Spirit's Chosen (31 page)

“What?”

“It must be easy for you to think of me that way. We’re close in age, but you’re so high above me that you have to stoop down to see me.”

“Master Rinji, how can I be above you? You always call me
Lady
Himiko when we’re alone together, but you know I’m a prisoner of your clan.”

“You were born a princess of the Matsu; my parents were commoners. You are a fully fledged shaman, a master of the spirits’ path; I am your humble student. You weren’t always a slave, and I implore the gods to bring the day when your captivity ends”—he took a deep, shuddering breath—“even though I know that will be the day I lose … a friend.”

His earnest words, his grief-stricken look, the disquieting twist our conversation had taken all set me on edge. How had we gone from joking about plopping frogs into water jars to this? Why was he staring at me with such yearning and such dejection?

My brother Aki’s ghost rose before me. I saw his face as I remembered it from the days when he first loved Kaya’s sister, Hoshi, but Father forbade him to court a girl who was not a member of our clan. Aki lacked both the strength to defy Father and the power to deny his heart. It tore him apart and made my spirit ache to see his suffering.

Now Rinji’s face wore the same expression. He called me
friend
, but I could hear the unspoken truth behind that innocent word! It scared me. I wanted to flee. I wanted to hide. I could do neither one.

What I should have done was speak honestly to him. Who knows what would have happened if I had overcome my fears and done so? But I had no idea of what to say or how to say it, so I took the one path out that I
could
see: the path of distraction.

“But Master Rinji, how can this be the truth?” I asked, trying to keep my words light. “One of the first things I taught you was the proper means to use for approaching the gods when seeking a great favor. I know you can do it exactly as I showed you, so why am I still a slave, unless …? Oh no!” I clapped one hand to my chest as though I had just experienced a revelation. “I must have taught you the
wrong
ritual, and this is your kindly way of telling me so. Will you forgive me?”

My stomach churned as I waited for his reaction. In
my anxiety to decoy Rinji from any thought of being more to me than a friend, I had thrown together a heap of nonsense that sounded false, stilted, and shameful, all at the same time. A child would not believe a word of what I had just uttered. A man would fling my weak ploy back in my face with contempt.

And what would a true friend do?

Rinji laughed weakly. “Forgive you? I must! If I refuse, I may find a frog in my water pot tomorrow.”

The tension left my body so completely that I nearly toppled over where I sat. “Well, I’m glad to know that I taught you
that
lesson right. Now let me see you dance.”

He went through the motions of the harvest ritual sloppily, but I did not bother to correct him. When he was done, I mumbled some vague comments about his style and a few trivial suggestions about the way he held the sacred bronze mirrors. Their purpose was to catch the light of the sun and multiply it so that the people would not lack warmth during the winter to come.

“I can show you what I mean better than tell you if you’ll let me have your mirrors,” I said. “May I?”

He handed me one, but only one. “Wait,” he said, and went into the curtained room that was his workshop and storeplace. When he emerged, he had a third mirror in his hand. “Use this.”

I stared at the polished surface of the sacred mirror given to me by my teacher. The Ookami had taken it when they killed Mori and took Kaya and me prisoner. I never dreamed I would see it again, let alone hold it.

“I have your bell as well,” Rinji said solemnly. “Lord
Ryu gave them to me. He was afraid to destroy such holy objects. I think—I think he was also afraid of you.”

I turned my mirror slowly, feeling it come to life in my hand. It danced delicately with every golden thread of autumn sunlight that entered the Ookami shrine. It took the light and wove it into song.

I was so entranced by the mirror’s spell that when I heard Rinji tell me, “Take them both with you, your mirror and your bell,” I believed I had fallen into a dream. He had to repeat himself three times before I realized I was awake and that he was offering me a great blessing.

I placed the mirror over my beating heart and lowered my eyes. “It isn’t possible. I have nowhere to keep them safe from discovery. I couldn’t bear to lose them again.”
And if Lady Sato’s prying eyes find these treasures, she may insist on searching me down to the skin while her vile son watches
, I thought.
I can be parted from my mirror and my bell. I can watch Ryu crush my wand into splinters. But if he takes my lady of the dragon stone and destroys her, I will die
.

Regretfully, I tried to give him my mirror. He seemed disappointed that his gift was being rejected, but reached out to accept its return. Abruptly he froze, hands outstretched, then pulled away as though he’d touched fire. He stared at his hands as though seeing them for the first time and murmured, “I can’t.” Meeting my gaze, he repeated: “I can’t do it, Lady Himiko. I can’t take your mirror back again. I don’t know why. Something forbids it; something I can’t name.”

He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes.
“You must take what they give you, Himiko,”
he said. His voice had changed. It sounded as though it came from the depths of the earth,
from the heights of the sky.
“You must find a way to guard what is most precious to you, by wisdom and not by guile. If you fail, you were not meant to keep even one of your treasures.”

I trembled to hear his words. When he opened his eyes again, he looked shaken and confused. “Rinji?”

He blinked in the light. “What happened to me?”

“They spoke through you, Rinji,” I said, overwhelmed by the happiness I felt for him. “The spirits touched you and let you bring their message to me. You
are
a shaman!”

“Oh.” He was still bewildered. “Just like that? Well … good, I suppose. Do you think it will happen again?”

“I know it will.”

“Will it be the same, next time? Will I be taken by surprise again?” He grew visibly nervous at the thought of the spirits lying in wait for him.

“Don’t worry about that. You have the training you need to call out to them. Do it with reverence and strength so that they recognize your worthiness. They are less likely to force their presence on those they respect.” I paused, then added: “How do you feel?”

“I’m … not sure. Happy? And a little bit empty as well.” He looked at me. “You’ll keep the mirror?”

“And the bell,” I said. I wanted to hug him, but held back. I would not risk having him misinterpret it as anything more than a friend’s joy for his good fortune.

He fetched the bell from his workroom. I ran my fingertips lovingly over the familiar designs decorating its bronze sides. Rinji smiled.

“I’m glad you’re going to keep them. They change everything, don’t they? The bell turns air into music, the
mirror plays with light, the spells they help us cast can change our lives.” Seeing how his strange speech startled me, he said: “I’m speaking for myself, Lady Himiko. The spirits haven’t returned. You know, I’m not always the gawky, stammering creature Lady Sato bullies.”

“I never thought you were.” I held my bell and mirror high. “You can change that too.”

He shook his head. “There is only one thing I want to change.” The awkwardness between us was back, but he quickly broke its spell with a loud, artificial laugh. “One thing
besides
my clumsiness when I perform the harvest dance. Weren’t you about to show me the right way to hold the mirrors?”

“Yes, right away!” I think we were both grateful to tread down our uneasiness beneath the steps of the dance.

Ryu forbade me to attend the harvest celebration. I expected that. The festival had too many enjoyable opportunities for me, and his own pleasure depended on denying mine. Luckily, the village became such a turmoil of feasting, drinking, and revelry that no one noticed one drably dressed girl peering out over the festivities from the edge of a house’s front platform. I had an imperfect view, but good enough to let me see how ably Rinji danced for the spirits. How proud I was!

After his dance ended, I retreated into the house. I wanted to use my precious time alone. There was a narrow space at the back of the house between the cloth partitions of the family’s storage space and the outer wall. I stood on tiptoe and reached into a spot midway between two of the roof beams and carefully removed a small, tightly wrapped
bundle. Once the knots securing the fabric were undone, I was free to gaze at my treasures: the shining mirror, the glowing bell.

“I wish I could dance with you,” I whispered. “Maybe I’ll take you with me the next time I go to the shrine. Rinji will understand. It will only be three more days until then. I’ll need to find a way to carry you secretly when I leave the house. Thank the gods no one saw you when I first brought you here! Lady Sato was too busy scolding her borrowed slaves, so she didn’t notice what I was hiding up my sleeves. I’d tuck you into my sash, but you’re too bulky. It would be easier if Rinji wasn’t so set on refusing to let me keep you at the shrine.” I sighed and wrapped them up again. As I tucked them back out of sight under the eaves, I thought:
Perhaps I should ask him again; he might have changed his mind
.

Rinji
had
changed his mind, but not in any way that helped me. On the third day after the harvest festival—the fifth since our last meeting—one of his slaves arrived at our doorway with a message for Lady Sato. I was cleaning up after breakfast while Chizu played a clapping game with Noboru. We heard everything.

“What is your master up to, sending you here so early?” Lady Sato snarled at the man. “Lord Ryu might have still been home! You tell Master Rinji he’s lucky that my son is working at the main village storehouse. The boar clan’s yearly tribute arrived at dawn, and he’s busy making sure those wretches haven’t tried to cheat us.”

“My lady, I apologize, but I am only carrying out my master’s command,” the messenger said. “He wants you to know that he no longer wants anyone but his household
slaves to tend the Ookami shrine.” He did not wait for a reply, leaving Lady Sato gape-jawed behind him.

It did not take her long to recover. Her wrath broke over me like a thunderstorm. “What did you
do
to him, you idiot?” she bellowed, slapping me so hard that my teeth clacked together.

“Why did you hit Himiko?” Noboru cried, throwing his small arms protectively around me.

“Get out of my sight or you’ll get the same!” Lady Sato shouted, raising her hand. Chizu carried my little brother away before her mother-in-law could make good on the threat. The two of them stayed hidden, leaving me to face the infuriated woman on my own.

“How did you manage to ruin everything?” Lady Sato demanded. “What kind of girl hasn’t got the sense to know how to keep a man? Do you think it’s enough that you have a pretty face? Don’t flatter yourself! Men get used to such things, and there are always prettier girls around to replace you. Is that what happened? Did someone else catch his eye and did you
let
her?”

“Lady Sato, I never—”

She didn’t allow me to defend myself. “What games did you play? Did you try coaxing gifts from him? Did you sulk and pout when he wouldn’t give in to your wheedling ways? Or did you decide you were too good to be his bed-partner unless you were also his
wife
? The nerve of you!” This went on for some time.

By the time Ryu came home, my life had been given an entirely new shape. Lady Sato’s anger was voracious, devouring any scrap of my happiness it could find. There would be
no more stolen moments with Noboru for me. She made it clear that if she caught us together, even by accident, he would be the one to bear the punishment. Furthermore, I was now to be confined to my tiny part of the house, except when I was actively engaged in obeying orders.

Ryu was mildly surprised when his mother informed him of the way things would be from then on. “I’ve noticed you treating the girl a little
too
nicely every few days, more like a favorite than a slave. I thought I’d have to speak to you about correcting that, but it seems you’ve realized your mistake without my needing to say a word.”

“If the day ever comes when
you
have to tell
me
how to deal with a slave, start building my tomb,” his mother spat. “I’m done with showing her any consideration. She doesn’t deserve it and acts like it’s her birthright. Her problem is she still thinks she’s a princess. Hmph! I’ll teach her otherwise. Princess of pig-droppings, that’s all she is.”

Ryu laughed and hugged his mother so heartily for this that she had to shove him away or be smothered.

Lady Sato’s new rules were strict and soon became even more so. My life was utterly stripped of joy, but that was not enough for her vindictive spirit. When there was work to do that forced me to leave the house, she accompanied me, her hawk’s eyes alert for any glimmer of kindness I might encounter on the way. One of Rinji’s slaves greeted me by name and she threw a stone at him as if he were a stray dog. Hiroshi smiled at me in passing, only to have Lady Sato call him all sorts of shameful names. She meant to bury me alive, and the final clump of earth that she dropped onto my tomb was forbidding Chizu to have any dealings with me at all.

“You’re a mud-puddle person, Daughter-in-law: everyone steps all over you,” she said, smiling when Chizu winced at the insult. “You don’t know how to handle an insolent slave. Ha! You don’t even know how to handle an obedient one! I’ve heard you talking to our
princess
as if she were your girlhood friend. Ridiculous. I remember when you
were
a girl, and I could count the number of friends you had in this village on a snake’s fingers! From now on, if you need
Lady
Himiko to do anything for you, tell me.”

“But … what if you’re not here?” Chizu ventured.