Authors: DeLaine Roberts
I was no longer using a wheelchair, only a crutch walker to help steady myself, since the weakness wasn’t completely gone. The therapy team often behaved like boot camp drill sergeants and cheerleaders all rolled into one package. They pushed me, and then cheered for me, but I felt confident in their expertise. Without them, I don’t know what progress level I would be at. I shuddered at the thought.
Today was my last day to go to the therapy center, as the rest of the treatments would be with a personal trainer to build stamina, strength and to get me back in shape since I no longer needed the crutch walker. My biggest obstacle was a fear of falling, as I lost balance easily, especially on uneven surfaces. So I had to pay attention to WHERE I stepped, or as Coop put it,
watch my toes grow
. I, personally, have never appreciated that saying until now, but Coop was full of quick quips.
The therapist indicated that he needed to show me something and took me around to their personal workspace behind a set of glass doors, one-way mirrored glass doors. “Dr. Brooks never wanted us to let you know he was here, but he came every day to watch your progress. He cares for you deeply and it wouldn’t be right Alexandra, to not let you know. Please don’t tell him that we let his secret out. We could all get in trouble for letting him in here. I want you to know that he would cheer you on and sometimes, we caught ourselves giving him thumbs up and quickly had to hide our communication with him so that you didn’t bust our little secret.”
“Thank you for letting me know, I often sensed that someone was watching me. I just thought it was my
guardian angel of courage
.”
“Alex, have you ever thought that maybe Dr. Brooks
is
your guardian angel?”
Wow, that was thought provoking
! His words took over me so, that they made me tremble and almost sent me to my knees. Trying to hide my emotion from the therapist was hard. I could feel the tears slipping from my eyes. I wasn’t expecting that, nor did I anticipate the lurching of my heart into my throat when the therapist indicated that Grayson could be my guardian angel? I missed Grayson terribly. My heart ached to see him, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him.
The therapist gave me some strong words to think about, but I just wanted to put Grayson and the last few weeks behind me, out of my mind for good...if only I could. I didn’t want to be in love with a man that was around because he felt responsible or felt sorry for me.
I said goodbye to the private nurse and was so grateful to have my privacy back. Not to mention Coop was really grateful to end his gig on the couch, when he was in town. His modeling gigs were keeping him really busy and we both endured the “fringe benefits” from the stylists. He had been shoe shopping, since heels were still not part of my current dress code, but I didn’t care. Wearing flats were comfortable and the Dansko’s felt the best, even worked with jeans, regardless of what
dress code violations
the fashion police would pass down on me.
Coop came in with the new shoes and multiple bags of other items. “Coop, did you buy out the stores, do some retail therapy or something?”
“No, these are a gift from that little stylist. She has been keeping up with your progress and this is a gift from her and her associates for the gala coming up next week.” Sounding so proud that he had scored the
mother lode
of giveaways!
“Coop, I hate to break it to you, but I am not going to the Gala. I can’t dance right now and I am not ready to do that much hanging out in public and besides, Grayson.”
“If you don’t care about Grayson, why do you care if he goes? You can’t have it both ways, Al. You either care or you don’t. Make up your mind.” His words stung like he was fighting for his own life, so full of bitterness. Coop has known me most of my life. We have been best friends as long as I can remember. Over the years he has watched me bail on my relationships. He told me once:
Alex, you may find many a man that you can live with, but you will find that there is only that one in which you can’t live without
.
So much had been going on that I hadn’t paid much attention to Cooper and what he was doing or with whom. I just realized I had been so self-absorbed, that he hadn’t mentioned Mark much, nor had I seen him visit here.
“Is this about me or you and Mark?”
“Don’t spin this around on me, Alexandra. You are secretly still pining for doc and you know it, just as he is for you. He keeps calling and texting me about you, keeping tabs on you. I hate being a three-some and you know it. Agree that you don’t trust him right now, deservedly so; however those are issues that can be worked on. As for Mark and I, we did have some time apart with all of the recent events, but we are seeing him tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“You bet. We are going to dinner at Sambuca’s. Just so you know, they felt so bad about what happened to you, they have put together a special table just for you tonight and I have the hottest outfit. Before you balk, I was told by the manager that your presence is requested and they would be devastated if you didn’t come.”
I have to admit, I know it would be a good thing for me to get out and be social. For the first time, I was feeling relaxed and looking forward to going to a fun place.
Cooper dressed me in the cutest little jeans, leopard print flats and a chocolate brown, sleeveless silk top, adorned with a beaded, Grecian-style neckline. I was not used to baring my shoulders since my skin is so pale, but I have to agree, the outfit was elegant, and very sexy. The fabric felt glossy on my skin and for the first time in a while, I felt like a desirable woman!
As we entered the restaurant, Audrey, the hostess and Scott, the maitre’ D both gave me a big hug and led Coop and I to a table in the corner by the dance floor. Since I wasn’t dancing, I thought this was odd, as this area is usually reserved for their special clients. The table was set for two. Mark must have cancelled and Coop just hadn’t mentioned it yet. Noticing my gaze at the table and back to him, “Mark isn’t going to make it until much later. Then we can move onto the patio and it will be cooler, but for now, it’s just us.”
We were enjoying our wine and the musicians were taking the stage...
Creya
was here? That’s strange; I thought she wasn’t coming back for a long time. When she started singing, it was so lovely, so calming to hear her voice. I know that the folks at Sambuca’s, had gone the extra mile to have her here. It was a delightful surprise and one that I would never forget. She started doing a cover of Coldplay’s
FIX YOU
, and Coop stood up and extended his hand to me for a dance.
“Coop, what are you doing? Are you just trying to see me embarrassed here once again? Really?”
Leaning in to whisper, “To answer your question, yes. Therefore, get your ass up and start swaying to the music before I really embarrass you!” How was I to fend off an extended threat like that? Coop is known for embarrassing someone when he wants to with his quick wit and pranks, although lately he has been controlling himself. I think that I have missed that about him. He’s changed since we moved here.
We were dancing and I was fully enjoying myself. It was a delight to freely let myself go and feel the music flow throughout my body and completely enjoy being on both feet again. I thought to myself how this song is very appropriate. I was curious if it was by special request or something? I was just thinking how the flats were a great compliment and worked to help keep my balance, when all of a sudden Coop pulled back and there was Grayson tapping him on the shoulder. “Please, may I have this dance?” Coop must have seen the exasperation of my glare, as he whispered “Don’t make a scene Alexandra, not in front of Creya and all these people, just enjoy yourself...please?” His voice was like a little boy begging for candy.
“Sure, just a warning though, I am not responsible for any damages if I step on your toes!” taking a moment to send a glare up to Grayson. He took me in his arms and held me so tight swaying slowly to the music, hiding his face in my hair and breathing so deep, as if he was just inhaling me. He was even singing along to the music, like he was letting the lyrics be his words. When the song was over, Creya thanked everyone for the applause and made mention of how great it was to see “old friends” dancing again. I was certain she was speaking of us.
Grayson led me back to the table and I quickly realized that I had now been the
victim of a setup
! Coop had disappeared and we were sitting at the table for two. Grayson was ever so handsome in jeans and a crisp white dress shirt, and I found it hard to resist gazing at him. And those lips, those beautiful, natural red, kissable lips. I know I was staring!
“Grayson, did you plan all of this and talk Coop into being your accomplice, kidnapping me so that you could see me?”
Shaking his head, “Alexandra, this was all Cooper’s idea. He asked me if I agreed to go along and put this plan in motion, working with the restaurant to make this happen. Of course, I am delighted to see you and hoped that the evening would have a great outcome. The last thing I want to do is push you farther away.” His blue eyes were filling me with his gaze, almost as though they were undressing me with such longing desire. I could feel all the butterflies and each time he touched me, my skin would tingle with the most delicate energy, that connection that had been with us from our first meeting.
We enjoyed a fabulous dinner and great music, he even confessed to watching my therapy progress. He told me how much he had missed me and how he longed to kiss me. How he wanted to make everything okay and if he could, he would take it all back and undo all that has happened, often times his voice was choking back emotion as he spoke. His demeanor was so raw and full of angst, I could sense his feelings for me, and it was no longer purely words. My heart ached to see him in such an uncomfortable place.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, a sweet little song for a very special couple here this evening. Please join me out on the dance floor for our final song of the evening. I hope you enjoy our version of
Meshell Ndegeocello’s Beautiful.”
As Grayson led me to the dance floor, I knew this was a song by special request. The words so beautiful, so sensual...like sex with your clothes on! I knew that he had something to do with Creya being here and performing all the songs she had this evening. It had been beautiful, magical even. Holding on to him so tight, he had us very slightly swaying to the music, I had my head buried in his neck and then I finally gave in to my desire for him and started kissing his neck and biting his jaw, I could simply no longer fight back my passion for this man. He reciprocated with this hot,
luxurious
kiss that invaded my mouth and my entire body. I felt every bit of willpower flow out of my body! I could no longer say no to him, I could no longer deny what I felt for him, as hard as I tried. I knew that I was head over heels in love with Grayson Brooks and all the fighting to forget it was only making me miserable.
The song ended and Grayson led us over to the stage so that we could thank
Creya
, when he kissed her cheek and then she hugged us both, we expressed our great delight in her serenading us for this special celebration.
As the valet got us settled in the car, Grayson reached over and took my hand. He leaned in and once again started to kiss me, but then suddenly pulled back, “Alexandra, you need your rest, let’s get you home so that you can relax.” His eyes shined with such a glow and his hands were almost burning hot, was that passion seeping out his body?
“Grayson, I want to go home, but I don’t want you to leave me. I have missed you so much, just too stubborn to admit it. All I know how to do is run, run away from my feelings. I want you to stay with me; I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life. Please say you will stay?” The passion for him was burning through my body. I didn’t want the feelings to end or the night to stop, I have never felt so sexually charged before, and I didn’t know how to deal with it
. Sexual intoxication running through my veins...
Chapter 5
Grayson helped me into the apartment, never letting go of me, treating me as a fragile piece of glass. “Grayson, I think I’ve proven that I am tough and I won’t break, you don’t have to baby me” trying to make him relax around me.
“Alexandra, you are still healing and I am just trying to make sure we both are careful. Would you like for me to pour you a glass of wine or put some music on?" He asked as he was already heading to the stereo to start some music. Slow sultry jazz is always great for whatever ails you, but it also enlightens the senses and my sexual senses were already on fire.
“Yes, to both” and cursorily, I decided I wanted to get into something more comfortable. “Grayson, I am going to go change, I’ll be right back.” He put up his hand to stop me, but I didn’t let him, I just blew by him. I decided that the green silk gown and robe were successful for me in the past, and so it was.
When I returned to the bar, Grayson was on the phone and he quickly ended his call. All he could do was stare at me with such longing eyes, like he remembered the last time I was wearing this ensemble.
“Grayson, I don’t want this night to end. I told you that. I have had a long time to think about this. I am not sure what will happen, but I want to be here and I want to be with”
Before I could finish, sexy Grayson Brooks was taking me in his arms and started kissing me with such wanting lips, such desire. This beautiful strong man was devouring my lips and his mouth tasted so good, I couldn’t get enough of him. He leaned down, scooped me up, and carried me to the bedroom.
In the dim lamplight, I could see his neck pulsing, I could feel the heat in his body and I knew, he felt the same way I did. We both did not intend for this night to end.
“Red, I want you, I can’t deny that. I have wanted you from the moment we met, but there are recent issues that we need to talk about. Yes, I want to stay with you, but I am worried that it would be risky if you had another,” I put my finger on his mouth and cut him off.
“Grayson, I am not going to have a panic attack. I know without a doubt I want to experience making love, I want to explore this beautiful feeling that is flowing inside of
me, and I want to experience it with you, right now!”
As we kissed with such passion, Grayson and I explored each other’s bodies. I felt desire and temptation evolve into something I had never experienced. As he removed my robe and I removed his shirt, I got to see his delectable chest, all the muscles tight, his scent was intoxicating and his hands were all over me. We were hungry for each other, both of us needing release from caged desire.
Slowly, he removed my gown, laid me down and my naked body lay beside him. He stood to remove his jeans and I stopped him. The action took him by surprise and he looked as though he were being rejected. Quickly, I decided to remove his jeans and boxers myself, wanting to explore his body. I have never held a man in my hands such as this. The experience was taking my thoughts to beautiful places... Sensually exquisite.
Grayson lowered me on the bed and before I knew it, he was kissing my breasts, my stomach and even lower, kissing all the little delicate parts of my body. He aroused me in ways that I had never experienced. Before I knew it, I was experiencing a mind-blowing climax and all I could do was moan out in pleasure. He glanced at me and his face showed that he was completely satisfied with giving me joy. His expression delighted with a sheepish grin. He kissed his way back to my lips and I could feel his full length on my hip. I felt that he needed me and wanted me just as much as I desired him. I reached into my bedside table and took out a condom and handed it to him, as I was not skilled in the use of condoms and we had not discussed birth control. I had bought the condoms after our last night together, thinking that we would be making love sooner, rather than later and wanted to be prepared.
Grayson kept his lips on mine as he applied the condom. He took his time entering my tight channel. Advancing slowly, a little at a time, the feeling was so full and tight. His breathing was short and I could feel the pulsing of his heartbeat. I felt like my heart was racing out of my body. The moisture was so enticing between my legs and feeling the fullness of his erection inside me was completely exhilarating! He took his time thrusting in and out of me, while stroking my breasts, kissing my lips, my neck, exploring me like he couldn’t taste enough of me. I could feel my body trembling, but it was from excitement not fear. Grayson could feel it too and stilled, as is he was afraid he was hurting me.
“This is the most beautiful experience for me. I love you, Grayson.” I have never uttered those words to anyone and they shocked me slipping out uncontrollably.
He paused at my words, “You are so beautiful and I want this to be perfect for you” as he began to maneuver with a delicate touch inside my body. His kiss teased me, tantalizing my nipples and before I could control myself, my body, responded to this beautiful being inside me. I began to quiver and then an explosion from the most erogenous orgasm, riveted through my body, curling my toes, causing me to tingle all over, leaving me breathless and unable to speak or move. With a few more thrusts, I could feel Grayson reach his climax inside me with such a delicate, pulsating sensation. I was stroking his body with one hand, he was still clasping my other hand with his.
He stilled and neither of us moved for what seemed like hours. We both were completely satisfied and sated, just relishing in contentment. He rolled us on our sides facing each other, he was still inside me. He nestled his head into my neck, delivering tiny little butterfly kisses, all while remaining inside me. I could hear the sweet sounds of
Powler
by Bohren & Der Club of Gore playing in the background. This music is the perfect background, so sensual and sexy, for the most satisfying experience of my life. Everything felt perfect in my life at this moment. I had finally found a man that I respected for who he had become, how he loved the sanctity of human kindness and how he respected me and made me feel. I had no idea that meeting him would change me forever.
As he withdrew from me, I winced and his face expressed concern. Quickly, I reassured him, “I’m more than
okay, and I am happy to be here with you.”
Grayson was quiet as he lay on his side spooning me, my back to him, and our bodies all wrapped and entangled. His quietness concerned me. “Are you okay, you are too quiet?”
He repeated my words back to me “I’m more than okay and I am happy to be here with you.” Then he kissed my head and snuggled into me. We laid there, for a long time, just listening to each other breathing, him stroking my arm with his fingers and me, holding his other hand, and tenderly kissing his hand and fingers.
He was so quiet, I was curious about his thoughts? Was he happy that he had been my first pleasurable experience? Had I disappointed him in some way? He didn’t respond when I told him that I loved him. By saying it, could I have disturbed him in some way? So many questions running through my mind, I began to become uncomfortable and could feel anxiety slowly creep into my mind and my body. Before I could stop myself, I jumped up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom. Grayson quickly sat up in the bed, but I didn’t say anything to him. Ah, a shower, that will calm me and take my mind off my anxiety.
Once the shower was warm, I stepped in and began to let the hot water envelope me. I could smell the delicate fragrance of sex on my body and the feeling of calm came back to me, as I relinquished my thoughts of anxiety. While remembering our lovemaking and how beautiful the experience, a feeling of peace pacified me. After a few minutes in the shower, I was startled to see Grayson through the glass, as his beautiful naked body walked toward the shower.
“Alexandra, angel, are you okay?” There seemed to be such fear in his voice. I believe he was experiencing his own anxiety.
“Yes, I am okay, and I would be even better if you wanted to join me.” I winked as I opened the shower door to him.
He stepped in the shower and grabbed me into a luxurious kiss, passion taking over our bodies, making love again in the shower as the warm water caressed us. The shower was hot and steamy, just as steamy as the sex we were experiencing
. We were making love like hungry animals, kissing, biting, grabbing, and pulling, all over the place. He took my legs and wrapped them around his waist as he entered me and balanced me against the shower wall. His full length entered the deepest part of me, over and over again until we both found our happy ending. Grayson held me in the shower as we both were gasping for breath. Once back in bed, we snuggled into each other and fell into our own happy place. Although our sexual gratification was more than satisfying, Grayson was so quiet, and I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I would leave my questions for another time.
The bright sunshine was peeking through the drapes in my room. Not wanting to awaken Grayson, I laid there still, just reminiscing about the most romantic night of my life. I could no longer deny my feelings or my passion for him, the grip was just too strong. How could anyone not love him? He was gorgeously handsome, physically fit in every way, sexy, strong,
caring, and smart. What was not to love, except that he had secrets? There was something mysterious behind those sapphire blue eyes that I needed to know. More importantly, what was stopping him from sharing them with me?
I had poured my heart to him while we were making love. I told him that I loved him and he did not respond, not that I expected him to, I didn’t want him to say it back to me just because I said it first. Oh, I had to get up. My bladder wouldn’t last any longer. So I got up with the least amount of movement as possible, trying not to disturb Grayson. Suddenly, he mumbled something I could not understand except for the word, no, the name...he said
Olivia
.
Ouch, that stung like a thousand scorpions all over me. Was he dreaming about Olivia, his ex-fiancé, the person that hurt him so badly according to Zoe? He obviously was thinking about her? I couldn’t stay here. I felt the anxiety hit me like a brick in the head. We just spent a beautiful night together and he is calling out for her.
I had to get out of here. Grabbing my running clothes and tennis shoes, I thought I would head out for a run. It would be the first run without my trainer and I would be okay.
Sneaking out of the apartment with Grayson still asleep, I enjoyed the early morning run, so bright and full of sunshine, helping me work up a great sweat and work out my frustration. I was lost in my thoughts, upset that Grayson could be dreaming about Olivia after the night that we had just experienced. I was not paying attention to how far I had gone or where I was running to, I quickly realized that I was now lost. I also found myself
winded, which meant I had to start walking to let my body catch up. I had left the apartment without my iPhone, so I couldn’t use GPS to find my way back, but after asking for directions at a coffee shop, I headed back to the apartment. When I got there, Grayson was pacing back and forth, partially dressed in jeans.
“Where in the hell were you? You have been gone for over an hour and you didn’t leave a note!” He was angry.
“I woke up early and you were sleeping peacefully, so I decided to go for a run, but I lost my way and had ran farther than I planned. Don’t worry, it’s all good.” I didn’t want to get into the
Olivia
business right now.
“When you leave me, you really need to leave a note and for God’s sake, please take your phone. If you had taken your phone you could have called or used GPS or answered when I called!” He was so angry and was punishing me like a child.
“Grayson, first of all, I don’t answer to you and secondly, I can and will take care of myself!” I rushed past him without a good morning and found my way to the bathroom to take a shower, locking the door behind me. I didn’t want him interrupting my thoughts and I didn’t want to fight with him again. It seemed like our highs were high and our lows were really low, but the middle ground was missing. I just couldn’t seem to get these thoughts out of my mind as I showered. I put my hair into a ponytail, quickly found some jeans and a t-shirt to put on before making my way back to the kitchen where I had just left Grayson in a fuming fit.
Grayson had left, without leaving a note, nothing, there was no sight of him even being here. I checked my phone and the only messages or texts were those that I missed before my shower. Wow, what a hypocrite. He can give great advice; just needs to take his own. Maybe he just needs to check himself at the door. What a jerk! Well, he would see just how stubborn I can be, I will wait him out, determined not to reach out to him. How could he turn on me so quickly, we just spent the most beautiful night together, at least it was for me, to only have reality sink in this morning of just how controlling he really is. Why is everything so hot and cold with him? And furthermore, what was his dream about Olivia?
I didn’t hear from Grayson the rest of the weekend. Could he be done with me, now that he conquered me sexually? Or was it my declaration of love that drove him away so quickly and he doesn’t feel the same way? I know he does, it was chemistry, and I felt it go through both of us! I saw that look in his eyes when we touched, it was like wicked witchcraft.
Monday came and went, and by Tuesday I was deeply concerned that something had happened to Grayson. Ready to cave, I went to his office just before lunch. If all went well, maybe we could go have lunch together and discuss what the problems were. Millie wasn’t at the reception desk, so I went through the private door. Grayson was in his office and he was speaking with Zoe. The door wasn’t completely shut and I could hear their conversation, it sounded a bit heated.