Authors: Carmen Desousa
She hadn’t answered him, and he glowered at her now. “That’s what I thought.” He turned his head to look out the front window, threw the truck into drive and pulled out of the parking lot too fast. The tires squealed in protest.
“Jordan,” she tried, but her words hitched in her throat.
He turned to her. His face was bright red with anger. “What, Jaynee?”
She bit her lip to try to hold back the tears, but she felt the strain in her throat she always got when she cried. “Never mind, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” he retorted.
But his words didn’t match his tone, and she wondered what he really meant. Was he sorry for falling in love with her? Was he sorry for marrying her? She couldn’t believe that, no matter what his attitude.
Jaynee pulled up the center console as he used to and shifted her body closer to his, resting her head on his
arm. Tears poured down her face, but she made every effort not to make a sound or wipe them away, so he wouldn’t know.
He didn’t push her away; instead, he rested his head on hers and stroked the side of her face. “I’m sorry, love, that was uncalled for. We’ll work this out, and I promise I will never keep anything from you again.”
She pushed back the tears and the doubt. She wanted to believe him.
63
Carmen
DeSousa
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
For their fifth anniversary, Jordan surprised Jaynee with airplane tickets to Florida.
She’d returned to Florida twice a year since she moved to North Carolina but never with Jordan. He always said she deserved the time alone with her family, and besides, with only so much vacation time, wouldn’t she rather they spend their vacations together cruising or in a cabin in the mountains.
But this year, he rented a car and booked reservations on Clearwater Beach. That way, as he
’d
explained it, they could be together at night and spend some alone time on the beach, but they could still visit her grandmother who was having surgery for her knees. Gram was eighty-four and the surgeon didn’t want to perform the surgery, but Gram insisted, saying she didn’t want to live if she couldn’t walk. Her doctor surrendered to her wishes, admitting she did have a healthy heart, and if anyone was going to survive surgery, she was. But just in case, Jaynee wanted to be there before she went under for fear it may be the last time she’d see her.
After checking into their hotel, they headed over to her grandmother’s house to visit with her before she went to the hospital.
Jordan glanced at Jaynee briefly as he turned onto her grandmother’s road. “So, do you suppose we might run into any of your old buddies while we’re here?” he asked surreptitiously.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t have any old friends, none in Florida anyway. I told you Rainey, the girl I grew up with, moved to New York right out of college.”
He sighed when she waved off his inquiry.
Then it occurred to her. It had been five years since Jordan and she
had
met. She’d told him her ex was in prison – for five years. Had that been weighing on his mind all these years? Could he be jealous? She ignored the implication; it wasn’t even worth getting into it. How could she ever want anyone but Jordan? She couldn’t understand why he would even consider such a thing, especially after all this time.
She wondered if he would accompany her every visit back to
Florida now. Not that she cared;
she loved having him here. Sometimes she got bored when she was alone. No…he couldn’t tolerate vacationing here twice a year. Certainly, he wouldn’t forbid her from coming alone. She started to form her question but then decided against it. She would wait and see what happened.
He never introduced the issue again, and they did have a fantastic time. The days were temperate enough for sunbathing and swimming; and the evenings were perfect to stroll down the beach hand in hand.
Jaynee took Jordan to Pier 60 one evening. “I always loved it here. When I lived here and felt like escaping, I
would come down here at night. It always made me feel
as if
I was vacationing in some tropical local.” The beach at the end of Highway 60 was too crowded with tourist in the daytime to be relaxing, but at sunset, it turned into a festival.
Jordan had his arm latched around her waist. “It sort of reminds me of our first anniversary, the cruise to San Juan, only safer. I never felt comfortable there.”
She laughed. “Exactly where do you feel comfortable?” She leaned back against his chest as he marveled at the street performers who painted and danced for money.
He tightened his grip around her and nuzzled her neck, laughing too. “That’s true. When I have such a precious commodity I’m in charge of protecting, how can I relax?”
“You’re so silly, Jordan. I don’t think anyone is going to try to run off with me.”
He kissed the top of her head. “They’ll be sorry if they try.”
She sighed. She never had to worry when he was with her. Jordan would always protect her. She didn’t fret wherever they went, even Puerto Rico. She knew nobody would take him on.
They made their way over to the fire show, her favorite performance. She’d seen his act many times over the years.
Jaynee grabbed Jordan’s arm and tried to pull him back. “Don’t stand so close—” Her warning was belated, the entertainer signaled her out to assist in his presentation. Jaynee shook her head wildly.
Jordan nudged her forward, thrilled to impel her in the spotlight, knowing it was her least favorite position. “Go ahead, darling.” He winked and smiled with obvious delight. “I’ll enjoy watching this.”
When they returned to North Carolina, Jaynee had made her decision on what she needed to do next in her life.
It would be difficult, but with finals coming up, she thought she could manage. It was October, and she just needed until December, early December at that. She had several school papers to complete, and of course, the time needed to finish her novel. She wanted to finish all her classes in the next two months and graduate in the spring. It would keep her occupied morning and night.
They had been back from Florida for two weeks and Jordan had barely seen Jaynee, she had been working frantically to finish her classes.
At the normal time he went to bed, he waited by the stairs to see if she would follow as she
usually
did. Although she awoke two hours later, she normally came to bed with him, but she hadn’t for the last few nights.
They had such a wonderful time in Florida, he even enjoyed the time they spent with her family. Then, there were the days they stayed on the beach, and the nights—they
’d
made love almost every night. He had been a little worried they might encounter her ex, fearful he’d kill him if he ever met him. But she had dismissed his question as immaterial. She understood what he was
referring to when he
’d
asked about old buddies, but she obviously didn’t want to discuss it, which was probably a good idea, so he hadn’t pressed her on the subject.
Now he was confused. He understood this was it for classes, but didn’t she always have papers and finals due? It never made a difference before. “Goodnight,” he called from the stairs.
Jaynee looked up and smiled. “Goodnight. I’ll be up in a few.”
She didn’t even move an inch from behind her computer, so he stomped upstairs like a scorned child.
By Sunday it was worse, it had been almost three weeks. The last two Sundays she complained of PMS, which she never did. And then, it was
that
time. He was going insane. Not because they hadn’t made love, but that she didn’t want to be with him. He wanted her to come to bed, simply to feel her beside him. He didn’t have to have sex. He went without for several years before he met Jaynee. But the idea of her not wanting him caused him grief beyond words.
Sunday was always their day. The only time outside the two of them was church. He would wake her in the morning, the way she always liked, then they would go to church, have a light lunch afterward, and if the weather was nice, they’d do something outdoors. But if it was bad weather, they’d spend all day indoors watching old movies or reading, and those days were always the most enjoyable.
But this morning Jaynee wasn’t in bed. Not once in five years had she awoke before him. He started
downstairs but saw light emanating from the door of their entertainment room.
Jordan stepped inside, and there, curled up on the sectional, an afghan draped over her midriff was Jaynee, looking like a little girl on Christmas morning waiting for Santa Claus.
He walked over to where she lay sleeping and lifted her to carry her back to their bed. Need and passion flared through him as he held her in his arms.
She started awake. “Jordan?” she said through half-opened eyes.
“Yes, love?”
“What are you doing?” Her voice sounded confused.
He smiled down at her. “I’m taking you back to bed.”
She frowned. “What time is it?”
“It’s still early
;
there’s no rush,” he implied a little suggestively.
Her head whipped around as if she were looking for something—an escape. “No, I’m awake. I’m not tired. I have several things I need to finish, and I’m starving. Are you hungry?”
Her words rushed from her lips as if desperate to convey something.
He sighed and shook his head, then set her down in the hallway. “No, I’m not hungry,” he grumbled. Not for food, he thought to himself. He was ravenous for affection, but he guessed she wasn’t willing to assist him with that. Pride got the best of him, and he stormed off, leaving her standing alone.
Jordan remained upstairs the remainder of the morning, only coming down when it was time to leave
for church. He grabbed a muffin and coffee. “It’s time to go Jaynee, or we’re going to be late.”
After church, it was the identical situation. Jaynee found a million things to occupy her, and when it was time for bed, again she insisted she wasn’t tired and would be up in a minute.
The weeks passed and before long, it was Thanksgiving.
As always, the entire family gathered at his mother’s house. The day dragged, and Jordan found he was in a bitter mood, snapping at the most minuscule reasons.
Jaynee kept herself busy in the kitchen, assisting his mother and sisters, but that wasn’t abnormal, she had always been comfortable at family get-togethers. She’d taken to his family as if they were her own, and that reflection brought on another wave of dejection.
Was it only him she was reacting cold to? The men congregated in the family room watching football, while the women cooked and interacted. Jordan found himself scrutinizing everything Jaynee did. She looked happy. But how was that possible? She was never good at hiding her feelings. If she was upset, he could always tell. She’d always complained he could read her like a book. So why did she look so cheerful, when something was wrong?
Unless it
was
just him.
Maybe she had grown so cold; she didn’t even care. He shook his head at the notion. It couldn’t be…it wasn’t possible.
“What’s not?” Bobby’s deep bass voice interrupted Jordan’s thoughts.
Jordan turned to him in confusion, actually bothered that he’d interrupted his lamenting. “What, Bobby?”
“I don’t know, man, you tell me. You shook your head and said, ‘not possible’.”
“Nothing, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He was going insane that’s what…talking aloud to himself, he was losing his mind.
Jaynee and Jordan were the last stragglers. He’d been ready to leave hours earlier, but Jaynee kept talking with Pat.
When he couldn’t stand another minute, he curtly interrupted their chatter. “I have to get up in the morning, Jaynee. Can we go?” The police department didn’t give Friday off because it was the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, the day after a holiday was very busy. Files would’ve already started piling up on his desk from officers
who
did
have to work on holidays, taking complaints and calls.
As soon as they arrived home, he went upstairs without saying a word. He knew the drill. He wouldn’t solicit or insinuate anymore. When she was ready, she’d have to approach him.
The entire week passed, and Jordan wrestled with the notion of going home after work. Why bother? His wife obviously didn’t want him.
He always looked forward to going home after marrying Jaynee. He’d rush from his office, regardless of what was happening or what papers needed signed. But lately, he didn’t see any reason to hurry, as she was too
busy with her schoolwork to pay him any attention these last two months.
Every night this week, however, even though he
’d
started coming home later and later, she had dinner waiting for him—and not just any dinner—his favorites. Meals he knew she didn’t like, but he craved. Good old-fashioned recipes like Baked Macaroni and Cheese and Meatloaf. Homemade food you couldn’t find in a restaurant. Jaynee preferred to create fancy, elaborate meals and plenty of Southw
estern dishes, which he enjoyed
too. But whenever she wanted to do something special for him, she would prepare his favorite foods. Thursday night when he came home, later than usual, she had Chicken
Marsala
waiting. It was his favorite, and he knew it took a long time to prepare.