Shelter (9 page)

“I’ll be right down.”

Caden closed the door carefully, turning back to Elias. He looked like he was about to launch into an apology but Elias was the one who’d tried to kiss him. Could he try and laugh it off? He had been so close to his lips.

“I should go,” Elias headed straight for the door, “I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

Pushing past Caden, he ran down the staircase, taking them two at a time. He saw Caden’s mom out of the corner of his eyes but he didn’t hang around to explain anything. Before Caden could chase after him, Elias started to run back across town.

You’re such an idiot!

***

Did he just try to kiss me?
Caden shook his head as he ran his fingers over his face.
He couldn’t have, could he
? Was it Caden’s imagination that Elias had started leaning in slowly towards his lips? If it was, why did he run away?

“Caden, what’s going on?” his mom called up.

“Give me a second,” he snapped harsher thanhe had intended.

Caden wanted to head out to follow Elias but he knew he would probably be across town already. Should he go to Elias’ apartment to talk about it? Would that make things even more awkward? What if Caden had imagined it?

“Was that who I think?” his mom said casually as she opened up the pizza box on the table, “I got Hawaiian, your favorite.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Caden picked up a slice and dropped it on the plate in front of him but he didn’t start eating.

“So,” she sat down next to him, “did I just see Elias running out of our house or do I need to get my head tested?”

“Yeah, he just -,” Caden couldn’t even finish the lie convincingly.

Picking up a slice, his mom chewed on the end, not taking her eyes away from Caden. He knew exactly what she was thinking and she was probably right. He wanted to try and diffuse the situation but his mind was racing.
Did we almost kiss?

“You know you shouldn’t give your home address to the people you work with,” she said, “you’re there to support them to move on with their lives.”

“I know, I know,” he snapped out of it, “he needed support. He almost relapsed. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Did you help him?”

“I don’t know,” Caden mumbled.

Was he really helping Elias, or was he just making things worse? He wasn’t equipped to deal with his problems, just like he wasn’t equipped to deal with Frank’s problems. Some courses and a couple of days shadowing his mom weren’t enough. He didn’t have the knowledge his mother had. She had spent her life helping people and she knew exactly what they needed. Caden on the other hand, had always been too worried about upsetting or offending people. He had always tiptoed cautiously, trying to be people’s friends.
That’s why Finn walked all over me.

“It takes time,” she patted his hand, “you’ll get the hang of this.”

“How do you know when you’re over stepping the line?” he asked after finishing a slice of pizza.

“Has something happened?”

“No,” it technically wasn’t a lie, “I just worry that I’m too friendly with people.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being friendly,” she shook her red hair out, “as long as you’re not being taken advantage of.”

“Yeah,” he mused.

The problem was that he didn’t feel like he was being taken advantage of at all; it was quite the opposite. Elias was vulnerable and Caden was there to help him, which made the stupid crush he was developing feel even more wrong.

“Are you going to the festival this weekend?” she asked, “Your dad’s holding down a stall in the square on Saturday.”

“I’ll be there,” he said as he slid his phone from his pocket.

Opening his call logs he hovered over the most recent number in his history. He almost called but he opted for a text.
A text is safer
.

‘Hey, It’s Caden. If you still want to go to the Lobster Festival on Saturday, I’ll meet you outside your apartment at noon.’

Hovering over the ‘
send
’ button, he read the message over and over, hoping it didn’t have a hidden subtext. Nervously, he hit the button and dropped his cell onto the table, ready for the agonizing wait for a reply.

The phone vibrated almost instantly.

‘Sure. See you on Saturday.’

Unsure of what was going on, he saved the number under ‘
Elias
’ and slid the phone back into his pocket, knowing that he had a couple of days to figure out what to do next.
Do I bring it up or do I ignore it and hope it goes away? I’m supposed to be helping this guy, not making things more complicated.

Elias changed his shirt again and fiddled with the gel in his black hair. He tugged at the collar of the obscure rock band t-shirt, pulling it over his head when he felt it suffocating him. A quick sniff of his armpits made him spray deodorant for the fourth time. Bundling up the shirt, he tossed it across the room, sending it crashing into the wooden blinds.

“Ugh!” he cried out as he dug through the clothes on his bedroom floor.

Clothes had never been a problem for Elias. He had always dressed for convenience rather than for fashion. Most of his clothes were stolen from department stores or from the donations bin in the rehab center. Pulling a plain white t-shirt over his head, he examined his reflection in the floor-length mirror at the end of his bed. It was tight, but it hugged his body in a way that didn’t make him look so skinny. After a quick scoop into the pot of bright blue gel, he brushed it through his dark hair again, adjusting it, suddenly forgetting how it normally looked.

Elias hadn’t even tried to deny that he was nervous to see Caden again. It was almost noon and they were about to go to the Lobster Festival together.
I should have just cancelled
. He had been tossing and turning all night, hoping that Caden hadn’t picked up on what Elias had nearly done.
Maybe he didn’t notice you trying to kiss him? Ugh, who am I kidding? Of course he fucking noticed.

Swiping the gel off the dresser in frustration, he watched as it blobbed across the wooden floor, landing messily on a pair of briefs. He wanted to calm down, hoping that Caden wasn’t going to mention it. The thought that Caden was as embarrassed as he was gave him hope. The reminder set on his cellphone beeped loudly on his nightstand, sending a shiver running down his spine. He had three minutes to go until noon. Was that too late to cancel?

Heading across his apartment as he tugged on a black zip-up hoodie, he peeked through the blinds. Caden was already waiting under his window, outside of the bakery. His strawberry infused hair glittered brightly in the sun, contrasting with the beat up denim jacket he was wearing. He looked different. Was he more dressed up than normal or was Elias looking too far into a jacket?

“Hey,” he couldn’t look into Caden’s eyes as he rounded the corner, “how’s it going?”

“You look nice,” Caden smiled, “I mean – new shirt?”

“It’s just something I found,” Elias tugged at it, wondering if he was showing off too much of the body underneath.

“Hungry?” Caden pushed his hands into his jeans.

Were they tighter than the ones he usually wore? Maybe this is how he normally dressed and he dressed a little more casual when he was working. Or maybe he had been standing in front of a mirror for an hour trying to find something to wear, like Elias had.

“Starving,” Elias smiled back, looking into Caden’s eyes for the first time.

There it was in Caden’s eyes.
He knows you tried to kiss him
. Elias hoped Caden was going to pretend nothing happened so they could get through the day without any awkwardness.

In a strange and tense silence, they headed towards the town square, which had been completely transformed. If Elias hadn’t known better, he would have thought a rock star was about to perform because everybody in Havenmoore seemed to have turned out. The steps of the town hall had been turned into a makeshift stage, where Havenmoore 106 was broadcasting live. White tents and stalls covered the square from corner to corner, the smell of fish strong and thick in the air. It seemed like a pretty big deal for the town, which made Elias wonder how he had gone his entire life avoiding it.

“Are you ready for your first lobster?” Caden clapped his hands together, rubbing them in excitement.

“Sure,” lobster was the last thing on Elias’ mind.

They approached the square, the buzz of the people drowning out the awkward silence between them. Wandering from stall to stall, they hovered over the different lobster themed products on offer, neither of them approaching. Glancing around the crowd, Elias wondered if the mayor was in the mix somewhere or if she had shown her face and gone back to her office to get away from the locals.

“Can I interest you in a lobster cupcake?” somebody leaned out of their stall, “Made with real lobster!”

“Elias?” Caden looked to him.

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

With a wink and a shrug, Caden pulled out his wallet in exchange for two bright red cupcakes with decorative iced lobsters adorning the top. To his relief, they were filled with sweet red goo and the lobster theme didn’t extend beyond the outside.

“You’ve got a little –,” Caden pointed at Elias’ chin.

Elias was about to reach up and wipe away the frosting but before he could, Caden’s thumb dove in to scoop it up. The contact was brief but it was just as electric as it had always been. Elias watched as Caden wiped it on the empty cupcake wrapper, wondering if Caden had felt it too.

As they headed deeper into the festival, Elias wanted to bring up what had happened at Caden’s house, if only to defuse the underlying tension. He hated to admit that a support worker was the only person he felt like he had in life but it was true. As much as he resented what Caden was there to do, he had grown not to hate him. He was stuck between thinking that was because Caden was gay or just that Caden was a nice guy.

“Hey, Dad,” Caden waved to a balding man who was propped up behind a stall selling freshly cooked lobster chowder, “how’s it going?”

“Slow,” he grumbled, “when did this place become such a circus? People used to come here to eat lobster but now they come to buy the trash people are selling. I saw one woman with lobster claw earrings.
Earrings!
”

Caden’s dad stretched out, wiping his hands down the front of his apron. He shared the same pearly green eyes as Caden, making the family resemblance striking. Elias felt like he was shrinking into Caden’s shadow but his dad suddenly looked to him, assessing the stranger.

“Dad, this is Elias,” Caden patted Elias on the shoulder, “somebody I’m working with.”

“Buster,” he held his hand out with a cautious smile, “pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” Elias forced an awkward smile, small talk never being something he was good at.

“I didn’t think you were working today?” Buster looked to Caden, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m not. Not technically. Elias has never tried lobster before so I thought I’d bring him down here.”

Buster didn’t just look shocked, he looked offended. Scooping two huge ladles of the hot chowder into two plastic bowls, he handed them over, refusing to take Caden’s money when he offered it. Feeling put on the spot, Elias crammed the plastic spoon into his mouth.

“Well?” Buster leaned forward, “What do you think?”

“It’s salty,” Elias chewed the lumps, “and fishy.”

“You young ‘uns,” he sighed, sitting back on his perch, “don’t appreciate good food when it hits you in the face.”

Caden nudged Elias in the ribs with his elbow, forcing Elias to take another mouthful. It wasn’t to his taste at all. His palette was more used to pizza and cheeseburgers but he forced a smile.

“No, it’s good,” he nodded, “takes a while but it’s nice.”

He didn’t even convince himself but Buster closed his eyes and pursed his lips together into a half appreciative smile. They left the stall and carried on walking, Elias ditching the free chowder in the first trashcan he could find.

“He’s usually nicer,” Caden leaned in and whispered, “he’s not big on change.”

“You weren’t supposed to be working today?” Elias asked.

They parked on a bench in front of the town hall, where music was pumping into the crowd from the local radio station.

“I thought we could hang out,” Caden shrugged, “get to know each other better.”

Elias turned to look at him but Caden was squinting into the sun, avoiding his gaze.

“Like, friends?”

“Yeah, friends,” Caden nodded, seeming relieved.

Elias was relieved to. It was as if the tension eased a little, even if he couldn’t help feeling slightly deflated. Why had he even tried to kiss Caden? Maybe it was because he had never really kissed a guy and in that moment he wanted to try it. He wanted to push it further but he didn’t know what to say.

“Isn’t that your sister?” Caden pointed into the crowd.

Elias looked to where he was pointing. His sister and her husband, John, were there, with Kobi by their side. At first, he didn’t want to believe it was Kobi because of how big he had grown since he last saw him.

“We can’t be here,” he stood up, “we need to go.”

“Why, what’s up?” Caden jumped up, “Let’s go over and say hi.”

“No, I need to leave,” he pulled the hood of his jacket over his face, “Ellie doesn’t want me seeing Kobi and I don’t want to give her any reason to hate me anymore.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” he laughed, “Would you let an addict near your niece?”

Caden didn’t reply but his silence said it all. Elias attempted to duck into the crowd away from his sister but they’d vanished. He looked around for them, Caden hot on his heels as he tried to keep his face low. He wasn’t running because he didn’t want to see his nephew, he was running because he did want to see him.

“Wait,” Caden pulled Elias back, “we’ve only been here for ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes too long,” he ripped his arm away, “see you around.”

Elias felt the dark cloud descend over his mind, feeling every inch the loser he was. Who was he trying to kid that he could be a normal guy? Maybe that’s why he had tried to kiss Caden, to feel some kind of normal?

Caden called after him, making him look over his shoulder. Ducking deeper into the crowd out of his way, Elias turned back ahead in time to see the back of a sharp black bob colliding with his face.

“Watch it!” she called out.

“Uncle Elias!” Kobi jumped up and down.

Ellie turned around, confusion on her face. Pulling his hood back, he let his sister look at him for a second, hoping she wouldn’t freak out.

“What are you doing here?” she said.

“Lobster,” he mumbled, “I was here with somebody.”

“Oh,” she turned, “John will be back any minute. If he sees you with -,”

“Don’t worry,” Elias avoided Kobi’s excited gaze, “I was trying to get out of here so that we didn’t have to do this.”

“Uncle Elias, Mommy says you’ve been sick. Are you better yet?” Kobi tugged on his sleeve.

Elias looked down at his nephew as he peered under his thick, dark bangs. For a second, it was like looking down at a younger version of himself. The James gene was so strong, John’s side barely got a look in. He looked into those innocent doe eyes, feeling guiltier than ever before. Had he ever looked at his nephew with a sober mind?

“I’m getting better, champ,” Elias crouched down so that he was face to face with Kobi, “how’s school?”

“It’s great, we’re learning about space and rockets and aliens and my teacher broke his wrist. Is that what you’ve done? Is that why you’re sick?”

“No, kid,” Elias laughed, “I’m a different kind of sick, but I don’t want you to worry about that. I need to go, okay?”

Kobi’s excitement lessened, breaking Elias further. It wasn’t fair on him either way. Elias knew that Ellie was only doing what she thought was best and he was sure that John was dictating from behind the scenes. John had always hated Elias and he never understood why Ellie gave him so many chances. Elias didn’t understand why Ellie had given him so many chances either, but she did. Deep down, he knew it was a twin thing.

“Mommy said I can’t see you until you’re better,” he whispered, looking down to the ground, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Elias ruffled his hair, “It won’t be long.”

He looked up to Ellie who was looking down at him with a mixture of anger and the same upset Elias was feeling. She was giving him a look that screamed ‘
don’t you dare make any false promises
’, so Elias decided to leave it there. He hugged Kobi, who didn’t seem to want to let go of his neck.

“C’mon, Kobi,” she pulled him away, “daddy will be wondering where we are.”