Authors: Lauren Crossley
I
can’t hear anything or make out what she says to the receptionist on the main
desk. I can’t speak, I can’t even move… all I can do is
pray
.
I’m
startled when Audrey ushers me down a corridor, following one of the nurses towards
the intensive care unit. I try to keep up with them but my senses are still
delayed, some of them are starting to come back but that might have something
to do with the adrenaline which is shooting through my veins.
We
turn the corner, entering a large waiting room with five or six people inside
it.
One
of them is Rachel.
She
jumps up from her seat, hurrying towards us. Her face is pale and stained from
the amount of tears which must have fallen, causing her eyes to look sore and
swollen.
“Thanks
for coming.” She whispers, standing directly in front of me.
“Where
is he?” I ask, commanding myself to speak.
“They
won’t let us see him because they’re working on him right now. They’ve put him
in an induced coma so they can operate.”
“Thank
God they got to him in time.” Audrey adds, guiding me towards the nearest
chair.
“They
said there’s a possibility he might have brain damage.” Rachel whimpers,
cradling her head in her hands. “Which means he might not be able to walk again,
talk or even feed himself properly.”
“Shh,
let’s sit down.” Audrey soothes her, putting an arm around us both. “All we can
do now is wait.”
The
three of us wait countless minutes, each of us praying that one of the doctors
will come out with some good news.
Audrey
fetches us some coffee, placing it down in front of me. I take a sip but it
tastes disgusting and I don’t look at it again.
It’s
taking all the strength I have to sit in this chair, waiting on a handful of
strangers to save my life or bring an end to it. Rachel’s struggling to sit
still but I can’t even move, frozen in place until I know he’s been spared.
The
three of us glance up when main doors are flung open and I inhale sharply when
mother walks in. I haven’t seen her in two years and was hoping I’d never have
to see her again. I despise this woman for everything she has done to me and
now she’s here, standing right in front of me… I hate her even more.
“What
the hell is she doing here?” She demands, pointing her finger at me in
accusation.
“Mum,
please don’t do this now.” My sister pleads, placing herself between us.
“
Why
are you here?” My mother asks, directing her question at me this time.
“She’s
here because I called her. I found her number when I was going through Zack’s
phone and I know he would want her here.” Rachel clarifies, speaking calmly.
“I
still don’t understand why you’re allowing her to be here or even contact her
after everything she’s done to you and this family.”
“That’s
enough!” Audrey intervenes, narrowing her eyes at my mother in distaste.
“She’s
right, Mum. None of this matters right now… not when the father of my little
girl is in there fighting for his life. That’s the only thing that’s important.”
“Where
is
Amber?” My cold hearted mother inquires, turning her back on me
completely so she can address Rachel.
“She’s
with Hannah.”
“Do
you want me to go and get her for you?”
“Yes
but don’t bring her in here. Take her back home with you.”
“Of
course.” She agrees, throwing one last insult at me before she leaves. “It’s
not like I want her to be in the company of a whore and a liar.”
“What
did you just say?!”
Audrey
stands up, indignant and horrified by the statement she just heard.
“Ignore
her, Audrey.” I murmur, circling her wrist with my fingers and pulling her
back. Please.”
I
feel nothing as I watch the woman who gave birth to me walk away, confident
that I will never have to set eyes on that malicious and vitriolic woman again.
The
knowledge of this sets me free and I make a silent prayer, thanking God as well
as Zack for giving me the strength to let go.
Minutes
turn into hours and hours turn into days. Time stands still and yet it moves so
quickly. I forget to do basic things which include eating and drinking, only
remembering when when Audrey insists and practically forces me to do so.
The
intensive care unit doesn’t have enough space for its visitors to spend the
night so we all have to leave once the hospital quietens down each evening.
Audrey
still has her house up here so I’ve been staying with her, rushing back and
forth between the hospital because I insist on being there each morning.
Rachel
comes by every day, struggling to manage her childcare now she’s spending so
much time in hospital. I don’t know who is looking after her daughter but I
have a feeling it must be my mum. She hasn’t been since the day we had our
altercation and I can only hope that Rachel has told her to keep away.
I
speak with Zack each night before I fall asleep. It doesn’t matter where I am
or the fact that he can’t hear me because I know my imploration is still heard.
“Come
back to me.” I whisper, kneeling down in reverence as I place my hands
together.
He
has to come back to me…
He
just has to.
Chapter Fifteen
“Sam,
he’s awake.”
I
clutch the phone to my ear, scrambling out of bed as soon as my mind is able to
process what Rachel just said to me.
“What?
Since when? Is he ok?”
“I
think you should get down here.” She advises me. “I’ll explain everything to
you then.”
I
grab a pair of clothes and speed out the door, reaching the hospital in ten
minutes. I barge my way through the doors which lead into the Intensive Care
Unit and grab hold of my sister, spinning her around to face me.
“You
got here fast.” She proclaims, staring at me incredulously.
“How
is he?
Where
is he? Is he still in his room?” I ask, bombarding her with
questions as I try and catch my breath.
“He
is but you can’t go in there right now.”
“Why
not? I need to see him!”
I
try to reach him, striding down the corridor as fast as I can but she chases
after me and pulls me back.
“Sam,
wait! There’s something you need to know.”
“What
is it?” I snap. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Zack’s
awake but… but he’s lost some of his memory.”
“He’s
what
?”
My
whole world shifts beneath me, tilting on its axis. My sight goes blurry and my
legs give way, forcing me to grab hold of the wall behind me.
“The
doctors call it post-traumatic amnesia.” She informs me, guiding me into a
private corner of the waiting room. “They say it’s quite common after someone has
suffered from a brain injury as serious as his.”
“But
it will come back, right? His memory will come back eventually?” I cry, tugging
my own hair in desperation.
“They
don’t know.” She replies softly. “Nothing is certain right now.”
“I
need to see him!” I wail, trying to get by her once more.
“Sam,
you can’t go in there.” She admonishes me, blocking my path.
“Why
not?!”
“Because
he doesn’t know who you are.”
Her
disclosure hangs between us, causing my actual heart to stop beating for a few
moments.
It
really stops.
I
can feel it.
It’s
all I can feel.
“W-what
are you talking about?” I stammer, shaking my head in disbelief.
“He
doesn’t remember you.” She clarifies smoothly, awaiting my response calmly. “The
doctors have been questioning him about what he remembers and the last event
his memory can locate is him proposing to me. Sam, he doesn’t even know who
Amber is. His own daughter is a stranger to him. If you go in there right now,
he won’t have a clue who you are and it will only upset him.”
“I
don’t believe you.” I declare boldly, shaking my head as I take a step back.
“Then
speak to his doctors.” She retorts sharply, pointing at one of them as he walks
by. “This isn’t a malicious lie which I’ve fabricated to keep you two apart.
It’s the truth.”
I
still don’t believe her and refuse to believe anything she says until I discuss
it with Zack’s doctors, requesting that one of them explains Zack’s condition
to me in private.
He
breaks it to me gently, using a compassionate tone of voice as he confirms that
Zack can’t remember anyone he has met within the last three years of his life
or anything which took place.
His
last memory is being engaged to Rachel.
Which
means he doesn’t even know I exist.
He
doesn’t know who I am.
“What
can I do? How do I make him remember who I am?” I implore Zack’s doctor,
pleading with this professional to tell me what to do.
“I
wish it was that simple but it isn’t. Injuries similar to this can take months,
maybe even years to correct themselves and sometimes… the damage might not
repair itself.”
“Are
you saying that he might never get his memory back?”
“It’s
a possibility, yes.”
My
teeth begin to chatter as my temperature drops. My whole body is quivering and
I can’t remain still. It’s like electric shocks are coursing through my veins
and I can’t focus on anything but the excruciating pain inside me as terror
consumes me.
“But
he’s only thirty-one! He’s still young and he’s healthy.”
“I’m
afraid a patient’s age and good health doesn’t make much of a difference in
cases like this.” He explains.
“But
how can I help him?” I ask. “What can I do?”
“Don’t
show him your frustration.” He instructs me. “Remain calm as well as patient.
Zack needs your tolerance right now as well as your understanding. His memory
might come back in time and if it doesn’t… he’s going to need his friends and
family around to support him.”
“Does…
does he know about his parents and his brother?” I enquire hesitantly.
“I
think your sister broke the news to him this morning.”
“She
did
?”
“She
thought it was the right thing to do. She’s the closest person to him now he’s
lost his immediate family and she’s one of the people he remembers.”
I
nod my head, wondering if this doctor even knows who I am. I’m sure Rachel
hasn’t explained things to him because he can’t seem to comprehend how
devastated I am about Zack’s condition.
“Thank
you.” I murmur, leaning back against the wall behind me.
“I
have to go now but you know where I am if you have any more questions” The
specialist says, smiling politely.
“Thank
you, Doctor.”
Rachel
comes to fine me a few hours later. She’s been inside with Zack while I’ve been
sitting on one of the benches outside. The ICU has a strict policy about their
patients having one visitor at a time so there’s been no room for anyone else
since Zack woke up. He doesn’t even know who I am so I guess that makes Rachel
the priority.
“The
doctor confirmed everything I told you?” She asks, joining me on the bench.
“That’s
right.” I reply dismally, lowering my head.
“I’m
so sorry.” She apologises, placing her hand on top of mine.
I
stare at our hands, wondering how the woman who once despised me can suddenly
forgive everything that’s happened.
“Are
you?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her in scrutiny. “Are you sorry that this is
happened?”
“
Don’t
.”
She warns me. “Don’t even go there with me.”
“I’m
sorry it’s just… I don’t know what to do!” I wail, pacing back and forth in
frustration.
“Sam,
I’m not going to lie to you… I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon with Zack
and he’s extremely confused right now. He’s exhausted, scared, grief-stricken
and lost. I don’t think he can take much more.”
“What
are you saying?”
“I
think… I think the best thing for everyone involved right now is for you to go
away.”
I
slowly turn around and face her, waiting for the moment I finally wake up from
this nightmare.
“You
want me to leave?”
“It
wouldn’t be forever.” She adds hastily. “It would just be until we figure
things out. Zack’s rehabilitation is going to be extensive. He needs me to
support him right now and I can’t do that if I feel like I have to be supporting
you as well.”
“Who
are you trying to kid, Rachel? I know you still hate me for what I did and this
is your one and only opportunity to get rid of me for good.” I accuse her
bitterly, furious with myself for not seeing it before.
“You
think that’s what I’m trying to do?” She demands, feigning outrage.
“Yes!”
“Let
me remind you that
you
were the one who slept with my fiancé behind my
back.
You
tore my whole world apart and broke my heart, yet I still
called you when Zack had his accident.”
“So
don’t push me away!” I cry, fighting back my tears. “
Please
.”
“Sam,
he needs to be around people who are familiar to him right now. He still thinks
we’re engaged and he trusts me. Zack and I have a daughter together, an
innocent little girl he doesn’t even know. Don’t you think that’s more important?”
“Yes
but-”
“But
nothing.” She interrupts me, her voice assertive and firm. “You’re the one who
ran away from him two years ago. You left him broken-hearted and
I
was
the one who had to pick up the pieces. You need to understand that we have a
child together. We’re a family. Please don’t come between that... not again”
The
excruciating pain of what she’s saying shatters my heart. It feels like a sharp
knife has been plunged into my chest and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“Rachel,
I love him.” I whisper, taking both of her hands in mine. “Do you really think
I would have put either one of us through this if I didn’t?”
“If
you really love him then you need to let him go. It’s the kindest thing you can
do for him now. Please don’t break his heart again.”
“But
I wouldn’t.” I object, desperate to convince her. “Besides, you’re with someone
else now. Zack told me that you’ve met someone.”
“It’s
hardly serious.” She retorts disdainfully. “He knows what’s happened to Zack
and knows my main priority is him.”
“I
see.”
She
wavers for a few moments, hesitating before she continues.
“You
don’t know what he did to Harry, do you?”
“H-harry?”
I repeat, trembling violently.
“He
came to visit about a year ago. He wanted to see me and spend some time with
Amber.”
“What
happened?”
“Zack
found out.” She discloses, folding her arms across her chest. “I let it slip
that Amber had met her Granddad and he went berserk.”
“What
did he do?” I ask, dreading her answer.
“Sam,
he nearly killed him.”
“He
did
what
?” I gasp, astonished by her revelation.
“He
nearly went to prison, Sam. The only reason he’s not in jail right now is
because I begged Harry to drop the charges against him.”
“My
God…”
“Look,
I’m not saying I don’t believe you. I know my dad must have done something
because I now realise you wouldn’t lie about something like that.” She stops,
placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently. “What I’m trying to say is
it shouldn’t have happened. Zack was never violent when I was with him. He was
happy, carefree and ambitious. He’s changed so much since he met you. I’ve
never seen him so angry, resentful and… sad.”
“I
don’t know what to say.” I murmur, taking a seat on the bench once more.
“Let
him have this second chance.” She urges me. “Do the right thing.”
She
turns to leave, turning her back on me so she can go on inside.
“What
if I leave and he remembers? His doctor said he might still get his memory back.”
“Then
I’ll tell him.” She assures me. “I’ll tell him that you sacrificed your own
happiness for his and I’ll let him know where you are. If fate decides to bring
back his memory then I won’t stand in your way.”
She
remains impassive, almost like a statue before she dismisses me for good.
“You
promise you’ll tell him?”
“I’ll
tell him when the time is right.” She says, making it clear that she’s made her
decision. “But for now it has to be this way. It’s our one and only chance to
move forward and find peace.”
“You
have no idea what you’re asking me to do.” I shudder, wrapping my arms around
myself tightly. “I can’t live without him.”
“That’s
exactly what you’ve been doing for the past two years.” She reminds me,
detached and composed. “You can do it again.”
“Promise
me you’ll tell him.” I plead with her, needing to hear it again.
“When
he’s better.” She replies, entering the building so I’m left alone. “I’ll tell
him.”