d never seen before. “And your hair is pulled back.” The hand that had been secured now waved in front of me as she got more curious. “You look like a fraternity reject.” She laughed.

“I’m a teacher now.” I straightened my shoulders. No one else needed to know that when I pulled these pants out of the closest this morning the tags were still on them.

“Any reason why you’re filming blow-up dolls?” She jerked her thumb to the couch.

Now that Grace was here, my creative juices were flowing. All right, maybe they weren’t exactly creative, but the juices were flowing. And if Cory had to practice, I could think of no better human specimen to get on film.

“I was just teaching Cory a few tricks and it would be much more useful if he had live subjects.” I rushed over to where she stood. “Stand right here.” I pried her coat and purse out of her hands and urged her to stay in place. “Look at the camera.”

“Don’t film me.” She waved her hands in front of her, seriously uncomfortable with it.

I remembered her being uncomfortable with filming porn before, too. She had tried to audition, but ultimately had decided that it wasn’t for her. I admired the hell out of her from that moment on. Most people would just do it. Especially given the fact that she was already an escort.

“Relax. I’m not asking you to take anything off.” I looked up and gave her a wink. “At least not in front of the kid.”

Cory groaned. “You do realize you’re only five years older than me, right?”

I had been a teenager once, but I didn’t remember ever having such a great are-you-kidding-me face. Besides, Ellie probably would have smacked it right off me if I’d ever used it.

“Five years in age, but a hundred in life experience, kid.”

I directed Cory to look through the lens. “We’re going to practice.”

“Wait.” Grace’s voice was high-pitched, about three octaves higher than the sultry timbre I was used to. “What are you practicing?”

I didn’t even acknowledge her question. Instead, I turned to Cory and asked, “All right, director. What’s your vision?”

Excitement flowed through my veins. I missed this. I missed being behind the camera, even though at this moment it wasn’t me calling the shots. But the chance to be creative again, to be around something creative, had me happier than I had been in a long time.

Cory tapped his finger against his lips, taking his time with figuring out his vision. “I got it.” He snapped his fingers. “Grace, you stay there. Ben, you come in from outside the shot. Then Grace, you’re going to give him the go-ahead look and Ben you’re going to dip Grace and kiss her, then pull her up and walk away, leaving Grace looking shocked.”

“A dip?” He might only be a teenager, but he acted like he was an eighty-year-old man.

He shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to do that with a girl.”

“I didn’t say yes.” Grace bit her lip. Did she have any idea how crazy that made me? How it made me want to feel the sharp pinch of pain when she bit me. Every part of me. “Why should I do this?”

“It’s for educational purposes, Grace. Now at least pretend like kissing me isn’t the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done.”

“Wait.” Cory peeked around the camera. “You guys have already—”

“Let’s get this started.” I clapped my hands, drawing attention as far away from the subject of Grace and me as possible.

What we may or may not have done wasn’t Cory’s business. It was no one’s business. I was pretty sure the only people who knew we’d slept together were Max and Everly. I hadn’t even told Ryan. I normally didn’t kiss and tell, but considering Max had been dating her best friend, I thought he should know. I didn’t want to be responsible for screwing up his chances.

Then you shouldn’t have slept with her in the first place.

I walked off camera, waiting for Cory to get ready. I watched as Grace stood there, fidgeting on the spot, and it suddenly hit me. I was terrified. The last time we’d kissed it had gotten way out of hand. As in, we’d screwed on the desk to the left of me.

“This is ridiculous.” She huffed, her body restless. “Do I really have to do this?”

Cory looked on, a sad expression washing over his face.

Immediately seeing the disappointment in his eyes, Grace changed her tune, smacking her arms against her sides. “Fine. Let’s just get it over with.”

She fiddled with her hair and clothing, making herself presentable for the shot. Not that she had much to do in order to be presentable.

When she was ready, Cory made eye contact with each of us, then yelled, “Action!”

I stalked over to Grace, barely able to keep my excitement from presenting itself in my pants. I did my best to forget about the camera and Cory. I invaded her space, not giving her any opportunity to move away. I stared into those jade-colored eyes, the same eyes that had captured my attention the moment I walked into that coffee shop to meet her for the first time.

She blinked up at me from under thick, black lashes. The hint of annoyance that had glared at me from across the room only minutes earlier disappeared the moment I pressed my pelvis to hers. Her eyes softened and she bit that lip again. And that was it. The go-ahead.

I enveloped her in my arms, one wrapped around her shoulders, the other cradling her firm ass. I dipped her, making sure to point us in the direction of the camera, and lowered my mouth to hers. I saw the rapid beat of her pulse in her neck and felt the erratic rhythm of her breath against my skin. And when my lips brushed lightly across hers, I heard the lowest, softest whimper…but couldn’t be sure if it was actually real or just a noise in my head. My hands itched to move lower, to move between her legs, but I kept them in check, tightening my grip on her ass.

I brushed her hair away from her face, fastening the flyaway strands behind her ear, allowing my finger to linger down the side of her face.

I wanted to be gentle with her.

I wanted to manhandle her.

It was shocking how my attraction to this woman covered the full spectrum of wants, from kinky to vanilla, from gentle to rough. I wanted to try it all with her.
Give
it all to her.

When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I took what I’d denied myself for the last six long months.

Our lips finally touched and it was like being caught in a lightning storm. Electrical charges coursed through my body, bringing to life every nerve ending, muscle, and tendon. She lit me up from the inside out. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

As my lips moved over hers, she relaxed in my arms, letting me control the pace, the action. Until she snaked her hands up my chest to my shoulders and pulled me harder against her, pressing her soft breasts into my chest.