Authors: Cindy Mezni
“Whose side are you on? Mine or his?”
I breathed a conspicuous sigh.
“I'm not on any side. But I think you're...”
“You must be seriously kidding me!” she exclaimed with an anger that I had never suspected she had in her. “I'm his girlfriend, I love him and he rejects me with a stupid excuse that he must think about us. When I asked him if ‘this break’ could lead to our separation, he simply replied, ‘maybe.’”
“Maybe!” Don’t you see? I should have dumped this...” I reacted before she could insult Spencer again.
“Stop it, Hayden! Open your eyes! If he really wanted to break up with you, he would have told you clearly! And dammit, there are more serious things in life! Be glad that your only concern is a temporary separation! Spencer could have been sick, condemned or worse, he could be de--”
I fell silent suddenly because I realized I had said too much. As if to confirm my fears, Hayden stared at me, wide-eyed as ever, her mouth open. It was certain, she would ask me why I said that and...
“Oh, I'm so sorry, Deliah,” she told me, coming to take me in her arms.
I didn't return her embrace, not understanding at all why she suddenly had the impulse to comfort me.
“I'm sorry,” she repeated, backing away from me. “I should have realized before that something was wrong. Leighton hasn't been in class for a few days, and the same for Garreth... The story about their ill family member earlier this year and the fact that he's supposedly sick again, it's fake, isn't it? There is something else, I'm sure and I'm sure it has something to do with Travis.”
Fear crept into me. How had she put together that their absence had something to do with Travis? What did she understand about the Wates? I stared at her stupidly, unable to utter a word.
“I've noticed that there was something curious about Travis. He has problems, right? He has an addiction to alcohol or drugs or something like that? That's the reason that Leighton and Garreth aren't here because he's somewhere, trying to get help and they went to see him. And you, of course you're worried about it and you wonder how Leighton and Garreth deal with all this and that's why you're like that. I'm right, huh?”
A part of me was relieved she was so far from reality and she had invented a convenient scenario for the Wates and me. The other part was desperate because she didn't know what was really the matter. It was in a moment like this that I regretted not being able to tell her about the
Enimae,
the prophecy and the rest. She would have known how to be there for me, even if she couldn't do anything about what was happening. Here and now, she couldn't even support me because she had no idea of the extent of the disaster looming on the horizon. The days passed and there was still no trace of the insurgents or Travis in the area. With the information that Travis had certainly given them, there would probably be an attack on the community and Garreth and Leighton would undoubtedly be considered responsible for it. And when it happened, Garreth would pay a high price.
All that because he wanted to believe in Travis and give him a second chance when, after leaving with insurgents in the past, he had changed his mind and returned to his former community. They all saw him as a traitor or a spy and wanted him dead, but Garreth had opposed fiercely and promised to keep an eye on him, convinced that Travis would stay on the right path. Obviously, Garreth was too good and was seriously mistaken about Travis. I never imagined I could hate someone with all my heart, but Travis had shown me that anything was possible in life...
“Tell me what's going on, Deliah!” Hayden said, growing angry because of my silence. “You don't tell me anything anymore! I see you're worried and you need support, yet you still tell me nothing!”
She sighed before dropping a tone and adding more gently:
“You can tell me what's bothering you, you know that, right?”
But I couldn't and that was the problem. If she knew, she would think I was insane and if she told anyone, it would be a disaster. Worst case scenario, Leighton could remedy it with her gift, but I wouldn't let her use it on Hayden's mind just to fix my mistakes. And in the crazy event that Hayden believed me, this could put her in danger because she would want to be by my side and surely try to help me. So I had to do everything in order for her not to become a victim.
The conversation Leighton and I had in my kitchen the night of the party came back to me, and slowly, I realized the obvious. If I wanted to save Hayden, she had to remain in the dark and stay away from me. The dejection fell upon me at the thought. The only way to achieve this was to put an end to our friendship. Although this perspective literally broke my heart, there was no other solution. I knew it for sure.
“I thought we were friends. I thought we were like sisters...”
My gaze went to her. She seemed about to cry. Of sadness, anger or both, I didn't know. I had a lump in my throat and my eyes stung. I wanted to comfort her, to assure her that we were best of friends, but this was the opportunity to do what was necessary to keep her alive.
“I must have been mistaken,” she concluded when she realized I wouldn't answer.
Without another word, she left and went back into the cafeteria. Even if this fight allowed me to save her, I still felt the tears run down my cheeks and did nothing to wipe them. I continued to cry until the bell announcing the beginning of the first class of the afternoon rang. I pulled myself together and made a quick detour to the bathroom to freshen up so Hayden wouldn't take notice of my emotions. She was able to sway me when she saw me like this and I could be weak and ruin everything in accepting her to stay with me.
And soon I knew I wasn't mistaken. When I entered the classroom, I had to use all my self-control not to rush over and apologize. Unlike me, Hayden did nothing to conceal the traces of tears on her face. She tried to sound insensitive when I passed near her, but I saw the bitterness and grief she felt. I restrained myself not to do anything and went to the back of the class to a table that nobody occupied.
The math lesson went on at an unbearable pace.
I had one wish, to be moping in my bed. But before doing so, I had to get news of Garreth and Leighton. Garreth hadn't stopped over at my house the day before, as he did every day since he dropped his stupid idea to get away from me in order to protect me in the event that he would eventually have to pay for Travis’ crimes. I suppressed the thought that the worst had already happened... Leighton hadn't been in school for several days, having assured me that I risked nothing in high school as long as I stayed in the middle of a crowd, the insurgents not wanting their attack to have so many witnesses. The only time I saw Leighton was when she picked me up in the morning and late afternoon. She always did with a different car and away from prying eyes, so nobody asked any questions about me and no one in Mensen knew the Wates were still there. Despite our trips together, she sent me a daily text or called me at noon to keep me informed. Today, she didn't. Perhaps she would do it later, but with Garreth not showing yesterday, I began to seriously worry about them. A thousand terrible scenarios were turning loops in my mind.
Finally the bell rang, announcing the end of the class. Without missing a beat, I took my stuff and almost ran out of the class, eager to check my phone. I was surprised to see several missed calls and two messages from Leighton. I noticed that foolishly, I put my phone in silent mode instead of vibrate mode. I hurried to change it and read my messages. I learned that she had been waiting for me in a gray Ford pickup for thirty minutes. To prove to me it was her and not someone pretending to be her, Leighton used our code in her text, a different word chosen each morning before going to school, known to us alone and recalling a common memory. School wasn't finished, but I didn't care right now because if Leighton was here, it meant there was a big problem. I ran to the exit and walked to the parking lot, looking around for the car. When I saw it, I ran toward it and opened the door.
“The word and the memory?” I asked, waiting for her answer before getting in.
It was a system she had established in case someone intercepted our communications. That way, even if someone discovered the code of the day, he couldn't explain the meaning of the word. A clever way to avert the attention of an
Enimae
who took the appearance of Leighton to try to fool me.
“Bucentaure,” she replied immediately. “In your room, when I brought the book and you mistook the bucentaure for a centaur.”
I got into the car and put my bag behind my seat before closing the door. When I turned to Leighton, her worried expression confirmed my worst fears.
“Have you heard from Garreth?” I inquired me, taking my courage in both hands.
She hadn’t when she picked me up for school this morning. She told me it wasn't unusual for her to have no news for several hours or even a day. But when I entrusted her that I hadn't seen Garreth yesterday, her reassuring attitude towards me had changed. I had seen the doubt and worry in her eyes before she regained her composure and assured me he was okay and should be on the way back home. At the moment, she didn't even try to hide her anguish. I wasn't surprised when she shook her head negatively, confirming what I had feared all day. Garreth was in trouble. Or even worse, he was... No. I didn't want to think about it. Not even for a single second.
“You think he's on Travis’ trail? Or do you think he's...”
I couldn't finish my sentence, a sob interrupting my own words. A second followed and soon, I found myself crying because all that had happened recently; it was too much. The end of my friendship with Hayden, Garreth and the fact that he could be held somewhere and surely hurt, if not worse...
“Shh, it's okay,” Leighton murmured, taking me in her arms. “Everything will be okay. If Garreth had been captured or killed, the rebels, proud as they are, would have made sure the community knew about it.”
I needed several minutes to calm down.
“You sure?” I asked her in a small voice.
“Yes. I know them. Garreth isn't just anyone in our community. To date, our community is one of the largest
Enimae
communities in the world and if the insurgents had succeeded in attacking it by taking down a prominent member, it wouldn't have been ignored. They would have made it public. No, Garreth has to be somewhere where he simply can't contact us.”
I wanted to cling to that hope and convince myself that Garreth was alive. If I thought he was dead, I could very well get out of this car now and let the rebels do what they wanted to me. For my death was already signed if Garreth wasn't there to protect me.
Leighton turned on the engine and took the road to drive me home. The ride was made in complete silence. I opened my mouth when she parked the car in front of my house, leaving the engine running. It had to mean she wasn't staying. Stupidly, I thought she would stay with me and we would both wait to hear from Garreth. The reassuring words she had told me a few minutes ago lost all their effect as the meaning of her attitude was evident.
“You're going to look for him?” I guessed.
“Yes,” she replied in a neutral tone, without looking at me.
My anxiety was such that I felt a knot forming in my stomach. It was clear now what she had told me before only had the purpose of reassuring me. She didn't believe it herself. My fear became even greater when I realized that if she found him, she would also have to deal with the rebels. Now, I might at any moment lose both of them, a thought that made me sick to my stomach.
“I gotta go, Deliah,” she told me, a sign for me that I had to get out of the car.
Unable to stop myself, I hugged her as hard as I could, as if I could give her the strength she needed to come back with Garreth. She returned my embrace, despair emanating from her actions. I didn't know if she was afraid of never seeing me again, or if she feared for the life of Garreth or even hers. It must be a combination of all. She backed away and stared at me, her beautiful eyes the color of the sea expressing a variety of emotions. I hoped with all my heart that this wasn't the last time I saw her.
“Go to sleep now. When you wake up, I'll be here and Garreth will be with me,” she promised me with conviction.
At that moment, I clung to her promise like a drowning man to a lifesaver. I nodded my head weakly and took my bag out of the car. I walked up the driveway and then went directly into my room. As soon as I set foot in my bedroom, I suddenly thought only about sleeping. I glanced at my bed and unable to resist, I laid down on it. I promised myself not to rest more than a few minutes, but the need for sleep was such that I felt my eyes close of their own will. At the last moment, while I tried unsuccessfully not to fall asleep, my brain finally put the pieces together. “Go to sleep now. When you wake up, I'll be here and Garreth will be with me.” Leighton hadn't uttered these words innocently. She had used her gift on me. Even if she had done it for my own good, so I didn't worry for several hours, I couldn't help but feel anger and a sense of betrayal. While Garreth made decisions in my place, Leighton handled me with her power like a baby doll she was playing with. This time, I wasn't okay with that. I couldn't accept it without a fight. For if I abandoned myself to sleep and I woke up later, Leighton and Garreth might no longer be a part of this world. I simply couldn't accept this and sleep as if nothing was happening. Determined to ruin Leighton’s plan to spare me hours of anxiety, I tried to keep my eyes open. Only the more I tried to fight it, the more I felt the need to sleep. Very soon, despite all my attempts, I found myself unable to resist any longer. I fell asleep.
***
“Run!” a familiar voice cried, but I couldn't put a name to it.
Like a robot, not knowing my destination or why I was running, I started to run as the person had commanded me. All I knew was that it was dark, I was in the forest and I felt weak. Increasingly weak. I felt at any moment that I could faint from exhaustion. It didn't happen because instead I fell heavily onto the hard ground.