Reckless Radiance (12 page)

She thought about the times she’d seen what she now knew as his halo. The diner. The park bench. Her bed. The woods. The car. Almost every time they’d touched he sparked like a faulty socket. But that wasn’t exactly what he had said.

“So you glow when you’re too happy or sad or whatever?”

“Sadness does not affect it. Neither does rage, fear, or hopelessness. My halo is a
leash
, Valerie. It’s meant to keep me hidden and focused on the task at hand. If I am distracted by affection, joy…” his voice trailed off for a moment but then he met her gaze firmly. “Desire, passion, lust, love…those things make my halo visible to the world and give me away for what I truly am. Inhuman.”

Her face started to flush as she stared at this man she barely knew but who’d changed her mind about herself and given her back something she’d lost. Looking at him, she wondered if there were more words stuck in the back of his throat.

“Anything else?”

He put his hand on hers carefully and the glow warmed her skin. Then the feeling she’d experienced a handful of times filled her. It was like every muscle in her body relaxed and a wave of unfathomable calm washed over her. The bliss that filled her caused her to sigh and glance at Russell through heavy eyes.

“That feeling you have … that’s me,” he said.

He pulled his hand away and she snapped her eyes open to stare at him. Her mind cleared and her body resumed its tension.

“What is it?” she asked.

“It’s called Serenity. Usually I don’t even know I’m projecting it. It is meant to help those in pain. But I cannot seem to control it around you. Not yet, anyway.”

Valerie felt her chest flutter. Had she been in pain those times his hand brushed her flesh and sent her into a peaceful state? Even if he couldn’t read her mind, he could sense the brokenness inside of her.

***

She reached out and dragged her fingertip slowly down his forearm watching the gold glimmer dance on his skin as she traced. He was steadily watching her face as she drew patterns on his hands and wrists. Everywhere her fingertips landed light emerged. He saw the tentative smile growing on her lips as she painted him with his own radiance.

Her eyes met his and he matched her smile. He couldn’t pull away from her. He didn’t want her to stop touching him even though he knew what the light was doing. It would only be a matter of time before they located him. They’d come for him.

Her hazel eyes turned somber before she opened her mouth to speak. “You can’t die …”

It wasn’t a question. She was slowly putting the pieces of his puzzle together. Her only reason for speaking them out loud was to confirm what she was learning to be true.

Russell shook his head and scooted his chair closer to the edge of her bed. He watched her face turn troubled. She looked at his chest then reached to touch the place where the bullet had struck him.

“Did you feel it?” she whispered.

He sighed and wrapped his hand around hers, holding it to his clothed sternum. “Yes. I felt the pain then it was like falling asleep. This body heals to ensure my survival.”

Her eyes hadn’t left his chest. When he let go of her hand, he shuddered as he felt it drift slowly down his body to the hem of his shirt. She glanced at him as if to ask his permission and he felt weak, the burn inside of him begged to be let free. The slightest nod happened without full permission from his mind. His body had a way of ignoring him when it came to her and the touch that filled him with more than just a glowing halo.

Valerie’s hand slipped under the black fabric and light burst off of his skin at the feeling. She gazed at the beams escaping the confines of his clothing and he saw her breathing pick up speed. The secret no longer between them, his hesitancy dissolved irresponsibly as Russell reached out to her and cupped her face in between his hands. A glow enveloped her beautiful face and he watched as she undoubtedly felt his gift of tranquility flow through her senses. Her eyes closed as he moved forward, his control completely out of his grasp, and kissed her parted lips.

It was a gentle kiss and he forced himself to pull back from it quicker than he would’ve liked. She reached out to him to pull him nearer when he stopped her.

“I shouldn’t,” he said quietly.

“Why,” she breathed.

“What you feel … It’s not …” He stopped, unable to bring himself to tell her more. He should’ve told her the more his halo showed, the sooner he’d be found.
The sooner judgment will befall
, he thought. He should’ve told her there was more.
More secrets.
But he couldn’t. He looked at her face, her blushing cheeks and supple lips that begged to be kissed. The honey colored tendrils of hair that fell around her shoulders implored him to reach out and wrap his fingers in the soft spun gold.

“What I feel is real,” she said. A smile pulled at her mouth when his hands eventually slipped through her hair. With a quick motion he slid next to her on the bed and allowed himself the feelings he’d long pushed aside.

Valerie wrapped her arms around his neck and inched closer to him. “I like you, Russell.” She stared into his eyes and he remembered all the days he’d watched her longingly. He’d yearned to touch her for longer than she knew. He’d ached to comfort her in her darkest hours when she felt so alone.

He could give her tonight. He could cradle her and kiss her, fill her with peace and not feel a bit of regret. He knew right from wrong and leaving a soul alone to manage the amount of sorrow she’d once been dealt was wrong.

“I like you, Valerie,” he exhaled a soft breath as he smiled at her and saw his gleaming aura filling the room as he pulled her into his arms. For the first time in all of his existence, he felt like a man. His lips crushed against hers and eagerness intensified within his being as she accepted his advances.

Russell knew right from wrong and this—what they had—was right.

Chapter Nineteen

Valerie’s quiet mind was suddenly thrown into consciousness by incessant knocking on her bedroom door. Her back arched in a waking stretch and she slid her hands over the cool sheets to feel for Russell. She willed her eyes open just as her mother, the one who’d been doing all of the pounding, floated into her room on a breeze of morning enthusiasm.

“Wake up baby, I’ve let you sleep long enough,” she said in a sing-song tone. Before even an acknowledging groan could escape Valerie’s lips, she threw back the heavy drapes from her window and brilliant sunshine hit her eyes. An absent smile grew on her face and she stared at the ceiling as she remembered kissing his full lips and touching his skin while the most beautiful glow encircled them. He was like living sunshine, warm and inviting. She replayed the moments in her head and counted the kisses between them. She barely remembered drifting off to sleep. Russell remained a true gentleman even when she’d asked him not to be.

An angel,
she thought dreamily as she sat up and pushed her hand through her tangled hair.

“I’m sorry but you’ve got to get in the shower. Service starts at nine and it’s already eight fifteen. Now, hop to it. Russell’s already dressed and ready,” her mother said, flitting around her room, picking dirty clothes off the floor. Valerie let her mother’s words sink in.
Service. Oh God.

She hopped out of bed quickly and stared at her mother, grabbing her attention with impossibly wide eyes. “You can’t be serious,” Valerie said.

Her mother jutted out one hip and stamped her hands on either side of her waist. It was a pose made famous by her mother and was a part of anyone’s playful impersonation of her. “I won’t hear you try to get out of it. You’re stayin’ in my house. It’ll be good for you.”

How was Valerie going to spin this to make her mom understand that just the thought of setting foot in church made her stomach turn? “Mom, you know I haven’t been there since …”

Her mother’s eyes softened and her hands fell from the top of her skirt leaving it to swish around her thin legs. She had to understand how hard it was.

Her thoughts returned to Russell and what he’d asked her in the woods. He’d shared his secret and it was time she told him her whole truth. If she was going to carry on a relationship with him, he needed to know what kind of baggage she was bringing to the table. Somehow being widowed as a teenager didn’t seem on par with being an immortal angel but she wanted to tell him regardless. Valerie took a deep breath and gave her mother a look. She decided then and there the memories would no longer defeat her.

“Okay, I’ll be ready in a few minutes. But Mom, you don’t need to force Russell to go to church with us. He’s a guest.”

Her mother spun around, still beaming like the morning sky and just before stepping back out into the hall she grinned at her daughter. “He asked if he could join us.”

Valerie headed to the bathroom and started a steaming shower, the cozy smell of her vanilla body wash kindling her foolish considerations. She wondered if Russell would like the fragrance. She wondered if he’d already noticed it or committed it to memory the way she had with his unearthly scent of faint sandalwood. Rinsing conditioner from her hair, she heard Russell’s muffed laugh through the wall.

Her heart fluttered and her stomach knotted. He’d told her he couldn’t die. Whatever angel abilities he had kept him alive but she had the strangest worry sitting in her chest that there was something else looming. She knew it without him saying a word. He could leave her without warning. Maybe she wouldn’t have to endure his funeral but she could lose him. She knew it. If her time with Russell was limited she wanted to be honest. And she wanted to make every moment count. Just like she had with Gabriel.

She threw open the folding doors of her closet in search of a dress. Church clothes hadn’t really been a priority when she was packing back in Somerset. Pushing her way through the few items left behind from high school, she found one of her old favorites hanging near the back. With her hand on the blue dress she stopped dead, a ripple of emotion suddenly pulsing through her. Just behind the it still hanging in a clear plastic bag was the embodiment of the reason she was dreading setting foot in her childhood church. Her eyes swept over the ivory lace and the crystal beaded bodice and it all came back. In the dark corner of a closet it was just a gown but on a certain day that seemed so long ago it had been her wedding dress.

***

In front of a full length mirror in a room commonly used for children’s bible study with cartoon drawings of Noah and his animals covering the walls, Valerie stood taking in the sight of herself as a bride. With shaking hands she smoothed over the ivory fabric hugging her hips. With the help of nearly the whole town, everyone they knew, Gabriel and Valerie had managed to throw their wedding together in just one month. It would be beautiful and she was sure they would have a wonderful time but staring at herself, she suddenly couldn’t move. She heard the door and whipped around to see her mother smiling brightly.

“Dad’s almost ready. He’ll be in in a few minutes.” Her mother’s face fell just a bit as she caught Valerie’s panicked stare. It was as if she could read her mind.

“What am I doing?” Valerie asked

Her mother’s lips went thin but she gave another cheery smile. “You’re getting married.”

“What am I doing?” Valerie asked again in a whisper.

“You and Gabe are starting your life together,” her mother said, stumbling over her words.
Our life together? Try four months, best case scenario
, Valerie thought. She willed herself to be happy about the event, the moment she’d been dreaming of since she first scribbled his last name alongside her first name. But happiness didn’t come. The only thing that filled her mind was visions of him getting sicker and sicker. She’d be a young bride then a young widow and the two titles would haunt her forever. She took another disapproving glance at herself in the mirror. With her hair swept up and color in her cheeks, she was a picture of perfect health about to marry her opposite.

“What am I doing?” Valerie repeated forcefully, stifling the scream threatening to tear her lungs apart.

“You’re giving a dying man his wish, Valerie,” her mother snapped back.

She sucked in a breath at the words, shocked by her own retort. It was true though. As much as she tried to fight the thought, Gabriel wasn’t going to survive. He wouldn’t be a miracle patient who beat the odds.

The fear and dread suddenly escaped her and a feeling of calm overcame her. In her heart she knew Gabriel wouldn’t make it to their first anniversary. But she wasn’t doing this for herself. Her mother was right. Gabriel’s last wish was to marry his best friend. So with a deep breath, Valerie took one last fleeting glance at herself as a bride and knew heavy-heartedly it might not be the only time she wore a wedding gown. Her father came in and linked his arm with hers and she made her way down the aisle to her groom.

Gabriel held up the whole night much to everyone’s surprise. He danced and gave a speech, not once mentioning what seemed to be a neon blinking sign throughout the reception hall. C-A-N-C-E-R. He had a bit of color in his cheeks and a smile on his face from the time they said ‘I do’ until they waved goodbye walking down a path made by their friends and family, each of whom held a  gold sparkler in the night air.

The limo was headed to The Kelley Inn, the local bed and breakfast they’d chosen for their one night honeymoon. Travel was out of the question per his doctor’s orders so they settled on the cozy inn where they could sit by candlelight and enjoy each other’s company. Valerie expected nothing more. She hadn’t thought Gabriel would have so much energy at the wedding and she certainly didn’t think he’d have the energy for a proper honeymoon.

Valerie peered in the room and smirked. The candles were already lit and flowers were all around the room including white rose petals on the bed.