Scattering Like Light (31 page)

I woke on the darkened, deserted balcony with no idea of how much time had passed. No evidence of the glittering tide of sparks remained, no Dirges, no cloaks. The pain in my arm was excruciating and I barely dared to look. I might have been alive but the amulet was gone, leaving a hideous burn around my wrist, and I knew that without it I wouldn’t be able to see any of the Dirges, even if there were some left behind.

I gingerly tested my legs and, apart from the pain in my wrist, I seemed unhurt. Taking a deep breath I hauled myself upright using my left arm and peered over the edge of the balcony. I distinctly remembered Catherine falling into the void but there was no sign of her: no broken body lying on the mosaic floor. I looked around quickly. There was no sign of Veronica either. Perhaps she had already recovered and gone downstairs? It didn’t seem likely though. There would be no point in moving the body; there were going to be questions and inquests and more questions, all of which would be far, far worse if we moved her.

Weak evening sunshine was still piercing the gloom, and the dust motes swam lazily in the air. It looked as if nothing at all had happened. I felt like falling back on the seat and weeping with the injustice of it all. I couldn’t believe that Catherine had chosen to die without helping the others to live. The ultimate act of selfishness. Tears pricked my eyes again as the picture of Callum’s final moments sprang into my mind. I knew it was a memory that was seared on to my brain and it would never, ever leave me.

I sat for a few moments before I realised that I had to go: I had to get down to the river to see how much of my plan had
worked, although I knew in the deepest recesses of my heart that I was deluding myself, that he was gone. I had watched him die in agony. But there was nothing to wait for in the cathedral, and the least I could do was help to get them out of the water and send them on their way.

I worked my way down the long spiral staircase to the cathedral floor, where it was eerily quiet. I couldn’t see any sign of Catherine’s fall: no overturned chairs, no blood, nothing. Staying in the shadows I slipped across to the stairs to the crypt. Down there it was really dark, but I had a good idea of the layout and was soon able to make my way over to the far side and the entrance by the café where Veronica had let me in. It was shut but unlocked, and I guessed that was how Catherine had been able to make her unexpected appearance. I slid through it with a lump in my throat, knowing that I would never be coming back to visit the Dirges.

Outside, the early evening light reflected pinkly on the old stonework. The commuter crowds were thinning out and the bars were filling up. It was a lovely summer’s evening. I walked down towards Blackfriars Bridge without thinking, just putting one foot in front of the other. No one took the slightest bit of notice of me and I suddenly stopped dead as I had a hideous thought. What if I wasn’t alive but transported into some other amulet-induced nightmare existence? Was that my punishment for releasing them all – to be the only Dirge left? I could feel the panic rising and I started to run blindly, tears obscuring my view.

“Hey, look where you’re going, will you?” admonished a man in a grey suit as I ran straight into him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, holding on to his arm for a moment. He took one look at my tear-streaked face and backed away.

“Just be a bit more careful, yeah?”

I nodded as I turned away, relieved that, whatever else had happened, I was still in the real world. Catherine had lied about that too. I carried on towards the river, but as I got closer I was conscious of something going on, of an edge to the air. I rounded the last corner and finally got a view of the water: the Embankment was heaving with people. Traffic had stopped and blue lights were flashing everywhere. People were lining the bank, hanging on to the railings, shouting and pointing. I had to see, and found myself walking more and more quickly before breaking into a run.

I ran up on to Blackfriars Bridge, where I would have the best view. The lifeboats were scudding about, joined by a flotilla of other small boats. They were hauling bundles of rags up out of the water and racing to the shore before coming back for more. There were plenty of bodies to keep them busy. The police helicopter had been joined by a news helicopter, which was swooping as low as possible to get the best pictures of this inexplicable event. The lifeboats were taking the bodies to the nearest available landing place, the Millennium Pier riverboat landing stage. I could see them lining up on the deck and suddenly realised that I had to go and see. I had to say goodbye to the Dirges in person and I wasn’t going to get a better chance.

Pushing people aside as I ran down the steps I ran along the Embankment until I got to the walkway down to the pier. There was only one small entrance, which was nominally being guarded by a woman in uniform, and in the disorder and panic it wasn’t difficult to slip past her. Heart pounding, I quickly made my way down to the pontoon. It was complete chaos and no one tried to stop me as I made my way to where they were laying out the dead. There were far more bodies than blankets and as I started to walk up the line I could see their faces, at peace at last.

I walked blankly from one to the next, wincing as I looked at each face in case it was someone I knew, and it was only a matter of time before the familiar features stopped me in my tracks. Matthew was finally serene, his tired face uncreased and uncaring, his responsibilities over. I quickly looked around but no one was paying any attention to me at all. Kneeling down beside him I found his hand: where his amulet had been there was a charred ring of skin with strange black lines that disappeared up his arm under his shirtsleeve. “It’s good to finally see you, Matthew,” I whispered, lifting his hand. “Thank you for all your help. I know Callum appreciated it.” I realised as I said it that I was already thinking of Callum as dead, and a knife speared my heart. “I hope that you are at rest now, wherever you are. Look after Callum and Olivia for me, won’t you?” The last words became an indistinct sob and the tears in my eyes made it impossible to focus. I lay his hand gently across his chest and stood up. It didn’t seem right to leave without standing for a moment, but then I had to move on, I had to keep searching until I was thrown out.

The long line of bodies continued, with more being added all the time. Not one of them had made it over alive, it seemed, and a new, pure hatred for Catherine started building in me. Every one of these Dirges could have had another life, some payback for all the decades of pain and misery they had endured. But thanks to her they were all lying motionless, body after body.

I continued picking my way down the landing stage, the fury taking over from the sorrow when I saw another familiar shape. “Olivia!” I wailed, dropping to my knees by her head. “Olivia, I’m so, so sorry. I know that you didn’t want this. It’s so unfair, so mean…” This time it was harder to restrain myself and the tears flowed thickly as I finally held her delicate hand in mine. The burn
looked particularly vicious on her pale wrist, and the same strange black lines laced up her arm. Although still wet, her chestnut hair framed her face in perfect waves, and she looked for all the world as if she were asleep, as if she might suddenly open those pretty eyes and laugh at something Beesley was doing. I reached up to stroke a stray strand away from her forehead and realised that she was unexpectedly warm. Puzzled, I cupped her cheek with my hand; that too was warm, not the cold, clammy skin I was expecting.

“Olivia!” I called excitedly. “Are you OK? Please talk to me!” I gently stroked her face, hoping that there would be some movement. She couldn’t be dead, not at that temperature. My mind raced: maybe something I had done at the end gave her and Callum a different outcome? Maybe that final push had saved, not killed them. I tried to remember how to do CPR but I couldn’t figure out how to start. Instead I shook her gently, calling her name. But there was no response, no other sign of life.

I looked around wildly. I wanted to carry on searching for Callum but I couldn’t leave her, not when she clearly needed medical attention. I had to find someone who could help. I leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back in a second, Olivia. I’m just going to get some help. Hang in there.” Her skin was so hot as to be feverish. I glimpsed a woman with a stethoscope further down the pier and, folding Olivia’s arm carefully over her chest so I could find her quickly in the long line of bodies, leapt to my feet.

The medic was young and teetering on the brink of being overwhelmed. Her fear made her officious. “What do you want? Are you a doctor? If not, you have to leave.” She brushed her lank hair away from her face as her eyes skittered from body to body.

“Please, I need your help. I think a girl down here might still be alive.”

“Alive! Show me now!”

I ran back down the row towards Olivia, trying to glance at as many of the others to see if I could spot Callum. There was no sign of him. Olivia was exactly as I had left her and I quickly pointed her out to the doctor. “It’s her. She feels really warm, as if she has a fever or something.”

The doctor shot me a look of fear, which I didn’t understand, at the same time quickly touching Olivia’s face. She then turned to the next Dirge and felt her face too, and the one on the other side. She jumped to her feet and grabbed me by the arm. “You have to leave. Go now, immediately.” She pushed me away.

“But what about the girl? She’s not dead! Please, I want to help her!” But I was talking to her back. She was running down the platform, slowing every couple of metres to touch another of the Dirges. I quickly felt the foreheads of the Dirges next to Olivia: they were equally warm. In fact, they were almost burning to my touch. Suddenly there was a shout. Further down the line there was a flurry of activity, people jumping backwards and pointing. It was hard to see in the gloom of the dusk, but it looked as if a curl of smoke was rising from one of the bodies.

The shouting got louder and I whipped around: one of the Dirges near to me also had a strange question mark of smoke rising over him. I didn’t understand, how could this be happening? They were all soaking wet from the river – how could two of them be burning? As it hit me I froze for a second before leaping into action, racing down the row, desperate to check to see if I could find Callum before it was too late. But I had missed my chance. Like Lucas, the Dirges were about to spontaneously combust. The little pillars of smoke were appearing everywhere, and then the first one burst into flames. The fire burned intensely, with hints of blue
and gold in the flame, and almost as quickly it was gone, leaving nothing but a charred pile of rags. But then another started, and another, each burning with slightly different hues, but each having those same flashes of gold. I tried to get down the line, desperate to see Callum, but strong arms hauled me away and I was conscious of a loud bell ringing.

“Emergency evacuation procedure!” bellowed the man holding my arms. “Everyone off the landing stage
NOW!
” He propelled me towards the exit, where I was dragged along by the tide of people leaving, past more bodies that had been lined up on the walkway. Glancing over my shoulder I could see the individual fires burning on the quayside, all evidence of who they were being reduced to dust. The bodies we were passing were also starting to give off the telltale smoke, spurring the crowd into a small stampede. I only just managed to keep to my feet as the press of bodies carried me back up on to the Embankment.

Once I was up on the pavement again I ran back towards Blackfriars Bridge, determined to get a better view. On the water it was utter mayhem as bodies in the process of being rescued suddenly burst into flames. Some of the boat crews were frantically trying to extinguish the fires, while others were just dropping the Dirges back into the river where they continued to burn. I could see dozens of little pyres floating along in the water as the Dirges finally made it home.

As I looked around I knew my plan had failed: there was no way Callum was going to be rescued from that level of carnage. He had even less chance than if he had ended up in the water on his own. I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten that Lucas’s body had burned. If I had remembered earlier I could maybe have done something different, but it was too late.

I leaned on the stone wall and watched through dry eyes; I had cried so much nothing else was left; no emotion, no pain. I was numb, not knowing what to do next. I fixed my eyes on a random body in the water, one that was in mid-blaze. The flames licked high into the dusk, flecked with blue and green and gold, colours I knew and loved; the colours of Callum’s eyes.

“Goodbye, Callum,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry. I hope you are somewhere peaceful now. I’ll never forget you, I promise.”

There was no answering tingle in my wrist, no voice like honey dripping into my head, no gossamer stroke of my cheek. Callum was gone forever. My head dropped and I realised quite how exhausted I was. I was trying to summon up the energy to move away when the woman next to me started screaming.

I looked up in alarm to find that she was backing away from me, pointing at my wrist. “You’re going to go up in smoke too! Get away from us! Get away now!” It was the medic I had spoken to earlier, all trace of professional behaviour stripped away by the horror of the unfolding events. I looked down at my arm: the burn that the amulet had left was exactly the same as the one every Dirge had, but without the black lines radiating out of it.

“It’s not the same,” I muttered dully, but there was no one near enough to hear. Everyone in the vicinity had backed away from me, and most had their hands over their mouths in horror. “It’s not the same!” I said again, louder this time. “It’s just a burn, that’s all.” I tried to show a few people but they backed away as if I had the plague. I didn’t know what to do: all I wanted was to leave, to go somewhere quiet where I could mourn, and now even that wasn’t an option. The impossibility of everything overwhelmed me and for the second time in less than an hour I passed out.