Seduction (The Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (30 page)

“Give me your pack,” he said, his voice flat as he reached around and pulled it off me in one smooth motion. He dumped it over the side where it joined his in the back of the truck.
 

Being pinned between Roan and the truck was a confusing sensory experience as I could feel him, all hard muscle and bone pressing into my tender flesh all the way up from the backs of my legs to my neck. Had this been just a few days ago, I could’ve seen this leading up to an intense sexual experience complete with exchange of bodily fluids.
 

But I knew the only reason Roan had me pinned in such as fashion, was so that I couldn’t run away from him. Seized with the impulse to destroy the emotional barrier he’d erected between us, I let my head fall back into his chest as my body melted into him like warm chocolate.

But he wouldn’t allow himself to touch me and instead choose to put both hands on either side of me and grasped the edge of the truck bed in a death grip. Desperate for physical contact, I pushed back against him again and ground my ass back into his crotch.
 

But Roan remained still.

“Why is our mate refusing us? His wolf says that Roan is fighting against the pull of the mating bond,” my wolf asked, “We are still in heat, our mate should not be rejecting us like this.” She seemed perplexed at Roan’s behavior.

“I’ve told you before but you seem unwilling to accept it, wolf. Roan does not love us. He’s never loved us. Get used to it.”

My entire body ached for Roan but it was nothing compared to the ache that I felt between my legs.
 

Being in heat sucked.
 

Period.
 

I felt flushed and sweaty inside my winter jacket and struggled to pull the zipper down to let the cool air in when Roan suddenly wrapped his strong fingers around my upper arm and yanked me away from the truck.
 

His physical demeanor seemed to indicate that he was feeling ticked off and unsettled, although it was hard to tell for sure as he’d blocked his thoughts from me.

He pulled me along in silence and marched me over to the passenger side of the vehicle. “Get in,” he said as he forcefully opened the door and shoved me into the truck.
 

“Roan, I, um…”

“Aspen, right now is really not a good time for us to get into it. We need to get home. We’ll talk once we get there, okay?”

“Okay. You don’t have to handcuff me, you know,” I said as he grabbed my wrist and fastened the handcuff to a metal bar that had been previously welded to the dash in front of me. Caver called it a “holy fuck handle”.
 

“I’m not going to go anywhere, Roan. I promise,” I said quietly.

He shot me a brief look but didn’t say anything. He just squeezed the cuff around my wrist and slammed the passenger door shut.

I knew in my heart that he was only taking precautions so that he wouldn’t have to face the Alpha in the event that I somehow got away from him and he lost me in the woods.
 

Plus the rest pack members would look down on him for being unable to keep me safe. Hell, he might even be challenged, by another Were, and lose his position as pack Beta. Although I don’t know who would be crazy enough to take him on in a fight.
 

Roan could be scary and intimidating enough in every day life, I couldn’t imagine him worked up into a savage, malevolent wrath.
No, thanks.
I really didn’t want to witness or be a part of that.
 

It was after dark by the time we got home and Roan had been preoccupied and lost in his own thoughts for the entire drive home. And me? Well, I was utterly starving. My stomach had started rumbling loudly as soon as Roan started up the truck and aside from a few sideways glances my way when I was besieged by a particularly loud abdominal protestation, Roan had ignored me.

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was ready to gnaw off my own arm in order to put something in my belly. It had been a long day of hiking with only breakfast and the occasional sip of water from Roan’s thermos.
 

But as we pulled into the driveway, the sight of my mother’s house suddenly made me forget my hunger. I wanted to run down the driveway and whoop for joy. Finally a familiar, safe haven where I could hide from Roan and lick my wounds in private.

Throwing my door open, I jumped out and stood next to the truck while jiggling my handcuffed hand and waited impatiently for Roan to uncuff me.
 

He took his sweet time grabbing the packs out of the back and when he finally came around, I was nearly vibrating with the need to escape him.
 

Wrapping his big hand completely around my bare wrist, he inserted the key and the lock clicked open. The handcuff fell to the floor of the truck, but Roan didn’t release me. He just stood there, his hand firmly gripping me, and blocking the way out with his imposing frame.
 

The sense of being restrained and controlled by him was far worse than when I’d been handcuffed to the dash of the truck.
 

“Aspen,” he said softly.

But I refused to acknowledge him and continued to look anywhere but in the naked depths of his eyes.
 

“I’m sorry for everything that’s happened between us. I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, Aspen. Hopefully you will eventually come to see that.”

Anger and something akin to bile started rising up my throat at his words. I just wanted to be rid of him and to retreat to the safety of my childhood bedroom.
 

With a strangled, animalistic cry wrenching from my throat, I tried to shove him out of the way and knock him off balance.
Please, just long enough to let me push past him and run towards the house
. I knew that if I could get to the house, I could lock myself in and hopefully keep Roan out.
 

However, my futile attempts at escape were easily deflected by Roan, it was almost laughable. Kind of like a butterfly trying to fight a tiger.
 

“Let me go, let me go, I just want to be alone,” I cried out as I thumped my hands against his chest to no avail.

Roan smirked as he picked me up around the waist with one arm and started walking towards the house as I kicked and flailed against him. I might as well have been kicking a boulder with my bare foot for all the good it was doing.
 

What was it about Roan that made him suffer from selective hearing when it came to the words coming out of my mouth?
 

“Let me go Roan, let me go! I can walk by myself,” I hollered as I fought against him but his arm was like a vise around my waist. He wasn’t squeezing me uncomfortably but holding me exactly where he wanted me to be. It was a frustrating and helpless feeling to be held captive against your will.
 

It was ironic, really.
 

Roan and I couldn’t seem to get it together and agree on one single identical emotion at the same freaking time.
 

I wanted to get away from him.
He wouldn’t let me
.
 

I desperately wanted him to love me.
He didn’t return that love.
 

Desperation ate at me and suddenly, my earlier tears came back to the surface with a vengeance and fell unchecked down my face.
 

“I hate you Roan, I hate you,” I cried bitterly as he unlocked the front door and walked into the house carrying me like a ragdoll.
 

He stalked directly to his bedroom, his boots clunking on the hardwood floor, and dumped me on his bed. I was up in a flash and on him as he turned to leave the room.
 

“Why did you make me stay here in Spruce Hollow with you when I first wanted to go back home to Springbay? I just wanted to go home and now I’m a goddamn Were and can never go back there. This is all your fault, Roan,” I shrieked at him.

“Don’t kid yourself Aspen, Springbay was never your home. It was the place you ended up when you ran away from me after graduation. That’s it. You knew I would be coming back here to Spruce Hollow. I even wrote you and
told
you that I would be coming back once I was discharged for fuck sake. If you would have written me back just
once
and given me any indication that you had feelings for me, then maybe I would have come for you the minute I set foot back home instead of letting you sit on that goddamn beach by yourself and work at that stupid vegetarian restaurant for the past year!” Roan said as he ran his hands through his hair in irritation.

“How did you know that I sat on the beach by myself?” My voice was trembling and full of emotion.
Had Roan been keeping tabs on me all this time?

“Because I followed you around, that’s how. Did you honestly think that I would leave you in Springbay by yourself and not keep tabs on you?
This
is your home, Aspen.
Here
in Spruce Hollow. You belong here with the pack.”

Something about his words struck me the wrong way. I belonged
with the pack,
he’d said. Not with him, but
with the pack
. Well, screw that and screw him!
 

“Get out of my way, Roan. I’m not staying in here with you. I’m sleeping in my own bedroom,” I said icily, as I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips.
 

“Is that a fact, little girl?” Roan seemed to find my sudden change in demeanor amusing. “No, I don’t think that you’re going anywhere. You’re staying here in my room with me because you’re all over the emotional spectrum right now.”

Since Jude had attacked me and turned me into a bonafide member of the fur and claw club, my emotions could run the gamut from happy to sad to enraged in the course of the same conversation. I hated to admit it, but Roan was right,
I was all over the place
.
 

Being a new Were was like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You never knew when the dips and turns were coming and right now it was far beyond my ability to react appropriately to any given situation.
 

But I didn’t care whether it was a good idea or not, all I knew was that I wanted to leave Roan’s room. Without thinking it through or even checking with my brain first to see if it was a good idea, I started trying to get past him by shoving and slapping at him.
 

Acting out a physical reaction to my overwhelming emotions came easily to me and was something I understood well with my new Were brain. Sitting and thinking things through weren’t quite in my skill set yet.

“Umm, Aspen, please stop hitting me and get a hold of yourself,” Roan said as he grabbed my flailing arms and held me tight to his body. “Shhh, Aspen. It’s okay,” he crooned softly as he cradled my head into his shoulder. I tried to struggle against him but he held me firmly to his chest and mentally pushed into my head.
 

“Calm down, little girl. Tell me what you need from me. I don’t want you upset like this, it’s not good for you. Shhh, everything’s going to be okay.” Roan’s voice was smooth and darkly seductive as he held me immobile against his chest. As he spoke to me through our blood bond, I could feel him probing the recesses of my mind and trying to influence my thoughts. In all the times we’d spoken through our bond, he’d never tried to do that before.

 
Confused at this unfamiliar intrusion, I looked up into his eyes and he held my gaze in his clear blue depths. His cheekbones stood out as he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at me. It was as if he was concentrating really hard.

Exhausted, hungry and miserable, I suddenly felt that peculiar heat flush through me again as my stomach rumbled painfully. The events of the past few days roared and spiraled in my head. My mother’s death, Jude attacking me, learning of Roan’s true feelings, running away from the training camp and my wolf in heat -my Were brain could not process all the emotions and conflicting feelings zipping through my head quick enough.
 

Trembling and lightheaded, my legs felt weak and the room spun out of control as I started falling towards the floor. Roan grabbed me and pulled me into his chest to stop me from crumpling to the floor.

“Whoa, little girl, I’ve got you, baby,” he said softly, his face full of concern. “Are you feeling alright, Aspen? There’s something really off about you today.”

I sobbed and whimpered into his jacket like a wounded animal as he wrapped his arms around me to hold me up.
 

Roan was
doing something
to me. I could feel it. He was stomping around inside my head, looking for something and it was different from every other time that we’d communicated wordlessly. This time, it wasn’t about communication but control. I could feel Roan trying to dominate and rearrange my thoughts and as I gazed into his eyes, my feet were cemented to the floor.

I was powerless to stop him.
 

Chapter 35

~Roan~

God, she was frustrating!

Ever since my wolf had chased Aspen down through the woods and drug her back to the camp, I had been hanging back and waiting to see if she was going to come around on her own.