Authors: Lauren Crossley
Chapter Sixteen
Six months later…
“Sam,
you’re glowing!” Audrey gushes, greeting me with a kiss as I join her.
We
arranged to meet outside a quaint little coffee shop which has outdoor seating,
deciding to embrace the warmth of September before it turns colder.
“I
really don’t feel like I am!” I exclaim, brushing my hair back over my
shoulder. “I feel bloated, stretched, sore and exhausted.”
“What
a nice combination.” She jokes playfully, sitting back down in her seat.
“Tell
me about it.”
“Is
he still kicking you as much as before?”
“Yes!”
I declare loudly, pretending to be infuriated by this. “And I have no idea why.
I swear he’s going to be a footballer when he grows up.”
“Nice
profession.” Audrey adds, rolling her eyes at me.
“So
how are you?” I ask, picking up the menu so I can peruse its contents.
“Sam,
I’m not the one who is important right now. You’re due in eight weeks!”
“Don’t
remind me.” I groan, stroking my stomach.
“Are
you nervous?”
“Kind
of.” I admit, considering my answer. “I guess it’s just the fear of not knowing
what to expect.”
“You…
you haven’t heard anything more from Ian since we last spoke?”
“No,
thank goodness. I think he’s finally got the message.”
“Is
he still insisting that you have the DNA test done?”
“He
can have it if he wants.” I reply curtly. “The results will still be the same
because he’s not the father.”
“And
you’re certain about that?” She enquires, observing me closely.
“Audrey,
we hadn’t even slept together in two months when Zack found me. It proves that
our relationship was failing but neither one of us wanted to face it at the
time. My due date proves that Ian can’t be the father and he knows that. He’s
just holding onto something false because he can’t accept that we’re over.”
My
statement is true. Ian has been driving me insane these past few months,
especially when he found out about my pregnancy. He was convinced I was lying
to him about my baby’s father and has been pestering me ever since.
I’ve
promised him a DNA test as soon as my son is born and look forward to the day
he will finally move on and leave me alone.
“Oh,
no.” Audrey groans, averting her gaze quickly. “Sam, please don’t look behind
you.”
“Why?
What’s wrong?” I demand, automatically turning around so I can see what she’s
staring at.
Oh,
God… no.
Not
him.
It
can’t be, can it?
Zack…
My
stomach churns and my heart feels like it might leap out of my chest. My palms
turn sweaty and my whole body starts to shake.
“Do
you want to leave?” Audrey offers, reaching for her handbag so we can make a
rapid exit.
“No,
it’s ok.” I whisper, cradling my head in my hands. “It’s just the first time
that I’ve seen him since… since his accident.”
“This
must be horrendous for you.” She empathises, placing her hand on top of mine.
“Come on, let’s go.”
She
won’t take no for an answer, helping me out of my seat so we can walk in the opposite
direction.
“Who
is he with?” I ask, needing to know.
“He’s
with her.” She replies solemnly, hurrying me down the street.
“Rachel?”
I blurt out, coming to a standstill. “He’s
with
her?”
“And
their little girl.” She adds, glancing back over her shoulder.
I
try to resist but find it impossible, doing the exact same so I can gain one last
look at him.
Just
one glimpse.
He
is
with her, holding hands with my sister and carrying his daughter.
They look perfect together, the three of them seem so happy, strolling along
the sidewalk without a care in the world.
“We
should go.” I mumble, needing to put as much distance between us as possible.
“Come
on.” Audrey comforts me, placing her arm around my shoulders.
One
glimpse was all I needed of the man I used to love.
The
man I
still
love.
The
father of my unborn baby.
The
man who didn’t remember.
Epilogue
Four years later…
“Jamie,
please slow down!” I beg my four year old, chasing after him in the
supermarket.
My
son is like a whirlwind, tearing down each aisle in his important quest for
sweets. I can barely keep up with him, terrified he’s going to knock somebody
over or upset one of the shelves.
“Mama,
can I have this?” He asks, picking up a jar of blue sweets and looking up at me
expectantly.
“Only
if you
promise
to save them until you’ve had your dinner.” I warn him,
using my sternest voice.
“I
do
promise.” He says, grinning up at me in triumph.
“Ok
then.” I concede, chuckling lightly. “You can have them.”
I
take the sweets from my son and make my way up to the counter, searching the
contents of my handbag in an attempt to locate my purse.
“Is
that all?” The shopkeeper asks me, smiling warmly.
“I
think so.” I answer, glancing down to see if Jamie has picked up something else
on our journey.
Except
he isn’t there.
He’s
gone.
Vanished.
“Is
everything ok?” The friendly cashier questions, noticing my fear.
“Jamie?!”
I cry, racing back down the aisle I just came from. “Jamie, where are you?”
This
is my worst nightmare. The one thing every parent dreads has actually happened.
My
little boy is missing
The
knowledge of this has submerged me in darkness. I can’t hear anything apart
from an excruciating noise inside my head, separating me from reality and
drowning out everything apart from my terror.
“Mama!”
I
whirl around, struggling to figure out where his voice came from.
“Jamie?!”
“Whoa…
careful where you’re going, buddy.”
I
hear a deep, masculine voice to my right and I follow it, barging past the
customers who refuse to get out of my way.
I
can only see the back of a man’s head because he’s kneeling down in front of
Jamie, helping him back up onto his feet.
“I
think I ‘urt my knee.” My little boys sniffs, feeling sorry for himself as he
wipes away his tears.
“Well
I think you’re being really brave.” The unknown gentleman assures him kindly. “Is
your mummy with you?”
“Mama?!”
Jamie cries, holding his arms out for me.
I
rush towards him, cradling him in my arms as soon as I pick him up.
“Shh,
I’m here now. Are you ok, baby?”
I
smother him with kisses, trying to comfort him as well as convince myself that
he’s really ok.
The
man who found him politely clears his throat, capturing my attention. Placing
Jamie on my hip, I turn around so I can thank this stranger for his kindness.
That’s
when I see him.
We’re
face to face and I can’t move.
Zack
.
He’s
standing right in front of me with a bemused expression on his face. It’s
obvious he’s unaware of the impact he’s just had and I don’t know how to react
to him.
“I
guess this must be your mum?” Zack grins at Jamie, ruffling his hair lightly.
“I-I
am.” I stammer, my heart racing.
“He
took quite a fall but I think he’ll be ok. I have a little girl a couple years
older than him and she would have screamed the place down if she took a tumble
like that.” He says, addressing me like I’m a complete stranger. “He’s a brave
boy.”
“I
am.” Jamie beams, feeling pleased with himself.
“T-thank
you.” I murmur, struggling to remain standing.
I
don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I should feel
or how I should behave. I’m completely lost, floundering and helpless now I’m face
to face with the man who still consumes me.
The
man I let go.
“You’re
welcome.” He replies. “See you later.”
He
waves at Jamie before he turns around and walks away. I watch him for a few
moments before I put my son down, encouraging him to walk now we know he hasn’t
hurt himself too badly.
“Mama,
what’s wrong?” My four year old asks, noticing that something is wrong with me.
We’re
halfway across the car park and I’m still shaking, trembling uncontrollably
because I know Zack is still close by.
“Nothing,
baby. Come on let’s get out of here.”
I
deliberately speed up, hastening our footsteps when I hear Zack’s voice calling
out for me.
“Excuse
me, Miss?”
He
catches up with us, placing a hand on my arm to stop me from leaving. His touch
awakens something deep down inside of me, something which has been dormant for
so long.
“Yes?”
I ask him, feigning ignorance.
“I…
I know this might sound like a strange question but… do I know you? Have we met
before?”
He
looks nervous, staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes of his. The same ones
I fell in love with all those years ago.
I
inhale slowly, realising I have a choice to make.
A
very simple choice.
I
can lie to him or I can tell him the truth about who I am and what we once
meant to each other.
Guess
which one I choose?
“No.”
I answer him simply, smiling weakly. “We’ve never met.”
“Oh,
I’m sorry.” He apologises sincerely, raking his fingers through his short brown
hair. “I just thought you looked familiar.”
I
nod my head and turn around, holding onto my son’s hand so tight.
“Mama,
who was that nice man?” He asks me, sounding concerned.
I
knew down in front of him and stroke his face, placing a soft kiss in the
centre of his voice.
“That
man is your daddy.” I reveal calmly, awaiting his response.
“What?
My real daddy?” He demands, his sweet face lighting up with excitement.
“That’s
right.” I confirm. “Do you want me to tell you about him?”
“Tell
me, Mama.”
We
walk home together hand in hand, taking a small detour by the lake on our
journey back. It’s the place I used to come to with Zack and bring Jamie here
often.
It’s
the one place I feel close to him.
We
walk alongside it while I tell my son all about his father and what an
incredible man he is. I also tell him about the day he will finally come back
to us…
The
day he will remember.
Zack
I
don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head.
I
don’t know why I’m still thinking about her.
I
can’t stop.
It’s
been two weeks since I helped her little boy in the store and I’ve been
tormented by her ever since.
She
told me we hadn’t met and I believed her at the time. She was so convincing, I
thought I’d made a mistake and got it wrong.
Except…
I swear I felt something. I don’t know what it was but I definitely felt it.
A
feeling so strong it consumed me, forcing me to chase her and her son out of
the supermarket like a lunatic.
I
guess I just felt this
need
to speak with her some more. I had a need to
touch her, find out about her and even ask if she had a husband.
I
presumed she did at first because of her little boy but then I noticed she
didn’t have a ring on her finger. I guess it was enough of an incentive for me
because I bailed halfway through being served, racing out the store so I could
find her.
I
couldn’t see her at first, panicking at the thought of her vanishing.
That’s
when I saw her.
She
was walking halfway across the carpark so I had to run to catch up with them. I
thought she might freak out but she was really nice, promising me we had never
met before.
I’m
still not so sure…
I
even asked Rachel about it a few days later, describing the young woman to her.
I hoped she might have been able to give me some answers but she told me she
didn’t know anything.
I thought
she might have been hiding something at first but she has no reason to lie me now
we’re separated.
Things
were so different after my accident because I could barely remember anything.
Rachel told me my parents had died as well as my brother and grief took over,
erasing the desire I had to remember.
I
couldn’t believe I had a daughter, a two year old little girl I couldn’t even
remember.
It
took a lot of therapy for me to sort my head out. I was in hospital for weeks
but still didn’t feel at home when I moved back in with Rachel.
Something
wasn’t right but I didn’t know what it was.
I
still
don’t know.
Rachel
eventually broke down and confessed that we weren’t together before my
accident. She said I had broken off our engagement and left her devastated. I
couldn’t remember any of it but felt so guilty, she had been so supportive,
taking care of me when most people wouldn’t.
I
felt like I owed her to try again. We both owed it to Amber and that’s why we
tried to make it work.
It
didn’t last of course. I think we made it twelve months before I had to end it.
Rachel was furious and I could understand why. I had given her false hope and
then took it all away again.
We’ve
now reached the stage where we can be civil to one another, trying our best to
get along for Amber’s sake.
My
little girl is six now and she’s happy, confident, beautiful and independent.
She’s exactly like her mother and I love her dearly.
Except
something is still missing.
I
stopped seeing my therapist two years ago but still have his number. I’m
seriously considering going to see him again because I don’t know how much
longer I can go on like this.
His
main priority was to help me recover. I needed to overcome the fact that I had
lost my memory and try to rebuild my life. I thought that being with Rachel
again would help but it didn’t. It only made things worse.
There’s
only one place which helps. It’s the same place I visit time and time again
when I feel like this and it’s my favourite spot.
The
lake.
I
used to come here when I was a kid because I was drawn to its tranquillity. The
lake is the middle of nowhere, surrounded by beautiful countryside and several
tress, calming me the second I step foot out of the car.
Something
makes sense here.
It’s
as though this place remembers… even if I don’t.
I
don’t know how long I stay there, sitting on the bench by myself. I guess I
hoped something would come back to me today but it hasn’t.
Not
yet.
My
therapist once told me that I should never give up hope and I
won’t.
I
won’t give up because I made a vow to myself, a vow which I intend to keep.
I
promised myself that I will keep on looking for what my soul is still searching
for.
Until
the day I figure it out...
Until
the day I will remember.