Risking it All (31 page)

so young that acting out only made things

worse for herself. Well, right about now,

things were about as worse as they could

get, so she might as well go for broke.

Bowen had just gotten finished telling

her how
good
she was. How he wanted

to absorb all the bad. This was her way

of telling him she didn’t need it.

Before she could take her third drag

from the cigarette, Bowen tossed his

own into the sink and advanced on her.

The cigarette was plucked from her

fingers on the way to her lips and held

up between his fingertips. “If that’s the

case, I’ll never touch another one in my

goddamn life.”

Having his vibrating intensity so close

heated her head to toe. She tried to back

up but her hips hit the counter. “Right.”

Her laughter sounded breathless. “I

doubt it’s that easy.”

“You don’t think so?” He lifted the

edge of his shirt so she could see his

ridged abdomen, the smooth skin

interrupted by scars every few inches. A

now-familiar feeling of dread kicked up

a fuss in her stomach. “You want to

know how important it is to me that

nothing bad touches you? This’ll be my

reminder.”

He ground out the lit cigarette on his

stomach.

Sera screamed a denial, making a

frantic attempt to stop him, but it was too

late. His hand fell away and she could

see the charred ring of flesh just above

the waistband of his jeans. She slumped

against the counter, watching in disbelief

as he flicked the cigarette butt into the

sink without taking his eyes off her. Not

once. He hadn’t even flinched once.

Suddenly furious, she shoved against

his chest, but he didn’t budge. “Stop

using me as an excuse to hurt yourself,

dammit
. What is wrong with you?”

“That’s the million-dollar question,

isn’t it?”

The black smoking hole on his

stomach, the blood on his face, it

became insufferable. She needed it gone,

now
. Whether or not his behavior had

been

rational,

she

needed

every

reminder of what she’d driven him to do

gone. Seeing him in pain when she could

stop it went against everything in her

nature. With a groan of frustration, she

took his hand and dragged him toward

the bathroom, making a valiant attempt to

ignore the victory that flashed in his

eyes. It made her question his sanity,

yes, but she was also grateful for that

look. It would give her a reason to resist

him. Today, in this moment, she would

not give in. No matter how much

willpower it took.

She flipped on the light as they entered

the small bathroom, having to tug her

hand away when he didn’t let her go

immediately. Seeing them in the mirror,

his taller, more muscular frame inches

behind her, watching her as if his heart

were

in

his

throat,

made

her

determination waver all too soon.

Closing herself off to the emotions, she

turned on the shower taps and found a

lukewarm temperature in deference to

his fresh wound.

A glance in the mirror showed him

stripping his shirt over his head and

tossing it on the floor. His hands went to

the fly of his jeans then, but she refused

to turn around completely, as if watching

him disrobe in the mirror would

somehow affect her less. How he could

make every pulse point in her body

pound while covered in blood and a

self-inflicted wound staring her in the

face, she had no idea. But if the power

he had over her body continued to be

this potent, after everything they’d faced

since last night, it would never go away.

Doesn’t change anything.
“Get in,”

she instructed, cringing inwardly over

the huskiness in her voice. Behind her,

Bowen pushed his jeans and boxer

briefs down in one quick movement and

stepped out of them, revealing his too-

beautiful body. Despite all the scars, the

bruises, the blood, she’d never seen

anyone so magnificent. “I’m not going to

stand here all day.”

One edge of his lips tugged up, but it

looked unnatural thanks to his cuts. “I

thought you were a nurse, Seraphina.

Where’s your bedside manner?”

“Do

you

think

it’s

funny?”

Swallowing her nerves, she turned.

“Throwing these things you knew all

along about my life in my face?”

“No.” His expression went from

playful to fierce. “Nothing about this shit

show is funny. Your life being in danger

isn’t funny. Knowing you’re leaving.

Isn’t. Funny
.”

His passionate speech sent her back a

step, much to her irritation. “You’re

right, it’s not. But it’s reality.”

Her words seemed to set him off.

“And let’s not forget you knew every

gritty detail of my life, too, Sera. I saw

the disgust in your eyes the second you

found out my name. Found out whose

hips you’d had your legs wrapped

around, whose mouth your hot little

tongue had been inside.” He grabbed the

shower curtain and yanked it aside.

“You must hate wanting me. That should

make me happy. All that bad I want to

protect you from? I’m the fucking worst

of it.”

No, you’re not!
She wanted to shout

and stomp and rail at him for having

such a low, distorted opinion of himself,

but she held back. Encouraging him

would be a mistake because if he saw a

crack in her resolve, he’d hammer away

at it until she broke. She couldn’t allow

it. Someday soon, when this was over,

she would break. That eventuality

couldn’t be avoided, but she could put it

off. She could do it without him

watching, dying to pick up her pieces.

He stepped under the spray, letting the

water course down his chest, abdomen,

legs. She waited for him to move the

shower curtain back into place, but he

didn’t, giving her an up close view of

him showering, lathering soap in his

hands and scrubbing the blood from his

face and neck. Moving lower to give

attention to the cut muscles of his chest,

soapy water flowing in patterns between

the hard ridges. She tried to watch with

the professional detachment of her past

nurse self, but it failed miserably, slick

heat settling between her legs instead. It

was turning him on. Whatever he saw on

her face, he liked it. He liked her

witnessing this private ritual; she could

see the excitement in his heavy-lidded

gaze. Trying to maintain an impassive

expression, she watched him move

lower, lower, until he reached his

aroused length. Until now, she’d kept

herself from staring, but when he took it

in his hand, she could no longer avoid

looking. His eyes challenged her to look

away as he braced a hand on the shower

wall and started stroking himself.

“I might be bad for you, but I make

you feel good, don’t I, baby?”

Inside her bra, her nipples puckered

so tight, she knew they were visible

against her tank top. Her palms itched to

run up her thighs, over her belly, to end

at her breasts. She wanted to squeeze the

sensitive buds, feel the answering tug

between her legs.

He bit down on his bottom lip and

hummed in his throat. “Tell you what I’m

thinking about right now. I’m thinking

about the way you leaned back last night

and bucked those hips like a fucking

pro.” His eyes closed on a groan. “I

have no idea how I held back so long…

needed to come so bad inside my tight

girl.”

She shot her hand out to brace herself

on the sink. His growled words were

making her knees shake right along with

her willpower. “Stop,” she whispered,

but could barely hear herself over the

pounding shower spray. Her body

willed her to climb into the shower and

let him take her, hard enough to shake the

memories of this morning loose.

“It’s a good thing we wore that

condom, Sera. It might have been the

only thing keeping you off your back.”

His hand worked faster over his rigid

flesh. “You know what I’m thinking

about now, don’t you? No barriers. Just

me, buried deep and fucking you hard.

I’d block those screams with my mouth

until they had nowhere to go and you’d

just have to work your motherfucking

hips faster to make up for it. I saw you,

baby. I saw how dirty you’d let me give

it to you.”

Her back hit the wall, chest rising and

falling with shallow breaths. The urge to

touch herself had never been so strong. It

nearly overwhelmed her. She closed her

eyes to block his image before she lost

control, forgot why she’d decided to

resist him in the first place. When the

shower spray shut off, panic loomed.

She heard him climb out, his wet

footsteps stopping right in front of her.

So close. Too close. Resolutely, she

kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut, even

as his body heat enveloped her, the fresh

scent of his soap invaded her head.

Above everything, she heard the slap of

his hand working his erection, his raspy

moans driving her toward insanity.

“That’s how it’s going to be, baby?

You want it, but you’re not going to take

it?” Against her lips, she felt his tongue,

licking slowly, sensually, across the

slightly parted seam of her mouth.

Nothing could stop her head from tipping

back, seeking more contact. Damp air

kissed her belly, telling her he’d lifted

her shirt to bare her midriff. Smooth, wet

flesh dragged over her belly and his

uneven groan told her it had been his

hard arousal. The hand holding the sink

to keep her steady shook with the effort.

Never in her life had she wanted

anything more than she wanted Bowen in

that moment. She wanted to climb his

body and let him sink deep inside her,

turning his words into reality. Just when

she thought she would cave to the desire,

he drew his lower body away from her.

“You want to call this a win when we’re

both aching for it? That’s just fine,

Sera.” His mouth grazed her ear. “Just

remember one thing. No matter what

happens or where you go, I had you first.

I took up every tight inch of you. I

watched you get off while you called me

your man. Nothing,
nothing
, will ever

change that. You might not want me, but

I’ll be your man until I die.”

Her eyes flew open at his words, heart

beating so out of control it was a wonder

it stayed inside her rib cage. Jaw set,

gaze on fire, he was a glowing brand

burning his words into her skin where

they’d be for all time. He seemed taller,

broader in that moment, filling her entire

vision. Inescapable.
Real
. Part of her,

the part she’d let fall for him so fast,

begged her to launch herself at him and

return the promise. Yet even in her

overwrought state, she knew she would

regret it. It would be a promise she

wouldn’t keep and that would hurt even

more.

His face grew shuttered the longer she

stayed quiet, earnestness replaced by

bitter acceptance. With a final once-over

of her shuddering body, he whipped a

towel off the metal rack and wrapped it

around his waist.

“Tell you what, baby, I’m going to

keep it hard for you. I want you to know

it’s there waiting.”

He left the bathroom without a

backward glance.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Bowen stared at Sera over the rim of his

nonalcoholic beer. It tasted like shit, but

what didn’t taste like shit lately? On top

of the slight hangover he was still

nursing from last night, he didn’t want