Silken Desires (20 page)

He blurted out the first thing he could
think of. “Sorry. I’m heading out to the hot tub and wanted to
check on you before I went out. I can get your water for you.”

“I can handle it. Go unwind so you can
sleep.” He’d told her that was the driving force for his purchasing
the spa. It helped him relax into slumber.

Sitting in the warm water with jets pounding
his back, he tried to free his mind from everything, which turned
out to be an impossible task. He abruptly left the tub and stormed
back to his room. He showered quickly and read Linda’s note again.
With anger gnawing at him, he balled it up and threw it across the
room. It landed between the tub and the shower, and that’s where he
left it.

***

Roxi drank her water in the kitchen as she
looked out of the window over the sink. When Jonathan jumped up out
of the water and stormed off, a sense of dread filled her. He
probably couldn’t sleep and he was angry because she was there.
When she saw how tired he looked, she figured she’d be thoughtful
by suggesting his house instead of hers, and it backfired. She
wasn’t helping him any by being in his house.

Feeling horrible, she wanted to clear the
air. The door to his bedroom stood open so she went in and heard
the shower running. She should have walked away, but was drawn to
the closed bathroom door. Opening it slowly she could see his
silhouette through the frosted glass in the shower. She missed him
and ached for him, but she’d safeworded their relationship. That
was the one and only time in her life uttering a safeword. He
infuriated her and never before had she felt guilty about it. She
thought putting an end to them was the right thing to do, but now
she couldn’t be sure.

She had no clue why, but watching him wash
his hair and lean back under the stream of water to rinse, she knew
she’d made a horrible mistake by putting an end to them. She knew
it as sure as she needed air to breathe. Being in his house again,
smelling his scent everywhere and feeling at home, a pain rippled
through her body like never before. This hurt worse than anything a
sadist could offer her.

Pulling the bathroom door shut, she
retreated and headed to the living room. Pacing the room, she knew
she had to make a stand for their relationship and she needed to do
it fast. Understanding him better than anyone, she could tell he
was starting to fall for Linda, but reading Linda’s body language
around him, she didn’t think the woman felt the same for him. She
could spare him that pain and humiliation by being true to her own
feelings, and telling him how she felt. But maybe it was too
late.

Hearing footsteps heading her way, she
wasn’t ready to see him so she ducked behind the couch. The
footsteps disappeared and a door opened and then closed. She let
out a breath she didn’t know she’d held and sat on the couch.

Music came from the playroom, and her
demeanor switched over as her breath caught and her pussy clenched.
As if led by an invisible wire, her body rose from the couch and
went to the playroom door. Turning the knob, her heart raced. What
would he be doing? Would he be wielding a whip? God she hoped so.
Her nipples tightened at the thought.

What she saw she wasn’t prepared for. He sat
straddling the spanking horse, dressed only in his boxer shorts,
with his face buried in his hands. His body heaved as he cried. She
froze. Should she back out quietly, or should she go to him?

Watching for a moment, her heart ached and
she knew she had to approach him. The angry music blaring overhead
concealed her movements in the room. Standing directly in front of
him, she got the full impact of his emotions, and became
overwhelmed by his sadness and her need to comfort him. Her hands
automatically wrapped around his wrists. He was so overwrought with
feelings that he didn’t flinch. At her touch, he dropped his chin
to his chest.

Roxi positioned herself over the bench
facing him, and wrapped her arms around him. At first he did
nothing to respond or to even acknowledge her, but then he grabbed
her and buried his face into the nook of her neck in what felt like
the act of a desperate man.

She let him cry, and the way he cried was
something she never experienced before with anyone. It was
frightening, as if his soul cried from deep within. He’d been
inconsolable, and unresponsive to her.

The lump in her throat thickened and she
felt the urge to cry herself. Unable to bear another moment, her
eyes welled with tears at his pain. She shushed him, whispering in
his ear and stroked his back, his arms, and ran her fingers through
his hair.

She knew that he’d never be able to be this
raw and true to his feelings around anyone else so she didn’t
discourage him. After long minutes, he pulled himself together,
peeled his body away from hers, and went to turn off the music.

Facing her from across the room, he spoke
with a raspy voice. “There’s no talking in the playroom.” He
pointed to the door.

She stood her ground, glaring at him through
watery, swollen eyes, and said, “Punish me then.”

Jonathan watched as Roxi disrobed slowly and
sensually. He was unable to look away. After she was completely
naked, she walked to the wall and chose a riding crop from his
collection. Her head was held at a respectful level as she
presented the implement of her choice.

He had no plans to use it on her, but
accepted her offering. Once it left her hands, she knelt at his
feet, hands behind her back with her breasts jutting out toward
him. Her nipples pointed in hard peaks beckoning him, but he fought
his initial impulse to control her.

Then she did something she never had before,
she leaned forward and softly kissed the tops of his bare feet. His
breath caught in his throat, and he fought against the moan
threatening to leave his mouth as his dick stiffened at the
presentation before him.

“You cannot know how beautiful or desirable
you are in this moment, and I want nothing more than to dominate
you and fuck you, but we can’t.” Roxi’s head popped up with
disappointment all over her face, her brow crinkled and her lips
turned down. Jonathan shook his head and walked out. There was no
way with the pain in his heart over Roxi and now Linda that he
could possibly pursue any kind of relationship, in the playroom or
out.

At the sideboard bar in his living area, he
poured himself some whiskey and drank it fast. It wasn’t enough; he
poured another and enjoyed the heat of the alcohol sliding down his
throat. Soon his mind would be numb to the pain.

“Jonathan, look at me.” Roxi’s voice held
strong and he knew she was up for a fight.

He took a deep breath and slowly turned to
face her. She had dressed and stood with her hands on her hips. An
invitation to argue.

“Rox, I’m not in the mood to fight. In fact,
I’m not in the mood for anything. I’d just like to go to sleep.”
Back at the sideboard, he closed the whiskey bottle and picked up
his glass to bring it to the kitchen. When he turned, she stood
right there in his face.

“I don’t want to fight either, but if it’s
the only way you’ll listen to me, then I have no choice. We need to
discuss things. Now.” He knew he’d have to indulge her if he wanted
any sleep in the near future.

He placed his glass back on the bar, and
sighed. “Like what Roxi? How we’d play around and we’d fuck, and
eventually fight. The past few years that’s all we consisted of.
What the hell kind of relationship is that?”

“Need I remind you? I wanted more.” Her
voice dropped into a dangerous tone. She did ask him once if he’d
ever collar her and he got upset over it. He wanted more than that,
but she never asked about what he wanted. He wanted to marry her,
to love her for the rest of time, and give her anything she wanted.
Well, almost anything. All hope vanished, he had no confidence that
he could give her the pain and torture her body craved, and that’s
where he would fail her.

“Roxi, quit fucking around. We’re right back
to square fucking one in our relationship. If you could ever say we
had one.” He shrugged nonchalantly, which in hindsight was probably
the wrong thing to do.

Her face reddened and she picked up
Jonathan’s whiskey glass and threw it like a pro baseball pitcher.
It shattered against the wall and shards of glass went everywhere.
He stood there stoically as his insides were devastated just like
the broken mess at his feet. “Do you feel better?”

She let out a piercing scream. “Jonathan
Sinclair Montgomery, you fucking infuriate me!”

“How does it feel?” He picked up a new
whiskey glass and helped himself to another drink. “Because I’ve
lost track of the number of times you’ve infuriated me. It sucks
doesn’t it?” He swallowed the last of his drink, and headed to the
kitchen to place it in the sink. Roxi followed him silently, but he
could see she was still fuming. “Good night, Roxi.”

She followed behind him, mumbling. Just as
he stepped into his bedroom, she asked, “What? You’re going to bed
now? Aren’t we going to talk?”

He couldn’t deal with it, his heart or his
mind. He knew they’d just fight as usual and then probably fuck,
and the cycle needed to be broken. “No, Roxi. We’re not.”

He closed the door in her face.

Roxi stared hard at Jonathan’s bedroom door.
If she glared any harder, it might catch fire, she was so angry.
Taking a deep breath, she walked across the hall to her room and
slammed the door. “Who the hell does he think he is? I offered
myself to him, and he fucking refused me. And now he won’t talk to
me?”

Once her heart rate began to slow, she felt
a need ramp up inside of her. A need for pain. The only time she
ever needed pain was when she’d think about Jonathan. There was a
connection and she knew it, but never took the time to figure
things out.

Grabbing her cell phone, she started to call
Kristy, then remembered she and Jake were playing at the club. Who
else could she call? Liam. He was her safety net, and the only one
who could awaken her pleasure for pain. That man had a gift and he
knew exactly how to use it, and for that reason, he was granted the
top spot on her speed dial.

Before the man could say hello, she blurted
out, “Liam, I’m in need.”

“Where are you?” he asked, delicately.

She hesitated before she answered.
“Jonathan’s.”

“Is everything all right?”

“With him? No. I was only crashing here for
the night, and we…we fought, and now I need…” Her voice dropped
almost to a whisper. “I need you.”

He chuckled softly. “Ah, I see. Really, you
don’t need me, love. You just think you do.”

“Great, you too?” She huffed in his ear.

“Me too, what?” His voice was filled with
confusion.

“Jonathan pissed me off earlier, now you?”
She groaned in his ear out of frustration. “I’m sorry, Sir. I
didn’t mean to yell at you or get nasty with you. I’m having a bad
night.”

“We all do every now and then. I want you to
do something for me. I’m still at the club, and involved in a group
activity so I cannot leave at the moment.”

Roxi strained to listen but she couldn’t
hear anything in the background. Not one noise. She suspected he
was lying to her. “What do you need me to do, Sir?”

“Go take a nice hot shower, and I want you
to give yourself three orgasms and then go to bed.” He used his Dom
voice.

“Yes, Sir. For you.”

“No, you do this for you. You need to
unwind, and I can’t always be there for you. Now go relax. Good
night, love.”

He ended the call before she could say
another word. Deflated, she did as he instructed. By the third
orgasm, she was leaning against the shower wall crying. This isn’t
what she wanted, none of it. The non-fight with Jonathan and the
non-play with Liam did her in. It left her body and mind needing
and wanting more. She couldn’t think, in slow motion she got out of
the shower, wrapped herself in a bathrobe, and blow-dried her
hair.

Sleep came easily as she was mentally and
physically drained.

***

Jonathan headed for the kitchen, and just as
he rounded the corner, he caught Pilar’s eye. She didn’t respond to
him, but listened with deep concentration to whatever Roxi was
saying. Roxi’s back was to him, so he backed away out of sight and
stood around the corner, listening.

Pilar’s accent carried around the room. “I’m
just so happy to see you niña, even if it’s just for breakfast this
morning. You should keep in touch, you know? I miss you dearly.”
Jonathan felt guilty for being the wedge between the two women.
They enjoyed one another immensely. They used to go shopping
together, watch movies, and they just sat around talking casually
while he went on about his day. He’d have to make sure to change
that somehow, even if Roxi wouldn’t ever speak to him again after
the way he treated her last night. But it was her own fault, she
brought it on herself by safewording their life together.

“I miss you too.” Roxi sniffed.

“Mi bebé, you know you can talk to me about
anything.” Jonathan heard a chair scraping across the floor,
probably Pilar sitting next to Roxi. “Tell me why you’re so down?
What’s going on with you? Your eyes don’t shine like they once
did.”

“I love Jonathan.” Roxi sighed.

“I know dear, you have since childhood. You
two were always inseparable. Jake used to get real jealous of the
two of you, but he’d never admit it.” Pilar laughed. “Don’t look so
surprised. You took his best friend away from him.” Jake never said
anything to Jonathan about that either, he’d have to ask him about
it one day.

“No, I
really
love him. Not just as a
friend or in a family kind of way, but I really truly love him.
There’s no one else, and there never will be. I have no room in my
heart for anyone else, it’s so full of Jonathan. I want to spend
the rest of my life with him, but I don’t know how.” She started to
sob and Jonathan went through many feelings. He wanted to grab her
and hug her never to let go, then he wanted to discipline her for
the hell they’d needlessly gone through, and then he wanted to run
away from it all because it couldn’t be.