Reason to Believe (White Lace) (16 page)

Even if that meant keeping her away from me.

Last night my eyes had been blown wide open. Every aspect of Ben’s personality had been justified once I’d learned the truth about his past—about his absent father and horrifically selfish mother.

It had explained why he didn’t believe in himself. It had explained why he couldn’t commit and was perfectly content with casual relationships. His mother had taught him early in life that promises were in fact made to be broken, so he gave nothing of himself and expected nothing in return.

And it broke my heart.

While I’d been exceptionally content lying beside him in bed this morning, I had left before the rest of the world had risen so that I could get home and shower before work. As soon as I walked into the office, I received a text from Max asking if I would stop by the Concord. He didn’t say what he wanted, and I had no idea what it could be about.

During my lunch hour, and with no sign of Scott yet, I made my way to the hotel and found Max in his office, hunched over his laptop.

He hadn’t done much with the place other than adding a couple of framed photos on his desk—one of his mother and one of him and Everly. I’d taken the picture the day he’d moved into her house. It was one of my favorites because for the first time it captured just how happy my best friend was.

I knocked on the door the same time I said, “Hey, Max.” He looked startled at my intrusion. “Sorry, is this a bad time?”

“No. Of course not. Come in.” He waved me inside and gestured to the chair across from his desk. “I was hoping I could pick your brain about something.”

“Sure.” I sat. Something was different. Max was fidgety. His hand didn’t stop tapping against the desk since I’d walked in.

“You all right?” I had a feeling his response wasn’t going to be the default answer of fine. But instead of a response, he opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a light blue box, setting it in front of me.

I sucked in a breath, a surprised gasp. “Is that…what I think it is?” When he nodded, I squealed. “May I?”

I grabbed it off the desk before he even responded. I undid the white ribbon then opened the blue lid to reveal the soft blue velvet box. It opened with a little creak and my mouth dropped to the floor. The ring was one carat, plus another carat of smaller diamonds lining the princess cut.

“Max, it’s breathtaking. She’ll love it.”

“Will she?” He looked unsure of himself. An expression I’d never seen on the devastatingly confident Max Levin.

“You know Everly isn’t much for jewelry, but this…I mean, this is perfect.”

“I wasn’t talking about the design.” He blew out a shaky breath and rubbed his usually perfect hair into a mess on top of his head. “I was talking about the gesture. Do you think she’ll say yes?”

There was a thick vein at the side of his forehead that was pulsing at an abnormally fast pace.

“Whoa, Max?” I put the ring back on the desk and leaned forward, resting my hand on his arm. “You need to cool it, or you’re liable to have embolism.”

I’d never seen him like this. Even with all of the stress of renovating and running the hotel. He’d never been so out of it.

“She still hasn’t decided what she wants to do with her life. I see how much it bothers her and I know she’s hesitant to commit to something, and I get it. I don’t care if she never works another day in her life. I just…I just want her with me. I know this is fast, but I love her, Grace. And I want to lock this down.”

I laughed at his choice of words, but they weren’t so off base.

“You’re right.” His eyes grew wide and shifty at my response, and for some reason, I was happy that I was making him squirm, even if it was only for a minute or so. “There is a part of me that thinks Everly won’t want to move forward because she feels like she doesn’t contribute, but there is a bigger part of me that knows she loves you and wants that ring as much as you want to give it to her.”

For the first time since I’d walked in, Max relaxed. His face softened and the tension in his shoulders disappeared.

“If anything, she just might make you wait to set a date, but there is no way she’d say no.”

Max blew out a heavy breath, his shoulders finally sagging away from his ears. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”

I startled when the door to Max’s office crashed open and Everly barged in carrying a large box. We scrambled to get rid of the evidence, sliding the box and ribbon across the desk and into the drawer. Luckily, she was too caught up in her own head to notice.

When the drawer slammed shut, I turned and acknowledged my friend. “Hi, Evs.”

“What are you doing here, babe?” Max asked.

“Lots to do.” She set the box down on a small table in the corner. “The couple in 605 wants Leafs tickets and I promised 809 I’d arrange for transportation to the airport. Plus, I have three dinner reservations to confirm and a…” She cleared her throat. “A private party of one I need to follow up on.”

“A private party of one?” I turned to Max, who looked as confused as I did.

Everly fisted her hands and placed them on her waist, cocking her hips to one side. “Dude in 1203 wants a stripper.”

I laughed. Despite all the shit I’d done, people still surprised me.

“Since when do you know strippers?” Max asked.

“Since I called Sadie and got a referral.”

I turned to Max. “It’s true. Sadie knows everyone. You need a hookup in this city, she’s your girl.”

Max looked off into the distance. “Babe, I told you, you don’t have to do all that.”

“I know.” She shrugged, slumping into the love seat in the corner of the room. “But it’s fun.”

“Somehow I can totally see you as a concierge,” I said. Who knew my Everly would be such a social butterfly?

“I guess I sort of am a concierge.” She smiled, looking off into the distance, once again in her own head.

“Grace…” Max’s hand squeezed mine on his way toward his soon-to-be fiancée. “That is a great idea.”

“A concierge?” Everly contemplated the suggestion. “I guess I could look into a few certificate programs.”

“Evs. This is Max’s hotel.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t think you actually need to go back to school.”

“What kind of guest is going to want to deal with someone without certification?”

She laughed us off as if we were the crazy ones. Even when given special favors, Everly still wouldn’t take them. She would go back to school and get the education she needed so that she could be legitimate. She refused to be nothing less than the best at everything she did.

“So it’s settled.” Max wrapped her in his arms and she easily melted into his embrace. “You’ll work with me, then.”

“
For
you.” She looked up, challenging his words with a glare.

“
With
me.” He kissed the top of her brown hair. “Everly, everything I have is yours.” He looked over Everly’s head and winked at me. He’d just solved his own problem.

“You two are making me gag, so I’m going.”

Max mouthed “thank you” as I hugged my friend goodbye. “Make sure you call me.” I squeezed her tighter. “My phone is always on.” I pulled away and she gave me another one of those looks that said she thought I was crazy. But she quickly got over it when she slapped Max’s hand away from her ass.

I closed the door behind me, aware that as soon as they heard the click, Everly’s clothes would be hitting the floor.

A few weeks ago, knowing that my best friend was about to get some would have sparked my own sexual desires. I would have promptly taken care of it myself or found a means to occupy my time. But since I’d started hanging out with Ben, I hadn’t picked up my knitting. In fact, I hadn’t had to resort to any of the frivolous projects and activities I had been forced to endure simply because I was restless and trying to take the edge off.

For the first time in a long while, I was content. I was satisfied. And it was more than the fact that I was having regular orgasms that involved another human being. Over the last three years, I had lost sight of the present, too focused on getting to where I needed to go, and forgetting myself in the process. Spending time with Ben had somehow uncovered the girl I used to be. The girl who didn’t have to think about how she was going to pay for school, help her family, or simply survive. Without those things weighing me down, I had room to be me. Funny how I’d set out to help him conquer his fear of public speaking, and he’d ended up helping me instead.

But I couldn’t let myself get too caught up in Ben’s laid-back, live-in-the-now attitude. I couldn’t let myself get too close. I needed a partner who had a vision of where he wanted to be, and Ben didn’t have his future mapped out at all.

I slumped beside the door to Max’s office and stared ahead at the beige wall. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find the man who could look past my sexual history and focus on the present, on my plans for the future, and the life I wanted to build for myself—the man I would eventually love.

Everly had found true love with Max. I loved her with all my heart. She was my best friend. But right now, I hated her guts.

Because never had my own happily ever after seemed so out of reach.

Hirsh had missed another meeting.

I was starting to take it personally. To feel slighted. Could I be doing such a piss-poor job that he didn’t even want to waste his time with me?

I was keeping everything on track. As best I could. But it obviously wasn’t good enough.

Though as the day went on, I had less and less time to think about his blatant disregard for the work I was doing.

I’d called in some reinforcements to make Cory’s day a little less administrative and a lot more hands-on. So here we were, in my office—two porn stars, the vice president, and the intern, filming an alien love story Cory had written in high school.

“I don’t think my character would have sex with an alien,” Rod said as he rounded the couch in my office.

I had called in a favor and invited Rod and Amie to the office, our most popular male star and a new starlet I knew was going to skyrocket to fan favorite in no time.

“I…” Cory stuttered a few more words, but backed down immediately when Rod interrupted.

“I mean, he’s a warrior, tasked with defending the fate of the world, and you have him screwing a green goblin while everything is falling apart.”

The porn star opting not to have sex? Interesting development.

I thought it would be fitting for us to film the love scene simply because it was what Rod and Amie were already used to.

Rod took a seat on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees so his hands could swing between his legs. “I just don’t see how there is time for this when the bad guys are on their way to destroy the galaxy.”

Cory nodded in agreement and returned to the camera. I knew he didn’t agree. I saw it in the tension in his shoulders. I saw it in his eyes. But he’d backed down based on the sheer size of Rod. Understandable, considering Rod made the most alpha of men cower. And at nineteen years old, Cory had hardly come into his own.

But Rod didn’t scare me.

“Hold up.” I walked over to Cory and pulled him aside. “Lesson number one when dealing with actors,
your
way is the
right
way.” He lowered his eyes to the ground, but I placed my hand on his shoulder and returned his attention to my face. “You’re the director. This is your script, your vision. Sometimes an actor can be right and get you to see something from a different angle, but if your gut is telling you one way, stick to it. Don’t let the actors bully you.”

Cory nodded, yet I knew he still wasn’t confident enough to stick to his vision.

“The biggest thing you need to have is trust with your actors. If they trust you, they’ll go to the ends of the earth for you. Or in my case…” I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest. “…try double anal.”

Cory burst out laughing. I hadn’t seen that smile since Rod and Amie had shown up. “A girl definitely needs to trust you in order to do that.”

I may not have the education, but I had enough workplace experience to know that going with your gut was always the right way. And forging relationships with your actors was a big part of the job.

“You ready to stick to your guns?”

Cory took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and gathering his courage. “Okay, Rod,” he yelled over my shoulder then sidestepped around me. “This is the moment we get to see your character in a vulnerable position. Sex isn’t just sex here. It’s a reminder of everything he has to lose if he doesn’t succeed.”

Directing wasn’t just about getting a certificate. A lot of it was dealing with expectations. Handling personalities. If Cory wanted to be a director, he could know every term in his first year textbook, but if he didn’t know how to placate, he’d be dead in the water on his first real job.

“Okay, kid.” Rod ruffled his hair. “Let’s have some sex.”

Cory’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as if he hadn’t been expecting Rod to comply.

“Amie?” Cory peeked around the camera to the porn star, who was chewing her gum a little too fiercely. “You ready?”

Amie had gone all out, covering her face and arms in green body paint to play the alien love interest. The funny thing was, despite the paint, she looked ridiculously attractive.

“And…action,” Cory yelled.

Rod and Amie ran their lines. I had to suppress a giggle a few times because their natural delivery of dialogue had a tendency toward the sarcastic.

Finally we got to the sex and Rod and Amie humped with their clothes on. Cory was right in there, getting the close-ups, maneuvering exactly where I would have gone.

“Cut!” Cory bellowed.

The actors pried themselves apart. Most of the makeup on Amie’s face had been rubbed off.

“That was so great.” Cory’s face lit up. I had to admit, it made me feel really good that I was able to make that smile happen. That I had helped him move forward even an inch toward realizing his dream.

“Are you sure we can’t do the real thing?” Amie sidled up to Cory, her index finger working across his shoulder and down his arm. “I haven’t worked in three days and I’m jonesing.”

“You’re jonesing for…” Cory’s mouth was practically on the floor.

“For sex, silly.” She leaned in, whispering in his ear. “We can be really quick.”

“I doubt you have a problem finding someone to have sex with you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he cringed, then backpedaled. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re…” He blew out a shaky breath as Amie inched closer.

“You’re cute. Why don’t we—”

“I think that’s enough for today.” I had no problem interrupting. Cory wasn’t getting laid on my watch. “Thanks for coming out today, guys. I really appreciate it.”

“It was fun,” Amie said. “Maybe we should do an alien theme for the website.”

Sci-fi porn. It was a genre we hadn’t dabbled in, but it could work. Although I had no interest in starting anything new when Hirsh had zero interest in what we already had going on.

“Hey, Ben…” Rod said from the doorway. “Congrats on the nod in
Adult Lifestyle.
”

“What are you talking about?” I hadn’t given any interviews lately, especially not to the number one online adult-entertainment-industry magazine.

“There’s also an article on the future of porn,” Amie said. “I read it, too.”

“You must have screwed that journalist real good, dude.” With a wide grin, Rod loped out of my office, Amie hot on his tail.

Of course the first thought Rod had when it came to me getting any kind of praise was that I’d screwed my way into it. It was inconceivable that it could be about my work ethic or my creative direction.

“Check it out,” Cory said. He had already found the article on his phone. “He’s right.”

I grabbed his phone and scrolled through it. There was a section referencing romance novels, and there I was, my name in print. I read a small section out loud, “ ‘Ben Lockwood’s youth and unique vision has the potential to take White Lace in a new direction. His intent on capturing the passion behind sex could carve a new niche in the industry, targeting the female appetite for romance and sex fueled by dirty-talking alpha men.’ ”

I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. A couple of weeks ago, I would have shrugged this off. I would have believed Rod. But maybe I was doing something right. Or at least I had the potential to do something right. This nod had come at the perfect time, just when I felt like Hirsh had completely given up on me.

“That’s a big deal,” Cory said, his eyebrows almost at his hairline.

Spending time with Grace had forced me to realize that I could do more than I gave myself credit for. And apparently other people thought so, too. I looked down, checking the byline. With a smile, I handed Cory his phone.

I didn’t recognize the name.

“You ready for next week?” Cory asked.

Monday was the second session of my talk to the students. And unlike last time, and despite the humiliation, I wasn’t as nervous.

“I think so.”

For the last few days, in between sex sessions, Grace and I had practiced responses to fake questions. It had gotten to the point where I didn’t even have to look at my notes anymore. Which was exactly what Grace had wanted. And she had been right. I felt more confident and more prepared to respond to questions because I had the basics locked and loaded, ready to go at a moment’s notice.

“Do you want me to plant a question in the audience? I have some friends who could ask predetermined ones so you can—”

I held up my hand. “Thank you, but no. I got this.”

Grace was going to attend the session with me again. I wasn’t naive enough to believe that her actions and promises meant anything more than she had a kind heart. She’d said from the beginning that she was searching for her own good karma. When my need for help was over, she’d pull away and find another charity case to assuage whatever was bothering her.

But there was no denying that with Grace by my side I felt like I could do anything.