She unloaded groceries, put them away, cooked, cleaned up, went for a jog, and took a shower. She had set aside some of the meatloaf she had made, and now she heated it up for dinner, taking it out to the porch to eat.
As she gazed at the lake, she thought about all the strange occurrences, both ordinary romantic quandaries and possible supernatural signs, that had taken place in just seven days. If she considered all the unexplained, potentially paranormal happenings, they were hardly confined to just her bedroom. Rain decided that her room was as safe as anyone else’s. It was time to act brave, even though the idea of falling asleep made her nerves crackle with apprehension. She would strip the sheets on A.J.’s bed so she couldn’t change her mind. She was planning to wash everyone’s sheets anyway and remake the beds before they came back.
Climbing the stairs, she paused at the top and then inexplicably wandered to the right, down the hall to Jason’s bedroom instead. Her heart started beating faster, as though she were in danger of being caught trespassing. There was actually nothing much to see, the bed was made neatly and his personal items were gone. She sat down on his bed and pulled the pillow onto her lap. Would sleeping here make her feel safer?
Oh, God, she was losing it. She tossed the pillow back and started to leave, noticing his sweatshirt hanging by its hood from a peg on the back of the door. Gingerly, she lifted it off and considered. Bloody hell, she thought, and pulled it over her head. It would make her feel less lonely, she told herself. Jason wouldn’t mind.
She stripped A.J.’s bed, pausing several times to push the dangling sleeves of Jason’s sweatshirt back up to her elbows. After depositing the sheets in the washing machine, she poured a glass of wine and wandered out to the porch.
Her novel lay on a cushion of the outdoor couch, and she settled beside it, drawing a blanket over her lap. Burrowing her chin into the neck of the sweatshirt, she inhaled Jason’s familiar scent. With a sigh, she reminded herself that they could never be more than friends. And she had no one to blame for that but herself.
It had been her choice. But she’d never actually thought she would be forced to choose at all. Looking back, it was clear now that she’d been both foolish and naïve, believing they could pretend the kiss never happened.
She’d avoided being alone with Jason in the weeks after New Year’s Eve, and she’d been confident her strategy was working. When they were together in a group, things between them had seemed fine. Completely normal, at least on the surface. They’d been friends since grade school; nothing could change that.
Then Brandy had vanished, and absolutely everything had changed. Not only had they lost Brandy, they had somehow lost each other as well. A.J. had withdrawn into a deep depression that none of them could penetrate. Allie had simply removed herself from their group. At first, she had made excuses; eventually, she had just stopped returning Rain’s calls altogether.
Rain had turned to Jason for support, as she had so many times in the past. The hours they’d spent together, sharing grief and confusion, strengthened their bond. She’d known that being alone with Jason was risky, but she’d been unwilling to give up her last friend.
With a shiver, Rain pulled the hood of the sweatshirt over her head. She gathered the bulky material under her chin protectively against the chilly night air. The memory of her fight with Jason settled over her, and she wished there was a similar way to block the heartache that always came with it.
Something splashed in the water, and Rain gazed out into the inky blackness as she pictured herself that long-ago night. She and Jason had been watching a movie in his basement, sitting together on the couch. It had felt innocent enough, despite the fact that his arm had strayed from the back of the couch to her shoulder.
Eventually he pulled her closer, his green eyes intense in the dim lighting as he brought his lips to hers. He kissed her tenderly, and a dangerous thrill ran through every nerve in her body. Her lips parted willingly under the gentle pressure of his mouth.
His initial attempt at restraint broke, and his kisses quickly turned more insistent. In one fluid motion, he lowered her down on the couch. Conflicting emotions warred within her; the weight of his body pinning hers down made her feel both helpless and secure.
He ground his hips into hers, building a heat between her legs that radiated through her whole body. His hands skimmed over her bra, rubbing the lace that separated their skin. Her own hands, seeming to have a life of their own, found their way under his shirt and ran the length of his smooth, sinewy back.
She lost herself in the fierce pleasure, digging her nails into the skin of his back as their kisses grew desperate. Jason pressed their bodies even closer together, and Rain felt his hardness through the rough denim of his jeans. Her mind abruptly snapped to attention, and she realized what was going to happen if they didn’t stop now.
She tried to turn her head, but his mouth captured hers again. He was kissing her senseless. She moved her hands out from under his shirt and pushed at his shoulders. Pulling her face away again, she whispered, “Jason, we have to stop.”
“No,” was all he said in reply, and his lips moved lower. He was nibbling and sucking on her neck, and she was suddenly afraid he might leave a mark that she would never be able to explain.
“Stop!” she cried, twisting frantically under him.
Her tone must have registered dimly in his passion-clouded teenage mind; he lifted his head and looked at her questioningly. “What’s wrong?” he said in a jagged voice.
“You know what’s wrong!” she said breathlessly. She needed to collect herself, to get back in control. Her mind was spinning and her body was aching. “I have a boyfriend! We can’t do this.”
His expression turned from confused to angry. He rarely cursed, but “What the fuck?” slipped out viciously as he rolled off of her and sat up.
“Jason, please, you know we shouldn’t be doing this. We’re both vulnerable, after everything that’s happened, but we’re friends. We’ll ruin everything.” She struggled to sit up and pull her clothes back into place discreetly.
“Ruin everything?” Jason said disbelievingly. “You think that you and I, being together, would ruin everything? I think it would be great.” He grabbed his forgotten beer and took a swig.
Rain heard alarm bells going off somewhere in the back of her head. “What are you talking about? There is no ‘you and I’—I mean, not in that way. There can’t be.”
“Why the hell not?” Jason bit off angrily. He dragged a hand through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. “Look, Rain, I like you. You must have realized that at some point. I want to be with you. Rick’s a jerk. I’m sorry, but it’s true. You and I belong together.”
She stared at him. “But, you know I’m with Rick. We’ve been together since junior year. We’re hoping to attend colleges that are near each other next year. We even talk about getting married.” She winced as Jason laughed out loud at her last sentence.
He shook his head, a look of amused disgust on his face. “Rain, you’re not even 18 years old. You seriously think you know who you want to marry? Give me a break.”
Standing up, Rain planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him defiantly. She did not like the way she was being treated. “You have no idea what Rick and I discuss when we’re alone. We have tons of plans. We have a lot in common, and I’m sorry if you can’t see that. I get that you don’t like him. But he’s different when it’s just the two of us.” She glared at him, ready to fight. All the turbulent emotions from the last four weeks were churning violently inside her.
“Well, I know he’s a moron,” Jason said condescendingly. “And I think you’re being ridiculous. I can tell you feel something when we kiss. We’re best friends. Why won’t you at least give us a try?” Jason pushed himself up and stood over her, looking down at her flushed face.
“Rick is
not
a moron,” she insisted, ignoring his loaded question. “Okay, he’s not as smart as you, but he really tries. He takes school seriously, and
he
thinks I should spend less time with
you
!”
That was it. She saw a change come over Jason’s face, and she knew she had said the wrong thing. “Really?” he demanded. “Yeah, I can see how hanging out with one of your best friends since grade school might be toxic. Maybe you should just stay home and wait for his call every night. If he’s not too busy flirting with other girls, I’m sure he’ll get around to you.”
Hot tears escaped, sliding down her cheeks. “Nice. You know, Rick doesn’t like you either, and it appears his reasons are valid. But he trusts me, and he’s kind enough to let me hang out with my friends, despite his feelings.”
“Rain, wake up,” Jason nearly yelled. His glance flicked up to the closed door at the top of the basement stairs, and he lowered his voice. “Rick lets you hang out with us because he likes his freedom. It’s not the other way around. He lives for the attention all the girls give him. The guys, too. Everyone worships him, and he knows none of his buddies will sell him out if he cheats on you. And there you are, waiting patiently for him, whenever he needs his perfect so-called girlfriend.”
She balled her fist and aimed an ineffectual punch toward his chest; he stopped it easily by catching her wrist, further enraging her. “
You’re
the moron,” she spat at him, snatching her arm away. “I thought you were my friend. I’m out of here.” She scooped up her purse and coat with shaking hands.
“Rain, wait,” Jason said in a calm but firm voice. “I picked you up, I’m taking you home.”
“The hell you are. I’m walking.” She ran up the stairs, opened the front door and stalked out. Light snowflakes were swirling around in random patterns, as though suspended inside a recently shaken globe.
He caught up with her easily and grabbed her. She struggled against him, but this time he held her arms in a firm grip to prevent another swing. “Look, I’m driving you home. You can hate me all you want, but I’m not letting you walk home in the dark. Not after everything that’s happened.” The reference to Brandy dampened both of their tempers.
“Whatever,” she said, but she jumped into his car quickly, not waiting for him to open the door for her as he usually did. She slammed the car door against the cold with as much angry force as she could muster. As Jason folded his long frame into the driver’s side seat, she noticed he was only wearing a short sleeved T-shirt; he hadn’t bothered to get his winter coat when he chased her outside. Good, she thought childishly, as she shoved her arms into her own heavy coat and pulled the seatbelt across her chest.
Jason blasted the heat and then began reversing out of the driveway. He seemed to be having an internal struggle with himself.
“Rain,” he said finally, his voice carefully controlled. “I really, really care about you. I want to be with you. So I think you need to decide if you want to be with me or Rick.”
It took a few moments for the meaning of that sentence to register. “What are you saying, Jason?” she said in a small, pained voice that made him glance over to her. She tried to look strong, but she knew he saw her tears.
“I’m saying, choose me, or choose Rick.” Dead silence. Jason fiddled with the heat vents.
“But, I’m going on vacation with his family in a few weeks! For April break, to Mexico, you know that. It’s all planned. And we’re going to prom together, and, and…I just don’t understand what you’re saying.” She dropped her head in her hands. What on earth was happening?
“Rain, you
do
know what I’m saying. Forget all your plans, plans can change. Think about yourself, what you want. Choose me, or choose him. If it’s him, then you and I are done. I can’t be around you anymore.”
The ultimatum made her laugh in a sad, hysterical way. Done? She and Jason had been friends since the first grade. This had to be a bad dream. “Okay, so you’re saying if I continue to be with Rick, my boyfriend, that you and I can no longer be friends.” She decided he must be bluffing.
“That’s correct,” he said coldly, crushing her. “I want you, and I love you, and I can’t be around you anymore if you choose to be with him. So make your choice.”
“I…I can’t believe you’re saying this. We’ve been friends forever. You’re just mad, and so am I. If you’re really going to make me choose, then I choose Rick.”
“Fine. Have a nice life.” Jason stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched. They drove the final block to her house in silence, the sound of the windshield wipers slowly scraping the glass monotonous and depressing.
Rain waited for him to say something else, to admit he was sorry, to acknowledge that he was being childish. How could he claim to love her in one breath and then threaten to dismiss her as a friend in the next? She kept looking at him, but he refused to meet her gaze. He stopped the car abruptly in her driveway, and she slowly opened the door and said, “Okay then. Goodbye, Jason.” Tears were running down her cheeks and she swiped at them with her gloved hand.
“Rain,” Jason said softly, making her heart leap. She leaned back down into the car, hoping for an apology. But all he said was, “You made the wrong choice.”
Chapter 13
Gentle morning light filtered in through the window, and Rain opened her eyes with a sigh of relief. She had survived the night. Rubbing her forehead, she grimaced at the empty wine glass on her nightstand. She had refilled it one too many times last night in an attempt to dull her razor-sharp nerves.
Sitting alone on the dark porch and reliving painful memories had been bad enough. The idea of another ghostly visit had nearly sent her over the edge. She’d stayed up late, drinking Chardonnay and searching for sitcoms on TV.
If Brandy had appeared during the night, Rain hadn’t noticed. She climbed out of bed and padded into the kitchen, making a beeline for the ibuprofen. She’d had her cathartic night, she told herself firmly. It was time to put regrets in the past, where they belonged.
With a sad smile, she noted she was still wearing Jason’s sweatshirt. She pulled it off and tossed it in the laundry room. No more pining away for what might have been. Clipping her hair up, she jumped in the shower while the coffee was brewing.