“Is it so wrong that I care about your safety Nina?” Connor gets right back in my face, but I stand my ground, refusing to budge.
“Oh come on Connor! This is not just about my safety and you know it!”
“Your right it’s not. But tell me this. What is wrong with that, huh? Your 26 years old dammit! Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone? Isn’t it exhausting? Keeping everyone away from you? Jesus Nina, I’m not asking you to marry me and live happily ever after, I just want to see what this thing is. For some crazy, insane reason that I don’t even really understand, I want to be with you. But you’ve got that wall locked down so tight that you won’t even let me touch you.” He stops his rant to breathe and his face twists in agony. I have to literally bite my tongue and fist my hands to keep from reaching out to sooth him, because I can’t. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.” I lie. “I just don’t want a relationship. Not with you, not with anyone! I thought you understood that.”
My voice has lowered to a whisper now and a group of people pass us, bringing my attention to the fact that we are standing in the middle of the parking lot fighting. Just like lovers do. “Listen, obviously this is too much for you. I don’t want to hurt you Connor. Let’s just cut our losses now before it gets worse.” I close my eyes as I say the words, forcing them past my lips.
“Nina…”
I may have cut myself off from his face, but I hear the plea in his voice and it almost makes me take it all back, almost.
“No Connor. Just don’t. It’s better this way.” I whisper still not looking into his eyes. “I’ll see you around.” I add
firmly, then turn away without letting him respond and walk to my car. “It’s better this way.” I repeat to myself as I drive home. Alone.
CHAPTER 4
Monday after work I’m tired and cranky and have been completely unsuccessful in my attempts to not think about Connor. Every time I replay our conversation and my words I feel worse about them. He hasn’t called or texted me today, so I’m pretty sure I was successful in running him off. I walk into my room and change into comfortable clothes for the night. I pull my hair from my pony tail and start to brush though the tangles the insane windy day has caused. The weather has done nothing to improve my crummy mood.
I almost got blown away trying to walk out to the car this morning it was so bad.
And forget about work. I swear the students were trying their hardest to get on my last nerve all day. Once my hair is sufficiently detangled I head to the kitchen to start cooking dinner. I prep the chicken and get it in the oven to bake then start cutting up the vegetables for the salad. The salad goes into the fridge and I head to the couch and try to find something decent to watch while the food cooks. As I’m surfing through the guide my mind starts to wander back to the ice rink.
I can’t believe that
Connor went so berserk on that guy. What was he thinking? He always seems so calm and together. Something about what happened obviously rattled him, but what? I go back through the event in my head, analyzing every detail. I start to replay his touch in my head, the gentle pressure of his fingers, his warm palm surrounding mine and the comforting feeling I received from that simple gesture. My body breaks out in chills and I force up a mental block.
What I am doing?
It doesn’t matter anymore, because I’ll probably never see him again. All of a sudden, I feel ill. My stomach knots up causing me physical pain. I clutch at my stomach and dash into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I down it and set the cup in the sink and take deep calming breaths. I’m probably just dehydrated. It’s also that time of the month so it’s really no wonder I’m not feeling well.
The stench of burning chicken fills my senses and I rush over to the oven and drop the door. “Shit!” I cough and cover my mouth as I run to open the window. The chicken breast is completely charred and the kitchen fills with smoke. I grab my mitts from the counter and pull the pan out of the oven and set it in the sink. To my absolute horror, tears start streaming down my face.
Who am I kidding?
This day has sucked from minute one and it has nothing to do with the wind, or my period, or burnt chicken. I miss Connor.
I walk over to the couch and pick my phone off of the coffee table. I should just suck it up and call him. But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? I was pretty harsh on him yesterday.
Stop being a damn coward Nina!
I pick up the phone and dial his number. After the third ring, he answers and I breathe the first real breath since I left him yesterday.
“Nina.” Hearing my name in his voice
is so relieving it’s scary.
“Hi.” I respond lamely.
“Hi.” He repeats and I hear the smile in his voice.
“Connor I’m so sorry
…”
“Nina, I need to see you…”
We speak over top of each other and then both start laughing. “You can come over…that is if you want to.” I offer.
“Are you sure
? I don’t want to bother you. Mostly I just wanted to say sorry, for yesterday.”
“It’s no bother really, I was just about to order Chinese…” A knock at the door interrupts my sentence. “Hold on for a second Connor.” I jog to the door and pull it open a small amount and almost drop the cell phone. “You’re
here.” I breathe.
“Hi.” Connor says and ends the call while staring into my eyes. I pull the phone from my ear and smile.
“Hi.”
“I brought Chinese.” He says and lifts the paper bag in the air with a smirk. How does he always
know?
“You read my mind. Come inside.” I open the door wider and step aside. “You can just set the food on the…OH
.” Connor drops the bag on the counter and envelops me in a hug so tight that I have to wiggle to get room to breathe. He loosens his hold just a little and I tuck my head under his chin and hold on.
“I missed you Nina.” He murmurs into my hair.
“I missed you too.” I whisper.
After a few moments, we release each other and Connor smiles at me
then turns to pull plates from the cabinets without another word. “You get the food, I’ll pick the movie.” I offer and skip to the living room to dig through my collection. Neither of us says anything about our fight and we don’t need to. Grinning like a fool, I decide on Star Wars because it’s a classic. Connor brings the plates out into the living room and sits in the chair and sets my plate on the table in front of the couch. I look down at my plate and see all of my favorites. I struggle to keep the ridiculous tears from falling and dig in.
The movie starts up and Connor chuckles softly. I raise my eyebrows at him and he shakes his head obviously surprised at my choice of move and as usual, goes to work trying to figure me out.
“I never pegged you for a Star Wars fan. Let me guess, Harrison Ford right? You want some of that Hans Solo.” He teases.
“Nope
, not Hans. Though, I can see why you would pick him. He is a fellow jackass after all!” I giggle at my joke and pretend to be outraged when he throws a pillow at me.
“There’s something to be said for being a jackass then, since he is the one who got the girl.” Connor shoots back at me.
Hello double meaning, I am Connor Wright.
I roll my eyes at his comeback.
“Whatever, Princess Leia just had too much hair in her ears. Everyone knows the only good man is the one you can’t hear.” I raise an eyebrow and Connor throws his head back and laughs that amazing deep laugh of his. Tingles run through my body and I laugh right along with him.
“Leave it to you Nina, to use a joke usually made about women against a man.” Connor’s eyes are even brighter than usual and I realize that here with him and his beautiful eyes is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. “Okay, so if it’s not Solo, who is the lucky guy?” Connor asks me finally. I look at him straight on with my best poker face.
“Why Jarjar Binks, of course,” I deadpan. Connor looks shocked for a second and shakes his head.
“Women!” he says dramatically. “Strapping hero with charm, good looks and a laser gun and you choose a floppy eared, clumsy, sub creature.”
I pretend to be offended at his description of my favorite character and reply, “How Wude!” We both have tears in our eyes before we stop laughing.
When we finish the movie Connor thanks me for having him over and gives me the usual kiss on the temple and leaves. The rest of the week continues in the same fashion and I can’t help but feel like Connor is using some sort of slow seduction technique on me. Even more disturbing is that it’s working. On Tuesday I call him on my way home from work to see if he wants to have dinner at my place and he seems genuinely excited that I invited him. When he gets to my apartment he kisses me on the cheek and asks me how my day went. I immediately start laughing as I recap the highlights.
“Oh it was so funny! I let the kids bring in CD’s of their own so we could talk about the things they like and what the songs mean to them. This one little girl brought in an Aerosmit
h CD and chose the song “Pink,” and said she loved that song because Pink is her favorite color too! I wasn’t sure if I should just play it off or inform her that it was not an appropriate song to listen to. That and the school board are trying to implement some sort of mentor program, but they have to find someone to head it first. I think it’s a great idea so I’ve been helping brainstorm a bit and offered to help if I could, so hopefully it all works out.”
Connor laughs at the “Pink” story and seems really interested in my day.
I make enchiladas and we drink Moscato and watch the next movie in the series. Instead of him sitting in the recliner and me lying on the couch like Monday, he sits on one side of the couch while I lay on my side with my feet in his lap. That is how he discovers my weakness. I am ticklish everywhere.
Connor’s fingers are trailing along my sock covered feet when he hits a sensitive spot and I jerk and giggle. He doesn’t say anything and just brings my feet back into his lap, so I go back to watching the movie. When his fingers find the same spot again but deliberately this time, I squeal and sit up.
“Connor!” I shout and cover my feet with a pillow next to him.
“Sorry Princess.” He says, stealing a line from Hans Solo.
He had called me that a couple times on Monday while we were quoting lines from the movie and I hate to admit it, but it is kind of adorable in a Connor Wright kind of way.
I am such an idiot.
I nod at his apology and go back to watching the movie. I’m so engrossed in the scene where Hans and Leia profess their love for one another before Hans is frozen in carbonite, that I don’t notice Connor slowly moving closer.
I finally l
ook in his direction and he pounces, tickling me mercilessly. I beg him to stop through my squeals and choked laughter. It isn’t until I say “UNCLE!” that he finally releases me. When my giggling subsides, I realize that I’m flat on my back and he’s lying on top of me, but I’m too out of breath to protest. I look up at his handsome face and see that he looks almost tormented and his chest is heaving along with mine.
After we catch our breath he dazzles me with his smile. “Nina Ryan has a weakness after all.”
“A gentleman never mentions a woman’s weaknesses or uses them against her.” I say sternly.
“I’m not a gentleman Princess.” Is his reply. “I’m a jackass.”
Wednesday is the same as Tuesday. We eat dinner, drink wine and watch a movie and I honestly love spending time with him. I know that I’m going to have to get some time away from him if I’m going to stick to my “friends only” rule. Something was changing, but since nothing solid had happened I couldn’t say he was pushing me, or even that we were crossing the lines of friendship. All I have to go on are my feelings. I’m pretty sure he is feeling the same way, but he never says anything. I know that I have officially lost my mind when on Thursday he shows up at my door and I practically jump on him to give him a hug. He looks a little surprised but never mentions it. He just hugs me back and heads inside to put the wine in the kitchen. I stand in the doorway and decide then and there that I will be spending the weekend sans Connor Wright.
I follow him into the kitchen and stand there wringing my hands and looking at the ground.
Come on Nina! Where the hell is your backbone?
I mentally chastise myself for being nervous. I had made it perfectly clear that we were just friends so there is no reason I should be worried about his reaction.
“I brought stuff to make chicken salads. I remember you telling me you like to break it up during the week and since we have been eating kind of heavy I figured you would appreciate something lighter.” Connor says pulling out the food from the grocery bags, making me feel even worse.
“That sounds great. Thanks.” I say weakly unsure of how to bring up the subject of not seeing each other this weekend. Connor turns around and crosses his arms over his wide chest and leans back against the counter.