Reckless Radiance (8 page)

“You haven‘t been home in a while have you?”

She sighed. It was like he was reading her mind. Like he knew her better than she knew herself. She hadn’t been home in a long time. It seemed like it had been forever now that she was back. And now she couldn’t even pinpoint why she thought leaving would help her deal with the loss of Gabriel. If anything, Somerset made everything worse. Failing at her new life, dropping out of school, taking up with Henry—she’d created a mess. It all felt ridiculous and suddenly she was ashamed.

“It’s been a while. Yeah,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because I’m stupid and pathetic.”

She felt Russell glaring at her. That wasn’t the feeling she liked. She liked the sweet eyes taking her in, not tight, shaming ones. Looking up she saw the disapproval on his face and she felt her walls shoot up.

“It’s true. My life’s a damn Nicholas Sparks novel wrapped in a Taylor Swift song. It’s pathetic,” she said hurriedly, more to herself than to Russell.

"You are anything but pathetic." His voice was low and precise.

Valerie turned away from him and instead looked at herself in the mirror. Searching her own eyes for some reason to believe him, she couldn't help but try to get the last word in.

"How would you know? You don't even know me, Russell."

A minute passed and he didn’t say a word. She felt guilty for snapping. Part of her wanted desperately to believe he did know her, however impossible that seemed.

Finally he spoke. "Did you watch me die?"

A sudden pain rolled through Valerie as the memory flashed behind her eyes. The memory of clinging to Russell's body on the floor of her apartment, her hands covered in his blood. What she wouldn’t give to erase that image from her mind.

"Yes." Her voice was barely a whisper.

He was off the bed and at her side in an instant, kneeling beside her dangerously close.

"And does my heart beat now?" he asked, his eyes tight on her face.

She breathed in his scent, enjoying a slow blink as she did. She wanted to shut her eyes and breathe him in all day long. Slowly, without thinking, she put her hand on his sturdy neck as if he’d commanded it with his thoughts. The warmth of his flesh sent a shock wave through her. Staring at her hand on his skin, she allowed her mind to be honest about how much she’d been wishing to touch him. Before this moment she hadn't been able to admit it to herself. She wanted to let that hand roam. Barely pushing her fingertips up into the place where his throat met his jaw, she felt the rhythmic flow of blood. Pure proof he indeed was alive.

She looked up at his face and noticed his eyes were slammed shut. He looked deep in concentration, pained even, before he shrugged away from her touch.

Slightly hurt from his rejection, she whispered her response. "Yes, your heart’s beating."

Her eyes met his and a breath rolled out of her.

"Then how can you believe I am like every other man? I know you, Valerie. Whether you choose to accept that is up to you."

The melody of his voice made her mind cloudy. He said his words with such conviction. She didn't know if she’d ever been that certain about anything. But she chose to believe him. He cared for her. He knew her. And both thoughts, instead of confusing or irritating—warmed her.

Quiet filled up the space between them for a while and she couldn’t keep from looking him over as his eyes moved around the room.

Valerie cleared her throat. “Are you going to stay?” she asked. Russell turned to her finally, looking relieved that the heavy topic had been dropped for now. His eyes danced across her face before he nodded. A wave of relief filled her.

“If you want me to,” he said tentatively.

Valerie smiled. “You should. I—like spending time with you.” Russell matched her smile and again she felt relieved. "We should go in to town soon and get you some clothes of your own,” she added.

She saw his eyebrows lift and she breathed a laugh. "My dad's clothes barely fit you and I don't think explaining the bloody shirt with a bullet hole in it is a good plan so we'll go get you a few things."

She saw him nod softly and their eyes met for a second. She was willing to let go of control for him. To not have to know everything and to just let life happen to her for once. Something about him was holding the majority of her fears at bay. Something was keeping her calm when she should’ve been running. She still didn't know just who or what he was but she knew she wasn't letting him go anytime soon.

Chapter Thirteen

They spent their first full day together helping Valerie’s mother around the house and talking on the front patio like they’d known each other for years. She couldn’t explain a damn thing about the man except the fact he made her feel comfortable. Valerie’s dad stole Russell away to show him the barn. It was clearly his first step in initiating him, hopeful Russell would stick around to give him a hand in the coming days.

Crisp air whipped around the front porch and Valerie curled into the fabric of her sweater. She felt the familiar buzz of her cell phone in her pocket and finally figured it was time to glance at it. She hadn’t so much as looked at the screen since she sent Henry what she firmly believed had been her final text.

The shiny screen was scrolling with multiple messages. Henry had tried calling a few times and his texts went from frantic to threatening back to frantic and finally apologetic. Valerie didn’t bother looking through all of them before deleting the mass.
Shit
, she thought, noticing the other texts from Paige. She dialed her number quickly and waited to hear her friend’s voice.

“Valerie?” Paige asked without a ‘hello’.

She sighed and cursed herself again. She could only imagine how confused and scared Paige must be. Valerie had completely forgotten to let her know what was going on. She hadn’t even called in to the diner.

“Hey. I’m so sorry,” she said.

Paige let out a breath on the other end. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Valerie rubbed at her furrowed brow and felt the guilt pricking at her stomach.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“I didn’t hear from you after your date and then this morning Henry came in with some trampy looking girl. He gave me a bunch of bullshit when I asked if he’d talked to you. What the hell is going on?” Paige spouted off a mile a minute. Henry didn’t waste any time. The question of how much to tell Paige brewed behind Valerie’s eyes.

“Henry and I got into it because of Russell,” she started. She heard a noise from Paige that almost made her crack a smile. “And I kind of just got in the car and took off to my mom and dad’s…
with
Russell.”

Waiting for some kind of response from Paige, Valerie held her breath. What would she think? What kind of psycho skipped town with someone they’d only known for a day? Granted, Paige didn’t know Russell had essentially saved her life—by dying.
Keep the crazy in check,
she told herself.

Valerie pulled the phone away from her ear to see if the call was still connected after a lengthy silence. Then a booming cackle sounded from the speakers and she let go of a breath, a smile curling on her lips.

“Girl, just when I think I have you figured out,” Paige mused.

Valerie bit down on her bottom lip and joined in laughing with her friend. “Am I crazy?” she asked.

Paige’s giggling subsided. “Honestly? I don’t think so. It’s good you’re with your family again. Is Russell staying?”

“I don’t know. If he does my dad’s going to put him to work,” she laughed.

“Do you
want
him to stay?” Paige asked, carefully rephrasing the question.

Valerie smiled distractedly. “I think I do. Yeah…I do.”

She heard Paige’s small giggle and Valerie instantly felt such relief for having talked to her best friend. Paige agreed to let Penny know Valerie wouldn’t be back at the diner for a while and to look in on her apartment.

“Whatever you need me to do, I’m here for you,” Paige said sincerely.

“Thank you so much, Paige.”

She heard the other end grow quiet again but she knew somehow that she hadn’t dropped reception. She wondered what Paige was pondering and whether it was wrapped in worry.

“Paige?” Valerie pressed.

Her normally chipper voice started slow and calm. “There’s something strange about him, isn’t there?” she asked.

Valerie felt the wind knocked out of her lungs as she moved the phone away from her ear. She couldn’t tell her. Explaining it to anyone who hadn’t seen it firsthand would be too much. She wouldn’t understand.

“He’s different,” Valerie whispered into the receiver. “But not in a bad way.”

“I could see it in his eyes at the diner…he cares about you. How is that possible? He barely knows you,” Paige replied.

Another breath fell from Valerie and she shook her head though Paige couldn’t see it. “I don’t know but I care about him, too,” she said.  And she did care. More than she was willing to admit. But the thought loomed in the back of her mind. Every time she envisioned his face it grew stronger. Every time she looked in his eyes it intensified.
How is that possible
, she thought.

***

The next morning Valerie was anxious to get out of the house and she figured it was the best time to take Russell shopping. A funny feeling rushed over her for a split-second as they got in the car together. It was a completely normal thing to do. The shopping excursion had little to no chance of ending with gunshots. She couldn’t help but let a grin form on her lips. It felt nice to be normal with Russell though she knew deep down he was anything but normal.

“What are you smiling about?” he asked, peeking over at her.

“Nothing,” she lied. “Where should we go? Where do you normally shop?”

His brow wrinkled and his shoulders pushed up in a shrug.

“Well I’m sure we can find black just about anywhere,” she snickered before turning out of the long driveway. Greensburg didn’t have a mall but a few years ago a strip center was built. It looked out of place amongst the older buildings but she could remember it being the highlight of her junior year of high school when it opened. There was a men’s store, a women’s store, a dollar store and a place to buy cell phones and car radios.

There was silence between them as she drove and Valerie didn’t mind. It was easy compared to the night he’d sat beside her covered in blood. Hearing only the sound of his breathing was comforting now, not haunting as it had been that night.

Pulling in to the nearest parking space to the men’s store she could, she glanced at Russell and mused at the curiosity on his face. His eyes were intently reading each of the signs.

“You ready?” she asked. His white teeth beamed at her in an innocent grin and he nodded.

They browsed through the racks and shelves pulling down jeans and black slacks, sweaters and long sleeved shirts.

Valerie held up a blue sweater to Russell and laughed as his face scrunched up in disapproval. “Does it come in black?”

“The blue would bring out your eyes,” she replied. “All that black and gray makes you look like a storm cloud.” Russell rolled his eyes at her as he walked over to the table where she’d found the sweater. “It helps me keep my
mysterious stranger
look. I thought you liked it,” he teased. Valerie laughed and shook her head hoping a blush wasn’t blossoming on her face. She certainly liked it. Russell met her eyes as her laugh subsided and he grabbed the dark gray version of the sweater before popping off to the dressing room with an armful of options.

Valerie found a seat outside the dressing rooms waiting for Russell to put on a private fashion show for her when she heard her name.

“Valerie? Valerie Gilmore?” The woman’s voice was familiar but she couldn’t pinpoint her identity until she turned. She looked nearly the same as she had the day they graduated. It was Emily Buchanan standing behind her looking just as pretty as ever. Her chestnut colored hair was down in perfect waves and her lips were glossed pink. She suddenly wished she’d taken a little more time in front of the mirror. Valerie smiled back but it was nothing compared to Emily’s toothpaste endorsing grin.

“It’s been forever!” Emily exclaimed. Just as she stood up to greet her Emily pulled her in for a hug. Her mouth went dry as she remembered part of the reason she’d stayed away for so long. She wasn’t ready for questions.

“Where have you been?” Emily asked.

All Valerie wanted to do was sprint out the door or fake a French accent on the fly.
Non, parle anglais.
Looking in the cherubic face of her former classmate, she buckled.

“I just got back. I’ve been in Somerset.” She managed to get the words out then cringed inside waiting for further probing.

“Oh, cool. Are you home for good?” Emily asked. Thankful that was all she wanted to know, Valerie felt obliged to come up with an answer but she didn’t have a very good one.

Valerie pushed a hand through her hair and breathed a quick laugh. “I’m not really sure.”

Emily’s face softened and her smile grew more sincere. Valerie wasn’t sure why she was worried when she first saw her. She was never the busy-body. She’d been very sweet during Gabriel’s last weeks. Her family had brought meals and Valerie never doubted her concern was genuine. She saw Emily look past her for an instant and watched as one perfectly groomed eyebrow lifted. Valerie turned back and saw Russell standing, waiting for her outside the dressing room.

He was in the dark gray, V-neck sweater and black slacks. When their eyes met he gave her a crooked smile and threw his hands out in front of him as if to ask how she liked the outfit. Her cheeks went hot and butterflies let loose in her stomach. She turned back to Emily and knew she’d been looking at the handsome stranger and from the look on her face, she was even more intrigued knowing Russell was with Valerie.

“Russell, I want you to meet Emily. We went to school together,” Valerie said. “Emily, this is…Russell.” Russell glided forward and took her hand. Emily sighed as he shook her hand gingerly. Valerie nearly coughed out a laugh.