Redemption (22 page)

After Kari left, Pastor Mark was unable to get back into the sermon he was writing. What had happened to the Baxter family? Weren’t they the shining example among the congregation? He thought about Elizabeth and John, their early years, the way they’d seemed to have such a strong relationship with their children.

So why did everything seem to be coming apart now?

He and John Baxter had been meeting once a week for most of the past decade, encouraging each other in their faith, sharing each other’s burdens. John was on the church board, and it had been a relief for Mark to know he could unload some of his own trials to someone as trustworthy as John Baxter.

As a result, Mark knew more about the Baxters’ tragedies and triumphs than anyone else.

There was Brooke, who with her husband had clearly chosen the pathways of medical science and professional achievement over the truths of the faith.

Ashley’s situation was possibly worse. Not only had she walked away from God, but she also harbored a secret, something she refused to discuss though it isolated her from everyone who might have mattered in her life—everyone including Landon Blake, the young fireman who had pursued her since they were both teenagers.

And lately he’d noticed trouble brewing with Luke. Something in his critical comments and sharp tones, tones that had been kind and gentle the year before. John hadn’t mentioned it, but Mark was concerned all the same.

Worries about Elizabeth’s health were ongoing, of course. And now, on top of it all, came Kari’s difficulties. Pastor Mark’s heart broke for her—both for her pain and for her temptation.

Pastor Mark thought about the Baxters’ struggles for a moment and knew there was only one possible reason for them. It was spiritual warfare, pure and simple. Something great and amazing must be standing on the other side of these dark times; otherwise, the enemy wouldn’t work so hard to discourage this family.

Yes, that must be it.

Surely good times were right around the corner.

Pastor Mark allowed himself to imagine Brooke and Peter remembering that true knowledge and success come from God alone. Ashley confiding in her family, telling the truth about her past, finding healing and maybe even love. Tim Jacobs changing his ways, falling to his knees, and begging Kari’s forgiveness. Elizabeth living to a joyful old age.

It was possible that none of this would turn out the way he hoped—the way he prayed. But even then, Pastor Mark was certain God would faithfully see the Baxter family through their difficulties.

He thanked the Lord for that even as he wondered how much worse life could get for the Baxters before they arrived on the other side.

Mark leaned back in his chair and gazed out his office window. He thought about Kari and Brooke and Ashley and John and Elizabeth.

A lot worse, he guessed. A whole lot worse.

He would pray for them daily, as he’d been doing for some time now, ever since he and John had begun meeting together. But there had to be something else, something tangible he could do to help.

His fingers found their way to the computer mouse, and he clicked open a file of church member profiles. He hesitated a long time before making the next move. If Kari had been any other member, he wouldn’t have considered breaking a confidence and making the call.

But this time . . . maybe it was what was needed.

Mark scanned the alphabetical list until he found the work number for Tim Jacobs.

Okay, Lord, use this phone call. Please . . .

And with that he began to dial.

Chapter Fifteen

Kari was dusting her parents’ piano when Luke walked in, tossed his gym bag on the bench in the foyer, and flopped onto a chair a few feet away, his basketball still under his arm. He was playing on an intramural team at Indiana University that semester, and his games were on Saturday mornings.

“Hi.” She kept dusting, but she could see him staring at her. He looked frustrated, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite find the words.

Finally he cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology.”

The dust rag froze in Kari’s hand, and she looked over her shoulder at her brother. “What for?”

“Because—” he pinched his lips together—“because I’m sorry you married the jerk.” Luke’s eyes twinkled, and he tossed his ball at her.

In a single fluid motion she dropped the dust rag and caught the ball. Kari could feel the patience draining from her expression. “Am I supposed to laugh?”

Luke turned and gazed out the front window, his eyes narrowed. “I just hate what he’s doing to you.”

She was still holding the ball where she’d caught it, inches from the piano, as she studied her brother. She clutched the ball to her midsection. Everyone had handled news of her pregnancy fairly well—except Luke. He had seemed even more distant than before, and Kari had not known how to bridge the gap between them.

But now, here was her baby brother, all grown up with a mop of blond hair and a lanky frame larger than their dad’s, trying to find the words to connect with her again. It was the first effort he’d made since she’d been home.

A tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it with her free hand, waiting for Luke to finish saying what was on his heart.

After a while, he shook his head and turned his gaze back to hers. “I haven’t been—” He dug his fingers into his hair and released a frustrated burst of air. “I’m sorry, Kari. The last thing you need is two jerks.”

Kari tossed the ball back to Luke, and he caught it deftly in one hand, drawing it securely against his body. She leaned against the piano and gave him a crooked smile. “Two jerks . . . hmmm, let’s see. My husband, Tim, and . . .” She was teasing him, speaking the language he knew best.

He grinned, and the lines on his face eased. “Me, goofy. Ever since Tim left, I’ve treated you like—” he waved his hand in the air—“like you have some kind of disease.”

She angled her head, seeing him as the towheaded little kid he’d been when she was in high school. Her heart swelled with understanding. “Thanks.”

A sigh slipped through Luke’s clenched teeth, and he looked like he was about to cry. “He makes me so mad, Kari. I respect what you’re doing and all, but part of me wishes you’d dump him and get on with your life. You deserve better.”

Kari crossed the room and sat in the chair next to him, their knees nearly touching. “I know. I feel like that sometimes too.” She willed him to see her point of view. “But I really believe he’s going through a stage, a bad time or a midlife crisis or something, and somehow we can get through it.”

Luke studied her, and Kari saw that the hard edge was gone, even if he still struggled with her decision.
“You
believe it . . . or you believe that’s what God wants you to say?”

The air leaked from Kari’s lungs as she sat back in the chair, her eyes still fixed on his. “I can’t separate the two. What God wants is what I want. Without him in our marriage we have nothing, anyway.”

He nodded. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“You understand, right?”

“Not really.” His eyes searched hers. “But these past few days, God’s been on me every minute.”

Kari smiled. “He has a way of doing that.”

“He wasn’t letting me off the hook until we talked.”

Kari looked out the window. Though it was fall, temperatures hovered near the eighty-degree mark that afternoon, and after a week of cool weather Kari was glad for the change. She’d spent the past four nights at her own house and actually appreciated the solitude; it gave her time to follow Pastor Mark’s suggestions. Since Tuesday she’d read a book about restoring broken relationships and written four letters to Tim, each of which she put in an envelope and placed on their dining-room table.

If Tim came home and she was gone, there was no way he could miss them.

She’d made some phone calls too. But since that first one, there’d been no answer at Angela Manning’s apartment. Kari figured the woman had caller ID. She doubted they’d answer again unless she called from a pay phone or a friend’s house—some number Angela and Tim wouldn’t recognize.

Kari shifted her gaze back to Luke. Their parents were gone for the day, and Kari had decided to stay in the guest room for the weekend. Solitude was one thing, but after four days the loneliness, mingled with her fading morning sickness, had left her practically desperate for the comfort and welcome of the old Baxter house—especially in light of Tim’s silence toward her.

Her throat was thick as she tried to explain herself to her brother: “When I take my marriage to God, the answer is always the same.” Kari glanced out the window again at the red and yellow leaves sifting down from the trees in their yard. “Somewhere around the corner, I believe God has something very good planned for me. But I also believe he wants me to honor the commitment I made to Tim, at least for now. Even if Tim isn’t doing the same. Does that make any sense?”

“I guess.” Luke’s eyes still held a layer of bewilderment, as if the concept of standing by someone like Tim was as foreign as living on the moon. But he was listening, and that much made her feel better.

“Anyway . . . I’m glad we talked.” She leaned forward and jabbed her finger at his side, the place where he’d been the most ticklish since he was a boy. “At least I know my little brother still loves me.”

A blush spread across Luke’s cheeks, and he tossed the ball to her once more. “Want to play? Out front . . . like old times?”

Kari laughed. “Maybe that’s what I need.”

“Get changed.” He was out the door apparently without another thought to the depth of the conversation they had just had.

She watched him go and remembered months when the two of them played basketball out front nearly every day, times when Brooke was away at college and Ashley was learning to play guitar and Erin was giggling with her friends. Back when Ryan was off at Oklahoma University and Kari was looking for ways to pass the time until his next visit.

She ran upstairs and put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. She was losing a heated game of H-O-R-S-E when Luke hit a long-range shot, turned, and faced her straight on. “So what’s the deal with Ryan Taylor?”

Kari grabbed the ball and dribbled between her legs. “That’s the nice thing about big families.” She was out of breath but invigorated by the fresh air and exercise. “No secrets.”

Luke used the toe of his shoe to point to the spot where he’d made the bucket, and Kari tried but tossed up an air ball. “H-O-R-S.” Luke grinned at her. “Erin told me.” The ball settled a few feet away from the basket. Luke jogged over, scooped it up, and did an underhand layup.

“The deal is nothing. Nothing at all.” Kari took a bounce pass from her brother and made a similar shot. “Take that!”

Luke grabbed the ball and held it, turning his attention completely on Kari. “Are you sure?”

At that moment a truck pulled into their driveway and parked fifteen feet from the basketball court. Kari knew the driver’s profile as well as she knew her own. Her heart flip-flopped inside her.

It was Ryan Taylor.

She watched Luke’s eyes narrow as he studied the man behind the wheel. He passed the ball to Kari. “Nothing, huh?”

Ryan climbed out of the truck and caught her eye as he came toward them.
Lord, what’s he doing here . . . and why does he still move me after all these years?

She heard no holy response, just the thump of her heart beating twice as fast as before.

Ryan had nearly reached them when he pointed down the road. “Sign back there says there’s a H-O-R-S-E tournament today.” He held out both hands, and Kari passed him the ball, feeling herself relax in his presence, as if no time had passed since those companionable summers long ago. “This must be the place.”

Luke grinned, and Kari saw on his face how much her brother admired Ryan. “Kari’s got H-O-R-S. I’m still clean. Pick your shot.”

Ryan winked at Kari and eyed the basket. “Let’s see if we can’t dirty up your record a little.” He dribbled across the court, searching out the perfect spot.

Kari stood back some and studied him, keenly aware of the impact he had on her emotions, her memories. Whatever his real reason for coming by this afternoon, he was keeping things light and at a surface level. If she hadn’t known him so well, she would have thought there was nothing more to his visit than the chance to shoot a few baskets with some old friends.

A particular memory flitted across her mind, something her friend Mandy had said the year they graduated from high school. Mandy had been over at Kari’s house that day, and Ryan had stopped by on his way back to college after a long weekend at home. The two had spent a half hour outside talking while Mandy stayed in chatting with Brooke. When Kari came back inside, Mandy clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and leveled a knowing look at Kari. “You and Ryan need each other the way most people need air.”

Brooke had nodded her agreement. “I’ll say this for you, Kari. What you and Ryan have isn’t something that goes away with time. If you don’t marry him, you’ll spend a lifetime wishing you had.”

The memory faded as Ryan launched a long-distance shot that slid down the center of the hoop without even slightly disturbing the net. He pointed at Luke, his eyes dancing. “Can’t touch the rim.”

The contest went on for half an hour before Luke finally emerged the winner. “You guys take round two.” He tossed the ball to Ryan. “I’ve got a poli-sci test to cram for.”

Ryan bounced it back to Luke. “That’s okay. Your sister would probably beat me, anyway.” Luke laughed and took the ball inside, leaving them there alone. Ryan shoved his hands deep into his jeans pockets and gazed at Kari. “Want to take a walk?”

Be careful.

There it was. This time Kari was sure the silent voice was God’s.
He’s just an old friend.
But even as she tried to convince herself, she was riddled with guilt. Ryan had never been
just
a friend. Not when they were teenagers and not now. Brooke was right. What she and Ryan shared wasn’t something that went away with time.

She clenched her teeth. Still, why couldn’t she spend an afternoon with him?
I’ve been too lonely. I deserve this much.
The uneasy feeling faded. Kari smiled shyly at Ryan. “That’d be nice.”