Shelter (22 page)

“Anybody would be lucky to have a son like Elias,” Caden spoke up, “you’re just blinded by your own self importance.”

“You,” she laughed in Caden’s face, “why are you even here? What do you want with my son?
Money
? Is that what you want?”

Elias felt Caden falter on the spot but he wasn’t going to let her talk to him like that. Caden had been more of a family to Elias over the last weeks than she had ever in his whole life. Caden had given him more love and made him feel more wanted than she had ever. The void he had always been looking to fill was suddenly filled and there was no way he was going to deny that.

“We’re together,” Elias looped his fingers through Caden’s shaking digits, “we’re in love.”

Judy James looked ready to spit her poison straight in his face as a wretched smirk twisted across her blood stained lips. In disbelief, she darted between them, trying to figure out if it was a sick joke.

“Are you trying to ruin me?” she leaned in, “Why are you always trying to destroy me?”

“You really think this is about you?”

“Who else is it about? The drugs, the crime and now this. You just want to
embarrass
me. You want me to
react
. You’ve
always
been the same way.”

“Maybe if I had a mother who cared for me, I wouldn’t have needed a reaction,” Elias tightened his grip on Caden’s hand, “this isn’t about you. This is about me, for once.”

“It’s always been about you,” her voice deepened, “and your childish little problems. Grow up and join the real world. Without my support, you would be dead.”

She was probably right, but alive, at least she could attempt to manipulate and shape his life to keep him in her shadow.

“Support? You throw me in rehab every chance you get and then you push me to the side, hoping your money will fix the problem.”

“I’m a busy -,”

“Yeah, a busy woman. I know. You should get that tattooed on your forehead like a catchphrase. It’s all I’ve heard from you since I was a fetus. ‘
I’m a busy woman. Too busy to be your mother. Too busy to really help you. Too busy to love you. Too busy to give a fuck
’. I’m over it. I don’t
need
you and I never have. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d see that you’re the problem and you always have been but that would mean pulling your botoxed head out of your own ass and that was never going to happen, was it mayor?”

By now, the crowd had thickened but they were all so deep in the moment, they weren’t noticing the dramatic gasps and questions as the drama unfolded.

“You’ll regret that,” she spat.

“Do your worst,” falling back on his heels, he tossed his hands out, “you can’t possibly bury me any further, can you? Do your absolute worst, Madame Mayor. I don’t care anymore. Take the apartment. Cut off my welfare checks. Throw me in rehab and lock away the key. I’m
done
with your games. You win.”

“This isn’t a game.”

“It’s always been a game,” Elias lowered his voice, heartbreak filling his cracking voice, “you’re a terrible mother and you always will be.”

Elias couldn’t stick around to see the aftermath of the bomb he had just thrown. The second he felt tears starting to sting his eyes, he had to run as far away from her as he could. He ran out into the street, across the road and into the park opposite the Nova Theatre. The air was thick and stuffy and it wasn’t helping the tightening in his chest. Collapsing on a bench, he felt angry with himself for the tears he couldn’t stop falling down his cheeks. He wasn’t crying because he was upset, he was crying because he was frustrated. Twenty-six years of built up frustration poured through his tear ducts and he couldn’t stop them.

“Elias,” Caden ran towards him, “Elias, are you okay?”

“No,” he cried out, “I’m not okay. I’m angry. I just want to -,”

Screaming out, his fist collided with the wooden bench but all it did was hurt the knuckles that were still hurting from punching the side of Caden’s house. He hated himself for getting so wound up over her.

“I’m so proud of you,” Caden’s hand slid over his shoulders, pulling him in to his warm body, “you should have seen her face. She looked genuinely shocked. I’ve never seen it like that before.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are
you
sorry?”

“Because I was the one who was trying to push you two together. I was wrong. I was so wrong. There’s no saving that woman. She’s as deep into her own hole as she can be.”

He knew Caden was trying to make him feel better but it was only making him feel worse. Shrugging away Caden’s hug, he stood up, staring up at the dark, cloudy sky. He searched for the moon, even some stars, but it was completely blank.

“I just don’t understand her,” he wiped away the slowing tears, “and I don’t understand why she always gets to me. I wish I was as strong as Ellie, but I’m not. Every time she’d do something like this, I’d have drugs to fall back on. Now what do I have? I just want to make it all stop.”

“You have me.”

Caden stood and immediately drew Elias into a kiss. The noise, the anger, the frustration and the tears stopped. He felt like an idiot for letting the hatred blind how important Caden was to him.

“I know,” Elias leaned his forehead against Caden’s, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. There are some cabs lined up outside the theatre. How does crawling into a bed with a movie sound?”

It sounded like the only place Elias wanted to be.

A knock on the door woke Caden from his deep sleep. Rolling over, he peered into the dark, unsure if it was day or night. Elias was by his side, stirring from what looked like a lighter, more restless sleep.

“What time is it?” Caden’s voice croaked.

“Half past ten,” Elias squinted at his cell display, “I’ll get it.”

Elias pulled the first clothes he could find over his naked body, leaving Caden to roll back over into his pillow. His eyelids fluttered and he noticed how easy and quick it would be for him to fall back asleep. He flirted with the idea for a moment but he decided to pull himself out of bed, not wanting to waste the day wallowing.

Caden ran his hands over his scruff, noting that he needed a shave. His light hair was a little longer on top than usual but he hadn’t had much time to fit in a haircut. After a quick spray of deodorant, he climbed into his jeans and a baggy white t-shirt. He rescued his phone from the wreckage of the clothes that had been torn off the night before and was instantly alarmed by the amount of missed calls from his mom, twelve in total, all from the last hour.

“I think I need to head home. Something’s up,” Caden stretched out, scratching his chest through his t-shirt as he wandered out of the bedroom, the sleep disappearing from his mind.

Elias was clutching a newspaper to his chest in the middle of the living room, his eyes wide and surprised to see Caden.

“Sure,” Elias nodded.

“Since when do you get the paper?”

“I don’t,” he answered a little too quickly, “it must be a mistake. The mailman dropped it off with my mail.”

“He hand delivered it?”

“My mailbox is full.”

“Right.”

Caden stared at the back of the newspaper, the sports pages of no interest to him. Elias was acting weird and it was as though he couldn’t wait to get rid of Caden. Maybe the time had come that Caden had overstayed his welcome?

“I’ll throw this out,” Elias hurried past him, tossing it in the trashcan.

He didn’t just stop there, he pulled out the half empty bag and tied it up. He clutched the trash bag in his fist like a prized possession. Elias usually waited until the trash was overflowing before he changed it.

“What’s up?” Caden folded his arms, “You’re acting all spacey.”

“I’m fine, just tired!” Elias grabbed the kettle, “Coffee?”

“I should go and see what she wants. I put my cell on silent before the ball last night and I forgot to turn it back on. Is this about last night and your mom?”

“Yes!” Elias nodded, “That’s exactly what it is. It’s still on my mind. You should go if you’re mom is looking for you.”

Elias practically pushed Caden out of the door so fast he barely had time to grab some socks and shoes. Putting it down to delayed insanity from the shock of finally confronting his mother, Caden kissed Elias on the cheek before heading home. Now that they were nearing the end of September, the air was clear and still but there was an early morning ice in the air, making Caden wish he had grabbed a jacket before leaving. He looked down at his t-shirt, his nipples cutting through the fabric, right next to what looked like a coffee stain. He looked every inch of the unemployed loser that he felt these days.

When he got to his parents’, there was no ambulance or cop car outside, so he calmed down a little. The closer he got to the house, the more he had convinced himself that something fatal had happened but seeing how calm the house looked from the outside he knew his mom was probably just eager to tell him something. Maybe she heard about what happened at the doctor’s ball last night? Part of Caden hoped so because that meant the town would be talking about the mayor and maybe they’d start to doubt her picture perfect veneer.

“It’s only me,” he called as he opened the door, “Mom? Dad?”

“Caden!” his mom appeared in the kitchen door, a manic smile on her face, “I’ve been calling you.”

“Sorry, my cell was on silent. What’s up? It’s not Granny, is it?” he suddenly remembered his granny in Portland and his heart stopped.

“Granny is fine. She’ll outlive us all.”

There was an uncomfortable quality to the way her smile beamed at him while her entire body blocked his view into the kitchen. Was somebody there? He tried to look around her but she reacted by bending like a character from The Matrix. Using her hands behind her back, she closed the kitchen door and hurried across the living room.

“Believe me when I say I tried to get him to leave.”

“Who? What’s happened?”

She looked over her shoulder to the kitchen door, a look of guilt taking over her face.

“He said he wasn’t going until he spoke to you. He was really persuasive.”

It didn’t take long for Caden to piece things together. When he figured out who was sitting at his mom’s kitchen table, he wanted to turn and go back to the safety of Elias’ apartment, no matter how strange he was acting.

“You’re kidding me?”

“Just let him say his piece and then he’ll go.”

Caden didn’t want to hear Finn’s piece. He didn’t want to help him move on and he didn’t want Finn to think he could worm his way back into his life by jumping on the interstate.

“Please, just talk to him,” she grabbed him when he tried to turn and leave, “just five minutes.”

Failing to see why his mother was even so invested in it, he still decided that he was going to give Finn five minutes of his time and no more. It would hopefully put an end to the endless stream of letters and that would be worth it.
It’ll be like ripping off a Band-Aid
.

Not in the mood for confrontation, Caden pushed a smile forward. It faltered when he saw his ex-boyfriend, or rather, ex-fiancé, sitting at his mother’s kitchen table, hugging a cup of coffee.

“Cadey,” Finn stood, his extraordinarily long eyelashes batting like a camel trying to keep away the on coming sand storm, “it’s really you.”

“Who else would it be?” Caden sighed, closing the door behind him, “What do you want?”

Sitting back down, Finn sipped the coffee, avoiding Caden’s harsh gaze. He looked good, great in fact, but Caden was looking at him through different eyes. Instead of feeling utterly heartbroken at the betrayal, he was wondering how he could have ever loved somebody so vapid and empty. A muscle-hugging shirt showed that he hadn’t been too affected to miss his daily, sometimes twice daily, trips to the gym. His cropped, almost white hair was brushed away from his tanned face, letting all of his perfectly symmetrical beauty shine. It didn’t give Caden the warm feeling it used to, it just left him feeling a little empty.

“I want us to talk.”

“You drove seven hours to talk? You must have left New York last night?”

“I had to,” he was directing his words at the coffee cup, “you’ve been unreachable. All of your profiles are down, you’ve changed your number and you’re ignoring my letters. You’re a hard man to reach.”

Did Finn not understand that was intentionally directed towards him?

“I needed some space. I didn’t want to talk to anybody.”

“We all miss you,” Finn shrugged, “I miss you.”

Sitting at the table, making sure that he was on the opposite side and out of touching distance of Finn, he leaned back in the chair, wondering how quickly he could get out of there.

“We?”

“Your friends. Everybody. It’s not the same without you.”

“How’s Adam? He was my friend.”

“Please, Caden,” Finn looked up to him, his bright crystal eyes doing all of the work, “I thought if I gave you enough time, enough space, you’d move on from that.”

What about Caden’s body language didn’t say that he had moved on? He had spent years by Finn’s side, feeling grateful for his love. Now, he was sitting as far away from him as possible. He was even leaning back in his chair, recoiling his head, because he was still too close.

“I’ve moved on. You and Adam are welcome to each other.”

“It wasn’t like that. It was one mistake. One time.”

Caden laughed. They both knew it was more than once. Nobody would admit it was anything more than a dumb mistake but dumb mistakes don’t suddenly happen ten minutes after the fiancé left for work. If he hadn’t gone back for the laptop he had forgotten, he probably would never have caught them. Or, he would have caught them but in six months, or a year. It didn’t make any difference to him. It was a blessing in disguise.

“We’re over, Finn. I’ve met someone.”

“Who?” Finn laughed, “You’re going to throw away all those years for a guy you’ve known for a month?”

“I’m not the one who threw it away, I’m just the one making sure it doesn’t get jammed in the garbage shoot.”

Taking in a deep breath, he vowed that he wasn’t going to let Finn make him feel guilty. He focused on Elias’ face in his mind, instantly thinking clearer.

“Who is he?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

After a long pause, Finn finished his coffee.

“Is it love?”

“Why does it matter to you?” Caden stood, “Even if I hadn’t met a guy, you wouldn’t be able to wriggle your way back into my life, Finn. You broke whatever we had and if we’re honest with each other, it wasn’t as great as we thought.”

“But I still love you,” Finn’s words didn’t make Caden’s insides twist, they just made him exhale with frustration, “I want us to try again. Come back with me. We can start again. I’ll cut Adam out and we can just -,”

“Stop, Finn,” Caden didn’t want to hear anymore, “desperation doesn’t suit you. Look at you, you’re gorgeous and you could have any guy you want. You only want me because it didn’t end on your terms. That isn’t love, that’s a fear of being alone. Goodbye, Finn.”

Feeling like he had given him more than the five minutes he deserved, Caden gave him one last smile before leaving him alone in the kitchen.

“Caden?” his mom rose from her chair, stuffing the morning’s paper under her arm, “I – I – how did it go?”

“You were right. I did need to talk to him. I feel so much better.”

“Oh, good,” she seemed surprised, “where’s Finn?”

“Still in the kitchen,” he shrugged, “I’m going back to Elias’ apartment. Let me just grab some more fresh clothes.”

“Didn’t you work things out?”

“There’s nothing to work out,” Caden said as he ran up the staircase to the guest bedroom, “but I feel so much better knowing that I’ve made the right decision.”

He stuffed as many clothes as he could into a duffle bag, knowing that he wanted to spend as much time with Elias as possible without having to come back here. Not because he didn’t want to see his parents, because he did, he just needed space from his mother’s questioning for a while.

“Have you seen the morning paper?” she asked, still clutching it under her arm, her bottom lip quivering.

“What? No. If Finn doesn’t leave, call the police or something. Tell them he’s trespassing. He’s got this fear of authority. I don’t know. I’ll call you.”

“Caden, wait -,”

Sighing, he opened the front door and tossed the duffle bag over his shoulder, “Mom, me and Finn are over. Just accept that.”

The morning sun was still frosty but it had never felt so warm on his skin. As he headed back across town, leaving Finn behind, he felt truly ready to start the new life set out in front of him, no matter how unknown and scary it was. It had taken seeing Finn again to know that he wasn’t scared of turning thirty after all, he was just scared that he had wasted the whole of his twenties living a life that didn’t suit him.

With a renewed bounce in his step, he stopped off in the bakery to pick up some bagels and coffee. The baker, who he had learned was called Billy from the frequent visits downstairs gave Caden the strangest look. He wasn’t the friendliest man but this morning, he looked more disgusted than normal. Caden shrugged it off, wondering how loud they’d been in bed last night.

“Two cream cheese and bacon bagels,” he pulled his wallet from his back pocket, “and two coffees.”

Billy poured the coffee into two cardboard cups, not taking his judgmental eyes away from Caden. Feeling uncomfortable under his gaze, he decided to occupy himself counting the donuts in the glass display box next to the counter. When he reached the thirteenth donut, his eyes wandered over the morning’s Havenmoore Herald. He would have ignored it because the sight of a local newspaper only reminded him that he wasn’t pursuing his writing passion but he couldn’t ignore it when his face was plastered across the front page.