Seduction (The Journal of the Wolves of Spruce Hollow) (31 page)

Her wolf had come to her senses within minutes of hearing the truth. But Aspen insisted on hanging on to the idea that I had used her for sex and didn’t love her.
 

Even though I had explained to her repeatedly that I’d only said those things as part of the Were training, she wouldn’t have any part of it and had repeatedly called me a liar.

We were now back in Spruce Hollow and the stakes were even higher because I couldn’t have her running away, constantly sobbing, or flying into a rage at the drop of a hat. New Weres were unpredictable and now that we were in a populated area, she needed to be a lot calmer. She was currently sobbing into the crook of my neck like her heart was shattered into a million pieces and I wanted to bang my head against the wall in frustration. It wasn’t healthy and balanced for her to be so emotionally volatile and ready to explode.

As a last resort, I had decided to go into our connection and influence her thoughts about what had happened between us. It felt like I was playing dirty by resorting to such an extreme, but I really didn’t have any choice given the circumstances we were facing.
 

Christ, she was going to drive me completely insane from trying to keep her safe and in line!
 

Aspen’s entire Were training experience made me feel like a miserable prick because I’d taken this perfectly happy young girl into the woods with me and I broke her. I snuffed out her fire and instead turned her into an insecure, angry and tearful mate.
 

Could you be any more of a dick, Sabre? She’s obviously not happy with you, all you’re doing is making her fucking miserable.
 

I knew what I needed to do.
 

I needed to reroute the self destructive path that Aspen was careening down. And the only way to do that was by altering her thoughts and that made me feel almost as terrible as Aspen’s Were anger training had in the first place. It’s like the cure was as underhanded and cutthroat as the cause had been.

Goddamn Were anger training
.
 

I had been up to the training camp with dozens of new Weres in the past and it usually got pretty nasty but it had never left me feeling as responsible and blameworthy as it had with Aspen.

 
“If you’re done with this little pity party, could you please concentrate on the task at hand? We are trying to help our mate, Roan. She is deeply distressed and if you don’t pay attention, you’re going lose the mental connection you’ve established. She’s paying attention. She can feel you in her mind, trying to change her thoughts. Do it before she starts to fight back,” my wolf said, his voice urgent and pounding in my head.

Inhaling a deep, cleansing breath, I let it out slowly and pulled myself together. This was for Aspen’s own good and she would never know the difference. I, alone, would carry the burden of what had really happened between us at the training camp.
 

My eyes narrowed and I drew my eyebrows together as my stance hardened. I put on my most dominant “I am your Beta” look. Hell, I wanted to throw back my head and howl. I reveled in the power I felt course through me when I asserted the Beta facet of my Were. It made me feel like a badass motherfucker who could take on the world. It was the only time when my wolf and I were truly a whole being and not two halves of a whole. I was neither human nor wolf, I was a Were Beta.

Aspen and her wolf took notice of the change in my dominance immediately and I heard her breath hitch in her throat as she gazed at me raptly. I cupped her heart shaped face between my hands as I stared intently into her beautiful, innocent green eyes.

“Aspen, I am your Beta and you will obey my commands, do you understand?”
 

She blinked her eyes slowly and nodded her head slightly, her pupils dilated and enormous as she absorbed the words.
 

“Stop crying,” I said to her as a test before I delved further into her head. She stared at me for several seconds. She seemed confused, yet she still complied and her sobs lessened to quiet sniffling.
 

God, I hated doing this to her and rarely, if ever, used my position as Beta to influence the behavior of the other Weres in the pack.
 

Taking away someone’s free will didn’t make me feel very good inside. I felt like I should be able to keep my mate happy without resorting to interfering with her thoughts.
 

Aspen gazed into my eyes with perfect and unfailing trust. But the truth was, I didn’t deserve her trust at all because I had failed her.
 

I swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat and squared my shoulders. I had a job to do.

“Aspen, you are going to stop thinking about everything that happened while we were at the training camp. Do you understand?”
Fuck, I hoped this worked
. She stood and stared at me blankly, then slowly started to nod her head up and down.
 

“You feel happy about getting in touch with your wolf and learning to phase.” Again, she nodded her head, her eyes completely devoid of emotion as she stared into mine.
 

“You feel loved and secure in your relationship with your mate. There is no more doubt in your mind that he loves you completely. You feel calm and safe and cared for. Do you understand me, Aspen?” 
“Yes,” she said, her voice flat and without inflection. Her face looked peaceful and calm, yet I felt flooded with guilt for manipulating her.
 

“This self deprecating tirade has to stop, Roan,” my wolf said, “You did what need to be done for our mate before she self destructed from self loathing and anger.”

“Yeah, then why do I feel like such a bastard.”

“Because this grief, anger and suffering that you imposed upon Aspen is no longer her burden to carry. It’s now yours.”

I knew in my heart that I had done the right thing by influencing her thoughts, as Aspen wasn’t suffering emotionally anymore but I still felt like a bad mate.
 

It was my job to protect her and provide for her needs and I had failed to do that for her because I had let my responsibility and duty to the pack come first.

Fuck. I was such an asshole.
 

“Aspen?” I said as I dropped my hands from her face.

“Huh, what? Wow, I kind of zoned out there for a minute. Did you just say something, Roan?” she asked, as a look of utter disorientation splashed across her pretty face.

“No, are you feeling okay? It’s been a really long day.”

Her forehead scrunched up in confusion as I pulled her into my arms. God, this whole thing was a disaster and the fact that we’d left the training camp early was unfortunate because Aspen had already done all the hard, unpleasant stuff up front. The work that remained was kind of fun, like learning how to phase, advanced phasing (phasing while running, jumping, etc), learning pack history and pack law, learning to hunt and track prey while in wolf form. She would still have to learn all this but now I would have to teach her while we lived at home.
 

I had never once brought a Were home early from the training camp but after watching Aspen shovel her breakfast in this morning, I was deeply concerned about her. It seemed like she couldn’t eat fast enough, which was really unusual for her because she normally was the slowest eater on the planet and always finished eating long after I did.
 

Although, to be fair, it
was
pretty hard to eat faster than a male Were.
 

When I’d reached over to grab Aspen’s empty breakfast plate off the bed, I’d sniffed her and she’d smelled odd. Her scent still smelled like the forest after it rained but she’d smelled like something else too and I couldn’t quite place what it was. I’d initially thought that maybe it was a scent she’d picked up in the woods, so I’d sniffed her again as I brought her a glass of milk and her scent still smelled off.
 

I’d immediately made the decision to leave the training camp as a Were’s scent is heavily tied into their health and wellbeing. A Were whose smell changes in some way is a Were who needs to be seen by the pack doctor
right away
.
 

Weres had powerful regenerative powers and generally weren’t plagued by sickness, not even the common cold. But on the off chance that a Were did get sick, it was usually something quite serious and I could sense that there was something not quite right with Aspen since she’d learned to phase.
 

When I’d returned to the bedroom after bringing the breakfast dishes downstairs, I’d found her passed out cold and sleeping quite soundly. It was still morning and she’d only been awake for a couple of hours, so it made no sense for her to be physically exhausted so soon.

I was deeply concerned and had sat and watched her closely while sitting at the end of the bed with her feet in my lap.
 

I knew leaving had been the right decision because after sleeping for more than two hours, she still seemed tired and had a hard time hiking out of the woods. I’d even emptied out her pack out beforehand and stuffed all the supplies from her pack into mine before we left.

But emptying her pack still wasn’t enough and we’d had to stop often for water and rest breaks. Hell, I would’ve carried her through the rough terrain had I thought she’d let me.
 

“Aspen, do you want to lay down? You look tired. I have some pack business I need to attend to right now,” I asked as I nuzzled her hair.
 

“Yeah, I’m still tired from hiking.”
 

“Do you want me to bring you something to eat?”

“Oh Roan, I would love that! I’m really starving,” she said as she yawned with her delicate hand coming up to cover her mouth.

I kissed the top of her silky head and watched as she padded over to my bed for a nap.

My first phone call was to the Alpha, to let him know that we were home early. I hated making that phone call because it made me feel as though I had failed in my role as Beta, but talking things over with the Alpha always put my mind at ease. I hoped that I would develop the ability to serve as a comforting presence for the pack when I became Alpha.
 

”You did the right thing by coming home, Roan. Call Dr. McArdle and have him come over and take a look at her. He may even be able to go over tonight. Her training can wait until her medical status is confirmed and we know what we’re dealing with. Try not to worry until you have to, Roan, it could be something very minor. Perhaps she is run down from being out in the woods for three days with no food or water. That is very taxing on the body and she is newly turned. Wait to see what the doctor says.”
 

“Yeah, she didn’t look very good when I scooped her up and carried her back to the camp. I was really worried about her for a minute. She was badly dehydrated and suffering from exposure,” I said into the phone, feeling that all too familiar sense of failure creep back into my head.

“She was in skilled hands the entire time Roan. You have the knowledge and preparation to deal with most medical emergencies, don’t sell yourself short, son. On a completely unrelated note, how did the anger training go? It must have been very difficult for you. Is she a threat to the pack?” he asked, trying to choose his words carefully.
 

“Well, she hits like a sissy and yelled and screamed a lot. She kind of went nuts and tore the room apart and then ended up hiding in the closet and bawling her eyes out. I don’t think she’s any more danger than the average human. Her responses were pretty typical,” I said as I chuckled into the phone.
 

“So, I take it that you really got under her skin and into her head, then. Poor Aspen. I hope you didn’t hurt her too badly, Roan.”

I sighed deeply into the phone, not really wanting to admit to what took place.
 

“What is it, son? Did something happen?”

I could hear the concern in his voice for Aspen, his only “grandchild”.
 

“To be honest, she was kind of an emotional basket case afterwards and tried to run away from the camp. She managed to phase, all by herself, and took off. My wolf had to track her and chase her down. He managed to convince her wolf to come back to camp, once we caught up to her.
 

She came around quite nicely but Aspen still wouldn’t listen to reason and was very tearful the rest of our stay. She was angry and crying so much that once we returned home I used my dominance over her, as Beta, to alter her thoughts.”

There I’d said it.
 

The horrible truth was out and I ran my hand through my hair as I braced for his reaction to my revelation.

“Poor Aspen, you really must have ran her over, emotionally speaking. I must admit, Roan, I was quite concerned about that because she is your mate and you have a much wider variety of history and experiences from which to draw from. Don’t feel guilty about altering her thoughts if she spiraled out of control. She’s only a young Were, the whole world is overwhelming to her right now. Don’t fault yourself for extending her a kindness and looking after your mate’s emotional wellbeing.”