Something Worth Fighting For (23 page)

“I’ll be right here waiting for you.” I choked up, nodding as I fought the tears. I knew I would cry but I wanted to wait until after he was gone. The knocking on the door jerked us from our intimate moment. “Oh yeah, I have one more surprise.”

“Are you serious?” Atlas jumped out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans. I tossed on my pajamas and followed on his heels as he walked quickly to the door. He leaned down looking into the peep hole. “Dad?” Jerking the door open, he stepped back.

“Hey son.” Felix stood in the doorway with his overnight bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Holy shit,” he pulled him into the apartment, hugging him, “you’re here.”

“Of course. Ellie told me when to be here and I’m here. Sorry it’s so late, I had a few things to finish but I’m here now.”

“This is great.” Atlas picked me up swinging me around. “You’re great.”

“You’re welcome. Hello again, Felix, it’s nice to see you.”

“Likewise, Ellie.”

“You’re welcome to the couch, it’s nothing fancy but I figured you wouldn’t want to try and find a hotel room this late.”

“The couch is fine, Ellie.” Felix sat his bag next to the couch looking Atlas over. “Do you have that girls named tattooed on your chest?” Felix laughed, shaking his head.

“Yes sir I do.” Atlas grinned sheepishly.

“How many more do you have?” Felix walked around him, inspecting his skin.

“Seven not including her name.”

“Do you have any?” Felix looked at me amused.

“I have more than he does.”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely,” I smiled proudly. “I’m going to leave you to two to visit, I’ll be in our room.” I kissed Atlas soundly before retreating to the empty room. “So this is how it’s going to be...” I said out loud to noone but myself.

I hated it.

I wanted to throw, kick, scream, and cry. I selfishly wanted to keep him a to myself. I sat down at the computer desk, pulling out a spiral notebook from last semester's class and started to write.

My darling Atlas,
                                                                                   

December 17, 2013

If you’re reading this then you’re already gone. These will be the longest nine months of my life. I miss you already and I know I will miss you every second of every day you are gone. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have given me so much more than I thought I ever deserved. You have shown me that I am worth something and that I matter. You have given me back a part of me that I thought was gone forever. I can never thank you enough for these things.

Be safe, my love. I need you to come home to me. I need to spend the rest of my life loving you. We have had our trials during our relationship but no matter what we come through and come out stronger. This will be no exception.

Come home to me. I’ll be waiting right here for you when you get back. I would wait nine days, nine months, or nine years because you are worth the wait. Until then, know that half of my heart is wherever you are. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you every day for the rest of my life. You are the best part of my every day. I cannot wait until I am back in your arms. I will think of you, hope for you, and worry about you every day.

Thank you for not only being just a hero, but my hero, and the man of my dreams.

Yours Always,

Ellie

I folded the letter and tucked it deep into his bag. As I zipped it up Atlas came through the door giving me a questioning look. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing!” I held my hands up in innocence.

“I don’t believe you for a second.” Atlas grinned, tossing me onto the bed. “Thank you,” he peeled my shirt over my head, throwing it behind him. “I needed them here so much and just didn’t want to ask. You’re like a mind reader or something.” He ran his hands up my sides, planting a trail of kisses along my stomach.

“I needed them here just as much. Jacks and Katie were going to come too but she’s on bedrest and Jacks is insisting on waiting on her hand and foot.” I giggled as his lips tickled my skin.

“I don’t want to sleep tonight.” Atlas looked up at me through a frame of lashes.

“Then we won’t.” I pulled him up to me, locking our lips together, sealing out the need for conversation.

❋❋❋

The morning came too quickly. Light streaming through the curtains as we lay in the silence together. I stared at the side of his face, memorizing every angle, the way his eyelashes touch his eyelids, the curve of his smile, his smell. It was sinking in that I wouldn’t wake up next to him tomorrow.

“I guess we should get ready.” His voice was sad as he stared at the ceiling.

“It’ll be over before we know it.” I swallowed the lump in my throat not wanting to get out of bed. If I got out of bed it was real. If it was real, I would cry. I moved as close as possible to him. “I love you,” I whispered in his ear.

“Oh God, Ellie, I love you.” He choked on the words, burying his face in my arm. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I know, baby. I’m missing you already.” I clung to him as if my life depended on it. “Lets get started so it can be over.”

We both unwillingly left the comfort of our bed and started getting ready. I watched from across the room as he put on his uniform. My heart was racing as the minutes ticked by drawing closer to take him away from me. I wanted to a magic button to slow time down or pause it so it couldn’t move at all. I dressed in his favorite green dress as he gave me a grateful smile. Deep within me I knew this could possibly be the last time we ever woke up next to each other. I wanted him to see me happy.

Hand in hand we went into the living room where Felix was sitting with Ares and Andy. They were speaking civilly which I thought was a good thing for Atlas to see. Despite what had happened in the past they were united for their son.

“Hey guys.” Atlas spoke first.

“Hey baby.” Andy smiled softly at him. Her eyes were bloodshot from tears I knew she would not let him see. “You hungry?”

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded.

“Well let’s go eat.” Felix stood up, clapping his hands together.

Without a discussion we left in separate vehicles. Atlas, Andy, and I in my car and Felix and Ares in his rental. I called my dad from the car who agreed to meet us at the diner. He was there waiting when we pulled in.

“Hey Daddy.” I hugged him tight as he kissed the top of my head.

“How you holding up, Ellie Belle?” He asked quietly.

“I’m physically hurting.” I answered honestly.

“We’ll get through it together.” He finally let me go taking me by surprise he hugged Atlas.

“Hey Ben,” he patted my dad on the back as he smiled at me. “Ben this is my mother Andy, brother Ares, and father Felix. Everyone this is Ellie’s father Benjamin Grant.”

“Pleasure to meet you all.” Dad shook each of their hands. “Shall we?” He held the door of the diner open as we all went inside.

Breakfast was full of conversation and stories from when Atlas and I were younger. Dad charmed Andy and made Ares laugh; even Felix only had nice things to say. Too soon Atlas was telling us it was time to go. Felix took care of the bill despite my father’s arguing. It was the first time he had given in to someone besides me.

“I’ll ride with Felix and Ares to give you too some alone time.” Andy kissed Atlas’ cheek as she walked away to Felix’s rental.

“See you kids there.” Dad nodded climbing in his truck.

“I guess we should go.” Atlas walked over opening the door for me.

“It’ll be over before you know it.” I smiled reassuringly at him as he shut the door. The only noise was me singing softly with the radio as he drove. His hand gripped mine tightly as if he never wanted to let go, like it was the only thing left holding him here. My free hand toyed with the tags around my neck.

For the next nine months my heart would be a world away.

I pulled my CD’s out of the glove box, putting in one of my favorite
Blue October
albums. I skipped to “
Kangaroo Cry
” and sat back, it was the only song that could say it for me. The song was going to do me, I could feel tears form in the corners of my eyes as I stared at Atlas. He pulled into the parking lot, listening to the song with me, it was the perfect moment of saying goodbye without having to say it just yet.

As the song ended Atlas turned off the car and sat there staring at me. “That’s exactly what I needed to hear.” Was all he said as he stepped out, coming around and opening the door for me. He pulled his bags out of the backseat as I stood there watching him.

“Atlas...” It was all I could say before his mouth covered mine. He dropped his bag to the asphalt, wrapping me in his arms. I pressed myself to him, my hands laced behind his neck. I could feel my tears landing on my cheeks.

“I love you so much, Penelope Noelle, I think you are my very heart.” His voice was unsteady as he attempted to collect himself. “Please take care of yourself until I can get back and spend the rest of mine taking care of you.”

“I will, I promise.” He brushed my stray tears away with my thumbs. “I love you, Atlas. I will always love you.” Atlas nodded, taking a deep breath as Andy touched him on the back.

“You okay, baby?” She asked softly as he wiped my eyes again.

“Yeah, I’m going to be fine.”

“Of course you are.” I smiled, kissing him quickly.

“Lets get this shit over with.” Atlas picked his bag up, his hand in mine as we headed to say goodbye. Dad was waiting with Gunnery Sergeant Chad Erikson and First Sergeant Carlis O’Neil.

“Ellie, what are you doing with that character?” Chad asked amused.

“Now Chad, be nice to my boyfriend.” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Boyfriend? You actually let her date, Ben, and you didn’t tell me?”

“I know, I should know better. I wouldn’t have told you if my life depended on it.” Dad smirked as Atlas stood silent.

“Behave you two.” I eyed them with mock anger.

“You know we don’t know how.”

“Many poker nights have proven that.” I laughed.

“Alright what happens at the cabin, stays there.” Chad shook his head. “Got you a good girl there, Ryker.”

“Yes, sir, the best.”

“Good answer.” I nudged him, smiling.

“Lets get this thing going.” Dad nodded to the two men next to him as they walked off together, we followed somberly behind. Dad kept watching me over his shoulder as if he was waiting for me to break at any minute. The closer we got the more I realized it was a huge possibility.

We all waited patiently as Atlas tagged his bags, checked his things, and prepared next to Adam, Caleb, Eddie, and Theo. They talked, laughed even, and I knew that together they would be just fine. Ares stood with an arm around both Andy and I. We all had on our brave faces as Atlas walked over to say his final goodbyes. He went to Felix first, hugging his father as he whispered in his ear. Ares stepped up next as he cried onto Atlas’ shoulder. I looked down at the ground, not sure how much longer I could be strong.

“My baby,” Andy enclosed Atlas in her arms next to me. “Be careful, be safe, be proud.” She spoke to him as he nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ma.” She let go as he looked at me.

It was a look that I knew would stay with me for the rest of my life. It was a plea to the universe to not let this be the last time he saw me. Neither of us wanted to make the first last move. “Atlas...” It was all it took for him to throw his arms around me. Everyone stepped back to give us some privacy.

“My Ellie...” he whispered in my ear. “There is nothing left to say that I haven’t already. You make me the happiest man on this planet. I will count down every day until I can come back and make you my wife. I love you, baby, always.”

“When you get back the answer is yes. It doesn’t matter how you ask, when you ask, the answer is yes. But you have to come back first.” I looked up at him, smiling. “I love you, Atlas, always.” My hand cupped his face as I pressed my lips to his.

I held him to me as long as I could, until he absolutely had to fall into formation. I waved to Adam, Caleb, Eddie, and Theo as they gathered their bags and headed away from us. “Be careful, please.” I begged Atlas as he looked back at me.

“For you? Always.” I ran to him, kissing him one last time.

“I love you, Atlas.”

“I love you, Ellie.”

It was the last thing he said as he walked away to join his platoon.

It was the last thing he said as my world stopped moving.

I waved goodbye with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. I couldn’t say anything to anyone. Once he was out of sight I turned and walked straight back to my car. I knew they were waiting for me but I couldn’t let any of them see me upset. Safely behind the wheel of Max I let it all go.

I cried for me, for the two of us, out of anger, worry, and loneliness.