Sapphire Universe (8 page)
“Okay Princess. What’s the problem now?” He crosses his ankles a
nd relaxes into the pose. He isn’t going to budge until I spill my guts.
“What makes you think there is something wrong?”
“Well you hugged me voluntarily, you just thanked me and I’ve been in the door a whole five minutes and you haven’t called me a jackass once.” He ticks off the list on his fingers and raises his eyebrow at me.
I swallow the lump in my throat to speak. “Am I really that much of a bitch that you think there is something wrong when I don’t bite your head off as soon as I see you?” He’s right of course
and that makes me feel…well, like a bitch.
“Nina, you know I don’t think that about you. I know that you have…trust issues and probably a good reason for them, so I’ve learned that the attitude is your way of keeping distance. I can respect that, but you can’t blame me for being cautious when you’re suddenly excited to see me and being all agreeable.” His words bring me right back to my original dilemma.
“You’re right. I did have something I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve had a lot of fun spending time with you this week but I’m going to be busy this weekend so I can’t hang out with you tomorrow or Saturday and Sunday.” I stand a little straighter and fight to keep my composure. Without a word, Connor uncrosses his arms and grabs for his keys and starts heading for the door. “Connor, where are you going?” I ask following after him.
“Home.” He says without turning to look at me.
“Why? We can still have dinner tonight.” I reach out and grab his arm and he spins around and faces me so abruptly that I’m forced to take a step backward.
“Because, what’s the point Nina? You start to feel comfortable with me so you freak out and pull away. And don’t try to tell me that’s not what this is about. You’re not busy this weekend, you just want to get away from me so you don’t get too attached. What is the point in being friends if you’re always going to push me away so that I can’t get closer to you?” I’ve never really seen Connor upset before so I’m a little shocked and a lot scared. Not of him, but of him leaving and never seeing him again. As much as I don’t want to end our friendship
, I can’t force myself to speak. Years and years of avoiding situations that could end in heartbreak have conditioned me to let him leave before that happens. “Nothing to say huh? Well I guess I’ll see you around Nina Ryan. It’s been interesting.”
He walks out the door and closes it softly be
hind him. I slide down the wall to the floor and cover my face with my hands.
It’s better this way. No one gets hurt.
I repeat the mantra in my head but the ache in my chest doesn’t go away. I close my eyes and remember the way he looked at me when I hugged him. I may have managed to push him away before I fell completely in love with him, but for the first time since I was 17, I’ve failed at protecting myself. He’s gone and it still hurts like hell.
Friday after work isn’t so bad. Lo is with her parents and another family on some skiing trip for the weekend so I couldn’t call her to come over and distract me. From the conversation I have with her the night before, her mom is playing matchmaker again with the son. I have spent plenty of time alone in the past so I don’t really have any problems finding something to keep me occupied. I read a little and then cook dinner, then decide to take a bath and do a treatment in my hair. The olive oil and avocado mixture always makes it shiny and soft. By the time I wash it out and put my sweats on its ten pm. I’m not really tired and I’m not looking forward to tonight’s dreams, but I can’t think of anything else to do, so I snuggle into bed and close my eyes.
The next morning however, is another story. I wake up around eight and after being bored senseless
so I decide to clean the apartment. I’m a neat person by nature so that didn’t really take as much time as I had hoped. The laundry was the real chore because I had neglected it all week while Connor was here. Thinking of Connor makes my chest hurt and I have to admit that I miss him. His last words keep playing in my head over and over. “It’s been interesting." I don’t know if he realizes how that one sentence hurts me more than anything else he said. By two I’m about ready to punch something with my frustration. I’m not a big fan of outdoor winter activities, so I decide to head to the mall and walk around and maybe do a little shopping.
A couple of hours later,
I have some new clothes, have gotten my hair trimmed and cuddled every cute animal in the pet store. My stomach rumbles indicating its feeding time, so I make my way to the Greek fast food place to get a gyro. When I’m just a few feet from the line, I see a familiar face and turn to head over to the Subway. With my heart pounding in my throat, I walk on shaky legs, hoping he didn’t notice me. His voice sounds out my name from just behind me and it sends unpleasant chills down my spine and makes my stomach heave.
“Nina Ryan? Is
that you?” Ricky says breathing down my neck. I hold my breath and attempt to keep walking.
He’s not there! Pretend he’s not there!
His cold hand grabs my shoulder and I instinctively flinch and jump away from his touch. He moves to stand in front of me and the sight of his brown eyes and sandy brown hair makes the horrible memories overtake me again
. Come on baby, it’s not a big deal. You love me don’t you?
Bile rises in my throat but I stick my chin out and stare over his shoulder so I don’t have to look at him.
“Ricky.” I say simply acknowledging him in the rudest voice I can muster. His cold chuckle makes me cringe.
“Ah, still a cold fish I see. It figures that a girl like you with so many issues would be exactly the same after almost ten years.” Ricky says with a cruel smile on his face.
I stop myself from cowering and reach down into myself and grab all of the bravado and anger I can find and use it to respond.
“Well, you would know all about that since you’re just as disgusting as I remember you being.” I am so proud of myself until he speaks again and the bravery and anger dies a quick death. I want to curl up in a ball and die right there.
“You didn’t seem to think I was so disgusting when I fucked you nine years ago. If I remember correctly I popped your cherry too.” He turns to look back at his friends and laughs. I spin to run away like the coward I am when gentle warm hands grab both of my shoulders. I look up at the familiar blue eyes and see that they are sparkling with anger. For a split second
, I worry that he will join in on Ricky’s verbal assault, but just that fast he proves me wrong.
“You okay, Princess?” He says to me but is glaring daggers at Ricky who just stands there like the cocky asshole that he is.
“Connor what are you doing here?” I’ve never been happier to see someone in my life, but I can’t believe he’s here after the way I acted yesterday. I realize that I’m once again standing at my full height and the hysteria that had almost sent me into the fetal position moments ago, is completely absent in his presence.
“I’m doing some Christmas shopping. I saw you over here and it looked like you needed some help.”
Oh
. He is just being a Good Samaritan then. Okay.
“Still have to have other people fight your battles for you, huh Nina. Though, it’s usually Lola standing up to everyone for you.” Ricky says to me then turns to Connor. “She doesn’t usually go for dudes
if you know what I mean, so don’t plan on being rewarded for your intervention.”
Connor’s eyes darken and he reaches over to clap Ricky on the shoulder. I am just as surprised as Ricky seems to be, but then I see Connor’s hand tighten slightly and Ricky’s face contorts in pain. I’m a little confused about what’s happening
, but then Connor speaks and once again steals all my attention.
“I don’t know your history with Nina and quite frankly, I don’t give two shits. What I do care about however, is that a grown ass man is standing in a public place speaking to a woman he obviously knows as if she were the dirt on his shoe. I take the things I care about very seriously and as you can see,” Connor’s hand flexes slightly and Ricky winces. “I can make my point excruciatingly clear without so much as breaking a sweat. So if I were you
, I’d run along while you have a little dignity left.” Connor doesn’t release his hold and Ricky’s knees buckle a little. Ricky reaches up and grabs Connor’s hand and tries to smile around his grimace.
“Okay man I can live with that.” He chokes out. Connor nods and releases his grip and Ricky immediately rubs the spot in between his neck and shoulder that Connor had a hold of. He looks over once to me and then saunters back to his friends, but his steps don’t seem to be as sure as they were.
“You okay Nina?” Connor looks down at me and his eyes have changed back to their bright sapphire hue.
I reach down and take his hand in mine and try to put all of my gratitude into my gaze when I say, “I am now.” I point to the Subway and he follows me in. We order some sandwiches and sit down at one of the booths.
“Thank you for that. Ricky is…an old boyfriend that never could take a hint.” I say as an explanation. Connor looks thoughtful and takes a bite of his sandwich before speaking.
“I could tell you had a past with him. Is that all it was? Just a bad breakup?” I can’t bring myself to lie to him so I just shake my head. His eyes widen and he leans forward. “Do you want to tell me about it?” I look down at my sandwich and hear Connor sigh. “Okay Princess, whenever you’re ready.” Tears prick my eyes at his thoughtfulness and I speak with my head down, afraid of his reaction.
“Connor, I’m really sorry about yesterday…” I trail off and he silences me with a finger on my lips.
“It's okay Nina. I was being a jackass as usual. You’re allowed to spend time away from me. I just took it personally because I’ve been having so much fun with you. I promise not be so demanding anymore.” He hesitates for a second and then smiles widely before speaking again. “Friends?” He sticks his hand out across the table and for once I find myself wishing he would ask me for more, but I push those feelings back where they belong. I meet him halfway and shake his hand.
“Friends.”
CHAPTER 5
The following week everything is great. Connor and I are just friends and that’s okay. We eat dinner together every night. He never pushes me to talk about my past, but is always more than willing to share his. I know it’s not fair of me, but I really enjoy all the stories about his family. It reminds me of all the good times I had before that fateful day and it brings me a new sense of peace.
Apparently
, Connor was some sort of miracle child. His mother and father had met at the University of Wyoming and fell in love instantly. They married six months later and when they graduated, they moved to Michigan. After several miscarriages, Connor’s mother was told she wasn‘t able to have children.
“She went into some sort of depression I guess. My father was so worried about her that he decided to take her on a trip to Italy to get her away from everything. While they were there they met this woman who was selling herbs at a marketplace and she struck up a conversation with my mother. My mom ended up sharing her condition and the woman gave her a tonic that she said would make her dreams come true.” Connor looks as though he’s far away. I can tell that he loved his mother and my heart warms at his story. “My mother said that it just tasted like a sweet red wine so she figured it was all a scam, but was grateful for the woman’s kindness. When they got back to the states they found out that she was pregnant with me and the rest is history.” I am so enthralled by his story that I don’t even realize how close I have gotten to him. I notice my hand on his thigh and bring it up to tuck my hair behind my ear. Connor smiles at me but doesn’t comment and just continues his story.
“When I went to college my parents decided that it was time to retire and move somewhere more quiet. They came out here and a few years later my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She died in a matter of months.” I have tears in my eyes and I don’t even try to wipe them away when they roll down my cheeks. “You would have liked her. She was spunky like you. Anyway, my father found out he had abdominal cancer not long after that. He was in the early stages so they were able to treat it and he is going to probably out live us all. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard on him, but he would never admit to that. Lester Wright is the most stubborn man alive.” I smile at the description of his father and find myself wanting to meet him.