Shadowed (16 page)

“Kim, just tell me.”

“The antibiotics didn't work and the muscle has too much damage from the shrapnel.
They . . . we decided. He's going to lose his leg. We will work to get a prosthetic
so that he can function and have a normal life. But . . . ” She sniffed back tears.
“I don't know what to tell the kids. Can you bring them to the hospital?”

Nick ran a hand over his face and kicked the sand. He tamped down the rage causing
his hands to shake. “Yeah, Kim. We'll load up and bring them.”

He could hear her breathing on the other end. “Hawk, it's not your fault. You all
need to know that.” Her voice shot straight through the phone to all the questions
and anger boiling in his heart and mind. “You know he would have rushed into all
of that again. You know he would rather it be him in this bed than one of you.” Anger
colored her voice. “Don't you dare for one second dishonor his sacrifice by blaming
yourself. You know this is a
commitment you all made. And those of us who love you,
commit to make it with you.”

“Kim . . . ”

“Just bring my kids, and we'll talk more when you get here.” She sobbed just as the
call disconnected.

He stared out at the waves and at the moon illuminating the horizon line. The vastness
of the ocean terrified him at times. Its strength couldn't be compared, measured,
or replicated. It often reminded him of the Lord—able to soothe one minute and destroy
the next. He had a healthy fear, but the cadence of the water still called to his
soul. Saltwater blood. He smiled at the memory of his parents, feeling the ache of
missing them magnified more than usual.

Logan hadn't died over there. He could at least be thankful for that. His kids wouldn't
grow up without their dad. The bullet hadn't affected his brain. They would still
learn from the amazing man he remained. And they would go their whole lives knowing
their daddy was a hero.

Nick groaned. How did he do this?

Gentle hands wrapped around his waist, and he smelled the faint scent of lavender
mixed with sea spray as Kaylan stood behind him. For once he leaned into her strength.

“Is it Logan?” Her voice barely carried over the waves.

He could only nod. “Kim needs us to take the kids to the hospital.”

“You know the guys won't stay behind.”

He nodded again. “Where one goes, we all go. When one grieves, we all grieve.” He
counted on their presence. “We promised they wouldn't go through this alone.” He
turned to put his arm around her. “This is my family, Kaylan, and they're hurting.
And I can't fix it.” His eyes stung from the pull of tears. He had to stay strong.

She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Then let's go take care of them.” She pulled
back to look in his eyes. “Together.”

His lips found hers, slow and steady, finding comfort in the familiarity. Every day
he wondered how he could possibly love this woman more, but every day his love for
her grew. If this moment portrayed a lifetime with her, then he couldn't wait.

Nick turned to face the group and met Jay's eyes. He shook his head. Jay swallowed,
his jaw locking and hands clenching. Nick could feel his anger burn hotter than the
fire. Janus would pay, one way or another.

“Hey, kids, let's go see your dad.” Nick tousled Conner's hair and reached down to
pick up the blanket spread out on the sand.

The boys jumped up, racing to the car. Molly came to Kaylan, reaching for her hand,
her eyes drooping. Without a word everyone else cleaned up the beach and kicked out
the fire, following Nick and Kaylan to the cars.

Whatever came next, they would weather together. Even in loss of limb, Nick wouldn't
leave a man behind.

Chapter 19

F
OR ONCE THE
white dominating the hospital ward didn't feel clean and crisp. It felt
too sterile, too cold. He dreaded the conversation to come. Like in days past, the
team gathered in the waiting room. Jay and Titus pulled out the notepad they had
stashed under a couch and resumed their last game of tic-tac-toe. Nick wasn't sure
who dominated the score chart at the moment.

Micah settled into a chair and flipped through the same sports car magazine Nick
had seen him peruse at least ten times. His eyes kept drifting to the USC football
game blaring from the TV in the corner. Colt pulled a rubber ball from his pocket
and set it in motion, bouncing it from the linoleum floor to his hand. In the same
way Nick chewed gum to create a repetitive mindless motion, Colt played with that
red rubber ball. He claimed it channeled his nervous energy into something he could
control. Nick shook his head. Whatever worked to maintain Colt's sanity was fine
by him.

Kaylan slipped her hand in his in the doorway. “Kim and Logan are telling the kids
now.” She leaned into his arm. “I can't imagine what that would feel like.”

He studied her face. “What would you do, Kaylan? If I got shot and lost a limb like
Logan, how would you handle that?”

He watched fear flash across her face before resolve settled in. “We won't play the
‘what-if ' game, Nick. If it happens, we'll handle it.”

A sob and scream echoed down the hall, and Nick bolted to Logan's door. Molly lay
curled on Logan's chest, sobbing. Nick noticed the strain in Logan's face as he masked
the pain from his little girl. Tears filled all their eyes.

Nick couldn't handle it. He broke through the guys who had gathered behind him and
charged back down the hallway, stopping short when it ended with a window. His anger
blinded his vision. Nick framed the window with his hands, his knuckles turning white
on the wall. He jerked at the gentle contact of a hand on his back.

“Don't touch me right now, Kayles.”

“Nick . . . ” She reached out again.

“I'm serious, Kaylan.” He stared out the window but could only see his reflection
staring back, his eyes blazing and jaw set. He smacked the wall with his hand, his
palm stinging as he channeled all of his anger into the motion. And once he started,
he couldn't stop.

“Nick Carmichael.” Kaylan's voice cut through the red. He gripped the window ledge
to still his hands. His eyes stung with tears.

“It should have been me. God, why wasn't it me?” Kaylan's face reflected in the window,
and he saw fear and concern. She'd never seen him lose it like this before. Normally
he maintained control.

“Where's God's justice in this? Where's His mercy? This isn't fair.” He rested his
forehead on the window. “I wish it'd been me.”

A tentative hand came to rest on his shoulder, and he fought to control his anger.

“Babe, please don't say that again.” Her gentle tone cracked through, and he hung
his head. Unfortunately he knew this feeling
all too well. He'd felt it when his
buddies died in the desert, when his parents died. But it had never stung so bad
as it did with Logan.

“Hawk.” The voice echoed down the hallway, and Nick spun his head so hard his neck
popped. Logan stood just outside his door, leaning on Kim, his face white but determined.
“In here. Now.” The kids filed down the hall as the guys entered Logan's room.

Kim helped him settle back onto the bed as he winced. A shock-wave of pain shot through
Nick at his buddy's pain. Rage filled him once again toward Janus and those selfish
enough for power and money that they would hurt others who stood in their way.

The room fell silent as a tomb, and a sickening feeling filled Nick's gut. This conversation
shouldn't be necessary.

Logan made eye contact with every one of them. “You all need to cut it out. No pity
for me, you got it? I wouldn't want any of you in this bed or in this situation.”
He gripped Kim's hand. “I need you all to do me a favor.”

“Name it,” Colt spoke up.

“I need you to help Kim and the kids, especially with the baby on the way. Until
I figure out how to get a prosthetic so I can get on my feet again, I need to know
that we won't be flying solo.”

“Logan, is that even a question in your mind?” Micah chimed in. “We swore at that
hospital in Germany that no matter what happens, you and your family will not go
through this alone.” He shook his head. “You don't even need to ask that.”

Nick glanced around at the guys in the room—jaws set, arms crossed, determination
and loyalty written in every facial expression, every movement. The Carpenters wouldn't
be alone at all. He imagined they would have to ask the team to back off at some
point.

“We're here, Logan, every step of this,” Nick reassured. The guys moved to file out
of the room but halted at Kim's voice.

“One more thing.” Kim let go of Logan's hand and approached them, making eye contact
with every Frogman. She squared her
shoulders despite the tears, and Nick knew why
Logan had trusted this woman to walk by his side in the SEALs. She was a SEAL in
her own right.

“I don't know what happened out there, but I know you are chasing someone big.” Anger
filled her voice. “I don't care what you have to do. Just finish it. Get 'em.”

Nick allowed a grin to slip through the rage he held at bay. “Count on it.”

They would catch Janus. It was only a matter of time.

Assuming the role of “the steady one” in the relationship felt unfamiliar to Kaylan,
but over the weekend she and Nick had subtly switched roles. As she processed their
relationship and a future with him, she realized there would be times when she would
need to be strong for him. Now seemed to be one of those times. Even the threat from
a stranger paled in comparison to her concern for Nick.

To keep her mind off her mysterious stalker and Logan's condition, she'd channeled
all her energy into caring for the kids and Nick and Micah, just as she had found
a project to keep her sane in the weeks following the earthquake. Now Nick had grudgingly
consented to let her fulfill her promise to Cathryn to clean and unpack her house.

No sooner did she ring the doorbell than Cathryn pulled the door open. Kaylan entered
the house, her eyes catching a glimpse of a car parked down the street, the same
one that had parked there when she had gone to stay with Nick and Micah. The FBI.
At least Nick could rest easy. She couldn't be alone even if she wanted to be.

“Kaylan, thank you for coming over. I hope you are hungry. I made dinner.”

“Thanks, that sounds great.” Kaylan stepped through the doorway into a homey and
elegant world. Original floral paintings hung from the walls. Soft, pastel pillows
graced an ivory suede couch. White walls and sheer curtains created a bright atmosphere
that drew Kaylan in.

She followed Cathryn through to the kitchen. Two plates filled with salad sat on
the table. Cathryn gestured to a seat, and Kaylan sank into a cushioned chair. “I
know you are from the South, so I made some tea. Would you like some?”

“That sounds perfect, thank you.” In truth, Kaylan rarely loved anyone else's tea
as much as her gran's. No one else made it quite right. She took a sip and forced
herself to swallow. Not enough sugar. Not enough lemon. But it was the thought that
counted. She picked up her fork.

“I hope you like salad.”

“This looks delicious. My mom makes salad all the time back home, but every time
I buy produce for one it goes bad. Nick usually wants something more substantial
than salad, and I gave up trying to bribe Micah to eat it ages ago.”

“Micah . . . ”

“Micah's one of my older brothers.”

“Two brothers. You must have been lonely.”

“Three actually. David, Micah, and a younger brother, Seth. And I was anything but
lonely. I loved having brothers, and my best friend was around all the time.”

“And where is she now?”

Kaylan set her fork down and took a sip of her tea, immediately regretting the decision.
She worked to temper the sinking feeling in her chest at the thought of Sarah Beth.
“She's not around anymore. Do you have any kids?” Kaylan glanced around, looking
for any family photos.

Cathryn's laugh sounded more like a bark. “I never married. My job is my baby.”

“Any other family?”

Cathryn's mouth flattened. “No. My parents have been gone for quite some time.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. I meet interesting people all the time. And I like being on my own. It
is nice to have neighbors, though.”

They ate the rest of their meal making small talk. Afterward Kaylan placed her napkin
on the table and stood, grabbing both of their plates and taking them to the sink.
“Well, what would you like me to do?”

Cathryn stood. “Leave those in the sink and follow me. I will show you.”