Right Girl (9 page)

Chapter Eleven

Samantha

Two years later…

“Thank
you so much.” The nervous young woman says, smiling bravely. “You’ve been such
a great help to me these past few weeks.”

“There’s
no reason to thank me when you’ve been making so much progress.” I remind her,
making my way down the corridor as she follows.

“But
I really am grateful.”

“I
know you are and I’m so proud of you for the progress you’ve been making.”

“So…
same time next week?” She asks, sounding hesitant.

“I’ll
be right here.” I assure her, opening the door she can walk through it.

I
watch her walk down the street for a few seconds before I head back into the
office, greeting my manager as I enter.

“How
do you think things are going?” She enquires, referring to the woman who just
left.

“She’s
doing great.” I respond truthfully. “She’s made so much progress already.”

“That’s
all down to you, Sam. You’ve made such a difference since you’ve been working
here.”

I
can feel my cheeks turn red, embarrassed by the amount of praise she’s been giving
me since I started working here as a volunteer counsellor.

“I’d
like to think so but don’t think I can take all the credit for her improving.
She’s made some big changes and is really trying.”

“You
should still be proud of yourself. You’re a positive influence and I’m so glad
you’re a part of our team.”

“Thanks,
Liz.”

I
really hope I have made some sort of difference to the women who come here and
want our help. They’re mainly the victims of sexual abuse and phone our
helpline when they don’t know who else to turn to.

I’ve
been volunteering here for several months now and hope I’ll get an interview
next month when a position is made available. I did all of my training here and
just hope the fact that I’ve made a real commitment to the organisation will
pay off in the end.

“What
time did you say you had to be out of here?” My manager asks, causing me to
check the time on my phone.

“God,
I completely lost track of time! I should have left half an hour ago.”

I
grab my handbag, checking I have my purse and everything else I need before I
go.

“Where’s
he taking you tonight then?”

“He
won’t tell me. He said it’s a surprise.” I say, rolling my eyes in a playful
manner.

“That’s
so sweet.” She gushes, practically swooning. “You need to hold onto him, Sam.”

“It’s
our one year anniversary tomorrow so it
is
a special occasion.” I
explain, placing my handbag on my shoulder.

“You
don’t think he’s going to propose, do you?”

She’s
still seated behind her desk, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“No!
No, of course not. It’s far too soon for anything like that.” I inform her,
trying to ignore the fear building up inside of me.

“I
wouldn’t be too sure, Sam. You
have
been together for a year now, it’s a
long time.”

“I
guess...”

“By
the look on your face I’m take it you’re not ready for something like that?”

“I
best get going.” I blurt out, desperate to bring an end to this conversation.
“See you later.”

“Sam,
are you ok? I didn’t mean to upset you. I was only joking about Ian.” She
apologises, calling after me on my way out.

“I’m
fine, Cheryl. I’ll see you on Monday.”

I
race out of there, calling a taxi as I make my way down the high street. I
can’t stop my thoughts from racing, swirling around inside my head. They’re
threatening to consume me and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I
make it home in fifteen minutes, stumbling out of the taxi so I can get inside
my house.

I
need to feel safe.

I
need to close the door on the outside world and know I’m secure.

I
need to
forget
.

It
takes a hot bubble bath and a steaming cup of coffee to make me feel better.
It’s been an hour since I got home and I need to let Ian know that I’m going to
be late this evening.

I
text him, asking him to postpone our meal and then switch my phone off. He’s
bound to call me straight back if he thinks something is wrong and I can’t face
a conversation with him right now.

Not
after today…

I
know the idea of being engaged is something most women would be ecstatic about.
I also know it’s something you’re supposed to anticipate and look forward to
but it’s not like that for me.

It
never has been.

Not
since
him
.

Jumping
up onto my feet, I grab my phone. Switching it back on, I ignore the texts
which Ian has already sent me and phone the only person I can talk to. The one
person who knows my history and the only one I can confide in.

“Hello?”
My friend answers, greeting me warmly.

“Audrey,
it’s me.”

“I
know it’s you, Sam. Your name came up when you rang.” She chuckles, teasing me
playfully.

“Of
course it did.” I reply, raking my fingers through my hair as I start pacing
back and forth.

“Is
something wrong?”

“N-no,
well… yes.” I stammer. “Sort of.”

“Care
to elaborate?”

“I
think Ian is going to propose to me tonight.” I admit, staring out the window
which looks out on the back garden.

“Sam,
that’s wonderful!”

“Is
it?” I ask, sounding doubtful and uncertain.

“I
take it you’re not happy about it then?”

“I
should be, shouldn’t I? We’ve been together for a year now and everything is
going well. I
should
want this.”

“But
you don’t.” She says, waiting for me to confirm this.

“That’s
right.”

“Is
it because of…?”

She
doesn’t complete her sentence, reluctant about saying his name out loud.

“Say
it.” I encourage her, needing to hear it. “You can say his name.”

“It’s
just that you’ve never wanted me to mention him before.”

“It’s
been two years.” I tell her. “Two years and I still dream about him every
single night. How is that possible, Audrey?”

“Because
you still love him.”

I
sigh deeply, realising she’s right.

It’s
always been him…

“When
will it go away?” I ask her. “When will it stop hurting?”

“I
don’t know, Sweetheart. Maybe when you finally let him go.”

“And
what if I can’t? What if my heart won’t ever let go of him?”

“Then
you won’t find peace.” She concludes, emphasising her point clearly.

“God,
this is such a mess.” I groan, slamming the palm of my hand against the window
in front of me. “I don’t even know where he is now. I don’t know what he’s
doing or who he’s with. You haven’t heard anything from him, have you?”

“The
last time he made contact with me was a year ago. I haven’t heard anything from
him since then.”

“And
he was still looking for me then? Twelve months ago?”

“Yes.”
Audrey confirms, lowering her tone of voice.

“Why
didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Samantha,
you made me promise that I would never mention him to you again. I made sure I kept
that promise.”

“So
what do I do now?”

“Only
you
can decide that. However, you know it isn’t fair to stay with Ian if
he’s a consolation prize. If he’s not who you want to be with then you need to
end things with him for good.”

“He’ll
be devastated.” I whisper, closing my eyes so I won’t think about it. “I don’t
want to hurt him.”

“You’ll
damage him a whole lot more if you let him think he has a future with you when
he doesn’t.”

“God,
we’re supposed to be going out tonight so we can celebrate our anniversary. How
can I break up with him tonight?”

“Whether
you do it tonight or tomorrow, it’s still going to hurt him. That’s
inevitable.” She points out, forcing me to realise this.

“I
guess I better go.”

“Stay
strong, Sam. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,
Audrey. You’re such a good friend.”

“And
you’re
a good person.” She adds. “Don’t lose sight of that.”

I
decide to get ready and go ahead with my plans tonight. I can’t let Ian down
and don’t think I have the strength to break things off with him on our
anniversary.

My
plan is to go ahead with our meal tonight and deal with how I’m going to end
things with him tomorrow. I’ve only just got my head around the fact that I
can’t lie to him anymore, I can’t be with him and pretend that everything’s
alright when it’s not. It’s not fair on either one of us to drag this out any
longer.

While
I get ready for our date, I can’t help but reflect on how we met and how we
came to be together. The truth is, I never thought I would meet anyone after I
left Zack two years ago.

I
ran away from him because I was scared. I was terrified of losing him and
didn’t know how to save us.

I’ve
had to live with the knowledge that I left him ever since. I deserted him when
he needed me the most and have been struggling with the guilt of that every
single day.

I
wasn’t strong enough and that’s why I walked out on him. I let my jealousy
control my choices and that’s something I’m going to have to live with forever.

Audrey
was the one who helped me escape, providing me with a place to stay when I
first ran away. I stayed with one of her friends who had a spare room and
accepted the job she found me a couple of months later.

The
money my father left me in his will has been such a blessing, granting me most
of the opportunities I’ve been given. I can only hope it’s done the same for my
brother and sister, wanting them to have the same privileges that I have.

I
haven’t spoken to either one of them for two years now, realising my brother
must have listened to the lies my mum had told him. We’ve never been close but
it still hurts to know I have another sibling who thinks so badly of me. He’ll
be twenty-one now, graduating university and moving forward with his life. I
doubt I’ll see either of them again and have somehow managed to make peace with
that.

My
father’s money helped me to move away once I found a small place of my own and
that’s when I met Ian. He’s twenty-nine now, making him three years older than
me. He’d just inherited a couple of houses from his grandfather who passed away
right before I met him. I was interested in renting one of Ian’s properties and
he was there to show me around.

Later
on that night I received a phone call from Ian. He told me he couldn’t stand
the idea of me staying in such a rundown area and offered me one of his other
houses instead. He told me it was in a nice area and he would feel better about
me staying there on my own.

I
have to admit that I was a little surprised about his concern, wondering why a
man I didn’t know would be so thoughtful.

I
did agree to him showing me the second house and fell in love with it as soon
as I saw it. I could imagine myself living there and making it my home.

Two years earlier…
 

“You
really like it?” Ian asked, leading me into the main living room at the front
of the house.

“I
really do.” I said, making my way to the large bay windows. It’s actually
perfect.”

I
could hardly contain my excitement. The property was ideal and I just felt like
it was meant to be mine.

“Well,
it’s yours if you still want it.” He offered, watching me with a bemused
expression on his face.

“Of
course I do, I just don’t think I’ll be able to afford the rent. It has to be
more than the first house you showed me?”

“It’s
the exact same.”

“But
how is that possible? It’s much bigger, completely furnished and the location
is perfect.”

The
suburban neighbourhood was idyllic with its white picket fences and pristine
hedges. I could hardly believe my new landlord was offering it to me for the same
price as the first house he showed me.

“Can’t
you just accept that it’s the same price?”

I
turned to face him, frowning when I figured it out.

“I
don’t want preferential treatment because you’re feeling sorry for me.” I told
him, speaking sternly.

“Hey,
please don’t take any offence. I simply didn’t feel right about you renting out
my other place. It’s rundown and needs a lot of work on it. The area isn’t
great and you deserve somewhere like this instead. It really suits you.”

“And
how would you know what suits me?” I challenged him, folding my arms across my
chest.

“I
just have a feeling.”

“You
don’t even know me.”

“So
give me a chance to.” He suggested, walking towards me.

My
heartrate sped up, forcing me to take a step back. Ian was exceptionally good
looking but I couldn’t allow myself to go there. I’d only left Zack two months
before and was nowhere near ready to start anything with someone else, let
alone my landlord.

“Aren’t
I supposed to be the one trying to impress you?” I responded, trying to slow
down my breathing.

“You
already have.” He murmured, staring down at me intently. “Why do you think I
called you to come and look at this place?”

“Listen,
if this is your way of trying to ask me out then you can forget it.”

I
pushed him aside and tried to leave, startled when he placed himself between me
and my exit.

“That
would be very unprofessional, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,
it would.” I validated, averting my gaze from him.

“And
what exactly would you say if I did?”

“Did
what?”

“Ask
you out.”

“Then
I’d say no.” I confirmed, making sure he knew I was being serious.

“Boyfriend?”
He enquired, raising his eyebrows at me in a flirtatious manner.

“No.”
I whispered, fighting back my tears.

“Girlfriend?
Because I’m totally ok with that.” He smirked, causing me to smile myself.

“This
is completely inappropriate!” I chastised him, throwing my arms in the air with
frustration.

“And
yet you’re still here.”

“Because
I love the house!” I exclaimed loudly. “Not because I want you to hit on me.”

“Ok,
ok.” He said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I hold my hands up and admit
that you’re a gorgeous girl I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. I wanted
to see you again and thought you weren’t too keen on the first property I
showed you. This one is much nicer and it suits you. I can really see you
living here and I know you want it. Can we please try and ignore the fact that
I have a slightly inappropriate crush on you?”

I
narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out if he was being genuine or not.

“You
really think you can do that?”

“Absolutely.”
He replied, nodding his head. “Now let’s talk business.”