Silken Desires (22 page)

“I know we can’t have a traditional D/s
relationship, but I’d like you to have this. You don’t have to wear
it, but when you see it or think of it I want you to know that this
collar is a symbol of my love for you.” He placed the box on the
bench, and pressed his lips gently to hers.

Roxi pulled back and looked at Jonathan.
“Why? Why can’t we have a traditional D/s relationship? At the very
least inside the playroom?”

“Because you, my dear,” he playfully tapped
her on the nose, “like pain, and get off on it. We have such
different tastes now. I like to verbally humiliate my subs and
tease them and do whatever I please to their bodies for my
satisfaction, not theirs.”

Roxi was shocked. “How many subs have you
had to figure that out?”

Jonathan recoiled from her question. “You
don’t want to know, Rox.” He shook his head and turned from
her.

“Actually I do. We need to be honest with
each other if there’s any hope for a future between us.”

Slowly he faced her again. “Do you really
think we have a future?”

“Yes, bumpy as it may be, I think we do. I
expect a lot of fighting, well, because that’s just what we do, but
I also expect just as much loving and caring. So give me the
truth.” She took his hand in hers.

“Rox, you have to understand, after you
left, by month three with no word from you, I gave up. I had to, to
stay sane.” He gripped her upper arms and the look in his eyes was
desperation. “I waited as long as I could. I promise you, I did.”
He shook his head and pulled away from her.

“I believe you.” Her voice was strong, and
he turned to face her again.

It took him a minute; she could tell he was
considering something. Staring into her eyes, he answered her.
“Roxi, there were
a lot
of women. I honestly can’t give you
a number, there were too many to count. It was my way of dealing
with things, and then it just became a habit that I turned numb to.
I didn’t sleep with all of them, though. Most of it was just a
power trip.”

For a fleeting moment, she felt betrayed,
but it was her own doing. She left him and drove him down that
path. The only thing she could do now was suck it up and deal with
it. “I understand. I do.” And she did, not being able to be with
Jonathan when she left for New York is what drove her to seek a
sadist. She, too, made mistakes.

Jonathan’s brows pulled together and he
narrowed his eyes. “You do?” She smiled in answer. He grabbed her
into a tight embrace. “Thank you.” He placed small kisses on top of
her head.

“And thank you for being honest. But the
reason I understand is that I, too, needed a coping mechanism.”
Roxi’s voice sounded small.

Jonathan pulled away from her and she sat on
the bench. Liam remained behind the bench not moving or speaking.
Roxi had actually forgotten he was there until she sat. “I was in
so much pain, and I missed you. You don’t know how many times I
almost came running back.” She shook her head and barked a harsh
laugh. “Two months after I left, I even had a plane ticket in my
hand standing at the gate in the airport, but didn’t go through
with it. I couldn’t. Instead, that night, I went to a club in the
city. That’s where I met Liam.”

She looked over her shoulder and Liam
nodded. “We met, we chatted a little, and that same night we played
at the club. I explained I was new to pain and he went easy on me.
Too easy. So I asked him to show me more the next visit. By my
fifth time sceneing with him, I had welts and bruises. I loved it,
and the pain he administered washed away the pain and emptiness I
had from being apart from you. The high from his play had me
feeling good for days on end. Liam became my drug. We’d play rough
twice a week and that was enough to hold me together.”

Jonathan knelt at her level and tucked a
piece of her hair behind her ear. “I’m glad you told me. I’m sorry
you had to go through that, and I wish we could have worked things
out on our own.”

“It was my own doing.” She shrugged, and
started to feel hazy. She was slipping in to her own world where
she could hide from her discomfort because she could feel the
beginnings of those feelings all over again.

“Angel. Look at me.” His voice was firm. Her
eyes met his. “I love you, Roxi.”

Tears gathered on her bottom lids. How did
he know her so well? They hadn’t spent a lot of time together since
she’d returned, but somehow when she’d start slipping into her own
bubble, he knew, and he’d bring her back. “I love you too,
Jonathan.”

Roxi stood and walked to the other side of
the bench and knelt before Liam lowering her head. “Sir, I’m sorry
I can’t go back to New York with you. Not now, not ever. I need to
be with someone else.” He reached down and lifted her chin so he
could see her face. She continued, “I respectfully decline your
offer of a Master/slave relationship, but I’m grateful for your
guidance and the love you’ve shown me.”

“Stand, my love.” She slowly got to her
feet. He looked her over head to toe, and smiled. “I’ve already
rescinded the offer.”

She nodded. “I know. I just felt it needed
to be said, Sir.”

“Very well, present yourself to your lover
and your Master.” He gave her a small smile, took two steps back,
and bowed his head.

Roxi slowly removed her clothing down to her
red cotton panties and bra. She folded the clothes she’d removed
and placed them on the bench next to the box. No one spoke a word.
She picked up the collar, walked to Jonathan, and presented it to
him. “Sir, I’d like very much to wear your collar.” She lowered her
head as she heard a slight gasp from him.

“Roxi, are you sure?”

“Very sure, Sir. I know this isn’t the
collaring ceremony we’d have planned, but somehow it feels
right—just the two of us with Liam as our witness.” She got to her
knees and waited silently.

She heard Jonathan take a deep breath.
“Roxi, look at me. I’m trying to remember the words I wanted to say
to you over a year ago.” He held the collar out. “This collar is a
symbol of my undying love for you, and a symbol to others of our
commitment to one another.” His words came out shaky at first but
gained strength as he spoke. “I want you to wear it knowing that I
admire, adore and respect you, and I promise to obey my
responsibilities as the dominant being in your life, no matter what
that entails.” Roxi’s heart skipped a beat. She knew in that moment
he’d do anything for her.

Liam walked up next to Roxi and lifted her
hair out of the way so Jonathan could slip the collar around her
neck and lock it in place. Once locked, he took the key and put it
in his front pocket. Later he would attach it to a silver chain
around his neck.

Trying to hold back tears, her voice
stuttered. “I—I surrender all of me to you, my mind, my heart, my
body, and my soul.” She reached up and fingered the lock. “I will
wear this proudly.”

Jonathan placed his hand on the top of her
head. “You now belong to me, Angel.”

“I now belong to you, Sir.” A tear of
happiness ran down her cheek.

He leaned down and pulled her into his arms
and buried his face into the crook of her neck as he whispered into
her ear. “Oh God, I love you, Roxanne. Please don’t ever leave me
again.” The scent of her leather collar tickled his nose, and all
he could do was pray they’d never part.

“I love you too, Jonathan. I never want to
be anywhere else, but with you.” His heart swelled.

Liam cleared his throat. “Congratulations.”
He shook Jonathan’s hand, and Jonathan handed Roxi off for a hug.
“We don’t have everything we need for a rose ceremony, but we can
improvise and make it our own.” Liam left them in an embrace, one
that Jonathan never wanted to break free of. He had his Roxi again
in his arms. He felt alive and his body reverberated with joy and
love.

Liam returned with a white flower of some
sort, not quite opened, and one fully bloomed red rose.
“Beautiful,” Roxi whispered.

They stepped apart and Liam gave Roxi the
white flower and Jonathan the rose. “The white flower represents
your innocence and submission, Roxanne. The rose represents Master
Jonathan’s heart, and the fact that it has bloomed almost fully,
represents the openness of his heart and willingness to let you
in.”

Liam motioned to the rose. “Master Jonathan,
please use a thorn from the rose to prick your sub's finger,
symbolic of taking her virginity, and let two drops of blood fall
on the petals of the white flower. This symbolizes Master taking
your body and soul, and you giving it over completely and freely.”
Jonathan carefully pressed the thorn against the pad of her middle
finger until she flinched, and then they both watched as a bead of
blood formed. When there was enough, he tipped her finger and the
blood dripped onto the flower, needing just a little more for the
second, he gave her finger a squeeze until another drop splashed
down. He was a bundle of nerves. If getting married was this
intense, he’d think about eloping.

“Roxanne, offer the white rose to your
Master and he will repeat the procedure allowing two drops of his
blood to fall onto the white flower, one above your blood and one
on top of your blood. The first drop signifies your Master’s
willingness to shed his blood to protect you; the second seals your
unity.” Jonathan pricked his finger and squeezed the two drops
needed onto the flower, his heart beat hard against his ribs.

Taking their pricked bleeding fingers, Liam
pressed them together. Keeping a hold of their fingers, he said,
“You are now together in flesh and blood.” Jonathan felt as if he
might cry, and evidence of tears on Roxi’s lower lid said the same
of her.

Liam released them. “Please touch your
flowers together allowing the blood from one to kiss the other.”
And then he put his arms around the two of them. “I have no chain
for the visual effect of your binding, so my arms will have to do.
This is to show your souls binding together as one.” He waited a
moment before he took a step back and asked them to exchange
flowers.

They traded flowers and Liam congratulated
them. “Love never fails.”

Jonathan never felt so connected to someone
before in his life. Not even when he and Roxi were inseparable all
those years ago. This was different. He felt powerful, loved, and
above all, cherished.

***

Inside the house Jonathan poured celebratory
drinks for the three of them. The men sat on the couch and Roxi on
the floor at Jonathan’s feet wearing her collar proudly. After
small talk and a few drinks Jonathan hesitated, but eventually
asked, “Angel? Do you need the whip?” He was hoping she did. He
wanted to play with her with Liam nearby.

“No, Master, I’m feeling fine.” She fingered
her collar and smiled so bright it made his heart ache.

“You may be fine, but I need it, for me. I’d
like to have a session to celebrate, and I’d like to do that with
Liam present.” He caught her alarmed look, and he felt awful. “I
need
this, Angel.” He wanted to know he could do what was
needed before Liam left town.

Roxi lost her smile and bowed her head.
“Yes, if it pleases you, Master.”

“It would very much, Angel.” He believed
this was a chance at building confidence and courage for him.

The men walked to the playroom where
Jonathan opened the door. Roxi crawled behind them. Jonathan hadn’t
asked her too, but loved that she did. It made his heart thump and
his dick hard to see her like that.

Roxi looked up from her crawl as she entered
the room. Her eyes caught the hardened bulge growing in his pants.
She smiled and licked her lips, and Jonathan let a groan escape
from his throat.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Liam leaned in toward him. “She never smiled
like that for me.” And as an afterthought added, “Or licked her
lips. I should be getting lessons from you.” He chuckled.

Jonathan cuffed Roxi, chest forward, to the
St. Andrews wooden cross and led Liam to the other side of the room
to speak privately. “I don’t like hurting her even if she does like
it. I know it’s me that’s the problem here, but I’d like you to
help me, talk me through it if you will.”

“I’m honored that you asked, and I accept.
You know, I believe it can be done between the two of you—in time,
but only because of the relationship you two share. Otherwise, I’d
think it impossible. She was pretty messed up when I found her.”
Liam had a distant look and it spoke volumes of her journey.

Jonathan’s heart squeezed. He needed to get
this right and be there for her. He wanted to be the only one she
ran to. Going back to Roxi, he massaged the globes of her ass
sticking out of her cotton thong. She moaned. “Master, that feels
so good.”

“Yes, it does. Now shut the fuck up! There’s
no talking in my playroom.” Jonathan heard Liam gasp, Roxi stilled
and didn’t appear to be breathing. He leaned into her, grabbed a
handful of hair, and whispered in her ear. “It’s how I play little
tramp. If you need to safeword, go for it.” He grinned, knowing her
aversion to safewords.

She shook her head no.

“Good girl,” he cooed.

Walking back to Liam, he asked, “Did she
ever
safeword for you?”

“No, never.” He laughed.

“The one and only time she safeworded me
wasn’t even while playing, it was to end our relationship. That
hurt.” Jonathan closed his eyes at the memory.

“Yes, I can see how it would.” Liam gave him
a pat on the back.

Jonathan returned to Roxi and rubbed her ass
firmly. “My slut feels so good in my hands.” He reached between her
legs. She wasn’t dry, but wasn’t as wet as his usual subs would be
just from the confinement. “We need to do something about this.” He
went to a nearby drawer and pulled out a clit stimulator and
slipped it over his finger.