“You think 39 is old? I beg to differ. Nothing to be ashamed of, Shannon. Trust me,” he whispered as he went back to eating.
“So your Mom owns a diner?” I asked trying desperately to change the subject.
“Yes, she owns a diner called ‘Fixin To Eat’ down on the square. You should try it some time. She makes the world’s best chicken and dumplings.”
“That sounds so good. I miss Southern food. I was raised around it, but haven’t eaten like that in years,” I said as I soaked up some of the roast gravy with my biscuit.
“Why did you stop eating Southern food?”
“Well, John wasn’t from the South originally. He was from Chicago, and he hated Southern cooking. The only time I ate country cooking in our 18 years together was when he was on business trips with the law firm. I would sneak away and eat fried green tomatoes at a restaurant over near Stone Mountain,” I said laughing at the memory.
“Sounds like Mr. Harris got his way a lot. What about you? Did you ever get your way?” he asked in a serious tone. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable that this man wanted to know more about me and my life.
“No, not really. John was a different breed. Let’s just leave it at that,” I said softly without looking up.
We continued eating and talking about the farm and the house and our lives. I was surprised at how easy Tanner was to talk to. For only 35 years old, he was more mature and grounded than any man I had ever met.
Deep inside, I could feel myself developing a little crush on this man. He was kind and sweet and gentle and easy to talk to. I realized quickly that a 39 year old woman whose abusive husband just died should not develop feelings for any man. I had already promised myself that I would never fall for a man again. I didn’t want another 18 year prison sentence.
Now was my time to become self-sufficient and independent. It was my time to start over, and I was determined that my relationship with Tanner would be that of boss and employee only.
“Would you like dessert? I have peach cobbler that my Mom sent home with me…” Tanner started.
“Um, no, thanks… I really need to get going… to bed… I am so tired,” I said with a fake yawn as I backed toward the door. I know he could tell I was uncomfortable suddenly, but he would have no idea why.
“Okay… Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t say anything to make you…” he started to say with a look of concern on his face.
“Oh, no, Tanner. This was perfect. Thank you so much for the warm welcome…” I said smiling and waving as I turned and walked back up the path to the main house.
Chapter 8
I woke up the next morning in my new bedroom which was adorned in period looking wallpaper and the most Southern style of furniture I had ever seen. It was the best night of sleep I'd had in many years knowing that I was away from John and his reign of terror over my life. At the same time, the surroundings were no longer familiar to me. It was a different world with different players and a totally different landscape.
The feelings I had felt stirring in the pit of my stomach the night before were silenced as the dawn of a new day began. It was only 6 am, but I was ready to get up and take on the world. I walked downstairs into the kitchen after getting dressed in a pair of white capri pants and red tank top. I set up my coffee pot and started brewing a cup while I looked out over the beautiful dew-covered field behind the house. Looking past the guest house, I could see a bright red barn that looked like it came from a picture postcard.
"Wow, that is lovely," I said to myself out loud.
"Yes, it is..." I heard Tanner say from behind me. I wasn't sure if he was commenting on the barn or my behind, and I wasn't about to ask.
"Tanner, you've got to stop coming into the house like this. This is my home now, and I need my privacy. Understand?" I said pointedly as I moved past him to check the coffee pot.
"Yes, ma'm. I understand. It's just that I noticed the front door was cracked open a bit, and I didn't want you to be alarmed. If you don't push on it real hard, it will just pop open even after you've locked it. It's a heavy door..."
"Oh, well thanks for letting me know that. I will be sure to push hard and check it when I leave," I said.
"You're leaving for the day?" he asked.
"Yes. I figured I better check out the town, get some groceries. Plus, I need breakfast, so maybe I will hit your Mom up for some good food," I said smiling. Why was I trying to get into his good graces? I had to remind myself that I wasn't looking for a date.
"Want some company?" he asked looking down at his boots as if he was a bit shy about asking. He was wearing a cowboy hat this morning and a gray t-shirt. How could someone look so good covered in sweat and mud?
"Sure, that would be great. I don't know my way around at all," I agreed.
"I'll drive," Tanner said pointing toward the back door.
"I have a car...." I said trying to regain control of the situation.
"Shannon, you're in the deep South now. We're not in the city. If I go into town with a woman driving me around, my buddies will never let me live it down," Tanner grinned and shook his head.
"I see... Well, I wouldn't want to destroy your manhood, so I guess you can drive me," I said smiling at him as I picked up my purse and walked toward the door.
We walked outside, and I started looking around for his car. Instead, he started walking toward a carport near the guest house.
"We're riding in that?" I gasped as I saw Tanner had a very tall black pickup truck.
"You don't like trucks, Shannon?" Tanner laughed as he walked backward looking at me.
"Well, it's not that I don't like them...." I tried to back pedal but he had already caught me at my most pretentious.
"City girls..." Tanner muttered with a smile and opened the passenger door. "There's a step right there so you can get up in there easier," he said.
My sandals had small heels on them, so when I tried to climb up, my foot slipped. I fell backward, but Tanner's large, rugged hands caught me before I hit the red Georgia clay. I landed with my back against his chest, and I could feel his warm breath on my neck as I tried to climb up again. This time, Tanner picked me up like a baby and lifted me into the truck.
"Uh... thanks..." I muttered as my red flushed face took over. I quickly turned my head so Tanner couldn't see how his spontaneous act of chivalry had lit my body up like a Christmas tree.
"No problem... You just looked like you needed a little help," he said shutting the door.
I looked around Tanner's truck and noticed a picture hanging from his rearview mirror. It was a little girl, about 5 years old. She had beautiful blond ringlet curls. Just then, Tanner climbed up into the truck and noticed me looking at the picture and smiling.
"She is beautiful..." I said, touching the edges of the picture.
"That's my daughter... Emmy..." he whispered. I could tell he was uncomfortable, so I didn't ask any questions.
He cranked the car, and that was the extent of the conversation about Emmy. I knew instinctively that something about her was upsetting to him, but I didn't know what.
We drove for a bit before Tanner spoke again.
"So, pretty lady, I assume you'd like to eat first?" he asked. I loved the way he said "pretty lady". I knew it was just a Southern term, but it still hit me right in the gut. No man had ever talked to me that way. John's pet name for me was "bitch" which was a far cry from "pretty lady".
"Sure. I am excited to see your Mom's place.... and the rest of town," I said.
"Well, there ain't much to the town. Just a small square. Carter's Mill is a tiny town," Tanner said looking up ahead at the long stretch of country road in front of us.
"Then we should be able to see a lot of it today?" I asked.
"We should be able to see all of it today!" Tanner said laughing.
Just as we pulled into town, my cell phone rang. It was Parker. I wasn't going to answer it, but I knew I may never get into touch with him again.
"Hello?"
"Shannon?"
"Hi, Parker. What do you need?" I said in a cutting tone that left no question about my feelings for him.
"I am just calling to make sure that you did take possession of the house in Carter's Mill..."
"Yes, I did. And thanks a lot for failing to tell me about Tanner James being there," I whispered into the phone turning my head. I could see Tanner smiling out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh, yes, I forgot about that. He's just a hired farmhand. Kind of a redneck, really. Anyway, I am also calling to tell you that your insurance money will be coming in a couple of months. I will have it deposited into your bank account," he said.
"A couple of months? How am I supposed to live until then?" I shouted into the phone.
"I guess you need a job, Shannon... Have a good day," Parker said as he hung up. I could hear the grin in his voice. John's meanness seemed to be wearing off onto Parker.
"Everything okay?" Tanner asked as I ended the call and put my phone back in my purse.
"Things haven't been okay for 18 years. Why would they be okay now?" I muttered as tears started to stream down my face. The stress of the last week had finally hit me hard. Embarrassed, I turned my head as far as I could from Tanner. Then I felt him pulling the car over in front of a tiny hardware store on the square.
"Shannon?" Tanner reached over and pulled on my shoulder. I swiveled in my seat until there was no way to hide my tears.
"I'm sorry. This isn't your problem...." I said, but the sobs just came anyway.
Instinctively, Tanner unbuckled his seatbelt, slid over and pulled me close into a hug. My face was pressed into his chest and I could smell his cologne. My God, he smelled good. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't have the strength to do it. I continued sobbing until his shirt was soaked with my tears.
Tanner had one arm around my back and used his other hand to stroke the back of my head.
"It's going to be okay, Shannon. It's hard to lose someone you have loved for 18 years..." he whispered. He thought the tears were for John. Any normal wife would be crying because her husband had died. Not me. I was crying because he imprisoned me in life, and now he was doing it in death.
I decided that part of my healing had to be about honesty. Tanner was my first friend in this town, and I was going to start with him. I pulled back and sat up, looking at Tanner's beautiful green eyes.
"Tanner, I'm not crying for John. I despised my husband," I said. The words cut me like a knife. I felt like he would judge me and think I was a terrible person. Instead, his face didn't change.
"Tell me more about it, Shannon. I am a great listener," Tanner said patting my knee.
"Where do I even start? Well, first, I've never told anyone this except my own sister... John and I met when I was young. I was only 21 when we got married. At first, he was attractive to me because he was a badboy. Once we got married, he totally changed. He went to law school while I worked to pay for it. He was extremely abusive to me... mentally and emotionally. Never physically, although he was close a couple of times. He called
me names on a daily basis. Cheated on me and flaunted it. And now, even in death, he is taunting me. He sold the home, traded for this one and gave it to his friend. He left me nothing but a small insurance policy. That phone call was Parker, his friend, telling me that the money wouldn't be available to me for a couple of months and that I should get a job," I said starting to well up with tears again. "It's not that I am opposed to working. I just don't have any skills because he made me stay home and would never let me go to college..."
“Gosh, Shannon, I had no idea. I’m really sorry that your marriage was like that. But, if it’s a job you need… I can help you with that,” Tanner said opening the truck door and jumping down. He ran around to my side and opened the door.
I gingerly made my way down out of the truck. It was a heck of a lot easier to get out of it than into it.
“Tanner, where are we going?” I asked as he slammed the door behind me.
“Come on…” Tanner said as he automatically reached back and grabbed my hand. I pulled away out of protection. He stopped a moment and looked at me before continuing to walk.
“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t thinking…” he said.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” I said.
“Right. I didn’t mean anything by it…” Tanner responded. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself by saying it.
Chapter 9
The town square was lovely. It was lined with trees and everyone waved when you walked by. People would say “hey” when we would pass them. I was amazed at how comfortable I felt there.
“Tanner, again, where are we going?” I asked as we continued to walk down the sidewalk.