Reckless Radiance (6 page)

She could pull over and call the cops. Tell them everything. Then again, she was only an hour and a half away from her parents.
Mommy and daddy.
If ever in her life she felt the need for her mommy and daddy, it was now.

She could keep driving, try to bury him or take him to the lake and move home for a while and never speak or think of any of it again. She pondered that idea for a while and her head was quickly stuck on one thing. Russell’s body. His dead body. There was currently a dead man in her trunk and she was just feet from him, separated by only a little bit of steel and upholstery.

Up ahead she saw the dim glow of a rest stop. Should she risk being caught by a policeman who stopped for a break? It didn’t matter. Maybe she wanted that to happen. Either way, she wanted to see him.

Pulling in slowly, she scanned the empty parking lot like a paranoid criminal.
If the shoe fits, right?
She parked the car underneath one of ten street lights that lined the lot. Her breath was heavy and she could hear her pulse in her ears imagining her blood was near the brink of boiling. Her hands shook and suddenly her eyes brimmed with tears. She felt trapped inside that car. Inside her body, too. She wanted to be in Russell’s place.

She glanced around the lot again seeing only semis parked for a night’s sleep. With her best stealth moves, she slinked out of the driver’s seat and around to the back of the car. Her eyes lingered on the trunk for what seemed like hours. The chill in the air made her breath show as fog each time she exhaled a quivering sigh. The street lamp above cast an ominous blue glow over everything including her skin, making it look paler. Ghostly. The light flickered every few minutes and each time it happened, she jumped and took another suspicious scan of the rest stop.

Enough was enough. If she didn’t look at him one more time, she didn’t know how she would react when she went to bury him. Every time she thought those words or pictured herself with a shovel, she felt sick.

With shaking hands and bated breath she slid the key into the lock and heard the dreaded pop of the trunk. She closed her eyes as she raised the hood. Her eyes slit open barely to look upon his body. Valerie gasped and her eyes flew open wide seeing what could only be described as a ridiculous sight.

Russell lay propped up on one elbow, eyes open, chest moving, cheeks pinked, looking at his cell phone.

“I can explain," he said.

Fear swelled inside her tight chest and she felt like the air had been sucked out of her. She locked eyes with him and her chin quivered. Her thoughts were battling each other trying to make sense of the moment. She’d seen him dead, she knew it. She’d felt his blood on her hands. Then again, she thought Russell had been across the room when the shot fired but somehow he’d taken the bullet. It didn’t make any sense. Henry had stuffed him in the trunk but he was now climbing out and coming toward her with his arms outstretched. She stumbled back away from him with wide, glassy eyes.

“Valerie, it’s all right,” he whispered.

Her eyes moved around the abandoned lot and as soon as she knew they were alone, she sank to the ground in a fit of sobs. Her mind couldn’t take any more. She couldn’t see or hear anything. She didn’t feel the pavement below or the tears streaming down her cheeks. She was numb from the day she’d been forced to experience. For the second time in her life she held a dead man in her arms and now one of them was standing above her telling her everything was okay. He was breathing, speaking and staring at her.

Choking out a final cry, her hands rose to smear the warm tears from her eyes. She lifted her head and planted her gaze on Russell.

“How?” she asked.

He shook his head slowly. “It is…complicated.”

With his sweet voice in her ears, her chin began to tremble and though she thought she didn’t have enough tears left, she let go of another sob. This time Russell dropped to his knees beside her, his closeness comforting and frightening her all at once.  

“I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

She shivered as she stared into his enlivened face. Valerie remembered the first time she watched Gabriel have a seizure. It was a trauma she’d never experienced and sitting in his hospital room later, he’d said the same words.
Sorry you had to see that.
Her trust had been placed in those hollow words and now they threatened her sanity.

She breathed in deep and lifted herself off the ground with a new burst of energy. With her feet under her, she smoothed out her clothes and exhaled the air she’d been holding in her lungs. Time to get it together. Time to deal. When Gabriel died, she ran away. Russell had died and her plan was the same. This time she was being forced to deal with it. Whatever crazy miracle let Russell sit up unharmed in her trunk—maybe it was just as much for her as it was for him.

“Come on,” she said plainly, turning to head back to the driver’s seat.

Russell stared at her carefully. Her eyes widened and she gestured for him to get in the car. When he turned away from her, she gasped at the sight of the hole in his shirt. There was a slight difference of color in a large circle on the back of him. Though his shirt was black, she saw his blood as a darker, shining wet patch across his back. Valerie ran to him and he turned. Their bodies were almost touching and without thinking, she raised her hands to the buttons on his shirt, tending to him. He looked confused as she unbuttoned his shirt all the way, careful not to touch his skin.

“You’re covered in blood,” she sighed.

Russell nodded gently and pulled out of his shirt. She held back another gasp when she saw the wound on his chest. It was pink and horribly bruised but it was healed.
Healing.
Russell caught her looking and folded his arms.

“There’s a blanket in the--,” she started but he cut her off.

“The trunk. I know.” His voice was barely a whisper but carried a touch of a grumble.

She tossed the bloodied shirt in the trunk and pulled the blanket out, handing it to him before closing the lid, hurrying to get the car started. Russell tucked into the seat next to her, looking uncomfortable.

Silence sat between them for a few minutes. The road in front of them was dark the further she drove into the country and away from the interstate. Her own breath was keeping time with Russell’s and suddenly she looked at him, half-expecting he wouldn’t be there. It would have almost been easier if she’d turned out to be insane. But there he was, beautiful and silent, staring out the window, giving a heavy sigh.

“Do you want me to take you somewhere?” she asked.

“Where are
you
going?” he asked quietly.

“My parent’s house. It’s not too much farther. I could take you somewhere else, though. If you want,” she replied.

His head moved and she glanced back at him watching sadness wash over his face. “I don’t really belong anywhere,” he said in a daze.

“I need you to tell me what’s going on,” she blurted.

He turned to her slowly. “Everything is going to be all right.”

“Tell me how you’re not dead, Russell. Or even hurt,” she growled the words in drawn out determination, her patience suddenly gone.

“That is not a good idea while you’re driving,” he replied.

Valerie huffed and stifled a scream. He was quiet beside her. Almost as if nothing had happened. How could he sit there knowing he’d just climbed out a trunk that he’d entered dead? How could he be fine with tagging along to her parent’s farm knowing he was meant to be buried there?

“So you won’t tell me anything?” she prodded.

She waited, only to be met with the sound of a sigh from the passenger seat.

“Just tell me you’re okay,” she whispered.

She turned to look at him and when their eyes met for a brief moment, he gave her a pained half-smile. “I am fine.”

Well, I’m not
, she thought.

Russell stayed silent the rest of the trip even as she navigated the dirt and gravel roads leading to her family home. Until he saw the massive old farm house standing in the dark of night, then Russell sighed. It was a beautiful home and as afraid as she was, she was also glad to be back.

Valerie looked at Russell and gave him a wary smile. He nodded and they both opened their doors and headed to the back of the house.

“Hang on,” she whispered. She fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone and felt her stomach begin to roll as she typed the text message.

He survived. I’m not coming back.

A second after she sent it the phone buzzed in her hand and Henry’s name popped up on the screen. The shaking in her hands that had subsided from earlier returned as she dismissed the call only to see a message from Henry flash.

Answer my call. What do you mean he survived?

Glancing up, she saw Russell peering down at the phone, watching the interaction with tight lips.

He’s alive. But if you ever call me again, I’ll make sure the police know it was you that shot him.

Russell snorted and she shot him a look.

“That’s one way to get rid of him,” he muttered.

The back door cracked open and Valerie’s heart nearly stopped. He looked taller than the last time she had seen him. Her brother, Justin, stood in a t-shirt and flannel pants looking sleepy and confused. She felt like crying at the sight of her baby brother looking so grown up. He held the storm door open as they walked in on tiptoe. She saw Justin look Russell up and down as he passed through the door. No doubt he wondered what the hell was going on.

“Hey buddy, it’s good to see you,” she said, pulling her brother in for a long tight hug.

“Uh—you, too. Explanation please?” he said into her hair as guilt rolled through her. Her brother was so good to her and what had she done for him?
Run away.

She sighed, too tired to evade his plea. “This is my friend Russell. We’re staying the night.”

She gave him a pleading look and he shrugged. They followed him down the hall with careful steps. Again, she was the paranoid criminal looking in every direction making absolutely positive her parents weren’t awake. She wasn’t ready to talk to them yet. She needed some rest before facing them. The door to her brother’s room closed behind the three of them.

“Does he need a shirt?” Justin asked, pointing to Russell. Russell dipped his head and let out a soft chuckle. She hadn’t even thought about how ridiculous the two of them looked showing up out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Justin must’ve thought she was insane bringing home a shirtless stranger. She pulled a random item out of the clean laundry pile on Justin’s dresser and tossed the shirt to Russell.

“Come on, we can sleep in my room,” she said before she hurriedly told Justin goodnight and they ducked down the hall before he could object.

Her old bedroom was two doors down so it was easy to slink in without making any extra noise. She pulled her door closed behind Russell and took a moment to take in the view of her childhood bedroom. It was, as her mother had told her every time she reminded Valerie she could come home, just as she left it. There were pictures of Gabriel and Valerie everywhere. Her dried prom corsage sat on her vanity along with a curling iron and some makeup. It was a picture of a moment in time and everything had been waiting around for her to come back.

Russell cleared his throat and looked at her inquisitively as she gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’ll take the floor,” he said lightly.

All she wanted to do was ask again but she was too scared.

In the closet she found a few pillows and a blanket on the top shelf and handed them to Russell. He nodded and prepared his makeshift bed as she prepared hers. Pulling the covers down, an unexpected giggle escaped her lips when she realized she’d been the one to make the bed last and the covers were merely pulled over a mess of rumpled sheets.
Literally just as I left it
, she thought.

“Goodnight,” Russell muttered, standing up to flip off the light.

As soon as the room went dark, moonlight flooded in and she could still see the outline of Russell’s body standing near the door. She watched silently as he dropped the blanket from around his shoulders. She sucked in a ragged breath at the sight of the lumpy scar in the middle of his chest, spotted with dried blood. The wound was flesh colored instead of pink. His bruises had turned from black and blue to green and violet.

The ceiling kept her attention as her thoughts continued to race. She thought of the moments leading up to the surprise of Russell being alive. She was so terrified. Her stomach had been so twisted. She thought of every single day she’d spent with Henry and her stomach began to knot even more. Emotions fluttered inside of her and she let out a sniffle.

She tried to muffle the sounds of her tears into her pillow. She tried to suppress all of the fear and anxiety that had been building inside of her. Russell shifted and suddenly he was standing next to her bed. She tried not to look up at him towering above her in the dark. Slowly he pulled a corner of the covers back and climbed in next to her without saying a word. At first he was still, keeping his distance but remaining present.

Soon Russell’s hand reached out to smooth over her hair and he tenderly traced her tears away with his fingertip. For a moment it seemed suddenly brighter in the room. Valerie figured the water matting her eyelashes was letting the moonlight sparkle into her eyes. In a quiet moment with her new enigmatic ally, with his warmth near her and his gentle touch upon her face, she felt what she never thought she’d be able to feel again.
Peace.

Her eyes started to grow heavier as calm washed over her. Thankful sleep was on its way, a smile crept on her face as Russell’s fingers swept over her cheek.

“Russell?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

Her eyes sank shut and her voice came out as a breathy sigh. “What are you?”

Twilight was upon her and she was on the verge of a dream but she heard his reply. She was sure she heard him clearly before she drifted off.