Saying Goodbye (32 page)

Adam sat behind his desk in his office in LA, his Bluetooth in his ear, talking to a client and tapping keys on his computer at the same time. He felt like hell, first being gone at the estate over the weekend and then
at
the hospital with Mark from the moment he was located until he was released. The backlog of work was killing him.

“…yes, Henry, go to the auditions, all of them. Work is getting tougher and tougher in this town. If you aren’t a fucking blood relative
of some A-lister
you’re ignored.” Adam glanced up as he heard Natalie Cushman, his assistant answer someone at the door to their agency. His attention returned to his phone call.

“…come on, Adam…
voiceovers for commercials?
Non-speaking
extra
role
s?”

“You want to build a resume or work as a waiter?
I’ll leave it up to you. I found you auditions, now go.” He disconnected the phone as Natalie stood at his open office door, grinning
at him;
her purple hair, Goth makeup and pie
r
ced eyebrow, nose and
lip, and tattoos making her
smile seem wicked.

She was holding an oblong white box tied with a red ribbon.

“What is that?” he asked.

“It’s addressed to,” she read the card, “My one love.”

Adam raised his eyebrow. “Some
one
stalk
ing you
? What
the hell
is it?”

“I won’t know until I open it.”

Adam nodded his head.

She placed it on the desk and removed the ribbon, opening the box. The fragrance of roses filled Adam’s office.

“Wow. Two dozen
long-
stemmed
red
roses!” Natalie inhaled deeply.

“Is there a card?” Adam was leery.

She picked one up and held it. It was inside an envelope. “
It’s for you. Do y
ou really want me to read this? What if it’s personal?”

“
For me?
I don’t give a fuck. No one I like would send me this crap.”

She slid out the card. “It says, ‘I need to know. Forgiveness or saying goodbye?’”

Adam flinched.

Natalie looked at Adam. “It’s signed ‘Jack’.”

Adam took
his phone
earpiece off and tossed it on the desk.

Natalie sat down
o
n the chair in front of the desk, touching the delicate roses. “What happened, Adam? You and Jack are so good together.”

Adam rubbed his face and sighed. “He flew
to Rome with Steve to fuck Alexander Richfield
.”

The usual spunky woman said nothing for a moment, as if absorbing the words. Then she asked quietly, “To spite you?”

“No. To get back at Billy, who fucked Mark.”

“To get back at Billy? Alex’s husband?”

Adam met her gaze. “Worst fucking shit you ever heard? Huh? Like something out of a bad soap opera.”

Natalie looked over her shoulder, but no one was in the office
she and Adam
occupi
ed. “Look, Adam
…
I’m not the best one to come to for advice
…
I’ve done my share of crazy things.”

Adam could only imagine.

“But, I do know Jack loves you. A lot. And I can’t imagine you two splitting up.”

“Did you ever cheat on a lover, Nat?”

“Yes. I have. It’s not something I’m proud of. But we are humans, and sometimes our bodies lead our minds.”

“Has a lover ever cheated on you?”

Natalie lowered her head, taking one stem out and inhaling it. “Yes.”

“Did you forgive him?”

“I did.” She stood and said, “Let me find a vase for these.”

Adam watched the phone lines light up and his email box fill
with messages
. He put back his earpiece and kept working.

~

Mark sat at the kitchen table, the phone to his ear as Steve fussed in the kitchen behind him.

“Thank you, Harold, for the lovely gift basket.”

“I’m just happy you are home. You sound well. Are you feeling yourself yet?”

“A bit. You know. A day at a time.” Mark looked up as Steve set milky tea in front of him, the way Mark liked it. “I should be back at work shortly, Harold. I suspect Charlie and Kevin are pulling Steven and my weight through this ordeal.”

“No rush, Mark. No rush. Danny and Donny have already offered to pick up the slack. You and Steven take the time you need.”

“Actually, Harold, Steven suggested a holiday in Maui. Would you be agreeable to something like that? A short stay, mind
you
. Perhaps just a week?”

“I’m all in favor if it sees you feeling well. You’re like family here at Parsons and C
ompany, and you know we are
a team. When one of us is on the bench, the others are there for them.”

“I do adore you all. Thank you, Harold.”

For Mark’s lunch,
Steve brought over toast with jam, no butter.

“Just get well. I’ll have Mary put in your vacation requests in your absence.”

“I’ll call her once we
’ve
book our flights.”

“Get well, Mark. And make sure Steve
n
takes good care of you.”

“I shall, Harold. And thank you for caring so deeply.” He hung up and set the cordless phone on the table, sipping the hot tea.

Mark watched Steve. He was wiping the crumbs off the counter in the kitchen and had made himself an omelet, the scent of which was not sitting well with Mark. But it wasn’t too distasteful.
They needed to go shopping. Since their absence from the usual routine, there was nothing in the house, and Mark did not feel up to
going to
a restaurant.

Inhaling deeply, Mark picked the phone up again and dialed.

“Who now?” Steve asked as he sat down to eat.

“
Arnold Newhouse. I haven’t the strength to deal with the modeling firms myself.” Mark stared at the toast but didn’t eat it as Steve devoured his omelet.

“Mark?”

“Arnold, love. I hope you have a minute.”

“I do. How are you? Did you get the flowers I sent?”

“I did, lovely. Totally unnecessary, but thank you.”

“You
’
r
e
home? The phone number is your landline.”

“Yes, Arnold, I am. But I don’t know if I am up for the shoot this weekend.”

“No! Of course not. I will call them to reschedule. Do
…
do you know when you will feel up to it?”

“Well, Steven and I were thinking of taking a mini holiday.”

“Um
…
how long of a holiday?”

“A week?” Mark met Steve’s eyes, which were stern as he finished eating.

“Uh, Mark
…
this is the timing
for your spring shoot. It’s already nearing February. I doubt they could be put off. Can you do the shoot and then go?”

Mark cupped the phone. “Arnold asked if I can do the shoot first, then go.”

Steve showed his annoyance but said nothing.

Mark, always
feeling
obligated to comply and keep people happy
,
said, “Look,
Arnold
, let me do the shoot this weekend—”

“No fucking way!” Steve said.

Holding up his hand to quiet Steve, Mark said to Arnold, “I am fine. I can do it. I mean, I have
a few
days to get myself prepared.”

“Mark, I
don’t want you to push yourself,
”
Arnold replied.

“Nonsense. “I shall be at the studio Saturday morning. Then Steven and I can leave after.”

“How…” Arnold asked quietly, “How do you look?”

“According to Mum, thin as a rail, but that’s not a bad thing in our case, is it, Arnold?”

“I don’t want you passing out on the shoot. Mark, don’t starve. Not after what you have been through.”

“Now you sound like Steven!” Mark tried to laugh. “Okay, I’ll be there. No worries. Okay, Arnold?”

“If you’re sure.”

“Of course. Ta, love.” Mark placed the phone down and picked up a piece of toast which had been sliced in half. “Did you butter it?”

“No. Just a little bit of jam.
You need protein. And salad. I have to go shopping.
” Steve placed his fork and knife on his empty plate. “So? You’re going to model?
A
fter being in a coma and on life support?
”

“Let me get back to normal. If I dwell on everything that has gone on
,
I shall go mad.” Mark nibbled the toast.

“So that means, you model, and
then
we go off to Maui?” Steve leaned his elbows on the table to get closer to Mark
. “You are not ready to be in front of a camera. I want you to eat.
”

Mark began to get annoyed. He picked up his tea and sipped it. “Don
’
t think we are simply going back to you
r
ordering me around.”

“Huh? Ordering you around?” Steve blinked. “I love you
.
I’m worried you will take on too much
,
too quickly. You need to heal.”

Mark set the cup down. “I know, Steven. Believe me. I
’ve
made an appointment with Dr Van Eldon.”

“And you think one appointment with your shrink will be the magic solution?”

The annoyance
Mark was feeling
was
quickly
turning to anger.
“What did you and Jackie do when you were with Alex in Rome?” Seeing Steve recoil at the comment, Mark added, “Was it earth-shattering? Hm? Did Alex do something I cannot do?”

“
Oh, God.
How do you know?
” Steve appeared as if he had been slapped,
and took his plate to the sink.

“I overheard some of the conversation you had with Jack on the phone.” Mark
stared at Steve for his reaction. “And
then
I called Adam.”
Mark leaned his elbows on the table, able to see Steve from over the island counter. “You can’t blame me for being curious. I told you what Billy and I did. He fucked me and sucked me. Full stop. What on earth did the two of you do to Alex
ander
?”

“Mark…” Steve shook his head.

“Do you realize Jackie is on the verge of losing Adam over that
incident
? Hmm? Can you shed some light on why you two thought sex with my son was so d
ir
e you had to descend on him together
whilst Billy
, Jeff, Mickey,
and Adam looked for me
?”

Steve wiped his hands on a kitchen towel and stood
still
, staring at the floor.

“If we don’t get this out
in the open
, it will forever fester in me. You know how I obsess.”

Blowing out a breath first, Steve returned to the table and sat down. He moved the plate closer to Mark. “You need to eat more than a quarter of a piece of toast.
All you’
ve had all day is tea and toast.
”

“I shall. Now
, w
hat did you and Jack do with Alexander?”

Steve rubbed his face and looked beyond Mark, out of the sliding doors to their backyard. “He tried to suck us both
…
then
…
then Jack fisted him. Then we double fucked him.”

Mark blinked and sat back in the chair. “Fisted? Jackie fisted
my
Alex?”

Steve’s mouth formed a thin line. “I couldn’t. I…” Steve didn’t look at Mark. “I couldn’t.”

“Double-fuck
ed him
?” Mark asked.

“Me on the bottom, Jack on top. I lay there, Jack screwed both of us.”

“And
…
and you all came?”

“Yeah. I fell asleep
after
. When I woke, Alex was already a wreck, wanting Billy
, asking us to find you and w
e all felt like shit.”

Mark thought about it. “Was it worth it? I know how long both you and Jack wanted it. Did it fulfill your desire? Finally?”

“It was
not
worth it.” Steve met Mark’s eyes finally, trying to reach for Mark’s hand but hesitant. “I prefer sex with you.”

“How reassuring,” Mark said with resentment.

“I didn’t even want to go through with it. I knew the moment I arrived there, seeing Alex in the hotel lobby, it was wrong. Jack kept moving us to
wards
the act. I was in the bathroom, cleaning up, deciding to go back home,
and
when I came out
saw
Alex naked, on top of Jack on the bed.”

Mark believed it. Why? He didn’t know. But he did.

“Like you with Billy?” Steve used the tip of his finger to touch Mark’s hand. “I kept shaking my head and saying no.”

“Who drew you in?”

“Alex. Then Jack. Alex was furious with Billy
. He knew the minute you wen
t to the SWAT training there was most likely sexual
contact between you two.”

“Unforgiveable.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve slouched in the seat.
“I promised Jack I wouldn’t tell you what we did.
But I figured it was a secret that couldn’t be hidden for long.
” Steve touched Mark’s hand very lightly. “Am I back in the shit house again? I know I deserve it. Deserve your hatred.”

“It is all simply vile.”

“I know. Mark, I am so guilt
-
ridden.”

“
No. Not you. It’s w
hat I did. I bec
a
me the catalyst for all this
bollocks
.”

“No. I don’t agree.” Steve made sure he gripped Mark’s hand. “It was me
right from the very start
. My going to see Randy. You were right. Billy had a reason. What was mine?”

“And I allowed Randy to screw me.” Mark felt his eyes burn with tears.

“You thought you were doing what you could to help Alex.”

“Yet, I betrayed him so severely so soon after? What’s wrong with me, Steven?”

“You’re human.” Steve shrugged.

“No. I am not. I’m a monster.”

“Mark.” Steve became angry and shook his head. “This kind of talk is what terrifies all of us.”

“That dream, or whatever it was, when I was in a coma. My father, still humiliating me, yet urging me to go into a house. A terrible house.”

“I wonder if you had followed him, if we would have lost you? I don’t believe in heaven or hell. But hell on earth?” Steve’s eyes became glossy. “Yes.” He brought Mark’s hand to his lips. “I can’t lose you. Do you get that?”

“Why do we do such
horri
ble things? Things that risk our hearts? Are we that weak, Steven? That vulnerable to carnal lust?”

Steve
appeared pensive
, as if being honest with himself. “We fucking are
carnal beasts at heart
. And I also think, if you and I had been a committed couple
from the very start of our relationship
, without the four-way sex with Jack and Adam every weekend, which led to me allowing other guys to enjoy you
…
this would never have happened.”

Mark’s eyes overflowed. “Am I enough for you?”

Steve’s expression grew nervous
as a
frightened
child. “Are you enough for me?” He reached for Mark and embraced him, pulling Mark off the chair.

Mark sat on Steve’s lap and held onto him. “I worry if we don’t have extra sex on the side, we shall grow old and stale.”

Steve sniffled and tried to compose himself. “My love for you is so strong, Richfield, I will keep you happy. I will wear that fucking uniform every night.”

Mark smiled through his weariness. “I
should see someone about that fetish.
”

“Not Sharpe.”

“No. Not the captain.” Mark rested his head on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve picked up a piece of the toast and held it for Mark to eat. Mark took a bite, still resting on Steve as he chewed.

“What shall we do about Adam and Jackie-blue?” Mark asked after he swallowed.

“I think that’s up to them. Let’s let them work it out.”

“Adam is so cross with you both.” Mark ate another bite of food.