Something Worth Fighting For (24 page)

I cried for the man who was taking my heart a million miles away with him.

To:
Ellie Grant

From:
Atlas Ryker

December 25, 2013

We’re here. I’m safe. I miss you so much. We’ll set up a date to Skype when I get the chance. Keep your phone with you. I’ll call soon. Merry Christmas, your present is in the desk. I love you, always.

             
-Atlas

To:
Atlas Ryker

From:
Ellie Grant

December 25, 2013

I feel like I’ve been waiting for that email forever. I’m glad to hear you made it safe. I love the recording software. I’ll put it to good use and send you songs.  Things here are okay, lonely, but so far okay. Your mom and Ares went back yesterday, Felix went back the day before. Dad has called me a dozen times already. I’ve texted Darcy a thousand pathetic “I miss Atlas” texts, she told me to shut up. Going to start you a box soon so if there is anything you need let me know. I’m mailing your presents in the first box. Merry Christmas. I love you, always. Be careful, please.

             
              ~Ellie

To:
Ellie Grant

From:
Atlas Ryker

December 31, 2013

I’m happy to see that you liked the recording stuff. I figured you could use something other than the mic on the computer. It’s for my benefit too that way I can get songs from you. Okay, I guess it’s for me more than you. Selfish, Christmas present? I can live with that. It’s fucking cold here. I could use about a million of those hand warmer things, the ones that you shake or whatever and they warm up. That would be great. Oh, and socks, big thick, warm socks. My feet might be cold right now. I’m already sick of the sandbox. Hoping for a chance to get to call you soon. How have you been sleeping? I know the dreams aren’t as bad when I’m there. I haven’t slept much. I try but it’s just not working out. Going to be a long nine months if that’s the case. I’m really bad at this email thing. I keep reading it thinking I sound stupid.

I miss you so much, Ellie. Thank you for being so strong. Happy New Year. I’ll be home this year! I love you, always.

              -Atlas

To:
Atlas Ryker

From:
Ellie Grant

January 1, 2014

Hey baby! Happy New Year! I think I’m counting down the minutes until you are home. I loved getting to talk to you for a few minutes this morning. You can interrupt my sleep any time you like. It was just great to hear your voice. I can’t wait until we have a chance to Skype. I’m mailing your first package out tomorrow, I think I got everything you wanted. If not I’ll shove them in the next box.

I am thinking about getting a puppy or something to keep me company. The apartment is really quiet without you and Adam here. Any particular kind you think I should get? I started recording you some songs so if there are any in particular you want let me know. Going to Dad’s today to see the guys before they leave. I think I’m rambling.

I miss you. I’ve been sleeping in your clothes, on your side of the bed but it’s not the same. I miss having you next to me. I haven’t been sleeping well but Darcy answers when I call, she’s used to that. It’s not the same though. You make me feel protected. I miss your warmth next to me, the way you kiss me in the middle of the night, how you hold me. Everything about you.

I love you, Atlas, always. Be careful, please.

~Ellie

❋❋❋

Christmas and New Years came and passed. I had spoken to Atlas only a handful of times but email had become our new best friend. I had shipped him several care packages with the help of Darcy. She and Adam had been becoming closer than ever, the distance was really doing them wonders.

My phone was ringing at two in the morning. I turned over in our bed, snatching it off the nightstand. “Hello?” I murmured sleepily into the receiver.

“Ellie?” The warm familiar voice came through in static.

“Atlas! Oh baby, hi!” I sat up in bed, clutching his pillow to my chest.

“How are you?”

“I’m well, surviving. I miss you. How are you?”

“I miss you too. I’m okay, I wish I was there. Eight more months to go.”

“Less than eight months. I can’t wait get your return date so I can make the official countdown.”

“Hopefully I’ll know soon. Adam told me to tell you to tell Darcy thank you for the package.” Atlas sounded tired.

“How are you really doing?”

“I hate it. I’m ready to be home, next to you.”

“I know, baby.” I swallowed my tears.

“We’ve had worst times but it’s not good. I’m ready to go somewhere else. We should be moving a few days. I wanted to call before we did. I’m not sure when I’ll have phone reception again.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“How did your first week of classes go?”

“It wasn’t bad, I have a couple of interesting ones. I’m ready to graduate though. Four years of school is far enough for me.” I could hear him laugh and it was by far the best sound in the world.

“I’m glad to hear that. I can’t wait to see the amazing things you’re going to do once you’re out of school. You’re ideas sound so great. I want to help you when it comes time.”

“You supporting me is enough.”

“I want to do more than that.”

“Then who am I to stop you,” I laughed, “like I could if I wanted to, you stubborn man.”

“True, I’m sorry I can’t talk longer but I needed to hear your voice.”

“It was good to hear from you. I love hearing your voice. I will email you later today, hopefully it will give you something to look forward to.”

“I look forward to anything that has to do with you.”

“Same here, baby. Be careful, please. I love you, Atlas, always.” My voice broke as the static crackled.

“I love you, Ellie, always.”

As the line went dead I started to cry. I clung to his pillow, breathing him in, my tears staining the pillowcase I still hadn’t bothered to change. I cried until I fell back asleep hoping that when I woke up it wouldn’t have been a dream.

❋❋❋

To:
Atlas Ryker

From:
Ellie Grant

January 20, 2014

I am happily dancing in my seat because I got to talk to you and it wasn’t a dream. I swear it makes my entire week better. I hate missing you but I love getting to talk to you. I hope wherever you are going is better than where you were. I know you’re being careful. Doesn’t mean that I don’t still worry about you. I know Adam has your six and that makes me feel better. Then again I’m not sure I should put so much faith into a guy that can nearly burn our kitchen down making tea...

I hope you get some rest soon. You sounded like you were dog ass tired. No offense or anything. I’m attaching some new songs, hope you like them. I might have to talk Keller or Ares into singing with me the next time I’m around them. Some of the songs I want to do are duets and well they are the only guys I know that can carry a tune in a bucket. I’m going to go look at a boxer puppy today. He looked cute online so we’ll see. Maybe Zeus? I’ll send you pictures!

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Did I mention that I miss you? Because I do. Less than eight months! I can’t wait to kiss you. For... days at least.

I love you, always.  Be careful, please.

              ~Ellie

To:
Ellie Grant

From:
Atlas Ryker

January 26, 2014

Hey beautiful. I wish I was with you right now. Laying next to you, holding you, just being with you would make things so much better right now. It’s not that things are shit but I’m not with you and if I’m with you then everything is better. The days feel like they’re going by faster and that helps because every minute is one more closer to being back with you.

I loved the new songs and the little messages you included. They really help more than you know. When I miss you I just listen to your voice and it helps ease the chaos that is around me here.

I sometimes wonder why I signed up for this. I love my job, I love serving my country, but sometimes you see shit that you just can’t unsee. I hate having to be alert even when I need to sleep. I’m fucking whiny on this, I’m sorry. Today is just eating at me. I know tomorrow will be better but today just sucks. I try and stay positive for the both of us and I know you do too so I’ll buck up and realize that things will get better. In about seven and a half months.

Did you get the puppy? We needed a puppy. Zeus sounds like a great name, my mother would approve for sure. If you don’t find one we’ll get one for sure when I come back. Something to look forward to. I always wanted a puppy. Ma never let us she was afraid it would ruin the house. Instead Ares and I did that for her.

There was this one time she had to work late and we decided it would be awesome to toilet paper the inside of the house. So when she got home she had to walk through a wall of toilet paper to get inside. Oh man, she was so pissed. She woke us up at five in the morning to start cleaning from top to bottom. Another time she was gone for the weekend so Jacks, Micah, and I thought we would be slick and have a party. We had everyone out by Sunday afternoon, had scrubbed the house, the deck, she came home, the house looked great. She found a pair of panties in her bed where Micah had scored. I was sure she was going to kill him and me both. I was grounded for two months. Which didn’t stop me at the time but she meant well, I guess.

In the words of a beautiful girl I know, I’m rambling. I need to go anyway but I hope you have a great day and know that I’m thinking about you. I love you, always.

- Atlas

❋❋❋

My weeks went by in slow progression. School, work, home, homework, run, wait to hear from Atlas, sleep if at all possible. All of it wake up to and repeat the next day. Darcy had officially sealed her dating status with Adam over a Skype session the week before so she was into her honeymoon happiness stage.

All in all, I just missed Atlas. It was a constant ache down to my bones. His absence was never far from my mind. It felt like a piece of me was missing.

Valentine’s Day brought surprise flowers all the way from Afghanistan. It was unexpected but I’m sure he wasn’t expecting a box full of heart shaped candy and silly cards either. He always seemed to know just what I needed even from a million miles away.

I sat the flowers on the kitchen table as my phone began to ring. “Hello?” I answered without looking.

“Do you like the flowers?”

“They’re beautiful, thank you. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful. I’m glad they were actually there, I didn’t want to ruin your surprise.”

“How are you?” It had been two weeks since I heard his voice last. I sat on the edge of the table, holding his tags in my hand.

“This place is better, it’s not home but it’s better.”

“Any word of leave?”

“Not yet, I’m trying for May so I can be there for your graduation.” I squealed, clapping.

“Are you serious?!”

“I’ll try my best.” He laughed at the other end.

“I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too.”

“Did you ever find my letter?” I asked.

“No,  you must have hidden it really well.”

“It’s in the bag that you had by the door in our room. Main compartment then shoved down into the bottom.”

“Well no wonder I had to have a map to find it. I’m a simple man, Ellie.” Atlas chuckled. “I’ll look for it as soon as I get off the phone with you.”

“I hope you find it.”

“When did you write it?”

“The night before you left when you were out talking to Felix.”

“Have you spoken to him?” He asked.

“I have, briefly. I talked to him a couple of days ago, Ares yesterday and Ma called earlier to see if I had heard from you today. I told her no but I will call her back and let her know that she has an incredible son who sends me daisies from across the world.” I smiled looking at the bright colored flowers.

“It’s the least I could do. Tell her that I love her and I’ll email her soon.”

“You better email me soon too, sir.”

“Yes ma’am. Want to try and Skype this weekend?”

“Absolutely!” I had been asking him to try again since our last attempt had failed to connect. Hopefully since he was in a different area now we would be able to get it to work.