“Actually, Lucy, there is something you can do for me,” I said quietly.
“Anything, you name it.”
“I’m not so sure that you will be happy you said that when I tell you what it is,” I said staring into her deep green eyes.
“Okay… You don’t want me to rob a bank or something, do you?” Lucy giggled with a concerned look on her face.
“Nothing that severe…” I said with a smile. “But, first, I have to swear you to secrecy…” I whispered looking around.
“I won’t tell anyone, Shannon. I just want to help…”
For the next few minutes, I recounted the story of how John tried to basically blackmail Tanner. How his beautiful little girl had blond ringlets and was probably missing her Daddy. How Parker was continuing John’s reign of terror.
Lucy sat back on the step in stunned silence. You could tell she was replaying my words over and over in her mind. I let her think for a moment before I spoke.
“Lucy?” I prodded. “Will you do it for me?”
“So you want me to rummage through John’s old files and Parker’s desk to look for this file? For your new friend?” she asked.
“Well, yes. I want to help him. I want to do the right thing, Lucy. I want to right John’s wrong,” I explained.
“But I could lose my job, Shannon, and I have three kids to feed…” Lucy said as she stood up to walk away from me. I followed her down the stairs and to the sidewalk in front of her car.
“Lucy, would you have saved Courtney if you could have?” I called to her. She swung around with a look of confusion and sadness in her eyes.
“Of course I would have, Shannon!” she said sharply.
“Then help me save this little girl with blond ringlets who has been stolen away from the father who adores her. Help me fix this situation. I can’t bring Courtney back, but I can damn sure bring Emmy back to Tanner…” I said putting my hands on her shoulders. “Please, Lucy. I need something good to happen right now…” At this point, a tear was running down my cheek.
Lucy stared at me for a moment and then spoke.
“Okay. I’ll do it. Parker is going out of town tomorrow for a business trip. I’ll do it then. Let’s just hope he still has the file. Give me your cell phone number…” she said. We exchanged numbers and she left. I prayed that she would follow through on her promise and that I would be able to find Emmy for Tanner. At least one of us should have our daughter.
I drove another hour toward the house, but it was getting close to lunch and I was starving. I decided to drive into town to grab a bite to eat before making my way to the farm. I was putting off seeing Tanner because I didn’t know how I really felt about the whole situation. Was he angry at me? Had he moved out himself? Would he try to talk me into staying?
As I drove into town, I saw the diner that Tanner’s mom owned. I decided to drop in there and have a sandwich. As soon as I walked in, Claire walked quickly to where I was standing and threw her arms around my neck.
“Oh, Shannon, I heard about your daughter, honey. I am so sorry. You must be devastated… Come sit down, sweetie…” she pulled my arm over to the booth in the corner where Tanner and I sat for lunch that day.
Her kindness brought me to tears. She had a very big heart, and her son was a lot like her.
“Thank you, Claire. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I miss her so much,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. “And I miss Tanner,” I said without thinking. I wasn’t even sure where it came from.
“He misses you too, Shannon. He told me what happened at the hospital…” she said.
“I was awful to him, Claire. Simply awful. It’s just that I blame myself. I was with Tanner when Courtney was killed… I just felt I should have been with her, you know? As her mother…”
“Shannon, did Tanner tell you anything about Michael?” she asked holding my hand and looking into my eyes.
“Michael? I don’t think so.”
“Michael was Tanner’s older brother. They were only two years apart in age. When Tanner was ten and Michael was twelve, we went to the beach on vacation, down in the Gulf of Mexico. It was beautiful, and we had a wonderful time. It was September, which is during hurricane season. One day, the ocean was kind of choppy, but we went anyway. I let the boys swim out into the ocean a little bit, not real far, ya know? This thing called a riptide pulled poor Michael out and he kept trying to swim back. Tanner tried to reach him, but Michael just tuckered out. He was so tired trying to fight those waves. Tanner couldn’t swim against them and…” her voice was broken by tears. I could tell that she was struggling as she recounted the story for me.
“Oh, Claire, no…” I said patting her hand.
“Yes, Michael drowned. Right in front of me, right in front of Tanner. I felt so helpless. How could I have let him go into the ocean with the waves being so choppy? Why couldn’t I swim hard enough or fast enough to save him? I went through a long period of blaming myself… a real depression. Then, one day I realized that Michael would have wanted me to go on. He was the light of our family. A very funny kid, always smiling and joking… He would have been heartbroken to know I had given up on life. So, I slowly started forgiving myself. That’s what you are going to have to do, Shannon. Courtney would not want you to stop living, blaming yourself for an accident,” Claire said. Her motherly tone was just what I needed right then.
“I am so sorry for your loss, Claire…” I didn’t know what to say. I only knew that she had been in my place and had felt my pain.
“It’s been a long time, but the pain never goes away. It only gets a little easier with time, Shannon. You will never forget Courtney or replace her. Sometimes I still cry when I think about Michael… what could have been… but I can’t stop my life because of it. Tanner told me a bit about your marriage to that man…”
“Tanner likes to talk, doesn’t he,” I giggled.
“For a man, I guess he is a bit of a gossip… at least with me. He’s a momma’s boy,” she smiled.
“It’s sweet…”
“I know that you are hesitant to get involved with someone again, Shannon, but my Tanner is a good boy. He will treat you right. He can’t wipe away the pain of a bad marriage or of your daughter’s death, but he can add love to your life. That’s all I am saying. Just consider it, okay? He really cares for you, and he is worried sick. I was so happy to see you walk in here, sweetie!” she grabbed my hand, leaned over the table and kissed me on the cheek. One of her waitresses started waving at her, so she had to get back to work.
I ordered a sandwich to go. I had to see Tanner.
Chapter 20
The blue sky over the farm was in direct contrast to my life at that moment. I got out of my car and ran toward the guest house. I knocked on the door, and Tanner answered. His face was filled with exhaustion, his eyes red from what appeared to be no sleep. When he saw me, his mouth dropped open and his eyes lit up.
“Shannon… My God, Shannon…” he whispered as he reached out and threw his arms around me. He buried his face in my neck like he hadn’t seen me in a million years. “How are you? I wanted to be there…” He kept talking as if he was afraid of what I might say if he gave me the chance to open my mouth.
“Tanner…” I gently pushed him back and looked him in the eye. “I am so sorry about how I treated you at the hospital. I was wracked with grief and looking for someone to blame. You didn’t deserve that. I wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to me again…”
“Never spoke to you again? That would devastate me, Shannon. Don’t you know?”
“Know what?” I asked confused by his words.
“That I love you?” he said softly looking into my eyes and moving my hair behind my ears. “I love you with everything I have. I would take away this pain if I could… I just want to be there for you. Hold you when you cry. Help you mourn. Stand in the gap when you need me to.” His words cut through me like a knife. No one had ever said anything like that to me before.
“I love you too, and it scares me…” I whispered looking up at him. “But I am willing to be a little afraid if you can be patient with me.”
“I would wait a lifetime for you, Shannon. I have waited a lifetime, actually…” he said. I threw my arms around him and buried my head in his chest. Sobs for Courtney came flooding out of me and he just held me close. We embraced for what seemed like hours, but was only minutes. The warmth of his body covered mine, and for once in my life I felt like someone was on my side, fighting for me.
We spent that evening going through old pictures of Courtney. I recounted memories of her that I thought I had forgotten. I stopped talking about the pain of being married to John and instead focused on the joy of being Courtney’s mother. I realized that I had been focused on the wrong thing for so long that I had forgotten my role as mother had been worth it. I wouldn’t wish what John did on any other woman, but he did give me one sweet gift in the form of Courtney. Even though she was gone, her last words still rang in my ears:
“Go for it, Mom. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself to start living now. Don’t keep waiting because you never know when you won’t get any more chances.”
It was like she knew. She was so wise for her age. I would miss her, but hold her in my heart forever. As we talked, my cell phone rang. It was Lucy calling, so I told Tanner that I needed to step outside to take a quick call.
“Hello?” I whispered as I moved further from the house.
“Shannon? It’s Lucy. Listen, Parker left a little earlier than expected today. I got it. I got the file!” Lucy was simply giddy with herself for being such a super sleuth.
“You did? On my God! Did you read it?”
“Yes. There is a lot of information in here, Shannon. A LOT. How can I help you?” Lucy was fully invested now after reading the contents of the file. We started planning. Lucy had plenty of private investigator contacts as well as officials in law enforcement. She felt sure she could get them on the case immediately and track Tina down.
We ended our call, and I went back in the house. Tanner was busy preparing dinner, so I called Denise to tell her I was staying there. At home. With Tanner.
All evening, we talked about what had happened, about Courtney, about Emmy. We shared our hearts, our hurts and our plans for the future. I never felt so whole. We spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms. We didn’t make love that night. I wasn’t ready to feel that intensity yet. I just wanted his strong arms around me.
At 8am the next morning, my cell rang. My heart sank with the memory of my phone ringing that morning at 2am when Courtney died. Tanner didn’t stir. He was exhausted. I slipped out of the room to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Shannon? It’s Lucy…” she was whispering.
“Lucy? What’s wrong?”
“They found her, Shannon. They found her!” Lucy yelled into the phone just about busting my eardrum.
“Where?” I asked trying to contain myself.
“Well, it seems Miss Tina was just about to go over the border into Mexico with Emmy. They caught her in Texas around 5am this morning. She’s in the process of being booked into jail. Emmy is with the investigators being de-briefed,” Lucy said.
“Emmy is okay, right?”
“From what I can gather, she is fine. And she is coming back to her Daddy!” Lucy said giddy with her involvement in the situation.
“Oh, my God… When? Can they bring her here to the farm?” I asked looking behind me to make sure that Tanner wasn’t hearing this conversation.
“Yes, I have instructed them to bring her home to the farm,” Lucy said.
“I can’t believe this happened so fast…” I said.
“I know. It just all lined up quickly when they figured out where she was. In these cases, you have to strike while the iron is hot, as they say. Well, gotta get back to work. Tanner should see Emmy sometime today!”