Sapphire Universe (9 page)
Connor seems to love talking about his family and telling random stories. Before long
, I feel like I know everything there is to know about him. I’m starting to feel like I can trust him and that he really cares for me. The only thing stopping me from dropping all my barriers is that he doesn’t seem to want to talk about his life back in New York. He always gives me vague answers if I ask him anything and he never offers any information. It bothers me a little, but I can’t exactly fault him for it when there are so many things I can’t talk to him about and even more answers I won’t give him. As convoluted as my feelings for him are, I’m content just being his friend. It’s working out perfectly and it’s simpler than the alternative, safer and then Friday had to come along and ruin everything.
Connor had liked my enchiladas so much that I decide to make some more Mexican food. I cut up some pork that I roasted, roll it around in some sweet and sour jalapeño sauce and top it off with queso fresco and cilantro in a corn tortilla. Connor decides that since it’s Friday we need tequila to follow the Mexican theme and I gladly agree. I love tequila. Connor is barely in the door before he cracks open the bottle and cuts up the limes. He pours us each a shot and hands me mine.
“To new friendships.” He toasts.
“Here, here!” I follow and toss back my shot. The fiery liquid warms my insides and the bite of the lime wakes up my taste buds. Seriously, I love tequila.
We take about two more shots during dinner, since it is Friday after all and I have built up quite a tolerance being friends with Lo…the girl loves to party. By the time we finish dinner and are doing the dishes, I’m feeling pretty damn good. I sway around the kitchen and sing Moulin Rouge to myself, not caring that I’m a horrible dancer. Connor just dries the dishes and listens to me sing and dance with amusement and something else in his eyes. When the dishes are all done we sit in the living room on the couch with the bottle and a plate of limes. We decide it would be fun to take a shot every time someone in the movie says “The Force.” The bottle doesn’t last long after that. Neither do I.
During th
e night, my dreams come again. ~My mother is in the kitchen crying and my dad is pacing. They don’t know, or are too caught up in themselves to care, that I’m sitting in the hallway hearing every word. They’ve never fought like this before. I’m so scared.
“How could you do this to me Cam?” I hear my mother shout at my father and she is sobbing so hard her voice is broke
n and shaky.
“You have to listen to me Brooke! It wasn’t me! That wasn’t me! It didn’t mean anything! I’m so sorry!” My father pleads with my mother and I can te
ll he’s desperate.
“It was you!
You did it! No one else!” My mother shouts at my father and her voice sounds angry now.
“I wasn’t myself. I don’t even remember it that well, it’s all so fuzzy. P
lease you have to forgive me.”
What did dad do?
He loves mom, it can’t be that bad. I see my mom get up from her chair so I hurry back to my room and eventually fall asleep.
I‘m standing outside Lo‘s house the next morning and my
mom yells out her window at me still sitting in my car in Lo’s driveway. “Bye Nina have fun with Lola, I’ll see you tonight.”
“Bye mom!” I bet they made up, she looks better today. Kind of distracted, but not sad.
~
I’m dragged back into reality by someone gently shaking me. I struggle to open my eyes and see Connor leaning over me in my bed with a terrified expression and his hands on my shoulders.
“Nina, it’s just a dream, I’m here, its okay.” Connor sounds frantic, but his words don’t register. All I can think about is the look on his face.
“What’s wrong Connor?” I say reaching up to cup his face. He leans into my hand and kisses my palm.
“You just had a nightmare and were crying and, Jesus you scared the shit out of me…and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “You are one strange woman Nina Ryan.”
I let go of his face and reach up to feel my wet cheeks. I didn’t even realize I had been crying. All I cared about was making sure Connor was okay. This is getting complicated. I sigh and look up at him.
“Let me go get washed up. You go make the cider.” He searches my eyes and I think he’s looking for reassurance that I’m really okay. He must have found it, because he nods and turns to head for the bedroom door. After taking a few steps, he turns to look at me.
“Take your time getting ready Nina, because when you’re done, we have some things to talk about.” Before I can say a word, he turns and walks out.
I take a deep breath and slide out of the covers.
Holy hell!
As soon as I stand up, my head pounds and my vision swims and I have to put a hand on the bed to get my bearings. I drank a whole bottle of tequila last night. With Connor. This cannot be good. I grab some yoga pants and a t shirt and head for the bathroom. I’m not feeling very ambitious in the fashion department today. As soon as the hot spray of water hits me, I want to stay in there forever, because it feels so good and because the memories from last night slowly start to come back to me.
Connor and I laughing at the movie and doing impersonations. Me putting my head in
Connor’s lap and staring into his eyes and telling him that he has the most beautiful sapphires I’ve ever seen. Him running his fingers through my hair and telling me I have an amazing voice and he wants me to sing to him every day for the rest of his life.
Oh shit! Finally, the absolute worst.
Me throwing up in the toilet while Connor holds my hair and rubs my back. Then helping me put my pajamas on and I tell him that it’s so nice to be taken care of again. That I hadn’t been taken care of since
…FUCK…
since my parents died
.
I bang my head on the wall, “this is so screwed up.” I say to myself. Once again I’m getting ready in my bathroom preparing to face the music. I don’t dry my hair or put on makeup, but I do brush my teeth. I really, really
hate
tequila.
When I step out of the bathroom and see that Connor isn’t in the living room, I make my way to the kitchen. He’s sitting at my smal
l table and sipping a mug. I pad my way over to him and he silently pushes a second mug to the other side of the table. I take my seat and a tentative sip while I wait for him to speak.
“So.”
He says.
“So.”
I repeat. We both smile and he shakes his head.
“Do you remember anything?” He asks me warily.
“Everything.” I say wryly.
“Good. That makes this easier. You were pretty gone last night. I was worried you wouldn’t.” I just nod my head
, not wanting to interrupt. “I was buzzing pretty good too though.” He says that like it means something. The “rest of my life” comment?? “First off, I know you’re the most freaked out over you finally telling me about your family. Nina, I want you to know that I am so sorry you had to go through that. When I lost my mom…” he strays off, “I couldn’t imagine losing both. We almost thought with dad’s cancer…but he made it.” He shakes his head and looks completely genuine.
This is fascinating
and it makes my chest hurt. I keep waiting to see that look of pity that is so familiar to me cross his face or for him to start babbling about how they are in a better place. “Mostly, I wanted to say that I know something happened to you. Something bad. Maybe it has to do with your parents, or maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. But Nina,” he reaches over and grabs my hand, “you don’t have to tell me till you’re ready. I won’t pry. If I ever seem forceful I’m sorry, I just care about you, but it’s been brought to my attention that I can be a jackass.”
We both laugh a little at that
and not only is there no pity in his eyes, he never tried to preach to me about my parent’s death. He’s smiling at me and I literally feel something inside of me crumble. Not in a bad way, but in a way that’s freeing. It’s like he’s somehow removed a piece of my baggage. I’ve been walking around filled to the brim my entire life that I got so used to the weight. Now that there is a little room inside of me, I immediately want to use this opportunity to replace it with something good for once. I stare across the table at him in disbelief. A beautiful man is sitting at my table, telling me he is sorry and that he cares and I don’t have to tell him everything. And I’m pretty sure he means it. WTF! This can’t be real. “I think you should probably say something Princess.”
“You can’t be real.” I blurt
and spill my cider trying to cover my mouth. Seriously what is it with the diarrhea of the mouth I keep having with this guy? Connor chuckles at me.
“I’m real Princess
and I’m right here. The question is what are you going to do about it?” I stare into those bright blue eyes I’ve come to depend on so much and just like before, I feel a shift and a piece of the wall I’ve built around my heart tumbles.
“What do you want me to do about it?” I ask, because I’m a big fat coward. Lucky for me Connor is not.
“I want you, Nina. I want to be with you. And I want you to let me.”
Wow! Pinch me!
Oh, what the hell. If he can lay it all on the line, then so can I.
“I think I might want to let you too.” I say quietly and in answer he smiles the most amazing smile that has graced his face since I’ve known him.
“So what’s our next move Princess?” I look at our hands still connected and know what I want, but I still need just a little time. I need to talk to the one person I know will help me make sense of this.
“I need to do a little thinking Connor. You’re the first guy for me in a while
and it’s for a good reason. What you said about something happening to me, being about my parents or something else. It was both. Them and something else.” This is the farthest I’ve ever gotten when telling someone, but I feel like I owe him at least this much. “I just need to think before I move forward with this. Being with you is so overwhelming. Can you give me that first?” He looks deep into my eyes and I swear he sees everything that is now exposed without the wall in place to guard it.
“Sure Nina, you can have some time to speak with your friend about me. But you should know she stopped by while you were in the shower, so you have a lot of explaining to do. And she wants to go out tonight.” I fight the urge to slam my forehead into the table, but I can’t stop the face-palm. Connor smiles at me slapping myself and chuckles a little. “Would you be willing to make that our first date? Get some dinner then go out for some drinks and dancing…or in your case, water and dancing.” He smirks at me. God he is amazing. I am so going to do this.
“Yes.” I say that one word and I’m rewarded with the dazzling smile again.
CHAPTER 6
My cell phone stares at me. Well, I stare at it, but it’s taunting me I swear. I really need to talk to Lo about everything, but I know she’s going to freak out and say the dreaded “I told you so.” She always says it. It drives me crazy when she blows things out of proportion
and since this time it involves me and Connor, I just know she’ll be picking out her brides maids dress tomorrow. Especially since I know she has been keeping her distance, pretending to be busy when I invite her over so Connor and I can be alone. Ugh, I am not looking forward to this. I give myself a mental slap.
Lo is your best friend
. I can tell her anything and I really need to talk to her. I pick up the phone and press send. While it rings I take deep breaths. A lot of good it does me because right in the middle of one is when she answers, so of course I choke on it.
“Nina Ryan! What the HELL! I came over this morning to see how things have been going between you and Con Man, because really a w
eek is pushing it, even for you. And what do I find?! A freaking Connor shaped underwear model in your living room! He answered your door Nina! While you were in the shower!" I hear her sigh dramatically. “Nina. Seriously, stop coughing and give me the deets!!”