Silken Desires (24 page)

“Dress however you’d like, but I’d like for
you to wear your collar. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” With
a sweep of his fingers below her chin he raised her face. “Would
you do that for me?”

“If it would please you, Sir.”

“Hey now, Rox. What’s wrong?” He pulled her
to his chest and hugged her. “Is this not something you want to do?
Answer me truthfully.”

“No, Jonathan, it’s not. I don’t want people
to know I’m like that.”

“Like what? My kinky bitch?” He chuckled and
kissed her cheek. “But you are, and I like that, a lot.” He waggled
his eyebrows at her.

“I guess I’m just embarrassed by it, and
Jake will be there. So I don’t want to be around my brother while
I’m in kink mode. It’s weird and icky.” She scrunched up her
nose.

“Look, everyone probably already knows. I
mean, you were sceneing at Slipknot with Liam and you know it’s a
small community. People talk. You should be proud of who you are.
I’m proud of you.” He stepped away from her and looked her over.
“But if it’s something you’re adamant about, then I won’t force
you. I’ll never force you to do anything. Just think about it, and
besides, you’ve lived with Jake and his kinkiness for years and you
never shied away from him or thought less of him, right?” He cupped
her cheek and she nuzzled in as he ran his thumb over her soft
skin. “Just think about it, that’s all I ask. I’m going to get
ready.”

He left her and went to get ready for the
club. He was hurt that she didn’t want to wear his collar at the
club, the one place where everyone would understand and not judge
her. He dressed out of character in leather pants, and a leather
vest with black boots. He normally liked to dress denim casual, but
he was feeling spunky. He even went to the bathroom to put some
mousse in his hair and ran his fingers through, giving it a messy
look. He stepped back and gave a manic laugh at his appearance.
Despite some bumps in the road, life was good.

He went to the living room where he last saw
Roxi. He found her on the couch staring out toward the pool. She
hadn’t changed her clothing. In fact, he didn’t think she left the
room since he was last there. “Last chance, do you want to come
with me and wear your collar?”

Without looking at him, she said, “Red,” and
shook her head.

He just laughed. “You’re the only person I
know that safewords outside of a scene. That’s okay. I’ll see you
when I get back.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.
“Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she murmured, and looked up
at him absentmindedly.
“Oh!”

He clucked his tongue and winked at her.
“Gotta go babe or I’ll be late. See you later. I’ll call when I’m
on my way home.”

He looked over his shoulder as he headed for
the door. Roxi had a wide eyed look on her face as she watched him
go. He couldn’t help but grin.

“Wait!” she cried. “I’ll go with you.”

“I thought you might.” Turning around he
crossed his arms over his chest. “You have five minutes to get
ready.”

He busied himself by reading the newspaper.
The time came and went. “Roxi! I wasn’t kidding. Five minutes have
past.”

There was no response. In fact, there wasn’t
a sound in the house. Jonathan’s stomach knotted as he neared the
master bathroom and heard soft sobs coming from inside. “Rox,
honey, is everything all right?” She didn’t respond, but the
sobbing stopped. “Roxi, open up.”

The other side of the door remained quiet
for far too long, so he raised a fist and began to pound. “Open the
damn door now, Angel!”

The lock clicked and the door opened slowly.
Jonathan stepped back as he saw Roxi’s flushed face and swollen red
eyes. She held up a crumpled piece of paper and shoved it toward
him.

He took it in his hands. “What’s this?”
Jonathan felt his eyebrows draw down. Then a spark of recognition
hit as he saw the familiar handwriting—it was the goodbye note that
Linda had written him. “Is this what made you upset?” He balled it
back up and tossed it in the trash can just inside the bathroom.
Roxi nodded and a fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I don’t understand Roxi. Why does it upset
you?” Stepping forward to take her in his arms, he was taken aback
when she moved away from him.

In a matter of seconds her face went from
upset to furious. “How can you fucking ask me that?”

“Rox, I don’t understand why my sorted past
is a problem for you.” Raising his arms he rested them up against
the doorway so she couldn’t get past him if she tried. And he knew
she would. “If anything, I should be upset. She dumped me, not
you.”

“Damn you, Jonathan!” She reached up and
started to pull on her collar. “Take this off me, now!”

Jonathan’s arms dropped to his sides, and
the pain in his chest from his breaking heart was almost too much
to bear. “I—I…but why?”

“Do I really need to spell it out for you?”
Now tugging on the collar he knew if he didn’t get it off her soon
she would rub her neck raw trying to break free from it.

“Yes, you do.” He took a tentative step
toward her and she moved back away from him. “Help me understand,
and then we can remove the collar if we can’t work it out.”

“Oh, I know we can’t work it out. Damn it!
Take. It. Off.” Both of her hands were now clawing at the leather
around her neck.

He made a small move toward her and she
retreated two steps. Jonathan reached into the neck of his shirt
and held out his silver chain showing her the key that would free
her. This was going to kill him, the one thing he feared getting
involved with Roxi again was getting his heart broken all over, and
it was happening. Why the fuck hadn’t he steered clear from her?
His goddamned heart, that’s why. He loved her unconditionally.

“Throw the key here, I can do it myself.”
She rocked side to side and her fingers gripped her collar.

“No.” He shook his head. “If it’s to come
off, I remove it. There’s no negotiating.”

“Fine, just hurry the fuck up.” She steeled
herself against the sink, raised her chin, and closed her eyes.

Jonathan lifted the chain up off his neck
and over his head. He held the key staring at it. His throat choked
shut at the thought of removing the symbol of his love for her. He
waited, needing an explanation of what was happening. Her breathing
was erratic. “Rox, before I do this, I really would like to know
why.” She opened her eyes as he held his chain for her to see, and
then he tucked it into his pocket.

She huffed out a breath. “Damn it! I
shouldn’t have to tell you.” When he glared at her, he saw her
demeanor switch over again to the weepy woman she was a few minutes
before. “You and Linda are done, but only because she said so. I
know you didn’t want that to happen, you have feelings for
her.”

“I won’t deny that. Go on.” He calmly nodded
his head. Meanwhile, his, mind, heart and soul were wreaking havoc
on him.

“I think in time you would’ve fallen in… you
two were getting really close.”

“Fallen in love? Who knows? I seriously
doubt it, though. My heart has only belonged to one person,
Roxanne. I don’t have to tell you who that person is.” He reached
out and put his palm on her breastbone. “Always has been, and
always will be you. You have my heart. Don’t you know you’ve ruined
me for all others?”
Fuck
. A lump formed in his throat.
Damn it don’t cry
.

She gently lifted his hand and removed it
from her chest. “B–but that time in the playroom you were so upset.
That was after you received the note, isn’t it? I don’t remember
you seeing her or talking to her after that.” She locked her gaze
on his eyes and the pain he saw there almost buckled his knees.

“Yes, but I wasn’t only upset over Linda’s
note, I was crying for the loss of you. I’d bottled it up for so
long. I thought I had mourned the end of our relationship fully,
but I’m not so sure I did. It was months after you left before I
allowed myself to believe it was over, and by then the pain died
down a little.” Jonathan paused a moment, suddenly feeling
overwhelmed by his emotions. “Having you here at the house...” His
voice wavered and he cleared his throat. “And reading Linda’s note
just dredged up old feelings from when you left me.” He searched
her bloodshot eyes, looking and hoping for understanding.

He lowered his forehead to hers and inhaled
her scent. “I’m going to the club.” If he didn’t get away soon he
would surely bust out in tears. He pulled away from her and removed
the key from his pocket. “Take this. Do with it what you want. I
can’t do this anymore with you Roxanne. As much as I care about
you, I just can’t deal with this back and forth, hot and cold
bullshit anymore. I’m done.” He tried his damnedest to reel in his
emotions and shut them down. When she didn’t hold her hand out for
the key he left it on the sink beside her. “All I can do is tell
you that I love you, but I’ve said it so many times, and yet you
don’t seem to believe me. I gave you my heart during the collaring
ceremony.” He actually gave it to her years ago. “And I take that
more seriously than I do wedding vows. Since you know my parents,
you should understand that better than anyone.”

Roxi’s bottom lip quivered, and her eyes
shined over. He knew deep down she loved him as much as he loved
her, but what else could he do?

“One last kiss.” Jonathan pressed his lips
to hers and he felt her mouth open to him. He pulled away before
their tongues met. “I’ll always love you my Angel.” He trailed his
fingers down the side of her face. “I guess this is goodbye,” he
whispered, and turned walking away from her.

He waited a moment outside of the house to
collect himself and his thoughts. A part of him also thought that
she’d come running out after him, but she didn’t.

He was at peace with their parting because
this time he got to say goodbye, unlike when she left and said
nothing. This time there’d be closure. It didn’t hurt any less
though, in fact, it probably hurt more because he thought they were
at the beginning of their forever. He now realized he’d done
everything he could for their relationship, and there was nothing
left. It was all on her, and she chose to pull away. Again. He
shook his head and the touch of a tear slid down his cheek and
dripped from his chin.

***

At the club he had a few weird looks because
of his outfit, but no one except Kyle said anything. “Nice
outfit.”

Jonathan looked the man over and they were
dressed much the same. “Same to you,” he replied. The men laughed
and then Kyle asked Jonathan to sit near the back of the room and
greet and seat any latecomers. Ramona, who normally did that job,
called in sick.

“Sure thing. I got you covered. I’m getting
paid for this, right?” Jonathan joked trying to mask his tormented
feelings inside.

Kyle shook his head. “As if you need
it.”

“I’m just messing with you. No pay
necessary.” He cupped the older man’s back and gave him a pat.

“You owe me after that stunt you pulled
screwing a client.” Kyle glared at him. “Never again, okay?”

“I promised, and I keep my promises.”

Kyle nodded and left him standing there.

Jake and Kristy entered the room and took
one look at Jonathan and laughed. “Nice to see you, too. I expect
it from you, Jake, but you, cutie? Say it isn’t so. Tell me he
hasn’t corrupted you.” Jonathan put his hands together in
prayer.

She giggled and batted her eyelashes at him.
He checked her out from head to toe. She shined with radiance.
“She’s one hot lady, Jake. How the hell did you get so lucky?” Then
it hit him, she was so radiant that she was glowing. He pulled her
close and whispered in her ear. “When’s the baby due?”

She gasped and pulled away.

“What did he say to you? I’ll kick his ass.”
Jake chided.

“That’s for me to know, Sir.” She teased
back. “Go say hello to your friends. I want to talk to Jonathan
about something.” As soon as he stepped away, she grabbed Jonathan
and spoke through her teeth. “How did you know? I haven’t told a
soul. I just got word from the doctor today.”

“You’re positively
glowing
. The only
women I’ve known to glow like that were pregnant.” He grabbed her,
hugged her tightly, and kissed her on top of the head.
“Congratulations.” He kept his hold on her and rocked her in a slow
back and forth motion. “When are you telling him?”

“Tonight. I have something special planned
for later.” She fell into his rhythm and rocked willingly.

“Oh, I bet you do.” He waggled his eyebrows
at her. Her bright happy mood was just what he needed to feel
grounded.

She elbowed him and then stepped away
quickly. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch you.” She couldn’t help but
laugh remembering the swat on the ass he gave her once for
playfully hitting him. He felt his lips pull into a huge smile, and
then Kristy wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Hey, hey now, what’s going on here? Go find
a sub of your own to hug.” Jake chuckled as he grabbed Kristy’s ass
and pulled her away from Jonathan.

“Everyone is so happy today. It must be the
nice weather. Kristy has been smiling all day, you’re smiling, Kyle
is out of his mind happy, and now you. What’re you guys all
smokin’? Or is it in the air and I’m immune?” Jake looked around
the room.

“Dude, you’ll catch a bit of the bug later.
It’s going around. It affects one person at a time. It’s coming
your way next. I promise.” He clapped Jake on the back, and winked
at Kristy when he knew Jake wasn’t looking. She grinned from ear to
ear.

“You guys go sit. I have door duty. Ramona
isn’t in tonight.”

“We’ll sit back here with you; the front of
the room is pretty full.” Jake led Kristy to the table near the
door and he pulled out the chair in offering.