Sapphire Universe (6 page)

What the hell!
  I reach over and grab the pillow next to me and slam it down over my head to drown out the annoying sound.  A few seconds later, the muffled ringing stops and I roll over and tighten the covers around me, trying to get comfortable again.  Just as I start to fall into blissful sleep, the bane of my existence chimes again.  “GRRRR!”  I throw my pillow against my wall and kick my covers off.  “Stupid phone! Who the hell calls people this early?”  I grab the cell from my nightstand and blink a few times to clear the fog from my vision. 
Connor W. Calling
, the screen says. 

“Damn.”  I mutter, trying to muster up the anger I was feeling
a few seconds ago, but nothing comes.  I take a deep breath and put as much annoyance into my voice as I can when I answer.  “Hello.” 

“Well, good morning sunshine.”  Connor says sarcastically and I really hate that just the sound of his voice
instantly wakes my usually anti-morning body. 

“What’s up Connor.  I was sleeping.”

“Nina, it’s nine o’clock.  Get up, go make some cider then get dressed.” 

Bossy pants.
  “Well the cider is a given, but why the hell would I get dressed.  It’s Sunday.”

“Because we are going ice skating today.”  He
says, sounding proud of his plan and way too excited. 
Yea right. 
I just sit on the line speechless, waiting for him to realize what a hair brained idea this is.  “Nina?” 

“I heard you Connor.”

“Well...?” 

“Well nothing.  You need your head examined if you think I’m going anywhere near ice after Friday.  Seriou
sly, Connor.  Do you have a thing for hospitals, because I for one have filled my quota for the month.”

“Nina, come one.  It’s just ice skating.  Nothing is going to happen.  Now go get dressed, I’ll be there so
on to pick you up.”  Connor orders exasperated.  Who the hell does this guy think he is?

“Don’t tell me what to do!  You’re not my boss.”  I sq
ueak petulantly.

Connor chuckles on the other line, further pissing me off.  “And you’re not 15 anymore either.  I’ll see you in 30.  Dress warm.

“But Connor, I’m not…”

“Bye Nina.”  The line goes dead.  Ugh! 
Jackass!

~Exactly 40 minutes later.

“This is a really, really bad idea!”  I throw my hands out to the side as my feet slide forward ahead of the rest of my body.  My torso wobbles back and forth for a few seconds before I finally maintain my balance. 
Ice skating.
  How in the hell did I get talked into this?  I mean really, who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway.  What kind of person says, “Oh I know, let’s go put razor blades on our shoes and run on some ice!” 
Someone who wants Nina Ryan dead that’s who.
  I finally brave a glance up from my feet and see that Connor is barely suppressing a laugh at my expense.  “What?!” 

“Nina, as entertaining as the thought is, I highly doubt ice skating was invented for the sole purpose of ending your life.”  He smirks at me.  Damn that smirk.  And damn my stupid, rebel mouth.

“I said that all out loud huh?”  I sigh.  “Whatever, this is a bad idea.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to take another ride to the hospital for a good long while.”  Connor just laughs at me again.

“Come on Nina, you can’t avoid doing things just because you’re afraid you will get hurt.”
  His eyes soften a little as he says this and it’s pretty obvious that he isn’t just talking about ice skating anymore. 

“Connor, you don’t understand. 
I’ll fall.
  I always fall and I don’t do it gracefully.  I land hard and I usually break something.  I’m a walking disaster just waiting to happen.  Don’t you understand?”  Well hell, maybe I’m not talking about ice skating either.

“I understand Nina, but this time it’s different.” 

“Why?  How could this time possibly be any different than the others?”  I throw my arms up in the air in frustration and I immediately lose my balance and start to teeter on the thin edges of my blades.  Just when I think I’m about to go ass over tea kettle before I even start skating, Connor grabs both of my arms and holds me in place, steadying me.  My eyes make their way to his and he reaches one hand out to brush a stray hair from my vision and tucks it behind my ear.

“It’s different, because this time I’m here to catch you.”  He whispers, sending frightening flutters to my stomach.  When I don’t respond, he moves to stand next to me and we slowly begin to glide forward.

It takes me a few minutes to get the motions right, but I eventually set a steady rhythm of one foot in front of the other and am gliding across the ice just a little unsteady.  I haven’t looked up from the ice once out of fear that I’ll lose my footing, but after the seventh lap around the rink, I feel warm fingers start to toy with my palm before threading through my own and squeezing gently.  I abandon my focus to look up at Connor who is smiling at me.  We move around the rink a few more times in silence and the longer he holds my hand the more comfortable I get with it.  It starts to feel necessary.  I want his touch.  No, I
need
him to touch me.  And that’s precisely why I pull from his grasp and pretend to fuss with my hair before dropping my hand down to my side and ball it in a fist.

Comfort is dangerous.  Need is a handicap.  Once you get comfortable with something, you stop paying attention.  You lose
focus on the things that matter and you take things for granted.  Comfort gives you a false sense of security and you start to ignore your instincts, you forget to look around you and defend yourself.  Need is much more lethal though, because when you need something, you can’t live without it and nothing is forever. 

“Nina…”  I fake indifference when I look over at Connor so he won’t see the depth of my internal conflict.
  I wait for him to speak, still keeping my fingers tight against my palm.  “Never mind.”  He huffs.  “I’m going to go get something to drink over there at the concession.  Do you want anything?”  I shake my head and he frowns silently at me for a few seconds before turning and skating away.  I watch his retreating form glide across the rink and step down to walk over to the concession as I resume my carful skating. 

I’ve never wanted to be brave before.  All those years ago the only thing I w
ished for was understanding and a second chance.  I now understand why those things happened to me and my family, but I’m still working on the second.  If I give in to these feelings, I’ll just end up right back where I was nine years ago.  Curled in a ball on my bed, crying painful tears, itching with mental filth and unable to move, paralyzed with devastation.  I was able to push past it and start fresh then, but life is not a baseball game.  For me, there will be no third strike.  I don’t want to even chance the second.  I know all of this to be true, so why do I find myself wanting to take a chance even knowing the risks.  I never asked for courage, I never asked for a chance to prove myself.  I just wanted to get through this life without being dealt another devastating blow.  Just make it to the other side with one less scar. 

Then Connor had to show up and completely throw me off balance.  I want things I’ve never wanted.  I feel things I’ve never felt.  Maybe this is a test or something.  Maybe I’m supposed to resist these feelings.  Connor is from New York, which means he will be leaving soon.  He’s insanely good looking and charming, which means he probably has girls lining up to get a piece of him.  More importantly he has things to hide.  I’ve noticed that he is a font of information about his life, never hesitating to answer my questions or tell stories, but there is one subject that I’ve learned is off limits.  His job. 

I would just be repeating my mistake with Ricky if I fell for him knowing all of this.  I vowed that night to learn from my mistakes, not relive them.  I cannot, will not put myself through that again.  Now that my mind is made up, I glance over and see that Connor is leaning against the counter waiting for his food and watching me through the glass that surrounds the rink.  I stick my chin in the air and start to skate faster around and around the small room of ice.  I put 100 percent of my focus on my feet and my body and not falling.  I will not fall. 
I will not fall.

A familiar sound breaks through my concentration. 
“Nina!  Nina!” 
I look up and see Connor flying across the rink, eyes fixed in my direction with feral intensity just as hard body crashes into me.  Ice flies around my feet and I’m pushed towards a doorway in the glass and land face first on the rubber mat outside of the rink.  All of the air whooshes out of my lungs and I can’t take any back in due to the heavy form lying on top of me.  I kick my feet behind me and rock my body side to side in an attempt to dislodge the weight, to no avail.  Panic sets in at the sensation of not being able to move or take in air and my lungs burn from being empty.  To my relief, the weight suddenly disappears and my chest inflates as I take in a long shuttering breath. 

When the spots clear from my vision and
the coughing subsides, I roll over on my side a little dazed and a lot confused.  People are running around me trying to help me stand, but Connor isn’t one of them.  I scan the area until my eyes land on his back which is turned to me as he holds a man up by his shirt against the glass of the rink and two other men are trying to pull him away.  I jump to my feet and carefully walk on my skates as fast as I can manage without falling again or running into anyone, over to Connor. 

“Who the hell ar
e you?!  Why did you attack her?!  TELL ME NOW!”  Connor is screaming furiously into the man’s face.  The poor guy is about the same size and age as Connor, but clearly scared out of his mind.  His eyes are wide with fear and his hands are pressed against the glass on either side of him.  Two men each have ahold of Connor’s arms and are tugging and trying to reason with him, but Connor is immovable and doesn’t seem to hear a word they are saying.

“Connor, let him go! 
You’re being ridiculous!”  I shout, baffled at his overreaction to the small accident.

“No I’m not Nina!  He was skating directly toward you and he tack
led you out of the rink!”  Connor growls, without taking his eyes off of his captive.

“N Nnn  No, I did didn’t mean to h hhit her.”  The poor man stutters.

“See Connor, it was just an accident.  You can let him go.”  I say more calmly this time.

“I saw him though.  He was looking right at you, skating right for you.”  Connor says sounding
unsure and a little dazed. 

“It was an accident man, he got going too fast and your girl moved right in front of him.  He tried to stop, but he didn’t make it in time.  It was a total ac
cident Bro.  Just let him go.”  The guy holding his right arm tries to talk some sense into Connor, obviously afraid for his buddy’s neck.  Connor looks over to me, then back to the man he has pinned and finally releases his hold. 

“Ehem.  Sorry, my mistake.”  Connor pats the guy on the shoulder, composure regained and steps away to give him some room.

“Sssure.  No hurt feelings.”  The man breaths and then he and his posse take off without another word. 

Connor runs his hand through his hair and looks over at me.  I cross my arms over my chest and raise my eyebrows at him.  He smiles shyly and shrugs his shoulders. 
Seriously?! 
I huff and whip around and storm back to the skate return, deposit my blades on the counter and step into my shoes.  Without looking over at Connor who is mimicking my movements, I tie my shoes then quickly stand and march out the doors to the parking lot. 

“Nina.  Nina, hold up a second.”  Connor jogs up behind me.  I don’t acknowledge his presence and just keep walking toward the car.  “Nina, look I’m sorry I overreacted just a little, but you can’t seriously be that mad at me.”  I spin on my heel and Connor stops abruptly and his eyes widen at my furious expression.

“Overreacted a little?!  Connor you scared the shit out of that guy for no reason! What the hell was that?!” 

“I’m sorry okay!  What was I supposed to
do?  I just saw some guy trying to attack my girl so I kind of…”

“YOUR GIRL?!”  I cut him off at his declaration.  “I am NOT your GIRL Connor!”  I throw my hands up and let out all of my frustration.  “I am not your property!  You can’t go around scaring the pants off of anyone who touches me!”