Saving Ren (Barretti Security Series, Book 3) (21 page)

“Please, Rafe.”

“Okay, let’s go,” Rafe said.

“Ren, please just hear us out,” Declan said.

Ren shook his head violently. His skin was crawling and he felt like he was going to throw up again. “Now, Rafe,” Ren said.

Ren felt Rafe grab his arm and then he was being led down the steps toward the sidewalk. He couldn’t hear anything besides a roaring sound in his ears. He jammed his hands over his ears but the sound wouldn’t stop. He could see Rafe talking to him but the noise was too loud for him to hear what he was saying. He let Rafe lead him to a car and then he was being buckled in. The seatbelt felt too tight as he rocked back and forth against it.

A hand closed around his and he started to yank free of it until he realized it wasn’t either of the ones he’d thought it would be. He followed the arm up to Rafe’s face and saw him talking but since he still couldn’t hear him, Ren closed his eyes. And then he felt the darkness settle around him and he shifted against the dirt and angled his body around the sharp rocks. He could hear the earth come alive beneath his ear as he laid his head down and he smiled as he finally realized he was back in the place where things like love and trust and hope didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. The dream was over and he was back where he belonged.

***

“Yeah, he’s here. He’s safe.”

Ren winced at the sound of the deep, unfamiliar voice. It wasn’t that the voice was loud – it just wasn’t the right one…or ones rather. There should be two voices.

“Ren?”

Another voice, but still not quite right.

“Ren, you’re scaring me. I need you to wake up.”

Ren tried to say he was too tired but his mouth felt dry.

“Cade-” the voice said anxiously.

“He’ll be okay, baby. He just needs a little bit of time.”

“Did Jagger tell you what was going on?”

“Yeah, he did. We need to call Vin and Dom.”

“No,” Ren whispered though he had no idea if the words cleared his throat.

“Ren?”

He realized it was Rafe’s voice and he burned it into his mind so he’d never forget it again. His baby brother was home.

“Water?” Ren asked. Hands helped him to sit up and a glass was instantly pressed against his lips. He took just a few swallows. A hand stroked his hair and then his brother’s voice told him to drink a little more.

“You’re not supposed to tell me what to do,” Ren managed to say. “You’re the baby, remember?”

Rafe chuckled and it was then that Ren realized he was leaning against his brother. He forced his eyes open and took his time letting them adjust.

“Where are we?” he asked as his eyes focused on a white leather sofa across from them.

“Our apartment. Cade’s and mine.”

Ren forced himself to sit up so he could take in the entire apartment. It was an open floor plan with mostly hardwood floors and contrasting dark walls. The living room had three couches in a U shape and there was a huge flat screen TV on the opposite wall.

“Cade?” Ren asked stupidly.

“My boyfriend,” Rafe said and Ren finally realized there was a man sitting next to Rafe on the couch. He was tall and had black hair and dark green eyes.

“Cade Gamble,” the guy said as he stuck out his hand. But then he glanced lovingly down at Rafe and said. “Soon to be Cade Barretti.”

Ren shook his hand and watched Cade lean down and brush a kiss over Rafe’s lips. “I’ll let you guys talk for a bit.”

Rafe nodded and watched him go. So not only was his baby brother gay, he was in love. Pain went through Ren as a feeling of loss settled into his gut. He’d thought the same thing – that he was in love. But people who loved you didn’t lie to you.

Ren had no idea how he’d gotten here. The last thing he remembered was throwing up on Jagger’s pretty hardwood floor. “Did I hurt anyone?” he asked.

“No,” Rafe said. “You were out of it in the car but you were able to follow me up here,” Rafe said. “Talk to me, Ren. Tell me what happened.”

Jesus, where the hell did he even start? “Did Dom and Vin tell you what I did to Mia after Vin brought me home?”

Rafe nodded. “They told me about the shooting too. You saved her life.”

Ren shook his head. “I was stalking her,” he said bitterly

“You saved her life,” Rafe repeated. “You saved Vinny’s too.”

That caught Ren off guard and he turned to look at his brother.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at her, Ren. He’s completely in love with her. If he’d lost her that day…I’m not sure he would have gotten over that.”

Ren fell silent.

“Is she the reason you left?” Rafe asked.

“Part of it,” Ren said. “I was so full of rage and hate. I was worried about hurting someone I loved.”

“Where did you go?”

Ren gave Rafe the details about Declan’s offer to stay in the cabin and Declan and Jagger’s arrival and plan to help him put his life back together.

“How could they do this?” he whispered. “They said I could trust them. I did trust them.” Tears began to spill down his cheeks and he felt Rafe put his arm around his shoulder. “I told them things I never told anyone else.”

“Were you with them, Ren?” Rafe asked gently. Ren understood what Rafe was asking and nodded.

“I thought I loved them,” Ren said. “I thought they loved me.”

“You don’t think they love you anymore?”

“I don’t know,” Ren whispered. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

“What all did they lie about?” Rafe asked as he gently pushed Ren upright so they were facing each other.

“You.”

“That’s it?”

“That I know of,” Ren said bitterly. But then his thoughts drifted to all the things Declan and Jagger had shared with him. Their painful pasts, the things that made them feel weak and vulnerable.

He dropped eyes and studied his hands. At some point Rafe had managed to push a tissue into it and he used it to wipe at his eyes. “I think it was just you,” he finally said. “How long have you been back?”

“Almost three months,” Rafe said.

Ren shook his head. They’d been lying to him from almost the beginning.

“Ren, I know why they lied about me but it’s not going to be easy for you to hear.”

Ren steeled himself because he’d guessed as much.

“I began hacking Dom and Vin’s computer servers earlier this year. I was looking for information to use against them.”

“I don’t understand. For what?”

“To hurt them,” Rafe said. “To destroy their reputations, ruin their business. I was even planning on taking down their loved ones.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted revenge. I blamed Vin and Dom for what happened to me after Gary took me away.”

Ren had been too young to understand what was happening twenty years ago when a man claiming to be Rafe’s real father had shown up and demanded that Rafe belonged to him. He remembered Vin and Dom promising Rafe that he wasn’t going anywhere and then one day they’d come home and said Rafe had to go with the man. He hadn’t understood when they explained that a judge had said Rafe couldn’t live with them anymore and he remembered yelling at his brothers not to let anyone take Rafe away.

“What happened after Gary took you?” Ren asked as he tried to mentally prepare himself for the answer.

Rafe hesitated. “I’m okay now, that’s what matters.”

Ren shook his head as fresh tears blurred his vision. “He hurt you?”

He felt Rafe grab his hand. “Ren, look at me. I’m okay.”

Ren managed a nod. “Tell me,” he said. “I need to hear it.”

“Ren…”

“Please, Rafe” Ren asked.

“He sold me to other men,” Rafe said softly. He was surprised at how strong Rafe sounded.

“Oh God, Rafe, I’m so sorry.” He felt Rafe drag him into his arms once more and felt him whisper that he was okay over and over against Ren’s head.

Minutes passed before Rafe softly said, “Ren, would you have been strong enough to hear this three months ago?”

Ren realized that he wouldn’t have and he shook his head.

“One month ago?”

One month ago he’d just started the process of therapy. No way in hell would he have been able to deal with such devastating news and stay on track with his recovery. What if Jagger and Declan had just been waiting until he was strong enough to tell him the truth?

But it didn’t matter because there was a new reality he just couldn’t get past. “I don’t trust them anymore,” Ren said as he felt his heart break into pieces.

***

“Are you going into work today?” Jagger asked as he reached across Declan and turned the alarm clock off.

Declan shook his head but didn’t speak. It had been the same routine for nearly a week since they’d watched Ren walk out of their lives. They hadn’t tried to stop him since they’d known nothing they could say or do would take away the agony he’d felt at their betrayal. The only consolation they had had was knowing Ren was safe with Cade and Rafe and Cade was kind enough to call them with daily updates. He and Declan had both been relieved to hear that Ren was keeping up with his therapy sessions and that he’d held up well upon learning the truth about Rafe’s past. But apparently he still wasn’t ready to see his brothers.

“Declan, we should try to keep things as normal as possible so that when he comes back-”

“He’s not coming back, Jagger,” Declan mumbled. “He’ll never trust us again.”

Jagger rolled Declan onto his back and settled on top of him. “He will. He’ll see that we were just trying to protect him.”

“Even if he sees that, it doesn’t mean he’ll trust us.”

“Then we’ll earn his trust back. We’ll beg, we’ll promise – fuck, I don’t care if we have to kidnap him and fuck his brains out for a week – we’re going to get him back.”

Declan’s fingers brushed over his scarred cheek. “And if he doesn’t, is what we have enough for you?”

Jagger leaned down and brushed his lips over Declan’s. “It’s never been all or nothing for me. I love you. Period. Whether he’s with us or he isn’t, I love you. Will a piece of us always be missing if he doesn’t come back? Yes. But I’m not going to give up a life with you. He may have been the reason we came together but he isn’t going to be the reason we stay together.”

“I love you, Jagger.”

Jagger smiled and leaned down to kiss him.

“Would you come somewhere with me tonight?” Declan asked.

“Yes, anywhere,” Jagger whispered just before claiming Declan’s mouth again.

***

“You didn’t say anything about having to wear a monkey suit,” Jagger snapped as he tugged at the bow tie around his neck.

“I think a tux is considered a penguin suit,” Declan said as he got out of the car and handed the keys to the Valet. He went around the front of the car to where Jagger waited on the sidewalk. The man looked unbelievably hot all decked out and Declan couldn’t help but imagine Ren standing next to him looking equally stunning.

Declan reached for Jagger’s hand and murmured, “I am so regretting not getting a limo for the night…the things I could have done to you in the backseat.”

“Fuck,” Jagger snarled just before he kissed Declan. It didn’t seem to matter to Jagger at all that fancily dressed people were walking past them as they made their way into the hotel or even that there were a few flashes going off from the cameras belonging to the society pages reporters.

Declan hadn’t planned to make an appearance at the benefit tonight, but Jagger’s words had stuck with him. As much as they loved Ren and he belonged with them, he wasn’t the glue holding them together. If it had been Jagger who had walked away, Declan wouldn’t have been able to leave Ren and he definitely wouldn’t have wanted Jagger and Ren to let go of one another if Declan couldn’t remain in the relationship.

Declan took Jagger’s hand in his.

“You sure you want to do this?” Jagger asked.

“Absolutely.”

***

Jagger had lost count of how many hands he’d shaken or how many looks of surprise he and Declan had received each time Declan introduced him as his boyfriend. And Declan hadn’t stopped there. After introducing Jagger, he informed the other party that his other boyfriend hadn’t been able to attend but hopefully they’d get to meet him next time. They’d gotten their fair share of disgusted looks but most people had been polite and some had actually seemed interested.  For Declan, the biggest hurdle had been the Chief of Police, but the distinguished, older man had simply smiled and greeted Jagger as he would have any other person. Even the mention of Ren hadn’t deterred the man or his wife who promptly invited the three of them to dinner. The most interesting part had been when the Chief asked Declan why he hadn’t taken the Lieutenant’s exam. He’d then pulled Declan aside for a brief, private discussion while Jagger had chatted with the Chief’s wife.

“Declan, Jagger!”

Jagger froze at the sound of Vin’s voice and he felt Declan’s hand tighten in his.