Reckless Radiance (19 page)

“Your corruption says otherwise,” the brunette said lowly.

Enough,
Valerie thought. She felt like she needed a translator to keep up with them. Being outnumbered by angels was one thing but being completely ignored was another.

“What does that mean? To fall?” Valerie asked, raising her voice. Russell shot her a terrified look. All three women cocked their heads to one side in unison and gawked at her as a chill ran through Valerie.

“You have no right to interrogate us, mortal,” the brunette replied, her face expressionless as she examined Valerie.

“You’ve got no right to be on my land,
sister
,” Valerie hissed. Russell dug his fingers into her arm and warned her with darkened eyes. She swallowed and sucked in a breath. Valerie watched as the brunette and blonde exchanged glances. “Brother Russell, explain to your human what it is to fall,” the brunette commanded.

“But, Sister Daina …” he protested.

“Tell her.”

Russell shut his eyes solemnly and turned to Valerie. She was shaking and her palms had started to sweat. She didn’t know if they would leave with him right then and there or not. They could take him or hurt him and she would have no say. And whatever falling meant, she worried it might be the worst of all the things that could happen.

“A fallen angel is exactly what you think. You’ve probably heard of one,” he said.

“What, like the devil?” she asked incredulously. Russell took a breath but didn’t acknowledge her question.

“To fall is to become the furthest thing from an angel one can be. If I were to fall, you would not want to know me. I would not want to live but my punishment would be to live forever as the embodiment of malevolence,” he breathed.

Valerie’s mouth dropped and tears welled in her eyes. She moved toward the women brazenly as the first of her tears slipped down her cheek. “Please. Don’t.” Her voice cracked and she covered her mouth to stifle her sob. The brunette who she now knew as Daina stepped close to her. Valerie felt her throat tighten. She never imagined she would be afraid of an angel, especially ones as stunning as the women of The Order. Daina reached out a hand to Valerie and brushed a tear from her face with confusion painting her face.

“What is it you feel for him?” Daina asked.

Valerie shrank away from her touch and glanced at Russell. “I—I care for him deeply,” she stuttered. “He means everything to me.” Nothing showed on Russell’s face when she said the words. The blonde stepped near and Valerie remembered the only other name Russell had given her when talking about The Order.
Kalliope.

“Do you love him?” Kalliope asked.

She turned and met his eyes again and saw worry sitting in his deep blue pools. The first day she looked into his eyes she felt something. And every day after that she felt something, too. But she couldn’t say it. She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t ready. She was terrified to love another man that could be taken from her. She opened her mouth to speak and only silence emerged. Kalliope gave her a sad smile and nodded.

“Answer your next call, Brother,” Daina said plainly.

“Or?” he asked.

“Or be taken against your ever-increasing will,” Cassandra replied with fire in her eyes. Valerie wiped her tears and couldn’t stop herself from speaking.

“If he goes … If he answers his next call, he’ll be able to come back, right?”

“No,” Russell answered before The Order had a chance. Valerie met his eyes in disbelief. “Once I’m there I will be judged.”

A sinking feeling filled her and she locked her eyes to the dusty floor as her head started to swim. She heard their final exchanges though her mind made their voices sound like she was in a bubble.

“Be mindful of who you are,” Kalliope said.

“Be careful of your next move,” Daina said.

“Be prepared for what awaits you,” Cassandra added.

Another gust of wind shook through the barn and when Valerie lifted her head, they were gone. A breath heaved out of her and she doubled over, clutching her stomach. She sank to the floor as tears streamed down her face. Russell’s arms encased her quickly and he whispered in her ear.

“Everything will be all right.”

Rage built in her for a split second and she pushed him away. “You’ve been saying that this entire time. You tell me not to be afraid but it’s not okay. It’s not going to be okay. They could call at any minute and you’ll be gone just like that. It’s not okay and it won’t be all right,” she yelled. She turned her back on him and started running to the house. He was calling out her name on the wind but she kept her pace. She flung open the screen door and marched straight to her bedroom. The suitcase she’d brought with her from Somerset was sitting in the bottom of her closet. Her hands were shaking and her breath was choking out in huffs when she started throwing clothes in the black bag.

“Valerie,” he said from the doorway.

She shook her head angrily and stuffed another pair of jeans inside.

“Valerie,” he tried again. He shut the door behind him and she felt him at her side but she didn’t react to him. He’d managed to stay hidden for almost a year on his own and if they could keep his halo dark then they’d be able to stay hidden together. Her thoughts were racing. She wouldn’t let him answer the call. If The Order came back, they’d be miles and miles away. She couldn’t lose him.

“Valerie!” he yelled. He gripped her shoulders and spun her to look at him. She saw the threat of tears in his eyes. “We cannot run away from this,” he admitted.

His stare was serious. He was right. Her chin quivered and his expression crumbled as he pulled her close. There was nothing they could do.

Chapter Twenty Eight

It didn’t take long for him to lull her to sleep. The soft sounds of her breath comforted him yet put a sting in his chest. He sat rigid on the edge of her bed with his back to her. Every muscle in his body felt strangled with anxiety as he waited for the ringing in his head to start. It could happen at any time. He wouldn’t be able to stop it. And if he didn’t answer it, nothing good would happen.

He felt it deep in his soul that the mercy he was given by The Order was simply a ploy. They could’ve taken him without so much as a word, let alone without sharing everything they had in front of Valerie. It was almost crueler to make him wait like this. Judgment would come crashing down on him no matter what.

Questions raced through his mind like the scrolling credits of a film. When would they call? Would he be allowed to plead for his absolution? He sighed and let his head sink into his hands. Would they laugh at the request he’d been wrapping his head around for the past few days?

No angel had ever been able to make a request of the Creator. You were judged and you either went back to work or you fell. There was no third option. No angel had even tried asking for special consideration. Russell knew he’d already broken rules and defied everything he was taught never to question but he wanted that third option. He would ask for it for her.

He turned and looked at her sleeping face, her brow still crumpled in worry. She’d forever changed him. He could’ve never imagined how making love to her would solidify and strengthen the level that he worshiped her. As they joined forms, he felt bonded to her for eternity. Kissing her lips, looking into her eyes, all while being within her glorious body, would remain one of the most sacred moments of his existence. Though The Order used disparaging words against them in veiled reference to their intimate act, he refused to believe it. When his halo shined it shined for her. Being at her side was as honorable and spiritual as any other time he’d been charged to protect another human. The only difference was he chose her. He knew her. He loved her. He protected her without cause or instruction. He cherished her because of who she was, not because he was told to.

Russell reached over and let his fingers twist a tendril of her soft wheat colored hair. Not enough words in all the languages of Earth could describe the way he felt for her. Angels were not programmed to have feelings like his. And it was that thought he knew might be his only saving grace when he stood before his judge and pled for a third option.

A deep breath filled his lungs and he caught the faint scent of lavender. He’d broken law after law for her. Calls went unanswered, her life was spared, his Serenity shared, his halo shined and soon—when he was back in the angel’s realm—he’d be the first angel to have the audacity to beg for humanity to be with the woman he loved.

Chapter Twenty Nine

Two days came and went leaving Russell and Valerie filled with even more dread than before. The waiting game was wearing on them. Valerie felt herself flinch every time the wind blew or Russell closed his eyes.
Any minute,
she thought. They’d barely spoken to each other since he whispered sweet things in her ear, making her drowsy after their encounter with The Order. Every meal with her family was painfully quiet or forced. She couldn’t laugh knowing he’d be gone soon. It was like her last days with Gabriel all over again, imminent and out of her control. Only this felt like her fault. She was the one who’d tainted his angel soul.

She felt sick every time he gave her a sad, knowing smile. He didn’t dare reach out to her any longer. His touch was still too tempting. He’d made her feel so amazing, so perfectly molded for him. If she had him in her arms—in her bed—she feared The Order would come back that much sooner to tear them apart.

Everything felt like a magnification of her pain. The ceramic angel sitting on her mother’s hutch seemed to shame her with its stony eyes. And every time he glanced at her her pulse raced and her breathing slowed and she was reminded how much she’d miss him.

As night fell on the third day, Valerie cursed the darkened, star-speckled sky and told whoever was up there she wouldn’t give up without a fight. But it was a lie. Every minute that ticked by made her impulsive thoughts grow stronger.
Run. Leave it all behind,
she thought.

Running had never helped before and it certainly wouldn’t help now. Russell told her they couldn’t run but he hadn’t said
she
couldn’t run away. If she was losing him anyway, why not make a clean break?  

Sitting on the end of her bed in a gray tank top and plaid flannel pajama pants, her eyes swept over her closet doors. The suitcase still had clothes in it. Just as she mulled over the idea of having a look behind the closet doors there was a knock.

“Come in,” she said.

Russell entered the room and shut the door behind him. Valerie’s heart clenched. Was he hearing the noise in his head? Was this it? As if he heard her thoughts, he shook his head to ease her worry. She sighed and watched him walk into the room, taking a seat across from her at the vanity. He was comfortable in her house. There had never been a moment with him that didn’t feel right. It was right when he was in the diner that day. It was right when he walked into her apartment when Henry was there with a gun. It was even right when he was climbing out of her trunk. Every breakfast and every laugh and every walk through the yard was right. He was meant to be there. Guarding her.

Her eyes started to sting signaling tears were nearby. She tried desperately to will them away but when he caught her gaze, she felt the water brim.

Russell cleared his throat. “I have something for you,” he said, handing over a folded piece of white paper. She unfolded it and stared at the sheet. It was a rough sketch of what looked to be a floor plan. Her brow pulled together and she glanced up at Russell waiting for an explanation.

“It’s the second story of your mother’s salon. I sketched this a few days ago and showed your father. He thought it was a great idea. He said after he pulled the money together it wouldn’t take more than a few months to remodel it into an apartment for you.”  She glanced at the page again. Now she recognized the layout of the storage room above the garage. She smiled thinking about what a wonderful dad she had. He’d do anything to make his family happy. Russell was the same way. The only problem was she didn’t imagine she would be around in a few months, especially after Russell got his call and left.

“I’m beginning to think I don’t have long,” he started. The statement hit her in the gut. She twisted her mouth before chewing on her bottom lip to keep calm.

“Don’t,” she whispered. “Please don’t make this a goodbye.”

Russell shook his head and shut his eyes. “It’s not. It’s just …” his voice trailed.

She watched as his hand twitched against the wooden chair he was sitting in. It was as if he wanted to reach out but couldn’t. Instead, he relaxed himself with a deep breath and met her eyes carefully. “Talk to your father about the apartment,” he said as he stood up and moved toward the door. She opened her mouth then snapped it shut. She let his opinion of her run through her mind again. Maybe she was strong but her strength wouldn’t be able to bring him back. She couldn’t save him from his fate. Maybe she’d made his fate worse.

His hand was on the doorknob when she said his name, causing him to turn back. His eyes still put butterflies in her stomach. “Did I—
taint
you?” she asked. “I mean, what she said about you being corrupted. Did I do that to you?”

His face grew dark and tense. With two steps he was at her side and he took a seat next to her on the bed. For the first time in days, he touched her. The relief his hand cupped against her cheek gave her was powerful. His tight eyes scanned her face. The juxtaposition of his gentle thumb brushing over her bottom lip and his severe stare made her weak.

“I am not tainted or corrupted,” he said firmly.

“But …” her voice croaked out. She felt her face growing flush under his hooded stare. The fire she saw burning in his eyes didn’t scare her. It told her everything he wanted to say and more.

“I have lost my way as an angel while finding my way as a man.”

He let his hands fall away from her face and she missed his touch immediately. Russell told her goodnight before walking out of her room and she wondered if it would be the last time she might see him.